


Sincerely Trees

by thesaltydragon, UnfortunatelySux



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: A smut happens, Attempt at Humor, Boys In Love, Fluff, Getting Together, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Light Angst, M/M, Miscommunication, Multi, Other, Romance, Smut, Underage Drinking, a big smut but u can skip it if u want
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-02-23 05:50:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 49
Words: 161,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13183674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesaltydragon/pseuds/thesaltydragon, https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnfortunatelySux/pseuds/UnfortunatelySux
Summary: What could have been.





	1. Chapter 1

Jared sighed as he shuffled down the school hallway. He was glad to be back, in a way, but he also wasn't really looking forward to having to put up his standard uncaring act that he used to maintain his reputation. He didn't mind usually, but it could quickly become very tiring. 

He perked up as he spotted Evan chatting with some girl (Alana maybe?) by his locker. He straightened up and fixed a smirk on his face as he approached the fidgeting boy as Alana(?) wandered off. He looked Evan up and down quickly, feeling mildly alarmed as he noticed the blaring white cast on his arm. What had he done to manage this?

“Is it weird to be the first person in history to break their arm from jerking off too much or do you consider that an honor?” he teased, smirk growing.

Evan sputtered and blinked rapidly. “Wait. What? I didn’t- I wasn’t...doing that.”

Jared ignored him and continued. “Paint me the picture: you're in your bedroom, you've got Zoe Murphy's Instagram up on your weird, off-brand cell phone…” he trailed off, waiting for Evan’s reaction.

Evan took a reflexive step back and immediately retorted. “That’s not what happened. Obviously. I was, uh, w-well, I was climbing a tree and I- I fell.” He waited for the insult that was bound to escape Jared’s lips at any second. 

Jared scoffed in astonishment. “You fell out of a tree?” he laughed in surprise. What the hell? Evan never fell out of trees. He climbed them all the time, but Jared couldn't remember a single occasion on which he _fell_. “What are you, like, an acorn..?” Not his best line, but whatever.

Evan ignored the comment; he was used to them. However, that one was lackluster compared to Jared’s usual hard hitting insults. “Well, I was- I don’t know if you know this, but I worked this summer as an apprentice park ranger at Ellison State Park?” His voice turned up at the end. 

Jared did his best to hide the smile on his face. Evan was cute. As usual. Not that Jared would ever admit that. He nodded in a 'go on’ gesture.

Evan continued. “I’m sort of a tree expert now. Not to brag, but…” He coughed. “Anyway, I tried climbing this forty-foot-tall oak tree.”

“And you fell.” Jared confirmed, clutching on to the straps of his backpack. Again, Evan never fell, how did this just happen?

Evan felt his palms become slicker. The throbbing in his head told him to make light of the conversation in a way Jared would be comfortable with. “Well, except it’s a funny story, because there was this solid ten minutes after I fell, when I just lay there on the ground waiting for someone to come get me. ‘Any second now’ I kept saying to myself. ‘Any second now, here they come’.” He waved his hand in front of the two of them for emphasis. It helped him picture the scene better. 

Jared blinked, nodding expectantly. He felt mildly uneasy from the tone of Evan’s story. “And? Did they?” He asked, eyebrows raised.

Evan shook his head. “No, nobody came. That’s the- That’s what’s funny.” His eyes darted from Jared to his own feet. 

Jared’s eyes widened. What the fuck? That's, like, _really_ sad. How could he joke about that without being a complete asshole? Although, he usually _was_ a complete asshole anyway. He moved to respond but paused as his eyes were drawn to someone hurrying past the pair, head down. Connor. The _other_ cute sad boy in this school. Also, the other boy that Jared couldn't help but be a total bitch to.

“Connor! Hey! Love the new hair length. Very… school-shooter chic.” He cringed. Damn, that was a bit much, even for him. 

Connor froze, turning slowly towards Jared with a glare.

Evan coughed and stepped forward a couple feet. “He doesn’t mean that,” he said toward Connor, though avoiding any eye contact. “He’s sorry.” He didn’t know why he’d defended Connor like that. He’d never spoken to him. He found himself smiling at the taller boy, albeit nervously. “Your hair looks n-nice, actually.” Why had he felt the urge to say that? It wasn’t very characteristic of him to compliment a stranger. Or apologize for Jared; he’d given up on that ages ago. 

Connor looked at Evan with confusion. He’d never spoken to this kid before. What was this? Some sort of set up? “I think he can say that for himself.” He chose to ignore the extra compliment that the boy had tacked on. That was too much to take in at the moment.

Jared gulped. Fuck, he made another damn mess with his big mouth. “Uh, yeah.” He mumbled, anxiety and bitterness curling in his stomach. “He’s right.” He admitted as he crossed his arms. “That school-shooter comment was.. a bit much. My bad. It was just a joke.”

Connor glanced back and forth between the two. Paranoia creeping into the edges of his thoughts, “Funny.”

Jared gulped again. Dammit. He sounded upset. Of course he did. Jared had compared him to a fucking school shooter.

Evan watched the encounter falter into awkward silence, a situation he was more than used to experiencing—mostly being its creator. He bit his tongue to dispel some of the anxious feeling that was climbing its way up his throat. He normally would say something out of instinct that would make the awkwardness worse. This time, he couldn’t make his mouth form anything. He’d _already_ made it worse. He stood fidgeting in between both other boys like a broken wind-up toy, an occasional choked noise escaping his lips. 

Jared sighed. Now Evan was getting all worked up. He wished he could think of a way to make the situation less tense, but he came up with nothing. Which meant he just continued standing lamely without saying a word.

Connor blew out a steady breath and loosened his grip on the strap of his bag. He couldn’t have another freak out. Not today. He shoved his hands into his pockets, he had to do something to diffuse the situation, “Is he okay?”

Jared smiled timidly. “Probably?” He offered, eyeing Evan with a vaguely worried look. He wasn't so sure himself.

Evan could hear them talking about him, but he couldn’t make himself respond, or even react. He stood there shaking as his eyes shifted from Jared to Connor and back. He thought he’d been doing well; he’d started that letter to himself that morning about how the day was going to go wonderfully. He remembered, then, how the letter didn’t exactly say that. Maybe he wasn’t doing so well after all. Nonetheless, he wanted to tell Jared—and Connor—that he was fine, but all that could come out were more choked sounds. His eyes pleaded Jared to do something, whether he thought he would or not. 

“Well, he’s your friend, shouldn’t you know?”

Jared grimaced internally. _Friend._ He hated that word. So restricting. Guys can only ever be _friends_. Anything more and you're a freak. He was a freak. “We're not friends.” He spat, only realizing how that would come off after he already said it. He scrambled to try and fix it, knowing Evan was already in a bad state. “We- We’re family friends. It's different.” He mumbled bitterly, shuffling slightly closer to Evan. Family friends. Family friends _were_ different. Family friends had the chance to become more than friends. Like in the movies. Or at least… they would if he were a girl. But it was at least _something_ that Jared could tell himself to make him feel a little better. They weren't friends. They were two people who grew up together and over the years he had inevitably gotten a crush on the annoyingly adorable anxiety riddled mess of a boy named Evan.

He wished he knew how to help him. But he didn't. All he knew how to do was fuck things up with stupid jokes and off-hand comments.

Evan didn’t move away from Jared, but he looked down and clenched his fists around the hem of his shirt. He willed himself to breathe deeply and tried to ground his mind to his surroundings. After a short moment, he swallowed and spoke. “It’s different,” he croaked, regaining his posture. “He’s right. I-“ He cleared his throat. “I’m fine, sorry, that, um, it happens sometimes, I can’t- It’s not fun. I’m sorry.” He shut himself up before he could make things impossibly worse. 

Connor relaxed the tiniest bit. He certainly wasn’t in any state to watch a kid dissolve into panic in front of him. “...It’s alright.” It really wasn’t. What a bullshit thing to say about your friend when they were on the edge of breaking down. But it really was not his place to say anything about that.

Jared felt like shit. 

Evan’s face regained its color as he continued his breathing. Jared wasn’t saying anything, so what could break the silence this time? He couldn’t have an attack again, not this soon after. His eyes wandered down to the floor, but focused on the arm that he held in front of him, a white cast covering most of it. He suddenly remembered what his mother had told him about making friends. “Hey- I, um, do you guys want to, like, sign my cast? Or something? I have a Sharpie, if you want to, but of course you- yeah, you don’t have to if you- yeah.”

Jared grimaced externally this time. He didn't feel like he really deserved to sign it, all he had managed was to nearly give the poor boy a full blown anxiety attack first thing in the morning. “Yeah, um, actually, my class is starting soon, so-- Gotta blast!” He proclaimed with a haughty tone. He shuffled away quickly, before either of the boys could respond. Another great encounter. He sighed heavily, his shoulders drooping.

Connor’s mind was made up for him as Jared turned and left Evan without even a real answer. He may be a heartless bastard, most likely to shoot up the school, voted by the student body, but he wasn’t going to leave this guy with a blank cast. “Yeah, I’ll sign it for you.” Connor plucked the Sharpie out of Evan’s good hand and uncapped it. He signed his name over the majority of the cast, so it looked less empty and sad. “There you go. Now we both at least have one friend.” He dropped the marker back in Evan’s hand and left before he could say another word.

Evan stared at the large black letters covering his arm and sighed. At least he had one friend? Did that mean Connor was his...friend, now? Had his mother’s advice actually gained him a friend even after he completely lost it in front of him? Time would tell, he supposed. But for now, he was almost late to chemistry. 

\-------------------------- 

_Dear Evan Hansen,_

_It turns out, this wasn’t an amazing day after all. This isn’t going to be an amazing week or an amazing year. Because...why would it be?_

_Oh, I know. Because there’s Zoe. And all my hope is pinned on Zoe._

No, that sounded stalkerish. It was a letter to himself, but did it need to sound so creepy? He backspaced. 

_Maybe things can be different. I wish that everything was different. I wish that I was a part of...something. I wish that anything I said...mattered, to anyone. I mean, face it: Would anybody even notice if I disappeared tomorrow?_

_Maybe Jared would. He wouldn’t have anyone to torment. He’d have to pay his own car insurance._

_I guess it doesn’t matter. Things may never change. This wasn’t meant to be an amazing day._

_Sincerely, your best and most dearest friend,_

_Me_

Evan took a breath as he read back over his note. It was a good idea to delete the bit about Zoe Murphy. He thought it was just a little too strange to include, especially as his therapist would be reading these letters to monitor his progress. He knew it was just a silly infatuation, anyway. He’d get over it. He just thought she was special. Maybe they could be friends, too, if he didn’t end up disappearing.

He sighed again and pressed the print button on the Microsoft Word document. The printer was a ways away, so he decided he’d wait until it was finished before he went over there. He felt his phone vibrate--probably his mother--but he was too caught up in thinking about that morning to answer her.

Connor often spent his off periods in the library. It was the least likely place in the school to be harrassed. When he heard the printer running behind him, he pulled the warm paper off without really thinking. His eye caught on the name Evan Hansen on top of the paper. The kid whose cast he had signed this morning. Looking up, he saw him standing across the library, looking particularly lonely. Against his instincts, Connor stood up and walked across the room with the paper. “Hey, is this yours?” 

Evan was startled by the voice. He looked up from picking at his nails and saw Connor standing in front of him, holding a piece of paper out towards him. He glanced down at it. “Oh, um, yeah, that’s mine,” he said, still shaken from their encounter earlier. “Thanks for getting that for me.” He reached out for it.

“No problem, I was right by the printer-” Connor looked down at the paper, unwilling to meet Evan’s eyes. He really didn’t know him, he didn’t know anything about him, he knew better than to try to talk to people. Skimming the letter Connor saw a single phrase. ‘Would anybody even notice if I disappeared tomorrow?’ He froze, blinking down at the paper. “Did- Did you write this?”

Evan blinked. “It- Yeah, it’s just for an, um, assignment, so just- I’ll take it.” He tried to grab it again. He wasn’t sure what part Connor had read, and he attempted to think back to remember if he may have left anything about Zoe in the letter. He was almost positive he hadn’t. That would prove disastrous. 

Connor stepped back, clutching the paper more tightly, frantically reading the letter. “Assignment?” Dread settled in the pit of his stomach. “Disappear. What do you mean?”

Evan gulped. Of course that’s the part he’d seen. What could he possibly say to make this sound the slightest bit okay? “I, uh, it was a project for, uh, psychology? Yeah, and we were supposed to, like, adopt a-- no, that’s not the right word. We were supposed to kind of, like, pick a sort of, um, mental disorder? And then put ourselves in the mindset…? I-It’s weird, I know.” He’d just told a major lie. Did the school even _have_ a psychology class? And he’d just indirectly told this guy he has a mental disorder? Not like Connor would know he did, of course, if he believed Evan’s cover-up. He just desperately wanted out of this situation.

Connor laughed, a single, humorless note. “Well you’ve got your fake mindset pretty fucking on point, Evan Hansen.” He shoved the paper back toward the rambling boy’s chest.

The shorter boy stumbled backward with the force against him. “Th-Thanks?” he said, and immediately regretted it. This was the guy who signed his cast, the one who had said they were friends, maybe. He had to make things right if he wanted a friendship with him. “No, that was rude, I’m sorry. I just--I’m tired, and, like, new medication, you know? And I’m not really used to it, like, at all, and it screws up my sleep schedule and I’m not sure it actually helps me at all, but--” He cut himself off when he realized Connor probably didn’t give two shits about any of that, and Evan probably shouldn’t be telling him those things anyway. There he went again, ruining things by trying to make them better.

“It’s fine, Hansen, you don’t have to explain yourself to me.” Connor knew it wasn’t his business. Evan was obviously uncomfortable. He and Connor weren’t friends, he had just asked him to sign his cast because he was there. No one else had, but then again, it didn’t automatically make them friends. Connor wasn’t cut out for friends, and Evan was a good kid, anyway, he wasn’t the type of person that could be seen with the school freak. No matter if his letter encaptured everything Connor had been feeling for years. “But I’m sure someone would notice,” he mumbled, turning to leave.

Evan found himself reaching and grabbing Connor’s shoulder to keep him from leaving. “Wait,” he said desperately. “I really do like your hair. That wasn’t a joke, I realized maybe you could have seen it as one, like Jared’s, but it really wasn’t. I like your nails, too, I think it’s a good statement they make, you know? Guys can paint their nails if they want to, you know? I- I like it. That wasn’t a joke either.” He bit his lip to stop himself from talking in more circles.

Connor looked down at his chipped black fingernail polish and the split ends of his hair. Somehow he didn’t disbelieve Evan even though that was his default position to a compliment of any kind. He felt a warm feeling growing in his chest, but ignored it. He looked back up at Evan, “..Thanks. I like your hair too.” Well, that was the stupidest fucking thing he could possibly say.

Evan could feel a smile creep its way onto his lips. “Thank you,” he said with genuine surprise. “And, also, thanks for signing my cast, you know? That was really, uh, cool of you to do, especially after Jared left.” He shrugged--a tic he sometimes had when he rambled.

Connor frowned, “Full offense, Jared is an asshole. Who the fuck denies being friends with someone right in front of their face?”

“We really aren’t friends,” Evan said, tugging on the end of his shirt. “I just help him get his parents to pay for his car insurance.”

“So why do you hang out with him, if there’s nothing in it for you?” Connor crossed his arms, “According to your assignment letter, he’s not even nice to you.”

“He’s familiar.” Evan’s voice was stronger than earlier. “He’s-- I’ve known him for years. He makes it all more bearable. Like things aren’t as foreign, uh, with him, I guess.”

Connor furrowed his brow and scrunched up his nose, “Sounds pretty fucking awful to me. You need- You deserve better friends.” This was the longest and most honest conversation Connor had had in a long time. It was startling how easy it was to talk to Evan.

“Yeah?” Evan replied. “It kinda seems like you do, too.” He shrugged again, but he meant to. Conversations between virtual strangers shouldn’t be so heartfelt, should they? 

The two boys were suddenly startled by the sound of the computer lab door slamming shut. As they turned, they saw Jared stood there, a blank expression on his face. They were not aware that Jared had overheard their entire conversation. He had actually been looking for one or both of them because he had wanted to apologise for that morning. He had been plagued with guilt all day. But, he figured there wasn't much point now. “Um. Hi. I was just… I needed to.. grab.. something.” He muttered lamely, wandering over to the closet. Luckily, he had a key. He unlocked it and began rummaging around aimlessly so that he didn't look even more stupid than he already did. 

Jared grabbed something randomly and slammed the closet closed again, spinning on his heel. “See ya.” He called in a chipper tone, hurrying back out of the room. He had heard more than enough. He had to go home. He needed time to think.

Evan stared at the door Jared had exited through. He gulped before looking back toward Connor. “That’s just how he is,” he said softly. “He always acts like nothing’s happened. But people cope with things differently.” His therapist had told him that. “Even I don’t know what he’s going through. We shouldn’t judge people.” He folded the crumpled letter in his hands into a square and stuck it in his pocket. “Uh, thanks again for getting that for me.”

Connor scoffed and looked down at his shoes, “Speak for yourself, I judge people on their actions and he’s only ever been a complete dick to me. Which, sure, I probably deserve, but I can hate who I want. And you shouldn’t thank me, I kind of read it.”

Evan absently started putting his backpack on. “The human brain automatically reads what it sees. It’s not your fault. It was just an assignment.” That was true--his therapist had told him that, as well. And technically, it was an assignment. Just not from a teacher. If Evan didn’t bring up that fake psychology class again, he wouldn’t actually be lying anymore.

“Right.. The one normal thing my brain does. Read.” Connor’s voice was deadpan as he looked off, “You probably have a class to get to, don’t you?”

The shorter boy shook his head. “I get out early,” he said, “on Mondays.” He didn’t want to elaborate. His mother had set up that schedule, so that he could continue his park ranger training, except she hadn’t known that the apprenticeship had actually already ended. Evan didn’t tell her because he needed the time off from school, he thought. And it wasn’t as if she’d be home to know he wasn’t at the park. “It’s just one class period I’m missing. It’s not, like, super early.”

Connor didn’t exactly know what to do with that information. Was he supposed to continue a conversation? He wasn’t really good at that. “Well..” Connor scuffed his shoe along the floor, “I have math and english left, but really, who needs those?”

Evan let out a snicker. “I think they’re important,” he admitted. “I like writing, and math, I dunno, it can be pretty useful in a ton of different areas.” Just as he didn’t want to explain his early dismissals, he didn’t mention how he liked mathematics because it was actually a great tool in ecological studies. During his time as an apprentice park ranger, he’d done a lot of Tree Math, as his mentor had called it.

“I’m sure you do, Evan.” Connor looked down again to hide his smile. Evan was really useful at making people like Connor less Connor-y apparently. He took a deep breath and pulled a straight face again. “You shouldn’t miss any more of your psychology class or whatever.”

“Right,” Evan said flatly, “I’ll, uh, see you around?” He twisted a strap on his backpack so it was straight and walked to stop at the door in order to hear Connor’s answer before he left.

“Maybe you will, Hansen.” Connor turned and left through the other door to the library, a weird feeling overtaking him. “Maybe you will,” he murmured to himself.

\--------------------------

Jared was laying in bed feeling shitty, as per usual. This time was more shitty than usual, however, due to the conversation he had overheard. Was he really _that_ bad? He knew he could be a bit of a jackass, but he didn't intend to--- he sighed heavily. He shouldn't be surprised, really. Everytime he approached anyone they just rolled their eyes before he even opened his mouth. That should tell him more than enough.

He hated it. How all he could manage was stupid jokes and fucked up comments. He couldn't help it, serious situations terrified him and he felt like he had to do anything he could to avoid them. Shit. Guess that isn't really working out very well for him. Poor Evan. All he wanted was for him to be happy.

Jared sat up, reaching down to grab the laptop that was discarded on the ground beside his bed. He knew now that he wasn't going to be able to give Evan the happiness he deserved, so he may as well try and find someone who could. Someone who would understand him. Someone like… Connor Murphy. 

He sighed heavily. Connor, the other boy that Jared watched from afar. How fucked up was he? He couldn't even have a crush right. He found himself thinking about the dark haired boy just as much as he thought about Evan. Jared's head was spinning. He had so many thoughts and emotions bottled up, it was tearing him apart. He had to do _something_. He couldn't keep this up.

He pulled up his email, starting a new draft.

 _Dear Evan Hansen,_

Just because he couldn't tell Evan how he felt doesn't mean he couldn't pour out his heart in a stupid email. Even if he didn't intend to send it, maybe writing it out would make him feel a little better.

_This is gonna be really fucking sappy, but whatever. Who gives a shit at this point, honestly? I sure don't. I'm just going to get right into it--_

_I wish I could be a better person. For you. I wish I could tell you the truth. How I feel. I wish you knew just how amazing you are-- (you are beautiful and perfect. I know you don't think so, though.)_

_But.. I can't. So I'm writing this instead. So I'll just write everything out and suffer like you do when you pine over Zoe Murphy._

He snorted to himself. Evan’s crush on Zoe was almost as hopeless as Jared’s crushes on him and Connor. Almost. God forbid Evan ever got up the courage to talk to the girl. Maybe then she would see how beautiful he really was. She would probably fall for him just like Jared did. Jared's heart panged at the thought.

 _I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you feel so fucking alone. I'm sorry that I don't do anything even though I know how bad you feel. I wish I were stronger. Because you are amazing. You’re adorable and smart and funny, even if you don't know it. And it's wonderful. You are wonderful._

Jared grumbled. Did this even make sense? His thoughts were so muddled he wasn't even sure if what he was typing was in an understandable order. Whatever. Not like it mattered.

_I love you, Evan Hansen. And if you ever disappeared it would really fuck me up. You mean the world to me. Even if you don't think it's true. Just know someone is always thinking about you._

_That's all I have to say for now. Maybe one day I'll actually talk to you._

_Sincerely,  
Fawning Dumbass. _

Jared sighed. He still felt awful. He wished he could send the email, but Evan knows his account. He jolted suddenly, and idea forming in his mind. Maybe he could do something about it. 

He copied the email to the computer's clipboard before logging out of his email, clicking the 'new account’ button. Name, he need a name. A name that wouldn't immediately give him away.

He crossed his arms, leaning back against his head board. He hated naming shit, it always felt so important. His eyes drifted around his room idly. 

“Fuck it.” He mumbled. He was just going to put the first thing he thought of. Which ended up being SincerelyFucked@gmail.com. That would work. He swiftly entered Evan’s account, pasting the email and slamming the send button before he came to his senses and realised what a stupid fucking idea this was. He pulled up another new email draft, deciding that he may as well go all the way.

_Dear Connor Murphy,_

_I'm a dumb bitch who is really emotional and thinks you're really fucking cute. Just thought I'd tell you since you don't know who I am. Now that that's out of the way, I just wanted to apologise for anything I’ve ever said. Not that it means much, since you don't know who the fuck this is. I would say more, but I have a different reason for emailing you. It's about Evan Hansen. You know him. Just thought you should know that he doesn't have a psychology class. So, maybe he could use a friend._

_Sincerely,  
Fucked _

Send. Simple, to the point. Perfect, now maybe something would finally change. He leaned back, setting his laptop to the side. He doesn't know why he's even bothering to do all this.

\------

Connor stared at the screen of his laptop with a blank expression. He read the email again. ‘SincerelyFucked’? Really?

It wasn’t that hard to work out that only two people could have sent this email-- Evan or Jared. But he was still caught up on the very first sentence of the email. There was no way that either one of them, or that anyone at all thought that Connor Fucking Murphy was _cute_.

It had to be Jared that sent the email. Evan would never create an email with a curse word in it.

It had to be a joke. It just had to be. Because God knows Connor couldn’t have one good day, could he?

With a shaking hand Connor pressed the reply button. He typed out the message before even thinking.

_Jared? What the fuck are you doing? Stop messing around and maybe talk to me in person you coward_

Connor paused mid-rant. That was the good thing about electronic communication, he could go back and fix it before he screwed everything up in a fit of rage. Connor backspaced until all that was left was “Jared?” before pressing send. He tapped nervously on his leg as he waited for a reply.

\--

Jared jumped as his laptop dinged with a new email. Shit, that couldn't be good. He clicked on it, swearing tiredly. Whatever. So he found out, who cares. May as well be honest. Lying hasn't done him any good, maybe this will.

 _Ruh-Roh-- looks like I've been caught. Hiya Connor. Guess now you know that I'm a faggot bitch ;)_ he paused. Maybe not. He backspaced to the word 'know’.

 _guess now you know. Sorry, I’m a dumb fuck, so this is the only way I can communicate without coming off as even more of an asshat. :p_

No need for formalities if Connor knew who it was. Send.

\--

Evan sat on his bed looking through the many college essay prompts his mother had emailed him from work. He bookmarked one asking about how he connects with nature and another one asking what his biggest struggle in high school was. He was opening a new one to read when his laptop dinged and his inbox refreshed. He assumed it was another email from his mother, so he opened it without reading the sender. 

_Dear Evan Hansen_ it said. So, probably not his mother, who usually began her emails with a _Hey, Ev_ or _Thought you’d like this, sweetie_. This was more formal. Before reading on, he checked the subject bar. Empty. Definitely not his mother, then. She couldn’t stand an empty subject line. 

As he read, his mind caught a passage. 

_I wish I could be a better person. For you._

Who was this? Someone he knew? He scrolled to see if there was a name in the closing. No, just “Fawning Dumbass”. The email address was also no help. SincerelyFucked? That wasn’t any indication of who it was, so Evan kept reading. 

What was this about telling him the truth? And saying he was beautiful? And _perfect_? This had to be a joke, he thought. It had to be. 

And whoever this was knew about his damn crush on Zoe Murphy. Was he that obvious? What gave it away? Listening to the jazz band outside the door? Maybe he looked at her for too long in the hallway, or maybe he’d tried to talk to her so much it came out like stalking. Evan hoped he wasn’t a stalker. 

It took a scarier turn. This person knew he felt alone, how broken he was. And...didn’t do anything about it? This email was all over the place—the same paragraph ended with a barrage of compliments. What the hell?

_I love you, Evan Hansen. And if you ever disappeared it would really fuck me up._

What the _hell_? This must have been a joke. No one loved him. Well, his mother did, of course. She was just never around. He knew she was doing what she thought was best for him. He loved her, too. But nobody else loved him. He was unlovable. An awkward mess who can’t talk to people and one mention of trees and he’s ranting. No one could love that. He was annoying. 

And how did this person know about the disappearing thing from his own letter to himself? Only Connor knew about that. 

Oh. 

Only Connor knew about that. 

He put a pin in that thought and continued reading. 

_Maybe one day I’ll actually talk to you._

They’d spoken, but not really _talked_. However, that meant he knew about Evan’s crush on his younger sister. He felt that Connor would have mentioned that at school if he knew. 

He came up with two possibilities: Connor and Jared. 

Connor was aware of Evan’s thoughts about disappearing. They’d spoken, but not really _talked_. He also cursed like the emailer had. 

Jared knew about Zoe. He knew a lot about Evan. He knew Evan had severe anxiety. Jared also cursed like the emailer had. 

It being Connor meant he knew about Evan’s crush on his younger sister. He felt that he would have mentioned that at school if he knew. 

So was it Jared? It made sense, except the complimenting and the part where the person wrote that they wanted to actually talk to Evan. Jared talked to Evan already. 

So it was neither of them. 

A dark thought resurfaced in his mind. It could be a joke. Maybe he hadn’t logged out of his account in the computer lab. Someone had seen his letter to himself on the screen and decided to write one back. It didn’t take much undoing to reveal what he’d backspaced about Zoe Murphy, and honestly, the whole school knew he was an anxious mess. 

That had to be it. A fake email account so Evan wouldn’t know who was hurting him. And it did hurt, because those are the things he’d want someone to say to him. But it was just a prank. 

He didn’t bother sending a reply. 

\-----------------

Connor was confused, to say the least. Why the _hell_ was Jared Kleinman emailing him and apologizing? And calling him _cute_. He hit the reply button again.

_First of all, don’t ever call me cute again. And I don’t need your apologies. You’re a dick and one email doesn’t change that. Especially a supposed anonymous one._

_Also, if Evan is so in need of a friend, why do you shoot him down every time you have the chance to be one? You’re doing a hell of a lot more damage than good, Kleinman._

Connor glared at the send button. He couldn’t believe Jared. What, he thought he could send an email and clear his conscience of the fucked up things he said to two fucked up kids and it would all be okay?

If what he was saying was true and Evan didn’t have a psychology class at all, then Jared had a pretty warped way of showing he cared. Which he obviously did in some fucked up way, because he had decided to come to Connor with that information in the first place, even if it was buried under his stupid jokes and asshole remarks. Connor tacked one last thing to the end of the email.

_Maybe I will try to talk to Evan, but if you actually want to help him you should stop making him think he’s worthless. Because no matter how much of an asshat you are to him, he seems to like you. So suck it up and be a friend or leave him alone._

\-----------------

Jared grimaced at Connor’s email. This is why he hadn't wanted him to know who it was. 

_Dear Connor fucking Murphy,_ he began typing with a fire burning in his stomach.

_I am fully aware that a single damn email isn't enough to make up for all the shit I've given you, but at least it's a damn start, okay? I don't know if you've noticed, but whenever I talk to people it doesn't exactly go well. I'm a fucking disaster. All I do it make dumbass jokes I don't mean, so I'm sorry that I'm such a bitch about this._

_I can't fucking talk to Evan because all I can do is make him feel like shit because I'm a childish asshole. I admit it, alright? I'm a dumb fuck who makes stupid ass decisions. He deserves someone better. Someone who can be fucking honest. And if anyone can be honest about how they're fucking feeling, it's you._

He paused, huffing angrily. Couldn't Connor see that Evan is too good for a rude asshole like him? He didn't have to rub it in like that. He sighed, calming down slightly and trying to bring back the more joking light-hearted tone from his last Email.

 _(p.s. what's wrong with calling you cute? You are cute. You're hot as fuck. I've always wanted to paint my nails, too, but I feel like I would go for a light purple or something rather than black. I'm more of a fall kinda guy. ;) Hit me back, babe.)_

At this point, Jared didn't even care what he was revealing to Connor anymore. He was way too tired of everything. He hit the send button and waited expectantly.

\-------

Connor blew out a sigh and pushed his hair out of his face. He was way too damn sober for this. But he couldn’t smoke in the house, someone (Zoe) would find out and it would start a whole separate fight that he didn’t have the energy to deal with.

And this Jared kid was almost as messed up as he was, so he really had a lot to deal with already. He couldn’t even begin to think about the implications behind Jared Kleinman having a soul. He typed out one more reply to Jared.

_Jared,_

_You’re setting me up with your friend because you don’t think you can be a good friend? Fine. I can try, but when this goes south, you’re to blame._

Connor looked at the last part of Jared’s email and bit his lip.

_Orange or light purple would look good._

He hit send before he could change his mind and opened a new email. Carefully typing in Evan’s school email address (he didn’t know his personal), Connor started a new letter.

_Dear Evan Hansen,_

_We don’t actually have a psychology class, which is news to me. Before you think I’m mad or something, I’m not. (Shocker, I know.) I don’t know why you thought you had to lie. You could have just told me you wrote it, and that I should fuck off, and that would be the end of it. But you didn’t. And honestly, even if you had told me straight off and left, I probably would have let you, because even though I know how it feels to think about “disappearing” I’m not the kind of person who’s good at empathy._

_But I guess I can try._

_Because I think maybe we both really need it._

_Sincerely,  
Someone who would notice_

\--------------- 

Jared sighed in relief before typing out on last email to Connor. 

_thanks dude. For real. Also, please do not tell Evan about these Emails. I sent him an anonymous thing from this account and I don't really want him to know it was me. Not yet, anyway. He likes trees. A lot. Use that info to make friends with him. Trust me, It's all you need to know. He’s kind of a 'tree expert’. He’s very cute, too. You two should get along in that aspect. You're both hot. ;) Anyway, I don't know what the fuck I'm even typing anymore so I'm gonna go._

_Peace out,  
Jared Fuckman_

Jared sent the message and closed his laptop, laying down tiredly. He smiled softly. Maybe he should invest in some nail polish.

\---------

Evan had almost closed his laptop when it dinged again. He lifted the lid and saw an email in his inbox from Connor’s school account. Why would Connor be emailing him? Why did anyone email him? He seemed to be popular on gmail that night. 

He opened it. Why didn’t anyone use the subject bar? That could make things easier. 

His eyes scanned the text, reading it slowly. So Connor knew he lied about the letter. He knew there was no psychology class. Who’d told him? Did he look it up? Why would he do that? 

Evan read the second half of the first passage several times. Connor knew what it was like to want to disappear. He’d caught that during their conversation, but now it was confirmed. 

What really stood out was the offer to be friends. He knew he needed a friend. Connor needed one too, evidently. It made sense. Maybe it could work. His mother would be proud of him. 

He clicked the compose button to start a new email and copied Connor’s address in the To. The subject line said “Yes”.

_Dear Connor Murphy,_

_Yes, I think we should try. It might turn out well. I think you’re right—we both need this. I also think you could get better at empathy if you had a friend._

_I’m sorry I lied to you. I didn’t want to admit things. But I’d never tell you to F off._

_Does this sound too formal? Or rude? I don’t mean it to be. I’m not good at emails. Or friends. I’ll see you tomorrow, I hope. This could be fun._

_Sincerely,  
Someone who’d also notice_

Evan sat back and reread his message three times. It sounded wrong, but he couldn’t think of any way to make it better. He was tired. He pressed send and turned his computer off. 

—————


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the next morning,,,

Connor blew out a steady stream of smoke as he leaned against the brick of the back of the school. For the first time in his high school career, Connor was at school early. He usually put up more of a fight about even coming to school, but after the weirdness of last night, he was too worried about seeing Evan to put off arriving.

He took another drag from the joint and glanced around, trying not to seem too perturbed. He couldn’t get caught by teachers before he spoke to Evan that morning. He thought back to the last email he had gotten from Evan and wondered if he always sounded that anxious over text. He silently hoped that they would get past that sometime soon, because it sort of set him on edge.

Connor saw a flash of movement out of the corner of his eye and quickly snubbed out the joint with his shoe. He pulled his hood down and turned to see who it was.

Evan had gotten out of his car, which he had parked in his usual spot behind the main school building, and started walking toward the doors. He turned his head as he neared the building to see if Jared’s car was in its spot, but instead, he saw someone looking at him. Connor. 

He started and walked toward him. “Oh,” he said, not sure if he was loud enough. “Hi, I didn’t think I’d see you this early, actually, I’m just going inside, it’s hot out here, but you probably know that, you’re wearing a hoodie so you’re probably hotter than I am, but—” He cut himself off and took a deep breath. “Sorry.”

Connor pushed himself off the wall and stood up straight, “No, it’s fine. I’m just.. Always cold.” He shoved his hands into his pockets and looked somewhere over Evan’s shoulder. Sure, he had spieled all that last night about trying to be friends, but he still wasn’t sure how one actually did that. After nearly his whole life spent pushing other people away, he couldn’t just flip a switch and make it better. But he would try. Even though it would probably fail. Connor stepped a bit closer to Evan and tried to be the least threatening he could.

Evan gave Connor a once-over. “I’m sorry—were you _smoking drugs_ back here?” He could smell something, and it got stronger when Connor stepped closer. 

Connor looked down to his crushed joint and then back up to Evan. “Uh… Yeah? Did you want some?”

Evan followed Connor’s eyes down to the joint on the ground. “N-No thanks,” he said, instinctively taking a step backwards. “I don’t, uh, smoke.”

Connor felt a bit bad for making Evan uncomfortable, “Okay,” he said nonchalantly. “I’m not going to like, make you or anything, if you’re worried about that.”

Evan shook his head. “I wasn’t thinking that, I swear,” he defended. His hands reflexively grabbed the seam of his polo. “I’ve just never seen anyone who was, uh, who was high…”

“Well I’m not _high_ high.” Connor shrugged noncommittally and looked away. “Just need enough high to get through the day.”

“Slightly high is still High, Con-man.” The two boys turn as a grinning Jared approached them, hands in his pockets. “Sup, nerds. Since when do you two hang around each other?” He asked, smiling teasingly. He avoided Connor's eyes, instead looking to Evan as he fidgeted.

Connor looked Jared up and down. Still looked like the same unflappable bastard. No sign of how he poured out his insecurities over the internet last night. “Since today.”

Jared smirked. “Interesting, I see the cast signing thing went down.” He gestured to the large letters scrawled on the front of Evan's cast. “Must be true buddies, huh?” Jared pondered over whether he should ask if Evan still wanted him to sign it or not, feeling torn. Jared had promised himself that he would try to be more nice, but he wasn't exactly sure how to do that without being obvious. 

“Um, sorry about dashing yesterday. I just, uh, couldn't afford to be late, y’know?” Apologizing felt weird, the words foreign on his tongue. He felt… out of character. But then again, what about him had felt _in_ character lately?

Evan put his good arm behind his head and his hand on the back of his neck. “It’s fine, Jared, we-I- we understand, you can’t start the school year like junior year when you had twelve tardies before the term ended and had to go to detention and then your mom was angry and then—“ He put his arm down. “Sorry. It’s fine.” A thought formed in his mind, but he knew it wouldn’t go well. Jared didn’t want to sign his cast, he knew that. He had plenty of opportunities yesterday to do it if he did. They weren’t friends.

Connor pushed his hair back and watched Evan’s cast. He looked back over at Jared and raised an eyebrow, “I wrote pretty big, but I’m sure you can find some room if you want to sign it.”

Evan’s eyes flicked up from the ground to Connor, surprise tinting them. He looked at Jared next, but didn’t dare ruin the moment by speaking. 

Jared shifted anxiously. “Well-- if.. if you _really_ want me to-- I guess I could give you an autograph.” He laughed awkwardly. Damn, this wasn't going great, he sounded like a haughty dumbass.

Evan blinked. “Really? You don’t have to, you know,” he assured. He reached into his pocket and produced his Sharpie. “B-But if you want to…” He let himself trail off. He did want Jared to sign it. He had yesterday, too. 

Jared grabbed the sharpie from him and stepped closer-- a bit closer than strictly necessary-- and grabbed Evan’’s arm. He uncapped the sharpie with his mouth, leaning in closer to that he could see. He chose to write inside of the first ‘O’ in Connor. He wrote out his name and added a small heart next to it. Not wanting to be caught out so easily, he quickly flipped Evan’s arms over, moving to draw in his palm. He drew a dick. He giggled maniacally as he put the cap back on the sharpie and stepped back. 

Evan winced at the pressure on his arm as Jared moved it. “Wh-“ He looked at his hand. “J-Jared!” He flushed a deep red. “Why would you do that? I have to go home every day! My mom is gonna see this! She mother hens me, you know that! Can this wash off?” He tried rubbing it off, or at least smearing it. “Dammit, Jared!”

Jared laughed. “I had to leave my mark! Also,You can't get casts wet, dumbass! It fucks them up. And tell your mom that my mom says hi.” He liked whenever he could get Evan worked up. Even if it meant he was yelling at him, it was still a time where Evan wasn't constantly trying to filter himself. He said what he was feeling.

“I knew that! My mom’s a nurse! And tell her your mom says hi yourself, you have her number. I’m not your messenger anymore.” Evan felt angry. Talking to Connor yesterday about Jared’s behavior made him realize maybe should stand up to him. He just wasn’t very good at it, and he didn’t want to drive Jared away any further. 

Jared's eyes widened slightly, smile faltering. Shit, he hadn't meant to actually upset him but that seemed to be the case. “Damn, if it's really that bad then here!” He grabbed Evan’s arm once more, pulling the taller boy towards him. He uncapped the marker once more and leaned in. Shit, what could he actually do to make it not a dick? He paused in thought.

“Ah!” He mumbled as an idea came to him. Evan will probably like this. He drew a rectangle underneath it and added lines coming out of the dick itself. “There, now it's a cactus.”

Evan forced himself to take deep breaths. It was a cactus? He looked closer. It was a cactus! It was cute. He hesitated, “Thanks,” he said with a huff. He couldn’t let Jared know he actually really liked the doodle now, that would be counterproductive. 

Jared nodded, turning to Connor. “Do you want me to to sign your arm too?” He asked, eyebrows wiggling. 

Connor rolled his eyes and plucked the sharpie out of Jared’s hands, “Shut up.” He pretended not to notice the little heart by Jared’s name as he handed the pen back to Evan. “A cactus? Really? You could have made it literally anything and you chose a fucking cactus.”

Jared shrugged. “Evan likes plants.” He explained, shoving his hands into his pants pockets. “I dunno.”

Evan shrugged. “I-I’m kind of a tree expert, now, actually,” he mumbled, still looking at the drawing on his hand. It was thoughtful. Of course, it _was_ a dick, though. 

Connor looked back down at the tiny cactus and squashed the bit of jealousy he felt at not thinking of drawing something for Evan first. He couldn’t very well ask to do it now, that would be far too petty. He cleared his throat, “Expert, huh? My mom went through a phase where she grew all these roses and exotic plants, but I’ve never met a genuine tree expert.”

Jared snorted, but didn't say anything. He knew for a fact the he had mentioned it in one of his emails. 

Evan looked up. “Well, not _expert_ expert, but I know a few things, uh, about them. Well, more than a few, but-” He looked down again. “Yeah. I did an, uh, apprenticeship, actually, over the summer, at Ellison State Park, I don’t know if you guys have ever been there, but it’s really pretty, it’s also where I, you know, broke my arm…” 

“How’d you break it?” Connor looked back up from Evan’s arm to his face. “I thought State Parks were super family friendly or whatever.”

Evan shrugged. “Fell out of a tree,” he said simply. 

Jared hummed thoughtfully. “Yeah, speaking of your whole acorn cosplay thing; how did that happen exactly? You’ve never fallen out of a tree before. I've seen you climb an ungodly amount of trees. Like, remember when we were fourteen and you climbed that super big tree but then you got scared and my mom had to call the fire department?” He snickered at the memory.

Evan stared into Jared’s eyes for a long moment, deciding if he wanted to retort at the comment. He didn’t. Instead, not breaking his eye contact, he answered the question. “The branch broke,” he said matter-of-factly. “It wasn’t as strong as I thought it was. It was too small.” He didn’t want to do this in front of his potential friend Connor, but Jared wouldn’t leave until he was satisfied. 

Jared had known Evan Hansen for a very long time. Long enough to know when Evan was not being completely honest about something. Jared felt very uneasy as Evan gave his explanation. Jared didn't like it. But, he didn't want to make a scene this early in the morning, so he made a mental note to ask about it later-- for now he just nodded and didn't push.

“Whatever you say, Evanescence. So what's up over here anyway? You two getting on a morning toke or something?” Jared joked, elbowing Evan lightly.

Evan edged away from Jared’s elbow. “I was walking in and he was, uh, smoking?” He looked at Connor apologetically, as if he’d revealed a deep secret.

Connor shrugged and didn’t comment. Everyone knew that he smoked pot.

Jared scoffed. “I know, dude, it's kind of obvious. This is where all of the ston-- uh, I mean, this is where he always smokes when he doesn't want to get caught. Plus I can smell it. What I meant was were you, dear sweet Evangeline, partakinging in Satan's Quinoa?”

“No!” Evan said a little too quickly. “No, I just got out of my car! You know I don’t smoke! You’re always saying I couldn’t handle it.” It was rude, but Evan agreed. There was no way he could survive touching a weed. 

Jared snorted loudly. “Doesn't mean you can't try, it's like that time you dared me to eat a bath bomb.” He paused, grimacing ever so slightly at the memory of the chalky soapy taste.

Connor wrinkled up his nose in distaste, “You ate a bath bomb?”

“I didn’t dare you to do that, you said you were going to, and I said don’t, and then you almost choked on it.” Evan rolled his eyes at his own memory of the event. 

Jared giggled deviously. “Yeah, it was worth it for that sweet Cronch.” His obnoxious laugh unable to be contained as he remembered the horrified expression Evan had had.

“I don’t think Connor, uh, wants to hear any of this, actually,” Evan said. He didn’t know why Jared was so focused on interrupting he and Connor. It’s not like he cared that much, and shouldn’t he want Evan to have a friend? Then he wouldn’t be so annoying around Jared all the time. 

Jared turned to the boy in question, throwing an arm around his shoulders. “Well, precious Connichard is welcome to join in at any time.”

Connor crossed his arms, “Sorry, but I don’t know all of your tragic ‘We Shared a Cute Childhood’ backstory. And what the _fuck_ is a Connichard? I have a name.”

Jared laughed again. “The bath bomb thing was last year, I don't think it counts as a childhood backstory. Also, everyone knows that Connor is short for Connichard. Or is it Connethew?”

Connor glared, defensive again, “Are you seriously making fun of me for my _name_? Trust me, there’s better material than that to choose from. Maybe instead make fun of my weed or how I freak out. Why my name?”

“Jared, do you really have to do this now?” Evan said nervously. “It kind of, uh, caused a scene yesterday, and I really don’t want to, like, relive that? Actually?”

Jared gulped, a light blush on his face. He hadn't meant to upset him. Damn! Why was he so bad at this. “I was kidding. Sorry, Con.” He paused, looking down at his feet nervously. “Maybe I should go..” he mumbled, gripping his backpack straps tightly.

Evan looked Jared over. “Yeah, you shouldn’t be late to your class,” he said, his voice holding a tinge of venom. He looked away from the shorter boy. Evan didn’t mean to sound rude, but he was angry, even if Jared had made the cactus on his hand look like an actual cactus. 

Jared recoiled at Evan’s tone, heart stuttering in despair. “Yeah. Bye.” He whispered, spinning around on his heel. Damn it, damn it, Damn it all! He had thought it had been going okay! But apparently not, Evan was still mad at him. Fuck. He started to hurry off towards the entrance to the school, ignoring the ache in his chest.

Connor couldn’t bring himself for feel bad for Jared. Yes, he knew that Jared obviously cared at least a little bit about Evan, based on the emails from last night. But really, that didn’t matter if he wasn’t going to bother to try. He’d have to do a lot better than that, because Connor was not going to just let Jared Kleinman make fun of him because he couldn’t let Evan be. Connor was tense. “Maybe I should go too.”

Evan didn’t want Connor to go, he wanted to stay and talk to him like he’d planned. But he also didn’t want to keep him there bothering him. “Oh,” he said lamely. “If you want.” He shrugged in an attempt to come off as unfazed. 

Connor glared at his feet, wishing he were a better person. Wishing that he were good at this. “Maybe I’ll see you later, Hansen.” He reached into his bag and pulled out a little pine tree shaped air freshener. “That will get the smell of weed off of you.” Hating himself, Connor turned again to leave.

Evan couldn’t help it. The words came from his mouth before he had a chance to think. “Oh! It’s a little tree! I used to have a lot of these and one in my car, but they got old and lost their smells so I had to throw them away and I haven’t been able to find any more, where did you get this one?” He grabbed the tree and cradled it in his hands like it was precious. “It smells so good!”

Connor looked at the tiny tree cradled in Evan’s hands and stepped back to his original spot, “I.. um… my sister, actually. I think she picked it up at the mall or something. She told me I stink and gave me like a whole box.” He shrugged. “I don’t.. I mean, they smell good, so.. I keep them.”

“Zoe got these?” Evan felt his face redden with blush at the mention of her name. He hoped Connor couldn’t tell. “W-Well,” he tried, “tell her I said thank you, um, indirectly, for the tree, uh, thing.” He was once again a stumbling mess, and all it took was Zoe. 

“I didn’t know you knew Zoe,” Connor’s eyes traced over the pink blush that lit up Evan’s face. “We don’t really talk, but I’ll try and get her the message.”

“I...I don’t _know_ her, I just, um, see her in the halls sometimes? She lent me a pencil once but I lost it, maybe apologize to her for me about that, too..?” He’d said too much. Connor would never talk to him if he knew Evan had a huge crush on his sister. 

Connor bit the inside of his cheek, “I’ll see what I can do.” He knew full well that he would never give either message on to Zoe, but he wasn’t going to tell that to Evan. He knew that if he told Zoe that Evan said something about her, she would want to know who he was and why he was talking to Connor of all people, and he really didn’t want to get into all that. 

Suddenly, the school bell rang and Evan jumped at the sudden noise. Connor cleared his throat, “You should get to class,” he nodded towards Evan. “I’ll maybe see you at lunch or something.” He stepped backwards towards the school doors.

Evan composed himself and called toward Connor as he walked away. “You will!” he said, determined to make the most of this possible friendship.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We Don’t Know

Evan held his tray with both hands tightly. His eyes scanned over the cafeteria—past where he had normally sat for three years, alone, not because he wanted pity, but because that was just the way it went—looking for Connor. He wasn’t completely sure Connor really wanted to sit with him, but his mother would tell him he had to make the move to learn the result. 

A few kids eyed him oddly as he stood still in the middle of the huge room, so he pretended to be checking his food. He’d gotten a piece of pepperoni pizza and a carton of milk. He was far too nervous to get any more than that. He knew he’d end up wasting it or throwing it up if things got extreme. 

When he was certain no one was watching him, he began his search again. He saw his old spot again—empty—and where Jared usually sat, and Zoe sitting by some friends near the window. The sunlight shone on her hair and made it look like it could glow. It seemed soft, like the rest of her. Evan saw her laugh, and decided he’d been looking for too long. 

Finally, he found Connor. 

Connor was sitting at an otherwise empty table at the far end of the cafeteria. He had no food in front of him, rather, he just sat looking blankly out at the other students. He hadn’t seen Evan yet, not that he wasn’t looking. He saw his sister over by the window giggling with a huge group of friends and tried not to think about how he only sat in the cafeteria at all so that Evan would be able to find him.

Evan tried to walk with purpose toward Connor; he’d read once that if you seem to know where you’re going, people will reflexively get out of your way. He’d never tried it before, but he couldn’t afford to lose time he could be talking to Connor with. He wanted to make the most of it. Maybe he could even reveal some of what was in that strange email he’d gotten. That could work as a conversation, right? 

He almost dropped his tray onto the table once he reached it. Instead, he fumbled, and set it down awkwardly. “Hi,” he said for lack of a better greeting, especially since he still didn’t know for sure that Connor had wanted him to sit there. 

Connor looked up, startled by the fact that Evan actually chose to sit with him instead of somewhere else. “Hey.” He looked down at the tray and back up at Evan. “Welcome to the table everyone avoids.” He picked at his fingernails under the table.

“That might actually be my table, uh, it’s broken, so no one sits there but me,” Evan said. He was trying to make Connor feel less alone, but he’d accidentally sort of pitied himself a little too much. He decided to change the topic. “Have you already eaten..?”

“No, I don’t eat lunch. Usually, I just stay in the library, actually.” Connor knew that he should be doing more to make Evan comfortable around him, but he honestly didn’t know what to say. “Get anyone else to sign your cast?” He couldn’t see any more signatures, but it was some sort of conversation.

Evan felt a pang of worry at Connor’s first comment, but he knew what it was like to avoid conversation, so he let the topic change again. “No, uh, no one actually stayed to hear me ask, um, if they wanted to,” he admitted. “They usually leave before I can get it out.” They’d only been at school a day and a half, but it did seem that this was going to be the ‘usual’.

Connor had a sinking feeling that people didn’t listen to Evan much at all. Which was completely stupid, because Evan said a lot of things that actually meant something, contrary to most high schoolers. Sure he rambled and stumbled over his words, but it really wasn’t that bad. Certainly no worse than most of his peer’s annoying laughs or gum chewing. Connor cleared his throat, “Well it looks good. Pretty full and all that. Plus you have your cactus.”

“Yes!” Evan remembered. “It’s cute, isn’t it? I mean, it was a penis, but now it’s something better. Cacti are really cool! Most people think they’re trees, but they lack the xylem—that’s the wood part—that helps trees take in water and nutrients. I have a tiny cactus in my room that looks just like this one Jared drew, but it isn’t real. I tended to it for a year before realizing it was plastic. But—” Evan found himself cutting his words off often lately. He couldn’t keep saying things like this. Just a simple reply, that’s all it takes, not a novel. 

“But what?” Connor wasn’t just being polite, he actually wanted to know. He liked having someone to fill the silences he was all too good at making. Plus Evan’s botanical speak was endearing.

“But it’s still cute, that’s all,” Evan finished. He felt his face flush a little. No one ever asked him to continue, not recently anyway. It made him feel important, noticed.

Connor felt the corner of his mouth turn up a bit, “Is it true that you can drink from cactuses?”

Evan beamed; not only did Connor ask him to finish, but he’d also asked him for information? “Actually, yes,” he said, “but it isn’t clean at all. It can get you really sick. It’s not filtered, see. The edible cacti, though, those are okay as long as you’re being exposed to fresh water soon.” He couldn’t stop himself. Connor was definitely enabling him. “And! I noticed you said cactuses instead of cacti? Both are correct! Cacti is Latin and cactuses is English!” He hadn’t noticed that he had begun eating. 

Connor brought his hands up from under the table and leaned forward. “Well, damn, I sure know who I’m taking if I ever get stranded somewhere.” Evan could brighten an entire day with that one expression right there. He needed to find a way to make it appear more often.

“I’m not much of a survivalist, really,” Evan said around a mouthful of pizza. “I’m far too nervous,” he mumbled. “But the chances of getting stranded are slim to none. You don’t have to worry, uh, about that. Especially here.”

“Still,” Connor said, “you’d be my first choice in the event of an apocalypse.” Connor felt as if he was saying too much. Was he being creepy? He did that a lot, without thinking. His mood swings were enough to put people on edge without him putting too much pressure on them by being too open. He looked away and forced the slight smile off his face.

“I don’t think I’d be much help,” Evan replied. “I can’t even write an email right.” He paused. “Speaking of emails, I-I got a really weird one last night. I think someone’s playing a joke on me? I know you don’t care, but…” He just wanted something to keep the conversation alive, something normal and not boring like botany. 

Connor thought back to last night’s emails from Jared. For a second he considered telling Evan about them, but then he remembered what Jared had said about sending Evan an email from his secret account and how much he sounded like he was hurting before that, and he knew he couldn’t tell Evan. Even though Jared was a complete dick sometimes, he deserved time to change and make things better with Evan. “I care. What did they say?”

“Just that, um, they wanted to be able to talk to me? Or something? And that they- they loved me..?” Evan didn’t know if that was too much information or not. It’s not like Connor knew who sent the email. “It was a prank, though, obviously,” he said before revealing any more. If he said too much, he may mention Zoe, and that wouldn’t go over well with Connor. 

Connor blinked. He felt breathless with this new information. Jared— Jared Kleinman loved Evan? That— that made a lot of sense, actually. Why Jared as so torn up about his inability to communicate, why he had looked so crushed this morning when Evan had stood up to him. But it didn’t explain his insistence on complimenting Connor over emails. Or why he was trying to set Connor up with Evan instead of talking to him. He needed more information. He also needed to fuel this growing pit of curiosity and.. some other emotion growing in his gut. “And you don’t know who it is? Why- Why would someone send you an anonymous email saying they loved you as a prank?”

Evan shrugged. “Ask whoever sent it. I guess I left the computer logged on and they saw that damn letter and thought it’d be funny to mess with me.” He didn’t have much other than that to say this time. 

“Evan, I saw you log out of the computer.” Connor shrugged and tried to keep his face neutral. “And if they didn’t ask you to do anything, it’s not a prank. It wouldn’t be funny without an audience. Maybe you actually have a secret admirer.” That was _Jared Fucking Kleinman_.

Evan couldn’t help but scoff. “No one likes me, Connor,” he explained. “So that’s not possible. Even the guy I grew up with won’t talk to me like a normal person. Why would someone admire me? The only part that makes sense is the secret bit. If they do like me, they’re ashamed of it. As it should be, I guess.” He started to open his milk before realizing he was doing it backwards. Hoping Connor didn’t notice, he flipped it around and opened it correctly. 

Connor crossed his arms, “Maybe it’s someone you don’t know. Someone who’s as scared to talk to you as you are to talk to anyone else. And I don’t know who the fuck told you that you’re undesirable, but they’re insane. You’re not unlovable, Evan.”

Evan nearly choked on his milk. “You barely know me,” he said, suddenly serious. “You’ll agree with me soon, if you stick around. It’s what happens every year.” He felt sick. How could Connor say he wasn’t unlovable? Of course he was, just look at him. No one could love someone as broken as Evan. He had to take medicine just to function, and even that didn’t help much. Not that he could tell, anyway. He could hear his mother telling him, in the back of his mind, that saying these things would just drive Connor away. She was right. So before Connor could respond, Evan spoke again. “I like someone, anyway.”

Connor twitched and pulled back into himself, suddenly defensive, “What? You- You’re unlovable because of _anxiety_? I-“ Connor clenched his fists until his nails dug into his palms and took a deep breath, “You like someone?” His best chance of avoiding an episode was to focus on the things that were least likely to upset him.

Damn. Was that what Evan had told him? He said the first thing that had come into his head! He needed to avoid talking about this. “Yeah, but, um, it’s no big deal, actually. This pizza is good, you, uh, you should try some!” That was the best he had. 

Connor narrowed his eyes, “I’m not hungry. Are you just going to drop that on me and not tell me who it is?” Why did Evan change the subject like that? Connor tried not to read too much into it and focused on making sure his breathing was even.

Evan flinched back at Connor’s darker expression. “Yes,” he squeaked. There was no why he could tell Connor Murphy he liked his sister. Evan knew that. Jared had told him before that if Connor ever found out, Jared wouldn’t show up to Evan’s funeral. 

Connor consciously relaxed his features, “Fine. I won’t press.” He paused, “It’s not Jared, is it?”

What? Jared? Why would Evan like Jared? “No,” he defended. Desperate to stop talking about himself, he added, “Why, do you like Jared?” and immediately regretted it. 

Connor tensed up again, “ _No_.” It came out more venomous than he had originally intended but he didn’t care. Jared Kleinman had only ever called him a freak in person. Even though he’d not torn Jared apart over his email, he still didn’t like him. And honestly, _Evan_ talked about unlovable like he knew what it was. If anyone was unloveable it was Connor.

Evan’s eyes were wide. “O-Okay, sorry,” he said, evening his breaths. “I don’t know why I said that, I’m sorry.” The floodgate was opening. “I just, um, don’t really want to tell people who I like, because it could get back to them? And I don’t really want them to know? So I tried to change the subject and it didn’t work and I’m sorry.” He looked at his empty tray like it was a blockbuster movie. 

“Yeah, well, in case you didn’t notice, I don’t have a huge group of friends to tell. I don’t know if you think I’m popular or likable or something, but I’m not. So I don’t have anyone to tell.”

“I’m sorry,” Evan whispered. He tried to say anything else. It didn’t work. “I’m sorry.”

Connor felt awful for ruining all the progress he had made with Evan, but it really was only a matter of time. He should leave before he caused any more pain. “Me too.” Connor pushed back from the table angrily and got up, leaving quickly.

Evan felt his blood run cold as he watched Connor leave, unable to make himself stop him. He put his head on the table to ease the nausea he could tell was coming. Why was he like this? He had ruined his only chance at having a friend. He felt numb, he couldn’t even make himself cry. It wasn’t normal. 

Suddenly there was a tap on Evan’s shoulder.

“Hey, I saw my brother yelling at you, and I wanted to see if you were okay. He’s a total jerk sometimes. Evan, right?” Zoe tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and smiled apologetically.

Evan’s head jerked upwards. Zoe had seen that? She wanted to check on him? And she knew his _name_? “E-Evan,” he replied lamely, his hands becoming slicker with every breath he took. 

“I’m Zoe,” Zoe held out her hand confidently, “and I’m sorry about my brother.”

Evan looked up at her face and then at her hand. He wiped the sweat off on his shirt, but by the time he was ready for a handshake, she had retracted it. “No, I- I know. And he wasn’t, um, doing anything, really.”

“Really? Because he looked pretty angry and you looked pretty torn up. Why are you even sitting with him anyway?” Zoe sat in the seat that Connor had vacated.

Evan moved his head with his eyes as he watched Zoe sit down. He didn’t know what to say. For one, he didn’t know how to talk to Zoe Murphy. Secondly, he couldn’t just tell her that he was her brother’s friend. Was that even true? He guessed not. Not after that incident. So, instead of a verbal response, he held up his left arm—the broken one—which had Connor’s name on it in huge letters. She could use it as whatever explanation she needed.

Zoe was confused, “He signed your cast? Really?” Her brother never socialized, let alone signed people’s casts.

Evan nodded. “And he actually gave me this?” His voice was high. He pulled out the tiny tree smeller Connor had given him. “He said you gave him a bunch, and he sort of left, um, the smell of mari- er, pot on me? So he gave it to me.” He held the tree up in front of him. 

Zoe looked at the tiny tree incredulously. She darted her eyes back up to Evan’s face. “Are- Evan, are you dating my brother?

Evan’s face turned an even darker hue of red. “What?!” he all but screamed. “No! We- No! We just met! Yesterday!” He dropped the tree. “I’m not dating anyone! At all, actually! No one!”

Zoe blinked and raised her hands in surrender, “Sorry, I just- Connor doesn’t have many friends, but he’s had a boyfriend before, and you said he got the smell of pot on you, so I just assumed… and I shouldn’t have.”

“I don’t have a boyfriend!” Evan said too quickly. “O-or a girlfriend, actually, but I may have already said that, did I already say that? I’m sorry, that’s weird. Y-You said Connor’s had a boyfriend before?” Maybe finding more out about Connor could help Evan connect or relate to him in a way that would rebuild what little bonding they’d accomplished. 

Zoe scooted a bit further away. Evan didn’t seem bad, he was just… really weird. “Uh, yeah. James something. Like two years ago. Our dad was pretty angry about it, but really it was okay. He’s single now. If you plan on being not single anymore. I mean, if you even like guys. You haven’t said you don’t. But that’s not my business. Because, like, I’m cool with you dating my brother if you want. Maybe you could make him chill out or something.” She paused and seemed to think for a moment, “Then again maybe you won’t, because it seems like someone else likes you.”

Evan blinked a few times and tried not to read too much into how far Zoe had moved away from him. “Someone else, what do you mean?” Had she heard him tell Connor about the email?

Zoe pointed at the sloppy heart that Jared had signed by his name on Evan’s cast. “Well, that, obviously. Is that Jared Kleinman? I’ve seen you guys hanging out before. I never thought he was gay.” She shrugged.

Evan thought for a moment. “I don’t think he is. And the heart, that’s a joke, it’s a thing he does, he pretends, um, that he cares, and, then, well, then he doesn’t.”

“Oh,” Zoe frowned apologetically, “Oh well. I should get going.” She smiled a bit at him and stood up to leave.

Evan watched her as she stood. She probably didn’t notice how she reached up to fix her hair. Evan did. “Oh, well, um, see you around…?”

Zoe nodded, “Sure, Evan.” She turned and left the cafeteria for her next class.

\----

Jared had spent his day much like he usually did. Pretending to pay attention and pondering his most recent Fuck ups. Today, that mostly meant the disastrous conversation with Evan and Connor. How could he fix this? He wished he had a better way to contact Connor other than via Email. It wasn't the most convenient method. This dilemma is what brought Jared to his current situation. Skipping lunch so that he could slip creepy stalkerish notes into Connor and Evan’s Lockers. 

The note he put in Connor's was simple, funny. He was pretty sure the boy would know who it was from, so he didn't bother signing it. Evan's, on the other hand, he didn't sign for an entirely different reason. 

Jared had felt awful all day, and had ended up think about Evan more than usual. He had--only mildly shamefully-- ended up writing a list of everything he liked about the boy. He made a deal with himself; he would write down one reason every day and slip them into his locker. Maybe by the time he reached the end of the list he would have enough courage to put his name on them. The one that he was slipping through the little vents in Evan's locker currently was simple. It wasn't.. _too_ stalkerish and gay. At least, he hoped, anyway.

——-

When Connor left the cafeteria he was on the edge of freaking out. He knew that it really wasn’t worth it to break his current episodeless streak over Evan suggesting that he liked Jared.

But it wasn’t really that. Connor felt so bad because he knew that it didn’t matter how he felt and who he felt it about because he was a complete fucking wreck. All he ever did is make other people feel bad. And he knew that he would hurt Evan more and more- he was already doing it. Earlier he had been smiling and talking about trees, and it only took Connor fifteen minutes to turn him into an apologizing mess because he couldn’t control his fucking emotions. He didn’t care who Evan liked. He didn’t care if Jared pined over Evan for the rest of his fucking life.

Or did he?

Hell, he didn’t even know anymore. He didn’t know what he was feeling beyond disgusting guilt and anger. Connor furiously turned the knob of the lock on his locker, fumbling it three times before he got it right and slammed it open. A small slip of paper fluttered our and fell at his feet. Connor picked up the paper and unfolded it.

_FOR A GOOD TIME CALL ME ;)_

There was a number scrawled at the bottom of the paper and Connor’s vision immediately tinted red.

Seriously? Someone really wanted to play this fucking game today? Connor almost pulled out his phone and punched in the number so he could cuss whoever it was out right there and then. He had his phone in his hand when he came back to reality and realized he recognized the messy handwriting from Evan’s cast. 

Jared.

He unclenched his fists and lowered the phone. Right. Jared was trying to be better. He _supposed_ he could entertain him and text the number that afternoon. Maybe communicating digitally could possibly help Jared to get his shit together and actually talk to Evan. Connor pocketed the note.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oops

The rest of the day was more or less uneventful for Jared. The rest of his classes were as boring as usual and he almost fell asleep in economics. Nothing out of the ordinary. 

Evan, at the end of the day, and after not seeing Connor or Jared again, went to collect his things from his locker. He had a dented one near the end of the hallway where the lights didn’t work as well as they should. At least no one bothered him there. 

He turned the lock’s knob and entered his code. He struggled with pulling the lock open, but eventually got it done. Opening the metal door, he saw a small strip of paper sitting on his Calculus textbook. He didn’t remember putting that there. 

Evan picked the strip up, and on the other side, he saw writing. Bringing it closer to his face, he read the messy handwriting. 

_1) You’re cute when you talk about trees._

What? This was obviously meant for him, but _what_? No one thought that. Was this the same person who sent the email the night before? SincerelyFucked? Or Fawning Dumbass or whatever they called themself? 

Who had he ranted about trees to lately? Jared, but that was yesterday. Had he said something about them to Zoe? No, he couldn’t think of anything. Then he remembered his conversation with Connor. How he’d encouraged his cactus spiel. How his face had contorted when he’d asked if Evan liked Jared. How Zoe had thought he and Connor were together. 

Had Connor put this note in Evan’s locker?

He’d have to find out later. He was certain Connor wouldn’t want to talk to him again that day. He folded the strip of paper and put it in his pocket. He still was sure this was a joke, but if it was Connor, maybe he did have an admirer. 

Before he could think about it further, Evan saw Jared round the corner. This was his chance. He’d finally talked to Zoe Murphy for longer than two seconds, and he _had_ to tell Jared about it. He wanted to prove he wasn’t the inept weirdo Jared made him out to be. 

Jared paused as he heard someone call his name. Turning, he smiled as Evan scampered towards him. “Hey, What's up, buttercup?” That was weird. Who says that?

Evan didn’t bother greeting him. “I held a whole conversation with Zoe Murphy at lunch today,” he said firmly, pride in his voice.

Jared’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Woah, really? How did that go? What happened?” He _almost_ added on a joking 'did you fuck it up?’ but thought better of it at the last second. He couldn't afford to keep fucking himself over like this.

Evan jabbed—gently—a finger towards Jared’s chest. “Actually, I think it went well, thanks. Except she kinda scooted away from me, but- That’s not the point.” He moved his hand back down. “She thought, um, that I was dating, er, Connor, though, so that was- that was the most of...our conversation.” He’d blown it. He hadn’t kept his cool, like he knew he wouldn’t, but he’d lost it worse than he thought he’d do. The prideful confidence he’d meant to portray in order to boast had been maimed seriously by his meek personality. So it goes. 

Jared looked at him in astonishment. “Holy shit, really? You've only hung around him for, like, a day. Does she still think you’re dating him?”

Evan shrugged, giving up on his bragging. “I don’t think so? She apologized for assuming, but, um, I think she might...want me to date him? God, what the hell?” He could get past his recent anger at Jared for a moment if he could give him a bit of advice. “Do I, like, say something? To Connor? He’s mad at me, though. God, Jared, am I screwed?”

Jared frowned at the sadness that was practically rolling for of Evan's form. “Fuck, dude, I don't think that's a good idea. Especially if he's mad at you.” He didn't want to talk bad about Connor, at least now that he was trying to get on his and Evan’s good side. “Why is he mad at you?”

“I don’t really know,” Evan admitted. “I was probably annoying him? Most likely, actually. He just, kinda, left. Angrily.” He shrugged, but then remembered something. “But—Maybe he isn’t mad, after all? I-I found a note in my locker. I think it was from Connor.” It was easy to fall back into the habit of telling Jared everything, whether he wanted to hear it or not. Usually not. 

Jared's tensed slightly. “Oh? A note? Uh, what did it say?” He already knew what it said. But he could _not_ let Evan know that. Maybe he could use this to his advantage. He was trying to get Evan and Connor closer together, right? Maybe this could work.

“Uh, here,” Evan said as he pulled the slip of paper from his pocket and held it out so Jared could read it. “Do you think it was Connor?”

Jared pretended to read the note, a faux surprised look etched on his face. “Huh.” He scratched his head. “I dunno? Maybe.” Fucking dammit. He suddenly remembered why his philosophy was to not lie. He was totally shit at it.

Fortunately, Evan was just as bad at social cues. “Really? Like, this is sort of an apology for leaving lunch so angry? I mean, I did sort of ramble about cacti a little too long. Maybe that’s where this came from. But what’s the number for? It says one,” he wondered aloud. Yes, it was _definitely_ easier to spill everything to Jared rather than stay mad at him. Evan hadn’t expected his rebellion against the other boy to last, anyway. He knew he was weak. 

Jared was thankful for Evan's obliviousness. “I don't know, maybe he just, uh… wanted to number it? But, I mean, we still don't know for sure it was him. Maybe you have a secret admirer or something?” He wiggled his eyebrows at him, smiling suggestively. He paused, an idea forming in his head. “Hey, by the way, Evan. My parents are out on some business trip and the totally left the liquor cabinet unlocked. Why don't you and Connor come over this weekend or something?” 

Evan contemplated telling Jared about the email he’d gotten, but the thought was put out by Jared’s offer. Was he actually asking to hang out? With him? _And_ Connor? “Oh,” Evan replied, “I dunno, I’d have to check with Connor about that, um, if he’s still talking to me, of course. But, yeah, I think- I think I’d like to.” He wanted time with Jared—for a few years now, he had. No disagreement could change that. His mother surely wouldn’t mind, as long as she didn’t hear the part about the liquor, and Evan hadn’t been to a sleepover in a long time. Did they still call them sleepovers? He hadn’t been to one since they did. His last was also at Jared’s. 

Jared nodded. “If you want, I can ask him. So you don't have to get all nervous and stuff, y’know. I can talk to him later to- tomorrow, or something.” Jared had to stop himself from saying tonight. That would definitely put up a few red flags.

Evan blinked. “You’d do that?” He was surprised; it had been a long while since Jared helped Evan avoid things that could cause him distress. 

“Well, yeah. I need to talk to him anyway, it no big deal.” Jared shrugged nonchalantly, grabbing his backpack straps.

“Talk to him, talk to him about what?” Evan felt like he was missing out on something big.

Shit. He had almost made it through the conversation without slipping up. “Um, nothing just-” he paused glancing down at his feet in embarrassment. “I wanted him to help me paint my nails.” It was technically not true, but Jared had been thinking about asking Connor more about that, so it wasn't entirely a lie.

Evan grinned. “Really? That would be great, I think. So you two are getting along? That’s perfect! What color are you doing?”

Jared shrugged bashfully. “Orange or light purple, maybe?”

Evan’s grin didn’t falter a bit. “I think lavender would look good on you. Maybe even a light pink?” Was this happening? Were they really becoming actual friends again? Evan wished devoutly for this to be so. 

Jared timidly met his eyes. “You really think so?” There was a light fluttery feeling in his stomach, making him uncharacteristically nervous.

“Oh, yeah,” Evan said as he nodded. “And sparkles. My, um, my mom has some sparkly clear polish that I used once, but I don’t really like the, uh, feeling of something on my fingernails, if that, if that makes sense.” He didn’t know why he included that, but like usual, he couldn’t stop. 

Jared nodded, a smile creeping onto his face. “Yeah, that's fair. Hey, um.. Sorry, buddy, but I have to go. My aunt needs me to come by her house and fix her computer. So, unless you wanna come visit my crazy Aunt Ruth who once told me to fuck off in a Cracker Barrel, I’ll have to see you tomorrow.” He gave Evan an apologetic look. He genuinely did have to go help his aunt, but it was also the fact that he was afraid that if the conversation kept going he would fuck it up with another rude joke. Jared sincerely doubted Evan enjoyed talking to him enough to be willing to endure his Aunt. 

Evan’s grin transformed into a disappointed frown. “Oh, I understand, it’s all good. Um, have fun with that, good luck.” He put a—poorly—forced smile on his face. “S-So I will see you tomorrow? Sorry, I just, I had to make sure, sorry.” He gulped. 

Jared grinned. “Of course.” He turned to leave, but paused halfway, looking back at Evan. “If you want to talk more.. you can always text me, y’know? It's no problem. Like, you aren't bothering me.”

“I’m- I’m not?” Evan blinked. He’d bothered Jared for years. That’s why Jared always made fun of him, wasn’t it? Because he was annoying? He did have the other boy’s number, still, even though he was pretty sure at one point Jared had told him to delete his contact information. Maybe that was a dream. Either way. 

Jared shook his head. “Not at all. So, just.. do that, ok?” He didn't wait for an answer before finally hurrying away. He had to get to his aunt's. Then he could worry about his boy troubles. Computers were much easier to figure out than cute boys were.

Evan watched Jared scamper off. When he was gone, he turned to walk back toward his parking spot. Things seemed odd. It seemed like he had a secret admirer. It seemed like he had a new friend, give or take some anger. It seemed like Jared was finally coming back around. It seemed like it might be an amazing year after all.

\----

Connor sat in his room, staring at his phone. He reread the note that Jared had left in his locker.

He had gone home right after school let out. He knew that Evan wouldn’t have wanted to talk to him after what had happened at lunch. He would be lucky if Evan wasn’t permanently scared of him now.

Connor had smoked two joints since he got home and he still didn’t feel calm enough to actually text Jared. If this turned out to be some sort of joke Connor wasn’t actually sure he could take it. But then again, Jared didn’t seem to be fishing for dirt on Connor, or trying to make him freak out, and he had sent that email about how inadequate he felt around Evan. 

So what the hell, right? Connor could just avoid talking about himself and see what it was that Jared had to say.

Connor unlocked his phone. He typed in the number from the note and labeled the contact with Jared’s name. It stood out on his rather empty contact list. (All the other contacts were family. And his therapist but he never used that number.)

C: _I don’t like calls. And I wouldn’t say you’re a good time._

Connor stared at the message. It was vague enough that it could be brushed off as a wrong number if it ended up not being Jared, though there was a very slim chance. And it was distant enough to keep this from turning into a disaster. Connor pressed send before he could get too emotional about it and started to light another joint.

Jared pulled his phone out as it vibrated on his pocket. Unknown number. Must be Connor. He unlocked his phone, smiling as he read the message. He had just gotten home from his aunt's house. 

J: _Well, you never know until you try ;))) anyway, I gave you my number because Emails are a kinda shit way to communicate. p.s. do u wanna come over to my place this weekend? Ev is gonna get blasted bc he's like drank twice in his life and can't hold his booze. You don't want to miss this quality entertainment._

May as well just right to the point since he finally had Connor's number.

Connor jumped when his phone beeped and quickly turned off the sound. He read the message slowly. It didn’t seem like Jared was up to anything, just wanted faster communication. But.. Connor didn’t go to people’s ‘places’. He hadn’t since about preschool. His parents were pretentious and always asserted that friends should come to the Murphy’s. It was probably a status thing. Connor didn’t have friends anyway.

Evan probably didn’t know that Connor was invited, or he wouldn’t agree, not after today. So Connor decided to point that out before he expressed interest or agreed to anything.

C: _Evan and I didn’t leave on good terms today._

If he kept the messages short, Connor had less of a chance of making a mistake.

Jared responded quickly. J: _I know. He told me, he's worried u hate him. I told him I would ask u for him. He seemed really excited for you to be there. Btw he talked w ur sis today_

Connor froze. Zoe talked to Evan?? Why? What was she up to? Connor swore under his breath. He had to find out what she had talked to him about before he got mad. If she ruined this-

C: _I don’t hate him. What the fuck did Zoe say._

Jared thought back to the conversation he had with Evan. 

J: _she asked if u 2 were dating_

Connor’s vision clouded red. He dropped his phone. Damn Zoe. She stuck her nose where it wasn’t wanted every single time. Connor knew that eventually, if not already, he was going to screw things up with Evan, but she really didn’t have to expedite the process. He could barely think straight, his anger clouding his thoughts.

He stood up and slammed open his bedroom door. “ZOE!”

Zoe was in her room when she heard the yell. She rolled her eyes and groaned, “What do you want, Connor?” She called out.

Connor threw open Zoe’s bedroom door and knocked over her guitar that was leaning against the wall in the process. “Who the _fuck_ do you think you are?”

Zoe crossed her arms defensively. She knew better than to challenge Connor when he was like this, but she wasn’t just going to let him yell abuse either. “What are you talking about?”

“You have no business talking to Evan!! Not everything I do is your business!”

Zoe’s eyes widened. Connor must really care about what Evan thinks about him to get this worked up. “I was worried for him. You yelled at him and he looked upset.”

“That doesn’t mean you can fucking bother him!! Evan is none of your _fucking_ business!” Connor threw his fist against the wall and a picture frame fell. Zoe stood up defiantly.

“I didn’t tell him anything he didn’t already know. You’re the one who always acts like a psychopath. And just so you know, he practically defended you with his life so you can get over yourself and GET OUT OF MY ROOM, CONNOR.” Zoe made sure that her voice was loud enough so that their parents could hear her downstairs.

Connor growled in anger. He felt like throttling someone. “You’re such a _bitch_ , Zoe.” Connor turned and stormed out of the room. He stopped by his own room to grab his phone before he left. 

As he walked out of the house he heard the beginning of his parent’s fight.


	5. Chapter 5

The rest of the week went by mostly uneventfully. The occasional chat with Evan and Connor, but nothing particularly of importance. Jared had kept up with his promise of the notes he slipped in Evan's locker every day. Evan still wasn't sure who, exactly was putting them in there, luckily. By the time Friday night rolled around, Jared was ready to party. He wanted to see Connor and Evan get absolutely shit faced with him. He had been looking forward to tonight more than he was willing to admit.

Evan was more or less extremely excited. The initial excitement that Jared had actually asked him over still hadn’t worn off. He’d even forgotten to shave for the past three mornings. His daily smile was deepened by his make-up with Connor, who had apologized, though Evan wasn’t quite sure what he’d done wrong. The notes in his locker continued, but he didn’t mention them to Connor. If it was him doing it, he didn’t want to make things awkward. They were numbered like the first one, now up to four. One mentioned his eyes, another his skin, the latest his laugh. Evan had come to expect them. For now, he couldn’t worry about who sent them or if the suspicious emailer would ever contact him again. He was far too excited about the ‘party’ as Jared had insisted on calling it. 

Connor was surprised that he had kept up his friendship with Evan for this long. Between avoiding home, school, being sociable for the first time in forever, and continuing to text Jared, Connor was ready for the end of the week if only as a chance to get absolutely wasted so that he could finally relax. Zoe hadn’t spoken to him since their fight— not that he had given her a chance, seeing as he didn’t come home until the early morning every day all week. Probably the best part of the week was talking to Evan or Jared. After he apologized for blowing up at lunch, Evan had immediately forgiven him, which was not what Connor had expected at all. They had sat together during the lunch period every day for the rest of the week, and though Connor could feel Zoe’s glare on him, he didn’t mind so much when Evan was talking to him like he wasn’t going to freak out at any moment. Connor had also kept up the texting with Jared. After the second day, he loosened up a bit. It didn’t seem like Jared was doing this out of spite, in fact, it seemed like he needed someone other than Evan to talk to just as much as Connor did. Connor found himself actually looking forward to the party at Jared’s.

\------

Jared was lounging on his couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. He was watching some random show on TV that wasn't even vaguely of interest as he awaited the other boys’ arrivals. He hadn't really planned anything for them, other than large quantities of alcohol.

——-

Evan slammed his computer shut as his mother walked in. 

“Hey, sweetie,” she said in her usual optimistic chatter, “I’m just heading out, do you want me to leave some money for you to order something?”

Evan looked up at her. “No, I’m-” He remembered he hadn’t even told his mother about Jared’s invitation. “I’m actually going to Jared’s, um, for the night. He invited me.” A pause. “If that’s okay with you! Of course…”

Heidi grinned and her hands opened wide in excitement. “Jared invited you over?” she squealed. “Really? It’s about time! You two haven’t been hanging out as much as you used to!”

“I know, mom,” Evan said, shrugging. “So I can go, right?”

“Of course! Don’t forget your medicine! And tomorrow you’ll have to tell me all about it!” Heidi was almost bouncing with glee. Was she really that excited for Evan? It felt nice to see her so happy. Then, her smile faltered, but only barely. “And take your razor, honey, you’re getting a little scratchy looking.”

“Huh? Oh- Right, I forgot about...that.”

“Shaving?”

“Yes…?”

A strange laugh escaped Heidi. “Okay, son,” she said, turning around. “Tell Jared and Susan I said hello! And have fun, Evan!” Then, she was gone. 

——-

Connor stuffed the few things he would need in a bag. He was trying to be as quick as possible. He didn’t want to have to talk to his family and explain where he was going. Luckily, his parents weren’t even home yet, as it was right after school.

Throwing the bag over his shoulder, Connor looked in the mirror hanging on his wall. He didn’t know why he was even bothering to worry about what he looked like, but he had traded his usual hoodie for another that looked nearly identical, but was actually clean, and he had washed his hair more thoroughly than he had in weeks. He pushed his hair out of his eyes, cursed to himself for worrying so much, and turned to leave his room.

He was almost out of the house when someone spoke behind him.

“Where are you going?” Zoe stood in the doorway, a box of Oreos in hand.

“Out.” Connor reached for the door, “I’m going to a friend’s tonight.”

“Evan?” Zoe asked. She almost asked how Connor had managed to get so close to someone so quickly but decided not to. Instead she cleared her throat after a moment of silence. Her brother obviously wasn’t going to answer the question, so she tacked on, “I’m sorry, you know. I shouldn’t have bothered you and Evan. It’s.. not my business.” She held out the open box of cookies as a peace offering.

Connor blinked, but took a single cookie and offered his sister a half smile. “Thanks.” He then turned and left for Jared’s.

———

Evan, backpack on both shoulders, stood apprehensively at Jared’s door. He breathed deeply, psyching himself up to knock. Was Connor already there? Maybe he and Jared were already busy. They may not hear him at the door. Evan’s thoughts turned darker. This could be a joke. He was fairly certain it wasn’t, but the anxiety of the idea had been in the back of his mind all week. If it was, he’d just go home. If it wasn’t, he might have fun. But he wouldn’t know until he knocked. 

He stepped closer and rapped his knuckles on the door four times. 

Jared made his way over to the door quickly when he heard the knocks. He pulled the door open, greeting getting stuck on his tongue. He gaped at Evan. What the fuck. “E- Evan? What the _fuck_?” Jared was definitely blushing, and it wasn't from the alcohol.

Evan backed up a step. “Wh-what?” This was the right day, right? “Didn’t you say to—Did you not say it was today..?” Anxiety and nausea rose in his throat. 

Jared shook his head, eyes wide as he took in Evan's appearance. “No, No, it's not that--- its-- You look hot as fuck!” Jared choked out, blush intensifying. Evan must have forgotten to shave, because this was not the smooth faced boy Jared was used to seeing.

Evan blinked as his face became warm with the blood rushing to it. “Y-yeah, right, Jared, very funny.” He rolled his eyes awkwardly. 

Jared stepped back so that Evan could come inside. “Bro, I’m serious. Did you forget to shave or something, because, like, Fuck me, it looks good as hell on you.”

Evan accepted Jared’s offer and stepped into the foyer. “Y-You don’t have to joke about it, I brought my razor anyway, I’ll fix it if it bothers you that much.” He knew Jared was only teasing him. Evan had shaved every day since freshman year because of Jared’s teasing about his facial hair and lack of ability to grow it nicely. 

“No!” Jared yelped. “Dude, for real! I'm not kidding! Since when can you grow facial hair so well, anyway? If you don't believe, just wait till Connor gets here, he’ll tell you.” Jared pouted that Evan still thought he was messing with him. The stubble made him look… older? More mature, almost.

“Get your head out of the gutter, Kleinman,” Evan replied. Maybe he'd spent a little too much alone time with Connor. That sounded a little harsh. “I mean- Just lay off the jokes for one night, please?” He pulled the backpack off and rummaged inside, revealing a small electric razor. “See, look, I’ll just go fix it now.”

Jared grabbed his hand, holding him in place. “You aren't _listening_ to me, Evan.” He stepped closer, making eye contact with Evan so that the boy could tell he was being serious. “You look really good.”

Evan stared into Jared’s eyes. It really didn’t seem like the shorter boy was kidding. But he _really_ physically and emotionally could not have this conversation. Voice high and cheeks red, he squeaked, “M-my mom said hi, and, um, hi to your mom, too.”

Jared smiled, releasing Evan and taking a step back. “I’ll be sure to tell her when they get back. You can go put your stuff in the living room. I’ll, uh-- text Connor and see where he’s at. There’s whiskey on the coffee table. Go at it, if you want.” Jared pulled his phone out quickly.

As he walked toward where he knew the living room was, Evan called back to Jared. “I don’t think, um, I’ll be doing any drinking, tonight, actually.” He sat his backpack by the wall out of the way. 

Jared's eyebrows shot up in surprise, but he decided to wait until later to breach that subject. He shot off a quick text to Connor. 

J: _Yo, dude, where u at?? Ev just got here and he's looking spicy as FUCK_

Connor was almost to Jared’s when he got the text.

C: _I’m about a block away. And you always think Evan looks spicy so shut up_

Connor pocketed his phone and sped up. There was no way he was getting there late and running the risk of walking in on Jared and Evan fighting again.

Jared smirked at Connor's reply. 

J: _yeah but he's, like, spicy^2 tonight_

Connor was at Jared’s driveway when he got the text, so he didn’t even bother to respond. When he got to the door he paused. This was either going to go catastrophically terrible or phenomenally well. He tried not to put too much pressure on himself to get this right, but staring at the door he knew that if he ruined something here, it was going to be one of the biggest fuck ups of his life. He rang the doorbell.

Jared threw the door open, pulling Connor inside quickly. “Holy fuck, dude, you have to see this.” Jared was steering Connor through the house until they were in the living room where Evan was perched anxiously on the couch.

Connor looked at Jared like he was insane. What the hell had him so worked up? What did Evan do, dye his hair or something? He was just about to push Jared’s hands off of him when he looked up and saw Evan on the couch. His usual anxious expression was overshadowed by the stubble all along his cheeks and chin. “Holy fucking shit, Hansen.”

 

Jared nodded vigorously. “I know!”

Evan jumped at the noise and turned to look up at Connor and Jared. He was still going to avoid that conversation. “Connor! You- Wow, you came! I- I wasn’t sure if you’d changed your mind, because I thought you were already here, and that I was late, but you weren’t.” 

Connor tried not to stare at Evan’s face, as it was obviously making him uncomfortable. “Yeah, um… I’m here. You’re good.” He couldn’t form much of a coherent sentence.

Evan looked to Jared and then back at Connor. “Um, I think this is whiskey,” he said, pointing to the bottle on the table. “I’m not drinking though.” He was desperate not to talk about his stubble. Either they weren’t kidding—and he didn’t know how to respond to that—or they were, and he didn’t really want to know which one. 

Connor dropped his bag on the floor by the door and sat on the other end of the couch. “I’m not a big drinker, but it’s been a long week.”

“Is that, um, good?” Evan asked optimistically. He hoped it was good. He’d made a new friend, as far as he could tell. And Connor may have made two. 

Connor gave an incommital hum and poured himself some of the drink.

“It's Jack Daniel's. And, Evan, why don't you want to drink? It's fun to kill yourself from the inside. Trust me, I do it all the time.” Jared plopped down in between the two boys nonchalantly.

Evan sighed. “I know you do.” He shrugged. “I don’t really want to end up blacked out like last time.”

“Last time was, like, two years ago. We were like 12. I'm sure your body can handle it better now. I mean, fuck, look at you. You’ve definitely grown up.” Jared snorted, quickly downing a shot of whiskey straight from the bottle.

“Do you know how old we are, Jared? And no one wants to drink after you.” He was running out of excuses. He also didn’t want Jared telling the blackout story to Connor. 

Jared snorted. “It's alcohol. No one give a shit about backwash with alcohol. And yeah, you're right. We're _still_ like 12.”

Evan knew Jared wouldn’t let this go. It was still early, there would be time for it to get out of his system if he only had— “Just one. Fine. One shot. That’s it.”

“One shot isn’t even enough to enjoy the taste, Evan.” Connor glared at his empty cup. “Though, then again, there might not be any clean alcohol left if Kleinman keeps drinking from the bottle.”

Jared stuck his tongue out at Connor teasingly. “I'm here for a good time, not a long time.”

“One,” Evan said, “to start with. I-I’ll see how I feel afterwards.” He looked at the cup in Connor’s hand. He’d already drank it all? And here Evan was being a coward about it, like usual. 

“That's the spirit!” Jared cheered, throwing a fist in the air. “Let's get fucked up.”

Evan grabbed a cup—the only one left—and held it out for Jared to fill. His heart was beating fast. But, there was no way his first out-of-school impression on Connor Murphy was going to be how wimpy he was. 

Connor leaned back on the couch, “So what exactly are we supposed to be doing? Just getting drunk?”

Jared grinned as he poured the whiskey into Evan’s cup. “Whatever the fuck we want.” He stated, casting him a sideways grin. “No one is here to stop us.”

“Did you invite me to a fucking orgy, Kleinman?” Connor took a long swig of his drink.

Jared's grin increased as he winked at him, holding a finger to his lips in a 'be quiet’ gesture. “We don't know for sure, yet.”

Evan swirled the liquid in his cup. “I really hope you’re kidding.”

———

Two hours later it honestly wasn’t clear if Jared had been kidding or not. He was completely wasted. But to be fair, Connor was pretty sure he was too. Everything was sort of fuzzy. Connor was on his sixth (seventh…?) drink and he was feeling the weight of the week roll off of him finally.

Evan had gotten Jared to refill his glass only twice, but being the inexperienced lightweight he was when it came to alcohol, he was already pretty out of it. It felt like he took too much of his anxiety medication at once, but without the nausea and awful headache. 

Jared was totally fucked up. He wasn't sure how much, exactly, he'd had. But he did know that he was feeling _a lot_ of feelings right now. He somehow found himself perched in Evan's lap, leaning across the sofa as he ran his hands through Connor's hair. “It's so soft.” He slurred excitedly. “How the hell is you hair so nice?” 

Connor giggled. Jared’s hands felt really nice. He leaned into the touch. “Sh-Shampoo,” he hiccuped. Everything was so floaty. It was so nice.

Jared smiled. “Awesome.” He pulled back to face Evan again, squinting at his face. “And you!” He called, moving his face closer. “What the fuck is your face?” That didn't make sense, but Jared was too far gone to care as he brought a hand up to Evan’s cheek and rubbed the stubble. “Connor, feel the-” he grabbed Connor's hand and put it on Evans’ other cheek. “Fuck.”

Evan smirked lopsided and chuckled unevenly. “Thanks,” he mumbled. He sat his cup down on the table and put each of his hands on the other boys’ on his face. “Cool, huh?”

Jared bounced on Evan’s lap excitedly. “You're a fuckin twunk!”

Connor stared, mesmerized by Evan’s soft face and rough stubble. If he were sober, he would have avoided any and all touch but this was way better than he could have thought. He poked Evan’s cheek and laughed again.

Evan didn’t know what a twunk was. He didn’t know if it was good or bad. But he really didn’t care. “Thanks,” he said as Jared bounced on him. He poked Connor’s cheek back. It was soft. 

Jared froze suddenly, a wicked grin on his face. “I have an idea!” He proclaimed, grabbing the empty whiskey bottle and hopping up. “Spin the bottle!” He jumped over the coffee table so that he was sat opposite the other boys, placing the bottle on its side in the center of the table.

Connor blinked across the table at Jared. Spin the- oh no. God no. “That’s a _very_ bad idea, Jared.” Connor was drunk but he was coherent enough to know that this couldn’t end well.

Evan shrugged. “I don’t care,” he said. He didn’t really feel much of anything. 

Connor looked at Evan. He knew this was a bad idea. He knew he would regret it. But Jared looked so excited and Evan’s face was still really soft and- “What the hell, fine.”

Jared cheered. “Hellsss yesss.” 

Evan took the bottle from Jared, pushing Connor away from his face. He set the bottle on its side and twisted his hand. “Whatever,” he said, and spun it as hard as he could. It bounced once and spun for a while before slowing down. Evan watched it go inattentively. The tip of the bottle finally landed pointing towards Connor. Well, his foot, but it still counted. 

Connor stared at the bottle for a moment. “...is that supposed to mean me?”

Evan shrugged non committedly and looked at Jared for an answer. 

Jared nodded. “Yes, now get the fuck in there, Murphy!”

“Fuck, Jared, no need to yell.” Connor turned to Evan and giggled a bit. “This-“ Connor stopped himself from saying something that would make this any weirder. He leaned forward and placed a small kiss on Evan’s cheek.

Jared groaned loudly. “Boo! To think, it was almost like that wet dream I had once.” he pouted and crossed his arms. “Do real kisses! Otherwise what's the point? Jared is here for some hot lovin’.”

Evan barely reacted to Connor’s kiss—he’d uttered a soft “Huh,” and sat back. “I don’t get it,” he said to Jared. “How are we supposed to do this with no girls here?”

Jared's eyebrows shot up. “Holy fucking shit.” He gaped. “Are you serious? Literally at least two out of three people in this room are totally fucking gay, you dumbass.” he pouted. “That's not even the point, I just want cute boy kisses.”

“I’m not gay,” Evan mumbled, but he didn’t elaborate. He slid the bottle to Connor. “Your turn, I guess, or whatever.”

Connor bit his lip and spun the bottle. It turned about three times before the mouth of the bottle pointed straight at Jared. Connor looked up at him and smiled, “Sorry, no cute boy kisses, but at least I’m not straight.” He laughed again. Why was everything so fucking funny?

Jared gave him a shit-eating grin. “You're right, it's hot boy kisses! Finally, some action.” Jared hopped up and leaned across the table, grabbing Connor by his shirt collar and smashing their lips together awkwardly. Unfortunately, Jared was not very coordinated whilst intoxicated. The kiss was sloppy and Jared missed his mouth at first. They both smelled like whiskey.

Connor hadn’t kissed someone in a long time, and being drunk didn’t exactly help. Jared smelled and tasted like whiskey. Connor clutched the front of his shirt and tilted his head slightly.

Evan wasn’t watching. He took a swallow—when had he poured a fourth glass?—of the scotch and ran his hand over his chin. What was so special about facial hair? He shrugged to himself. He guessed it didn’t matter. 

Jared finally pulled away with a grin. “Pretty good, Con-man.” He sat back down and gathered himself for a second before looking at the glass bottle. His turn. He spun it quickly, eyes locked on it as it slowed to a stop. Evan. “Oh, well would you look at that.” He smirked.

Evan looked up from his glass. “Oh, it’s me,” he said flatly. “Cool.” He sat up straighter, unsure of what to do. The small sober part of him—the anxious and emotional part—went into overdrive thinking about his first real kiss being Jared Kleinman. He always pictured it being Zoe Murphy, even though that’d never happen, especially since she hadn’t talked to him since lunch Tuesday. The intoxicated side of Evan was larger and more dominant, so it crushed the anxiety of kissing Jared—a boy—and stayed still awaiting his move. 

Connor scooted back in his chair and tried to regain his breath. He wiped his mouth off with his sleeve and turned to watch Evan and Jared.

Jared leaned over the table once again, invading Evan’s personal space. “Ready, Evan?” He smirked, locking eyes with the boy.

“Sure,” Evan agreed, his sober side knowing tomorrow he’d be a wreck about this, but his drunk one not caring at all, as usual. 

Jared leaned in, lightly placing his lips on Evan's. It was very different from his kiss with Connor, more timid. Like he was being careful. It felt like Evan could bolt at a single wrong movement like a frightened animal.

Evan couldn’t decide whether to stay still or kiss back. While he tried making his decision, he found himself kissing Jared back anyway. He’d definitely be a mess the next day over this. 

Jared pulled away before things get too intense, casting Connor a sideways glance. “Next one is yours, Con-man.” He winked.

Connor burst out laughing. “Oh my god, you two kiss like it’s a fucking Disney movie.” He couldn’t stop smiling. He didn’t know why, but something about that kiss had been absolutely hilarious.

Jared scoffed. “I’ll show you a fucking Disney movie,” his eyes narrowed in challenge. He reached over, grabbing Connor by the shoulder. He lunged at him, locking their lips together immediately. His tongue instantly snuck into the other boy’s mouth. Fuck Disney movies.

Connor fisted his hands into Jared’s shirt again and pushed back, tangling his tongue with the other’s. He felt almost as if he had something to prove, but couldn’t exactly point out what.

Jared pulled at Connor's hair lightly, running his tongue along the roof of Connor's mouth, making him shiver. He sighed softly, finally pulling back to breathe. He gave him one final chaste peck before speaking. “How's that for a fucking Disney kiss?” He asked, smirking deviously. He was starting to sober up, ever so slightly. He wasn't slurring quite so bad, and he had mildly better control of his limbs and movements.

“I-“ Connor was out of breath, and not laughing for almost the first time since his fourth drink. “Yeah. Not- Not Disney.”

Jared glanced over at Evan curiously, only to find him fast asleep. “Wow. That's impressive.” He muttered. He turned back to Connor. “Heyyy, so uh.. I gotta secret to tell ya.” He smiled timidly, brain still fuzzy from the alcohol.

Connor sat back, distancing himself from Jared and his _really_ soft lips. “Yeah..?”

Jared scrambled awkwardly up onto the couch, sitting in Connor's lap much like he had with Evan earlier. He wrapped his arms around the lanky boys’ shoulders and leaned in close to his ear so that he could whisper to him. “I got a crush on youuuuuu.” He giggled, leaning back with a dopey grin. He may have been slightly more sober, but he was still undeniably drunk.

Connor laughed again and wrapped his arms around Jared’s waist, pulling him closer. “Thought you had a thing for Evan?” Connor was still plastered, but he knew that some of that didn’t add up. Ever since Evan had told him about the email he had known.

Jared shrugged. “I'm a complex-icated man.” His grin turned a little sadder. “And he's not gay, remember?” 

Connor nodded somberly. That did pose a problem. “I am.” Had he already said that tonight?

Jared's dopey grin returned. “Me too.” He laid his head down on Connor's shoulder, weariness creeping in.

Connor laughed a tiny bit. “Sleep. You should. I should. Evan is.”

Jared hummed, his eyes falling shut. He fell asleep almost instantly. Alcohol was certainly helpful when it came to wanting to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

The headache woke Evan up at around 10 am. He was on the floor, his head rested painfully on a plastic cup. He must have fallen off the couch sometime that night and grabbed the closest thing to him to use as a pillow. He blinked at the light coming through the windows and tried to sit up. Bad idea. He instantly felt nauseated and the headache only intensified. He held his head in one hand and tried to breathe deeply to dispel some of the pain, but it didn’t help. He looked to his left and saw Jared asleep with...Connor wrapped around him like a big spoon.

Evan narrowed his eyes as he thought back to remember what had happened. 

Jared had poured him the shot, he’d taken it, then...it went downhill. He didn’t know what he’d expected; Evan always ended up drinking more than he said he would. His intention had certainly not been to get drunk, but it seemed like that was the case. It also explained his sickness—a hangover. 

He remembered feeling anxious, like usual, and then nothing. When he was drunk, Evan tended not to care about much at all. It was like the Anti-Evan. He never worried or feared, but he also just didn’t feel a thing. 

Then Jared had finished the whiskey, and they—oh, God—they’d played Spin the Bottle. Connor had kissed Evan on the cheek, he remembered. But then...

Jared had kissed him for real. “Jared,” he muttered a little angrily to himself. He’d been saving his first kiss for a hypothetical Zoe Murphy. Or at least someone who liked him. 

The last thing he remembered was Jared and Connor arguing. He supposed it worked out, though, because there they were, all cuddled up together. Good for them. 

Evan needed his medication. But he was hungover, and if he threw up, he could waste a pill. A day of extreme anxiety was better than telling his mother he’d thrown up his meds. She’d worry and then find out they’d had alcohol at Jared’s and then she’d be furious. He didn’t want to deal with that. 

Should he wake Jared and Connor up, or leave them to whatever they’re doing? He didn’t want to be the only one awake, but he also didn’t think he could muster the courage to wake either boy up, lest they be angry at him. 

His mind wandered, and he wish it hadn’t, because he began wondering if Jared had hooked up with Connor while Evan was sleeping. Definitely not something he wanted to dwell on. 

Evan stood up slowly, the vertigo and hangover dominating his senses. He stepped shakily around Jared and Connor, hoping his steps were quiet enough not to wake them, and grabbed his backpack. He knelt down beside it. 

He pulled his phone out of the front pocket and unlocked it. No notifications, not even from his mother. He put the phone on the floor next to him and dug back through the bag’s contents. He found his razor and took it out. 

Should he shave? Clean up a bit? He didn’t trust his shaky hands with a blade near his face, so he put the razor back into the bag. Plus, Connor and Jared seemed to be opposed to him shaving, for whatever reason. 

He picked his phone up again. He should at least text his mother to tell her he was awake. He typed out a message, which took him three minutes to do while fixing the typos caused by his wavering fingers. 

E: _Hey, mom, I’m awake. If you need me home just tell me._

He sent it before he realized even hungover he probably shouldn’t drive. Oh well. His mother most likely wouldn’t answer until much later anyway. 

His finger hovered over the sleep button when a banner notification dropped from the top of his screen. He tapped it to see that Zoe had posted a photo on Instagram. 

It was a photograph of her guitar, layered with a sepia filter and a caption that was simply three musical note emoticons. It was a pretty picture. It looked professional.

Evan looked at the likes. 34. She wouldn’t notice him out of 34 other people, so he double-tapped the photo and closed the app. 

He wasn’t a stalker. He didn’t like all of Zoe’s photos, only the ones he genuinely thought looked nice. Most of those were her sunset and aesthetic posts, but a few were selfies. 

Jared would tease him if he knew Evan had Zoe on post notifications, but the honest truth was that Evan had done that accidentally and didn’t know how to turn it off. He’d never ask someone—that was too telling—and Googling it hadn’t crossed his mind. 

Suddenly his phone lit up with another notification. A message from @starrymurphy.

@starrymurphy: _Hi, Evan :)_

Evan jumped and nearly dropped his phone. He looked closer at the message, tapping on the username to make sure it wasn’t just Jared pranking him with a fake account again before remembering Jared was currently asleep. 

It was really Zoe! Evan’s mind, clouded and pained as it was from the hangover, reeled at what this could mean. Was that a happy smiley face or a sarcastic one? He wouldn’t know until he replied. 

_Hey_

No, not like that. He backspaced. 

_Hi, Zoe_

Still not right. 

_Hi, what’s up?_

He supposed that was vague and innocent enough. He sent it.

It took two minutes, but his phone soon lit up again.

_Nothing much. Just got up and I saw you liked my pic!_

Great, she’d seen that. Evan’s plan of sticking to the background had failed. His head throbbed painfully as he typed his best remark. 

_It’s nice, very professional._

He tried to keep it simple. 

_Thanks! Not many people really notice that stuff, but your pictures of forests and stuff are really cool too!_

As soon as Evan got the message, a second popped up.

_So what are you up to today? :)_

Evan felt his cheeks become warm at the first message. She liked his posts? He couldn’t mention it now that she’d changed the subject, though. 

_Oh, just watching your brother spoon Jared._

No, he couldn’t say that. He backspaced. 

_Not much. Just waiting for something to happen._

He thought that sounded cool. 

_Aren’t we all? Anything in particular you want to happen?_

Evan sat back against the wall. 

_Well, Connor and Jared could wake up._

Mentioning friends could make him seem more sociable. Less awkward, like he knew he came off as at lunch the other day.

_Jared? Who is that? I didn’t even know Connor had friends other than you._

Evan looked at the way Connor had his arms wrapped around Jared. 

_I think they’re getting pretty close._

_What do you mean? Connor and Jared? I don’t believe it._

Another message popped up before Evan could think of a response.

_Send me proof, Evan._

Evan immediately accepted the challenge. He tapped the camera button and snapped a photo of Connor and Jared. He sent it without adding anything else to it. Texting Zoe was a lot easier than talking to her, he realized. He didn’t know why he hadn’t messaged her before. 

The picture was responded to with a rapid fire of emojis. Little shocked faces and one puking emoji followed by about twelve exclamation points.

 _Believe me now?_

Evan chuckled out loud. This was probably the longest texting conversation he’d ever had.

_I do. I cannot believe my brother is so gay. I’m sorry you have to third wheel!_

Evan decided on trying to make her laugh. 

_It’s okay, spin the bottle didn’t leave me out last night._

He sent it, but immediately regretted it. He’d have unsent it if Zoe hadn’t already seen it.

Jared groaned. He felt like hell. His head was pounding and he felt the familiar nausea of a hangover. Damn, what happened last night? He cracked his eyes open, only to realize he was face to face with a sleeping Connor. Oh. Oh yeah. Suddenly the previous nights events came rushing back to him. Fuck. “Holy shit.” He whispered hoarsely. Had he really done that? Spin the bottle? _Telling Connor he had a crush on him?_ Oh god. 

Evan looked up from his phone to see Jared moving. Was he awake? “Jared?” he whispered. “Are you up?”

Jared groaned again. “I don't know.” He mumbled. Was Connor Murphy currently spooning him?

Evan switched his phone off before he could see if Zoe had replied. “You look upset.”

“Am I… Connor Murphy’s little spoon?” he asked, closing his eyes against the harsh light.

Evan looked at him. “Yeah, looks, um, looks like you are.”

Jared nodded. “Last night was a wild fuckin’ ride.” He whispered. He couldn't really get up, due to the arms locked around his frame. “I- what the hell.”

Connor shifted slightly in his sleep and buried his face in the back of Jared’s neck, pulling him slightly closer.

Jared felt his heart stutter. “Damn. That was cute.” He mumbled, sighing again. This had not been the plan. Him and Connor? He hadn't expected-- oh shit. Wait. “Did we kiss last night?” He asked, looking to Evan in confusion.

“Um, me and you, or you and Connor?” Evan asked. “Because yes to both.” He felt himself blush a little at the memory. Must be embarrassment. 

“Damn. What a night.” Jared wrapped his arms around the ones encircling his waist, shaking them slightly. “Hey, wake up, we’re in hangover hell. You have to suffer, too.”

Connor groaned at the sudden pain in the front of his head. God, what a headache. He would have curled into himself to avoid having to wake up but he was holding something. Someone. Suddenly all of the memories from the previous night came rushing back at once. He jerked away from Jared so quickly he hit his head on the leg of the table. “ _Fuck!_ ”

Jared rolled over to look at Connor. “Damn, dude. No need to fucking kill yourself, it's just a hangover.”

Connor rubbed the back of his head and growled in frustration. “Shut the hell up, Kleinman, I’m in pain.”

Evan crawled closer to the other two boys. “Um, you two have fun last night, after I fell asleep?” 

Connor felt his face heat up. What was Evan implying, they only- but god, it did look like that didn’t it? “No.”

Jared sat up, stretching. “We didn't fuck, if that's what you mean.”

“No, I didn’t—I didn’t insinuate—I wasn’t—Sorry,” Evan spat out. 

“Hey, calm down. It's too early for this. Or-- I'm too hungover for this. Damn, my head hurts.” Jared stumbled to his feet clumsily. “We need Advil.”

Connor held his head in his hands and avoided their eyes. “I need twelve.”

“I think twelve would do more harm than good. I’ll be right back.” Jared hurried off in the direction of his kitchen to retrieve bottled water and the Advil, leaving Connor and Evan alone.

Evan awkwardly tried to avoid eye contact with Connor. “Um,” he started, “why were you two...laying like that?”

Connor ran his hands down his face and inwardly cursed himself. Evan just had to make it weird, didn’t he? “I-“ he blew out a slow breath to keep him from feeling like he was about to vomit. “Habit. I hold things when I sleep. That’s all.”

“S-So you’re _not_ dating now?” Evan had been pretty sure. 

“Um… I…” He started to deny it vehemently but held himself back. He wasn’t going to lie and say that that kiss wasn’t the best he’d had in a long time. But he also knew that absolutely nothing could come of it. Jared liked Evan and he knew that. Even if Evan was straight, things like that didn’t just go away. And Connor wasn’t even sure he could date Jared Kleinman. Last week he had been just another person who called him a freak. But they had been texting and Jared wasn’t such a bad guy and- Connor shook his head and settled on a, “I don’t know.”

“Oh,” Evan replied. He sat back against the couch. “You’d be pretty good together, I think.” He almost checked his phone for a message from Zoe, but decided that would be rude. 

“....Right..” Connor cleared his throat. “Usually people don’t make life decisions based on things that they did when they were drunk, Evan.”

“Maybe if they, um, if they did, things would turn out well! Yeah?” He was getting used to the headache.

Connor looked down at his hands. He was 95% sure that dating Jared would turn out horribly. “Maybe.”

Evan narrowed his eyes. He raised his voice. “Hey, Jared! Are you dating Connor now?” He needed to know for science. 

Jared, who was currently making his way back into the living room with two bottled waters and an excess of Advil, stumbled. “What the fuck?” he regained his footing quickly. What? He thought back to the night before. _Were_ they? Connor hadn't exactly said no, and Jared had basically told him he liked him. Jared rounded the corner into the living room. “Uhhh.” He stammered, blinking at Connor. “Maybe?” He definitely wouldn't be opposed to it if they were, but Connor was the one who had to make that choice. Jared's opinion was pretty much known.

Connor eyed Jared warily. “Maybe.” Well, of course Jared wasn’t going to come right out an say no. Evan would ask why, and anyway, that would be rude. But then again, when had rude ever stopped Jared? Connor tried to think of something else to say, but he certainly wasn’t having this full conversation in front of Evan. So he decided to stick with just that. “Maybe. Happy, Evan?”

Evan grinned and nodded. “Yes, happy.” He was tired; he must have not gotten any good sleep due to the incoming hangover last night. 

Jared tossed him a water and the bottle of pills. “Great.” He wandered over to the couch, throwing himself down into it. “Here.” He held out the other water for Connor.

Evan fumbled with the pill bottle but caught it, the water falling next to his knee. 

Connor took the water from Jared with a nod of thanks and quickly gulped some down.

Jared sighed. “So.” He started, “You guys wanna watch a movie or something..?”

After taking the medicine, Evan passed the pills to Connor. “What kind of movie? I’m not watching something, uh, rated R. Not again. That’s your fault, Jared.”

“Look, Fight club is not only a classic, but an amazing movie.” Jared defended, crossing his arms.

“It was scary!” Evan defended, instantly becoming embarrassed as he remembered Connor was there. 

Jared snorted. “Whatever. I have that new Spider-Man movie. You down for that?” 

Evan looked at Connor before answering. He didn’t want to agree to something Connor didn’t want to watch or disagree to something he did. 

Connor looked up from the pills and nodded distractedly. “Yeah, sure.”

Jared nodded. He stood up and walked over to the T.V. stand, pulling out the unopened movie. “I bought this ages ago and still haven't watched it.” He put the disk into the DVD player and turned the T.V. on. “I’ll go make popcorn. We can also use the bowl when we have barf from the hangovers.”

Connor wrinkled his nose in distaste as Jared started to leave the room. But he was right, he felt rather nauseated. Jared was almost out of the room when Connor made a decision. “I, uh.. I’ll come help.” He struggled to stand up, his head still swimming a bit, but got up and followed Jared out of the room.

Evan watched the two of them exit the living room. He called out. “Should I help, too?” He didn’t want to make them do all the work. 

“No, we got it. Just chill here it’ll only be a couple minutes.” Jared knew Connor was going to want to talk, and they couldn't do that with Evan there.

Connor crossed his arms. He didn’t really know how to approach these kinds of conversations. Should he start with an apology? Ask Jared how he felt? Why the fuck was talking to people so fucking complicated? He tried to keep his uncertainty off of his face as he walked into the kitchen and stood in the middle of it awkwardly. He had no idea where the popcorn ingredients or anything were. And now Jared was staring at him like he was an idiot and he had nothing to say.

Jared looked at Connor. He seemed uneasy. Jared thought it was easiest to just get straight to the point. “Are we dating?” He asked, moving over the grab a bag of popcorn out of the pantry.

Well right to the point then, okay. Connor bit the inside of his cheek, “I don’t fucking know. You like-” Connor lowered his voice, “Look I’m willing to just forget this.”

Jared froze halfway to the microwave. “What if I don't want to forget it?”

Connor scoffed, “Of course you do.”

Jared turned to Connor with a frown. “I don't.” He reaffirmed, quickly moving to put the popcorn in the microwave and start it. “I like you, Connor. I told you last night. And I meant it.”

“But you-“ Connor couldn’t fathom that Jared _actually_ liked him. “So, because Hansen is straight, you’re settling for twice as fucked up but hey, at least I’m gay.”

Jared frowned. “No, that's not-- I’m not trying to _settle_. I genuinely-- I like _you_. And Evan. Which is fucked up. But.. it's true.”

“I..” Connor took a shaky breath. “If you’re joking I swear I’ll fucking murder you.” He pushed off from where he was leaning against the bar and uncrossed his arms. “But… if you want, we can.. try I guess.”

Jared perked up. “Really? We can?” He bit back a grin. “You're willing to try to date me?” He asked, trying to make sure this wasn't just a pity agreement. ”Like… you like me back?” 

Connor was wildly uncomfortable. He knew that he did like Jared, of course he did, that kiss was fucking incredible, but this was way out of his comfort zone. “I.. Yeah, I do. That kiss was.. really fucking good.” He pushed his hair back and winced as he moved his head. Damn, the headache wasn’t gone yet.

Jared couldn't stop the smile this time. “That's.. good. Very good. Cool.” Jared jumped slightly when the microwave beeped. He turned to grab a large bowl out of the cupboard. “Nice.” He muttered, pausing. “..Should we tell Evan..?”

Connor pulled the popcorn bag out of the microwave and allowed himself a small smile. Someone actually liked him. “Do you want to..? He seemed pretty interested.”

Jared hummed in thought. “He seemed like he wanted us to be together, so I don't see why not.” 

Connor held up a finger in warning, “But I am _not_ doing mushy gay stuff in front of him. Ever.”

Jared winked. “No promises.”

 

Evan sat on the couch while the other two boys fixed the popcorn. He tried to set up the movie, but he had no idea how Jared’s remotes worked and he didn’t want to mess anything up. 

He’d checked his phone for the time—to see if it was too late to take his medication, which it was—and saw a notification on Instagram from @starrymurphy. 

_Spin the bottle? With only three people? You’ve gotta be desperate to go for that. I feel sorry for you, Evan. That must have been hard to watch_

Evan smiled to himself. 

_It didn’t last very long, so it was really fine._

He heard voices in the kitchen, but couldn’t make out the words. 

_If you’re sure. Hey, since my brother has a boyfriend now, you can sit at my lunch table when he’s busy, if you want._

Evan had to reread that message three times. Was she inviting him to sit with her at lunch? Zoe Murphy inviting Evan Hansen to sit with her and her friends? He had to come off cool and collected. 

_I’ll think about it, thanks._

_Cool! Maybe I’ll see you then!_

Evan hoped so. 

_Yeah!_

Keep it brief, that’s what he believed would get him the best chance with Zoe. 

Evan closed his phone as he heard Jared and Connor coming back into the living room. 

Connor lead the way into the living room, holding three cans of soda. “Apparently this is breakfast food now.”

Evan looked up. “I-It’s closer to lunchtime, now, actually,” he pointed out. 

“Don't be rude, Evan. Your fathers worked very hard to make you breakfast.” Jared scolded, large bowl of popcorn in his hands. 

Evan narrowed his eyes. “Does that mean you _are_ together? This is, um, confusing…”

Connor rolled his eyes, “I’m not cut out for children.” He avoided the question, not quite sure if Jared really wanted to tell Evan all about it.

Evan smiled softly. “Dad, don’t say that,” he joked. He liked joking with those two, and he felt like last night had been the bonding moment he’d needed to be able to get comfortable enough to. 

Jared smirked. “Call me Papa! Connor, don't be mean to our son.”

“Our _son_ is taller than you.” Connor couldn’t help but smile a bit, though.

Jared held a hand to his chest in mock offense. “He’s a fast grower, you know that!” He cried. “My boy has always been tall, just like his dad.”

Evan laughed. “Thanks, papa,” he said. This was innocent and lighthearted; he could get used to this, if this was what friendship was. 

Connor flopped onto the couch and passed Evan one of the sodas, “Fine, but our son takes after his Papa with his sense of humor. Absolutely awful.”

Evan blinked. “Sorry to interrupt my fathers, but does that mean you _are_ dating now? I’m kind of, um, out of the loop here.”

Jared looked at Evan and winked. “Well, we didn't have a bastard!” Connor was right, his jokes were getting pretty bad.

Connor rolled his eyes again and turned to Evan, “Dont listen to him, he’s an idiot. We’re… experimenting with it…?” He certainly wasn’t going to be the first person to say boyfriends. No way.

“Right,” Evan said. “Okay...Well, I’m hungover and off my medicine, so are we going to watch this movie before I either throw up or freak out?”

“Yeah, ok, but if you barf, make sure you don't do it on the carpet.” Jared hit play. What a morning.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it’s called anxiety, karen

The boys ended up hanging out and casually watching movies for the rest of the day. They decided it was time for Evan and Connor to head home around 3:00, so as to avoid having to walk home in the dark. Jared walked to boys to his front door, seeing them off. He made sure to grab Connor and quickly pull him down for a soft goodbye kiss before he could exit the house. “Get home safe, nerds.”

Connor felt his face heat up. Damn, Jared. Evan was right there. It didn’t seem like he minded though, because he was fiddling with something in his bag. His lips still tingled a bit as he stepped backwards, away from the door. “Have fun cleaning up, Jared.” He smirked a bit and turned to leave. He couldn’t really explain everything that was going on in his head right now, but luckily, most of it was good. He stepped off the porch, starting his walk home so Evan and Jared could say their goodbyes.

Jared smiled at Connor's retreating form. He certainly hadn't expected to end up in a relationship with Connor Murphy out of nowhere, but he was definitely not upset about it. He turned to Evan. “You gonna make it home alright?”

Evan looked up from his bad. “Huh? Oh- Yeah, I’ll be fine, Jared. I’ve walked home tons of times from here. Well, probably not hundreds, but, um, you get it.”

Jared nodded. “Well.. be careful. Don't get, like, kidnapped.” He smiled awkwardly. 

“I-I wasn’t planning on it? But thanks for putting that fear into my head, I feel so much better now.” Evan of course was being sarcastic, as the fear was now very real. No one kidnapped people in daylight, but wasn’t that why someone would? Now Evan was sweating. He wished he took his medicine. 

Jared shrugged. “My bad. If you're worried then just call your mom to come pick you up. Or is she still working?” Jared's eyebrows furrowed, he wasn't sure what Ms.Hansen’s schedule was like these days, but he remembered her being very busy in the past.

Evan looked down again. “I don’t know where she is,” he said, shrugging. “She never answered my text message. I’m sure she’s at work, though. I mean, probably. I think. Maybe.”

Jared frowned. “Do you want me to give you a ride home?” He offered. He couldn't just leave him to walk home alone now that he was afraid.

Evan wanted to say yes. He was terrified now of being plucked off the sidewalk and taken God knows where to be tortured and killed while his mother didn’t even notice he was gone. He wanted to say yes, but he shook his head instead. He couldn’t inconvenience Jared like that. Make him go out of his way just to give him a ride because he’s a scaredy cat. 

“Are you sure? It's no problem.” Jared knew that Evan often said no to things out of anxiety, but he wasn't going to force him to say yes if he really didn't want to.

Now Evan really wanted to give in. He found Jared actually asking again instead of leaving like usual, and that made him want to take the offer even more. But once Evan’s anxiety settled on no, it was near impossible to get it to change its mind. “I-I’m fine,” he said. 

“You don't look fine. You look like you're about to freak out.” Evan looked pale and sweaty, a common look for the boy when he was distressed. Jared sighed tiredly. “Fine. But, just.. wait a minute.” Jared pulled out his phone, shooting off a quick text to Connor. 

J: _Hey wait, can u come walk Evan home,, I accidentally upset him and he won't let me drive him_

Jared got a return text rather quickly. Connor wasn’t but a block away so he turned back as he typed.

C: _Yeah, sure. I’ll be back in a minute. He’s not having an anxiety attack, right?_

Jared sighed in relief. 

J: _nah, he's just scared. Whoops :p,, it's my bad. I made a dumb comment w/out thinking about it again_

C: _It’s not your fault, Jared. I’m almost there._

Evan took a shaky breath. “What- What are you doing, Jared?”

Jared looked up from his phone. “Texting Connor.” He said, shrugging. “If you won't let me drive you then I can at least get him to walk with you.”

“What?” Evan gulped. “He doesn’t- He shouldn’t have to- I don’t want to be a burden to you guys.”

Jared shook his head as he saw Connor returning down the sidewalk. “He wouldn't have said yes if it were a burden, Ev.”

Connor hurried up the driveway, his hands in his pockets. “Hey.” He knew that Jared probably told Evan why he came back, so he didn’t bother explaining it.

Evan could hardly breathe. “Hey, um, Connor,” he greeted, trying to remain calm and casual. 

Jared smiled at Connor. He was a nice guy, underneath the edgy exterior. “There, now you don't have to worry about anything!” He said, giving Evan a thumbs up.

Connor edged closer to Evan and nodded to Jared, “I’ll walk him home. I’m pretty sure it’s on the way anyway.” He actually had no idea. He had never been to Evan’s house and they had never really spoken about where they lived at all.

Trying to regulate his breathing, Evan spoke. “You live on my street, I think,” he said shakily. “I think I’ve seen you check the mail once or twice.”

“Oh. Well that’s good, then. Not out of the way at all. Come on.” Connor didn’t know why speaking to Evan was suddenly more awkward than it had been all week. Maybe it was because Evan looked like he was about to faint, or because of Connor’s new… relationship status with Jared. Or maybe Connor was just really bad with people and it was catching up to him.

“Right,” Evan whispered, then cleared his throat. “I’m sorry you had to, uh, come back for me. I know you probably want to get home. I _told_ Jared I’d be fine, but…”

“It’s fine, really. I wasn’t even that far away.” Connor shrugged.

Evan opened and closed his mouth a few times before simply saying, “Still.”

“Still what? I’m already here. Let me walk you home, Evan. Jared, tell him to let me walk him home.” Connor gestured to Evan. “It’s not like I’m going to mug you.”

Evan squeaked. “That’s--See, that’s what I was, um, afraid of, actually.”

Connor’s eyes widened, “Me mugging you?”

“No! Not _you_! I- Nevermind.”

“Mugging at all…?” Connor looked at Jared in confusion. “You told him that he was going to be mugged? In a residential neighborhood?”

Jared sighed again. “Guys, please. This is painfully awkward. I didn't tell him he was going to get mugged, I said _not_ to get mugged. Evan, Connor wants to walk you home. He’s tall and menacing, so it'll be safer for both of you. And Connor, thank you for coming back to walk with Evan. Now stop being dorks. Go home so I can sleep this hangover off.”

“I-“ Connor decided not to dwell on the fact that ‘tall and menacing’ where the adjectives Jared used to describe him. “We’re leaving. Come on, Evan.”

Evan nodded curtly in apology. “Okay, sorry.” He backed up from Jared’s porch.

Connor stuffed his hands back into his pockets and started to lead Evan down the street.

Evan scrambled behind Connor in small steps.

Connor slowed his pace a little so that Evan wasn’t so far behind him. He didn’t exactly know what to say. He had never been around someone when they were panicking like this. “...are you okay?” He knew that Evan wasn’t too bad off, but he didn’t want to say the wrong thing and make it worse.

Evan’s head jerked up from looking at the pavement. “Y-Yes, sorry, I just, um, missed my medicine today, so, um, yeah, sorry.” He sped up just a bit.

“Don’t be sorry, it’s fine.” Connor kept looking forward. “I don’t mind.”

“Okay,” Evan replied nervously. He resumed his staring contest with the sidewalk.

Connor clenched and unclenched his fists in his pockets, “It’s good, though. That you take medicine, I mean. That’s good.”

“Huh?” Evan didn’t look up. “I mean, I guess. My mom says they’ll help, but I don’t really like them. I have to take two pills every morning, and I’ve never been a good, um, pill taker, really.”

Connor nodded, even though he knew Evan wasn’t looking at him. He was glad Evan had a mom who cared about him, but he certainly wasn’t going to say that. There were only a few more blocks until they got to their street and it really wasn’t something to make small talk about. So he just kept quiet.

“Um,” Evan started, “so you and, um, Jared, huh?” He had nothing else to say, and he definitely wasn’t about to brag about his conversation with Zoe to her brother.

Connor felt his face heat up again. Damn, he really wished he had better experience controlling his emotions. “Um… yeah, I guess?”

“So you like him, huh? I mean, obviously, it sure seems like-- I mean, anyway, I guess it wasn’t you putting those, um, compliments in my locker every day after all. If you like Jared.” Evan still didn’t look up.

“Compliments? What compliments?” Connor turned towards Evan wish a questioning look.

“The-- The notes. I’ve gotten four of them. Look.” He stopped walking and reached into his pocket to produce four folded strips of paper. He’d kept them with him for encouragement. It was nice to have little pick-me-ups when it felt like the whole world was against him.

Connor took the pieces of paper out of Evan’s hand when he held them out. He read them quietly, slowing down his walking speed. These notes were… really nice. And very _very_ obviously from Jared. “You thought these were from me?” He finished reading the last note and handed them back to Evan.

Evan stuffed the papers back into his pocket. “Well, kinda, because the day I got the first one, the tree one, is when I kind of talked your ears off about cacti, and, I mean, it made sense for it to be you, but I didn’t want to say anything.”

It did make sense. But it made even more sense that it was Jared sending the notes because he didn’t have the balls to talk to Evan like a real person. Connor squashed a tiny tendrel of jealousy growing in the pit of his stomach. “Well, sorry, but it wasn’t me.” He cleared his throat. “Who do you think it is?”

“You were sort of my only guess, actually,” Evan admitted. “If that email wasn’t a joke, it could be that person, but I don’t understand why they would like me.”

Watching Evan’s hopeful expression when he looked at those notes fall into this self deprecating hopelessness, Connor made a decision. He knew that he and Jared had _just_ agreed to try for something, and that Jared had insisted that he did like Connor, but Connor knew that what he really needed was Evan. And judging by Evan’s reaction to the notes, he really needed Jared too. “You can’t think of _anyone_ who might have wrote them other than me? Maybe someone who’s been talking to you more lately?”

Evan couldn’t stop himself. “Zoe?” He only realized what he’d said until after it was too late. He’d screwed up big time. He couldn’t even make himself ramble off an excuse. He knew he was in trouble.

Connor stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. “ _Zoe?_ ” What the actual fuck?

“No no no, I didn’t mean--It wasn’t--Dammit, I’m sorry, I--” What could he even say to make this any better?

“What the _fuck_?! You- Zoe doesn’t- I meant-” Connor’s mind was going about a hundred miles per hour. “You like my little sister?”

Evan recoiled quickly. “No!” he lied, badly. “I meant-- There’s another Zoe! I-In our grade! She’s--It’s her I’m talking about!”

Connor took deep breaths. He was not going to just blow up all over Evan in the middle of the street because he was hungover and a bit emotional. Or a lot emotional. “Another Zoe?”

“Yeah!” Evan squeaked. “Zoe Mur...dock. Z-Zoe Murdock! With the- The p-piercings…?” Evan was becoming more anxious with every quickening breath.

“Zoe… Murdock. With piercings. Someone I’ve never heard of and you’re breathing like you just ran a fucking marathon, Evan? Really??”

Evan, becoming dizzy, could only spit out a quick “Yes!” in reply to Connor. He was lightheaded and felt paler than he had when Jared had spooked him about getting kidnapped.

Connor threw his hands out of his pockets, but didn’t make any more sudden movements when Evan flinched. “You-” Connor knew he was probably jumping to conclusions. Maybe there really was a Zoe Murdock and this was just residual panic from Evan’s earlier worries. Or maybe he was lying so that Connor wouldn’t freak the fuck out like he always did. Either way Connor knew he had to get himself under control. He fisted his hands in the end of his jacket and took a few more deep breaths. “Right. Cool. Maybe it’s her.”

“M-Maybe,” Evan whispered, trying desperately to get a grip on his breathing before his vision got any worse. He felt sick lying to Connor, but it had just come out, and he didn’t know what Connor would do if Evan told him the truth. He wasn’t completely convinced Connor even believed the lie, since it was too coincidental and Evan was a notoriously bad liar. He decided he’d cross that bridge when he got to it. For now, he held his arms out on instinct--a trick he’d learned from his mother in case he felt like he’d pass out--and stared at one spot on the cracked sidewalk to ground himself.

Connor watched as Evan started to come down from his panic and felt sick to his stomach. Every single time he did this. But this time, instead of running off to finish his episode alone he blew out one more slow breath and said, “I’m sorry, Evan. I shouldn’t have freaked out.”

Evan’s eyes screwed shut and he shook his head violently. “No, no, I did this, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have gotten scared of being kidnapped, that was stupid, then you wouldn’t have had to come back, and you wouldn’t have had to talk to me alone, and I wouldn’t have hurt you, and I’m sorry, I can walk home by myself if you want to leave, you probably do, I understand.” He took a long breath. “I’m sorry.”

“I- No, Evan, I- Jared asked me to come back and walk you home and I didn’t mind. I don’t mind. I just get too worked up and it’s _not_ your fault. It’s mine.” Connor started walking again. “We should just get you home.”

Evan was still and silent for a moment. Connor hadn’t left. He hadn’t turned the other way. It didn’t seem like Evan’s attack had bothered him. He hadn’t freaked him out? “I-I guess, sorry,” he mumbled before catching up, falling in line slightly behind Connor. 

“I think you just need your medicine.” Connor pushed his hands back into his pockets. “I shouldn’t have jumped to the worst.” Not that Evan liking his sister was the worst, though it was pretty bad. The worst was the idea that Evan was hiding it from him because he was scared of him.

Evan’s breathing was loud. “No, I’m sorry I assumed you were the one writing these, um, note things.”

Connor could see his house in the distance, but he didn’t know which was Evan’s, so he stopped at the end of the street. “That’s not- I’m not mad about that, Evan. Actually, it’s sort of flattering that you thought I wrote them and kept them anyway.” Connor kept his eyes on the houses to avoid looking at Evan. “I’m not mad about that. Promise.”

“Wait, but, what do you mean anyway?” Evan looked up at him finally. “Of course I kept them.”

Connor really wanted to just ask Evan which house was his and leave. “I mean you kept them anyway. Even though you’re straight and I’m a freak stoner and you like Zoe.”

Evan could feel his heartbeat getting faster again. “I-I don’t think you’re a freak, Connor.”

Connor looked down at his feet, “Which house is yours, Evan?”

Evan knew Connor didn’t believe him. He pointed to a smallish house with a long driveway. “That one there.”

Connor nodded and started towards the house. He really didn’t have the ability to talk about whether or not he was a freak right now. He just wanted to get home and go to sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

After Connor dropped Evan off at his house, he went straight home. He knew that his parents were probably home, and that if they saw him they’d try to make a scene about where he’d been all week, but Connor was tired. He was hungover and emotionally wrung out and really wanted to go to sleep.

Connor was barely in the door before he heard someone coming down the hall. He looked up at the ceiling and prayed to a god he didn’t even know that it wasn’t his father.

“Connor?”

Just Zoe. Annoying but manageable. Zoe came around the corner and Connor couldn’t help but think about Evan’s terrified face right after he had said that he liked Zoe. He swallowed down the bitter feeling and just stared at Zoe, not bothering to answer her question. There was a moment of awkward silence as Connor locked the front door back.

“So… I heard that you got a boyfriend.” Zoe stayed at the end of the hallway, but in front of the staircase so that Connor couldn’t just go upstairs and avoid her interrogations.

Who could have told her? As far as he knew, Jared didn’t know his sister, and anyway he probably wouldn’t have. But that left… Evan. Right. So that meant- Connor pushed the thought from his mind. “Yeah. So?”

Zoe’s eyes widened. Obviously she had expected a denial. “Wait, really? And he’s not a pothead?”

Connor rolled his eyes, “Look, Zoe, I’m tired. No he’s not a pothead. Obviously you know who he is, so can we cut this short so I can just go to sleep?”

Zoe blinked, obvious amazement over her features. She clearly wanted to ask more about Jared, but stepped back away from the stairs so that Connor could go up.

Connor took the stairs two at a time. When he got to his room he shut the door securely behind him and pulled out his phone. He opened up his messages app and just looked at the stupid selfie that Jared had taken on Thursday for his contact photo. He was sticking his tongue out and doing that stupid thing where his eyes crinkled up. Connor reaching for his phone was barely visible in the background. Holy shit, that was his _boyfriend_ now.

C: _So, somehow, my sister already knows about us. So if you wanted this secret, that’s not happening._

Jared, who was laying in bed, grabbed his phone from his bedside table as it chimed. He pulled up the new message, smiling to himself. 

J: _Secrets are for sluts, baby ;))_

Jared paused before sending a quick follow-up text.

J: _wait how did she find out already it's been like a day_

Connor flopped down onto his bed and wished he didn’t like Jared’s stupid winking faces.

The second text caused him to pause for a moment. Obviously it was Evan who told Zoe. But Connor hasn’t even known that they were friends. Also obviously, Zoe was the Zoe that Evan liked. Connor felt a pang of self hatred at the fact that Evan distrusted him so much that he had to lie about who it was.

C: _Evan told her I guess. Which, by the way, I may have accidentally given him an anxiety attack on the way home._

Jared's eyebrows shot up. Oh god, what had happened? Jared didn't feel like going through the effort that he knew would be required to continue this conversation over text, so instead he tapped on Connor's contact and swiftly hit the little green phone icon.

Connor cringed when he saw the incoming call. He was probably in trouble. He answered on the second ring. “It was an accident.”

Jared laughed slightly. “Well damn, hello to you too.” He teased, rolling over to lay on his other side. “What happened? Are you okay?”

“Me? Evan was the one who almost cried in the street.” Connor rolled onto his back and glared at his ceiling.

Jared scoffed. “Well, yeah, but it doesn't exactly feel amazing when you give people panic attacks. I would know. I'm a dumbass bitch who does it all the time. So, yeah, are you okay?”

Connor felt oddly touched that Jared asked about him. “You are not,” he paused, “all of the time. And I’m fine. I just got mad and scared him.”

Jared smiled at Connor's half compliment. “What happened?” He knew it didn't take very much to set Evan off, but it still wasn't fun when it happened.

“Well…” Connor sighed. “It started when he showed me these notes that someone had been leaving in his locker.” He decided not to mention that he knew Jared was the one leaving the notes. That was a discussion for another time. “I asked who he thought they were from and he said.. he said Zoe. And I kinda flipped out.”

Jared was quiet for a moment as he thought about what to say. Well, he figured he may as well be honest at this point. “Ok, well, a couple notes.. One, they're from me. Two, what do you mean by 'flipped out’?”

Connor closed his eyes as the guilt washed over him. “I know. I mean that I started yelling some and he started hyperventilating and then he started just.. lying. I guess because he thought I’d hit him or something? I wasn’t going to. I wouldn’t- I couldn’t-“ Connor took a shaky breath. “Well I don’t have the best reputation about that, do I?”

Jared frowned sadly. “Hey, you don't have to explain, I know you wouldn't hurt him. You aren't a bad guy. Evan knows that, too. He probably just… got scared. Not of you, just in general.” Jared's heart hurt at the thought of Connor feeling guilty over this. “But, do you mind if I ask why you yelled? What upset you?”

Connor’s first reaction was to snap, but he tried to slow down and let his defenses down a bit. “I.. It was because it was Zoe… at first. I mean, I honestly _don’t_ care who she dates. And if Evan likes her, fucking good for him.” Connor took another breath. He didn’t need to curse, it was just Jared. He was only asking because he cared. “But then he just _lied_. Hell, he’s probably still lying. He’s putting up with the freak Connor Murphy, risks getting hit and yelled at, just so he can get in my _fucking sister’s pants_!”

Jared felt guilt stab him in the heart. He hated the fact that he used to be one of the people who said those kinds of things about Connor. _To Connor_. “Connor, you are not a freak. Evan lies when he gets panicked and doesn't know what to do. He starts talking, and then he just-- can't stop.” Jared sighed. “He didn't lie because he was afraid of you. He really does want to be your friend. Besides, I don't think he could fake a friendship if he tried.” Jared felt mildly concerned about Connor still. “You don't really sound okay, are you sure you aren't still upset? I can-- try to help? Somehow?” He paused again. “Phone sex?”

That startled a laugh from Connor. He used the heel of his hand to wipe off the tears that had began forming in his eyes. “No, I- I’m good, thanks. And I know Evan isn’t like that. I know that. I just.. get caught up.”

Jared smiled at the sound of Connor's laughter, pleased he had managed to lighten the mood a bit. “Well, the offer is always there.” He rolled over onto his back and closed his eyes, pressing his phone closer. “You have a nice laugh.”

Connor smiled slightly into the phone, remembering the full laugh Jared made when Evan had said something stupid just that afternoon. “So do you.”

Jared snorted. He knew his laugh was weird as hell. But he appreciated the compliment. “Thanks.” He took a deep breath, the fatigue from the days events catching up with him. “Did anything else happen?” 

“Not really.” Connor almost considered telling Jared about the letter of Evan’s that he had read but immediately dismissed the notion. “I’m really tired, and I just want to sleep until noon tomorrow. You should probably check up on Evan. I’m.. worried about him. Home alone without his medicine.”

Jared hummed. “You sure you don't wanna ask what I'm wearing?” He teased softly. “It pretty hot. Bright pink boxers and khakis that show off my amazing muffin top.”

Connor rolled his eyes, “I saw what you’re wearing, and I’m not sorry to say that pink socks with bunnies on them are not sexy at all.”

Jared laughed. “Fine, I guess I’ll have to go change then.”

Connor groaned, “I’ll be asleep by then, Kleinman. What a waste of a phone call.”

Jared snickered softly. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll talk to you later, Con-man.”

“Hopefully not today, if I wake up I’m suing the sun.” Connor rolled back over to the side of the bed so that he could plug his phone up once Jared hung up.

Jared smiled to himself as he ended the call. Had he really been smiling that whole time? Damn. He was gonna get laugh lines at this rate. He shot off a quick text to Evan. 

J: _hey, you good? Connor texted me about what happened. Wanna talk abt it?_

Evan was curled up on his bed when his phone beeped. He grabbed it, his heart still beating pretty fast from earlier. He didn’t bother with grammar or punctuation. 

E: _jared i messed up really bad i lied to connor and now hes gonna think im pretending to like him and he already thinks im scared of him and i dont know what to do_

He didn’t reread the message before sending it. If Jared wanted to help, he couldn’t push him away again like he had back at his house. 

Jared sighed. He knew calling Evan out of the blue probably wasn't a great idea since phone calls stressed him out. 

J: _do u wanna video chat and talk abt it or just text?_

E: _i dont want you looking at my facial hair so just text is fine_

Evan wasn’t used to texting Jared. He usually video called or emailed. He didn’t want to put in the extra effort to change communication methods. 

Jared grimaced to himself. 

J: _hey dude look, I know I mess around a lot but I'm serious when I say you look good. if u just wanna text then that's fine, so start from the beginning and tell me what happened_

Evan sighed. 

E: _did connor not tell you everything because it sounds like you two had a conversation about me_

Was that too brash? Oh well, he was sort of panicking, anyway, he had an excuse. 

J: _no, he told me that he was worried about you because he did something he didn't mean. I want 2 hear ur side of things, anyway_

Jared sighed. How were these two boys so bad at this? Not that Jared was one to talk, he was just as bad as they were when it came to communicating to maintain friendships.

E: _i just showed him those notes i keep getting in my locker and things went to hell_

Evan thought before sending another one. 

E: _then I mentioned Zoe and things went even further into hell. i think connor knows i like her but i panicked and lied about it and now i feel sick because i didn’t take my medicine_

He figured he could be honest with Jared now that they were hanging out more. 

Jared felt slightly guilty. His notes had been the cause of this whole issue. Great. 

J: _hey, it's ok. Calm down,, he's not mad or anything you don't have to lie. He won't get upset_

Well, probably not, anyway.


	9. Chapter 9

The rest of the weekend for Evan was calm. His mother had managed to get Sunday off, so they’d spent some time going over essay prompts and talking about movies. Evan hadn’t seen The Lorax in a while, so they’d made a movie night out of it. It was one of his favorite animated films. 

The calm night faded into a grumpy Monday, however. He wasn’t looking forward to another day of school. But, things were different now. He had new friends, Jared was happy, and Zoe Murphy had been talking to him. Not to mention the notes in his locker might continue this week. 

Getting to school that day was routine. He’d taken all his medicine first. He’d left after his mother had, like always. He’d parked in his usual spot in the senior lot behind the main building. Then, he walked into the school in search of Jared or Connor. 

Jared was perched in front of a computer in the computer lab, bitterly glaring at the screen. Why the fuck was Google docs acting like such a piece of shit? Jared just wanted to print his essay. He didn't ask for this kind of effort. Wasn't docs supposed to make things easier?

Connor sat in the chair to the left of Jared’s, his feet up on the table beside the keyboard, watching him struggle with the word document but doing nothing to help. “Maybe you should turn it off and back on again.”

Jared’s glare intensified on the computer screen. “Maybe it should stop being a bitch.” He grumbled. No matter what he did, he couldn't figure out why the stuff he had typed on his phone wasn't showing up on the doc on the computer. It wasn't the internet, he was connected to the school's WiFi on both.

“I don’t think it’s the computer’s fault.” Connor pointed to the monitor, “Just refresh the page again?”

Jared did as Connor suggested, groaning when it didn't work. “Ok, Fuck this, I'll just tell the teacher to read it off my damn phone.” He pushed himself away from the computer with a huff, crossing his arms and setting his face in a pout.

“When is this even due? Aren’t you supposed to be like, a good student or whatever and get stuff done before time?” Connor had never come to school early to print an assignment and really couldn’t fathom why anyone would.

Jared shrugged noncommittally. “Depends on the day.” Is all he said, leaning forward to log out of the computer. “Let's go do something else, this computer is making me bitter.”

Connor took his feet off the desk and sat up. “Something else? What do you even do at school this early?”

Jared stood up, stretching his back out. “I dunno, make out in the janitors closet? I'm pretty sure a couple once fucked in the teachers lounge.”

“I am not making out with you anywhere on this campus, sorry, not sorry.” Connor stood up and grabbed his bag. “And who is even able to think of fucking with teachers in a five mile radius?”

 

Jared laughed, leading them out of the room. “The straights are a mysterious race, my man. Kinky in the worst kind of ways.”

Connor huffed out a half laugh and followed Jared out, “We could go find Evan…?” Connor hadn’t really spoken to Evan since that weekend when he had yelled at him, but he was under the impression, from what Jared had told him, that Evan wasn’t mad about it.

Jared perked up. “Oh, yeah, that reminds me.” He paused, pulling off his backpack and unzipping it. He pulled out a small plant. “Here, give this to him. So he doesn't think you're mad at him.” He held the small pot out to Connor.

Connor looked at the tiny plant incredulously, “Uh….” He knew, of course, that Evan liked plants, but wasn’t it a bit much to buy him something as an ‘I really don’t hate you, I’m just crazy’ statement? But then again, Connor had never truly made up with anyone he exploded at, so maybe he should take Jared’s advice. He took the little pot gently. “Okay…?”

Jared smiled, pulling his backpack back on. “Trust me. It's a succulent. He fuckin’ jizzes over succulents.”

“Okay, that really did not ever need to be said.” Connor cradled the tiny succulent closer.

Jared just laughed again. “I wonder if he's even at school yet.” he paused, thinking for a moment. “He told me he watched the Lorax yesterday. I wonder if he would ever let the Lorax fuck him. I bet he would. He would fuck a tree.”

“Who would do a what?” Evan appeared behind the two boys, holding his arm in front of him trying to pop his elbow. It’d gotten stiff a lot easier now thanks to the cast and the level he was supposed to hold it at. 

Jared turned, eyes lighting up. “Evan! Would you let the Lorax fuck you? Or would you prefer to fuck the Lorax?”

Connor rolled his eyes and elbowed Jared in the side, “Shut up, Jared. I’m pretty sure that’s illegal anyway. Don’t push your kinks on others.”

Jared pouted. “Boo, you know you wanted to know, too.” Jared phone beeped in his pocket. He pulled it out, scowling slightly at the message he had just received. “Damn it, I have to go help Mrs. Flemming. she can't figure out how to work her dumb printer. Stupid Computer club.” He groaned, grabbing Connor’s shoulder and pulling him down so that he could kiss him on the cheek. “Thanks for sitting with me in the computer lab. Sorry, I'll see you guys later.” 

Connor flushed slightly at the kiss and straightened back up, “Hope you can at least fix this printer, because you couldn’t even print your own paper.” He knew that Jared wasn’t listening though, because he was already halfway down the hallway.

Evan tilted his head as Jared left. “What’s going on?” he asked, definitely not wanting to bring the conversation back to the Lorax. 

Connor watched Jared leaving, “Nothing much.” He snapped his eyes back down to Evan’s as Jared turned the corner. He looked down at the potted plant still in his hands and held it out to Evan, not really knowing what to say about it.

Evan’s eyes met the pot in Connor’s hands. “Huh? What’s—What’s that?” He knew what it was, but what he meant was why did Connor have it?

“It’s um..” Connor looked back at the plant, his mouth suddenly dry for some reason, “It’s a succulent..? You know, since you’re a tree expert.” Connor tried not to think about how Evan lit up talking about cactuses just last week. “Ja- I got it for you so you wouldn’t think that I was mad at you. For Saturday. Because I’m not. Mad.”

Evan’s eyes never left the plant, sparkling with contained excitement. “Y-you’re not mad? I mean, you probably should be, but–Ah, sorry. You got this for me?” 

Connor shrugged, still holding the plant out. “I really don’t care if you like my sister or not,” though he really hoped that Evan did not take that as an invitation to ever talk about Zoe with him, “So yeah. It’s for you, Evan. If you want it.”

Evan managed to pry his eyes off of the plant and look at Connor. “Really?” His voice cracked a little on the second syllable. He wanted that succulent. Bad. It was adorable. But still, he couldn’t make himself just take it from Connor’s hands, even if he was holding it out for him. It felt too rude. 

Connor laughed slightly and pushed the succulent into Evan’s chest. “Really.”

Evan’s hands shot up to grab the plant, finally. He went back to admiring it, the sparkle in his eyes returning stronger than just before. “Wow,” he marveled, “thanks, Connor! This is adorable! I really appreciate this! How did you know I collect these little guys?”

God damn it, Evan was adorable with his plants. In a completely friendly way. Connor cleared his throat, “Jared told me, actually.” That was basically the truth.

“Oh!” Evan’s voice held shock and surprise. “I didn’t know, um, that he paid that much attention to me, actually.” He turned the pot around in his hands to observe the plant. 

Well, Jared paid enough attention to Evan to have a secret list of reasons why he was great that he just happened to put in Evan’s locker, but he didn’t need to know that. “He does. You’re his best friend, I’m pretty sure.”

Evan’s eyes once again shot up. “Best friend?” he squeaked out quickly. 

Connor blinked. Was he not supposed to be saying this? “Well, obviously. He was going to have a party and he invited only you and me, and he had only known me for a week. Which means you would have been the only one he wanted there if not for me, which means you’re best friends.”

Evan didn’t blink. “I-I guess that makes sense, yeah…” His day had already started off great. A best friend, Connor wasn’t mad at him, and a cute addition for his succulent shelf? What could top that?

————

Zoe waved to Evan and smiled brightly as soon as he got into the cafeteria that day. She wasn’t at her usual table, the one with all of her friends, instead she was say at a relatively empty table. Connor wasn’t at the table that he and Evan had sat at for the past few days.

Evan’s face lit up when he saw Zoe wave to him. Since he didn’t see Connor, he figured he could take his sister up on her offer and sit with her that day. He didn’t even bother to get a tray. He just made a beeline through the crowd—expertly not touching a single person or bumping any shoulders—and arrived beside Zoe in no time. He still held the small plant in his hands; he hadn’t wanted to put it in his backpack or leave it in his classroom. “H-Hi,” he tried to greet casually. 

“Hey, Evan!” Zoe smiled broadly and patted the seat beside her. “What’s that?”

Evan awkwardly took the seat Zoe patted. “I-It’s a succulent. A real one. Your brother gave it to me.” He beamed with joy. Today couldn’t get any better. 

“My brother?” Zoe shook her head in surprise. “That doesn’t sound like him at all.”

Evan sat the pot on the table. “No, it’s true! He gave it to me this morning, um, before school.” He tried his hardest to keep everything brief. He couldn’t be rambling to Zoe Murphy and ruining any chance he had with her. 

Zoe nodded, a bit skeptical still, but not willing to contradict Evan. “He could have at least gotten you something cool. A book or something.” Zoe knew that her brother was apparently dating Jared Kleinman now, and even seemed pretty happy about it, but it was a bit suspicious to just give someone a plant out of nowhere.

Evan’s face fell. “I-It’s not cool?” Of course it wasn’t. What sort of loser got excited about houseplants? He was being stupid. Maybe he should have left the pot in the classroom after all. “I-I mean, yeah, right? Pfft...Um, what a weird, uh, gift, right?”

Zoe shrugged, opening her lunch bag, “It’s just that you give houseplants to people you don’t really like as housewarming gifts. It’s not really a thoughtful gift. But Connor isn’t thoughtful, so I wouldn’t be too worried about it.”

Half of Evan just wanted to agree and move on, only to appease to Zoe and make himself seem more likeable. But Connor was his new friend, and even if he did fancy himself in love with his sister, he couldn’t let her slander him that way. “Actually, no, um, you see, I really like- uh, love plants, and, so, this was actually a pretty thoughtful thing after all? So, um, yeah, Connor, he’s a thoughtful, uh, thoughtful person.”

Zoe blinked. Connor? Thoughtful? Actually caring about Evan’s interests and doing something to make him happy? Zoe wasn’t exactly sure if this was good news or bad news. “Oh. Cool.” Her brother seemed to be changing drastically this year.

Evan kept his eyes on the plant in front of him. “So yes, it, um, it is cool.”

Zoe looked down at the little plant and decided that it would be best if she just changed the subject. “Hey, can I sign your cast?”

Evan’s head jerked upwards. “O-Oh! Yeah, um, sure!” He reached into his right pocket and fished out a Sharpie. 

“Oh, do you mind if I use mine?” Zoe reached into her bag, rummaged around a bit and pulled out a dark purple Sharpie. “It’ll add some color.”

“O-Oh, sure,” Evan said, stuffing the marker back into his pocket with a little difficulty. Color wouldn’t be too bad. 

Zoe gently reached over and took Evan’s casted arm and pulled it closer to her. In the middle of the first O of Connor’s name, she wrote a loopy ‘Zoe’ with a little smiley face beside it.

Evan twisted his arm so he could see it. He tried not to grin too big, like a creep, so he bit his lip. “Wow, um, thanks, your handwriting is really pretty.” Seriously, the only thing that could make this day better was if Heidi won the lottery. 

“Thanks!” Zoe capped the marker and dropped it back into her bag. Evan really was a sweet guy, if a bit of a nerd. She really didn’t know why he was hanging around someone like Connor, but she knew it wasn’t her place to tell him what to do. She’d just hang out with him other times and make sure he wasn’t being corrupted. “How long until you get it off?”

“O-Oh, just a couple more months. It’s annoying, but, um, it beats the surgery they wanted to give me. We couldn’t really afford that, anyway.” Evan fiddled with the plant on the table, spinning it and watching the light shine on its gleaming green. 

“You needed surgery?” Zoe cocked her head to the side and looked at him, worryingly. “How badly did you break it?”

“Not that bad, it was just experimental surgery. Y’know, testing it for the future? I guess. Cast works fine.” He met her eyes for about two seconds, quickly shifting back down to the succulent. 

“Casts are also a lot less terrifying. Though I’ve never really broken a bone.” Zoe started to eat a sandwich with what looked like spinach and turkey in it. Her mom always made the weirdest lunches, but this one wasn’t too bad. Neither was sitting with Evan. It was nothing like her usual friends, but she could see why Connor liked having him around.

Evan hummed. “I broke, um, my foot in fifth grade. Fell off a trampoline.” It was actually Jared who’d dared him to jump as high as he could, but the other boy’s weight on the springs had made Evan fall upon landing. Luckily their mothers were there to call an ambulance. Heidi wasn’t taking any chances driving Evan to the hospital herself. “But, um, yeah, sorry.” He didn’t really have much else to say. On a scale of one to ten, this conversation was dangerously nearing a low six, and one wrong word could make that rating plummet. 

Zoe laughed slightly, “You’re sorry? You’re the one with the broken arm, Evan.”

Evan stammered, “Uh, it’s just, um, something to say, I say it when I can’t think of something else,” he rambled. “Sorr– ah..um…” He sat trying to stop himself from apologizing again. 

“It’s fine. You just say it a lot.” Zoe looked up at the clock, seeing that lunch would be over soon. “You don’t have to apologize to me, though. I think you’re pretty cool, and I’m pretty good at filling silences.”

Evan didn’t look at her. “Yeah, you are,” he muttered. Then he stopped fidgeting. “I-I’m pretty cool?”

“Sure! I mean, you’re a bit of a nerd, but everyone is.” She smiled, zipping up her lunch bag. “And.. you know, no matter how much I say I hate Connor, it’s pretty cool that you’re trying to hang out with him.”

Evan nodded. “He’s nice, he’s getting, um, more comfortable, I think, around me– or, people in general. Like Jared. I hope, uh, I hope we can really be friends, you know?”

Zoe nodded, looking away from Evan, “I hope so too. Maybe he’ll do better if you are.”

“Maybe we both will.”

\-------––––––----

As the bell signalling the start of the lunch period rang, Jared sighed. He watched all of his classmates quickly file out of the room. He reluctantly stood, pulling his backpack on. What was he supposed to do? Usually now was when he would sneak to Evan’s locker and slip one of his notes inside. But was that still allowed now that he was with Connor? He wandered out of the room, idling in the hallway. What should he do?

Connor had made it halfway to the cafeteria before he realized that he should probably find Jared first. Boyfriend duties or something. Where did Jared even go during lunch? Probably the computer lab, the nerd.

Connor had turned in the direction of the computer lab before he remembered that Jared had something else that he did during lunch. Those notes he left Evan every day. The two had talked about it only a bit over the weekend. They had texted on Sunday and Jared had admitted that he left the notes during lunch but they had never really talked about whether he would continue doing so. Connor had mixed feelings on the subject, but when he thought back to how Evan’s eyes had lit up when he pulled the crumpled notes out of his pockets, he knew that he couldn’t be the one to stop Jared from delivering them. So he turned again and made his way to Evan’s locker, hoping that he would find Jared there.

Jared was stood in front of Evan's locker, still deep in thought, when Connor showed up. “Hey, Con-man, w-what’s up?” Holy shit, did he just stutter? What was the world coming to?

Connor stopped in front of the locker, twisting the strap of his bag in his hand, “What’s today’s note?” He didn’t even bother asking if Jared was going to leave one, it was quite obvious that he was.

Jared's eyes widened in surprise. “Is it… okay? To still do this?” He asked, expression uneasy. “I don't want you to think that I like Evan more than you, or, like, you're just a replacement or something.”

Connor sighed, looking down at his feet. Jared was right, those were his very real worries, but he couldn’t stop this. Jared needed to get it all out somehow, and Evan liked the notes so much.. “Jared, it’s fine. I don’t mind. Evan likes them.”

Jared frowned, shuffling closer to Connor so that he could try to meet his gaze. “Hey, listen,” he coaxed softly. “It's not. Not if it makes you feel bad.”

Connor looked over Jared’s shoulder at Evan’s locker. “You’ve been building up things with Evan for years, I’m not stupid. If this is what you need to get it out I’m not stopping that. And anyway, they make Evan so happy, he really needs them. You have to do this.”

Jared grimaced. He felt torn. “Look, maybe I have had a crush on Evan for the last couple years, but you know who else I’ve been secretly pining over?” he gave Connor a sincere look.

Connor scrunched up his nose in disgust, “If you say Zoe too, I swear to god, I’m going to lose my shit.”

Jared snorted, bringing a hand up to rest on Connor's cheek. “ _You_ , dumbass. I've been creepily fawning over you for the past four years. So, don't think you mean any less to me than Evan does, okay?”

Connor flushed. Damn it Jared was too fucking good at telling what he was thinking. Rather than answering, partly because he didn’t know what to say and partly because he knew it would convince Jared more than any words, Connor leaned down and kissed him squarely on the mouth. He pulled back after a couple of seconds (they were in school after all) and nodded at Evan’s locker. “Just do it, dork.”

Jared gave him a blinding grin, turning to slip a small folded piece of paper into the slats of Evan’s locker before facing Connor once again. “What happened to no kissing on campus?” he teased, grin never faltered.

Connor rolled his eyes, “You said sappy shit and made me break my own rules.”

Jared laughed, wrapping his arms around Connors midsection. “Then I’ll be sure to say sappy shit more often.”

Connor draped his arms over Jared’s shoulders, “You do that.” He paused for a second, suddenly remembering, “Shit, Evan’s alone in the cafeteria.”

Jared pulled back from the hug. “We should probably go find him, huh? Oh, did you give him the plant?” Jared remembered suddenly.

Connor nodded, “He liked it. A lot. I’m pretty sure he’s going to take it home, name it, and treat it like a child.”

Jared laughed again. “He has a whole shelf of them. I’m pretty sure he talks to them more than he talks to actual people.” Jared grabbed Connor’s hand, linking their fingers as he lead them in the direction of the cafeteria. 

“Speaking of Evan talking to actual people.” Connor looked down at Jared with a raised eyebrow, “He seems to be under the impression that you aren’t best friends.”

Jared’s smile did falter at that. “Yeah, of course he is. I’m a piece of shit who can’t keep his damn mouth shut, remember? I’m not really fit to be considered his ‘best friend’ when all I do is make him feel like shit.”

“Well I told him you are best friends, and he didn’t seem unhappy about it.” Connor squeezed Jared’s hand. “You’re not an awful person Jared, so stop saying that you are.”

Jared smiled sadly. “You say that now, but…” he trailed off, memories of all the times he had harassed Connor flooding his mind. How could he claim to like this boy when he had only ever been awful to him? An intense wave of self loathing crashed into Jared, overwhelmingly strong. “Damn.”

Connor stopped walking. He had known that Jared had issues expressing his emotions since their first time emailing, but this wasn’t what he had expected. “Hey. Look at me. So you have trouble expressing things, so do I. That doesn’t make you a bad person, Jared. You aren’t.”

Jared’s breath hitched, his throat suddenly dry. “I- Thank you. I really do like you a lot.” Whenever Jared got emotional, he tended to have this habit of saying everything he was thinking.

Connor found himself believing Jared a little bit more, “I like you too, Kleinman. So stop thinking you’re unworthy of it.”

Jared nodded. “Let's- let's go find Evan.”

Connor nodded and started walking to the cafeteria again, pulling Jared by the hand.

\-------------------------

Evan had kept his seat at the table with Zoe, waiting for the majority of the crowd to disperse so he would be more comfortable leaving. The two of them had kept talking, about sort of random things, until the bell rang. 

Jared and Connor made it to the cafeteria just as the bell rang. “Damn.” Jared swore, eyes scanning the tables for any sign of Evan. “Holy shit, is that…?”

Connor made a muffled noise that was somewhere between a scoff and a groan and let go of Jared’s hand, weaving his way through the students leaving the cafeteria.

Zoe was packing up her lunch bag and laughing at something Evan had just said when she saw her brother storming his was through the crowd. “Evan, your friends are here.”

Jared trailed behind Connor, keeping up as best he could. “Uh, Con?” he questioned as his boyfriend stomped towards the other two. “You good?”

“She _said_ she would stop bothering him.” Connor huffed and angrily pushed his hair back as he got closer to the table.

Jared was confused but didn’t say anything else as they reached the pair. 

Evan, upon hearing Zoe’s announcement, tilted his head up. Indeed, Jared and Connor were standing near the table, the latter looking a little upset. Evan smiled widely—he didn’t have a reason not to—at the newcomers. “Hi, guys,” he said, voice chipper. 

Connor crossed his arms angrily, glaring at Zoe, “What are you doing?”

Zoe smiled innocently at her brother and gestured to Evan, “I’m making a friend. It’s not a crime.”

Jared waved at Evan with a small smile. “Hey Ev.”

Evan’s smile only grew. He held the succulent up for Jared to see, not noticing the obvious hostility between Connor and Zoe right next to him. “Look at this! Connor gave it to me this morning! Don’t you think it’ll fit on my shelf perfectly?”

Jared's smile grew as he nodded. “Yeah, definitely. What are you gonna name this one?” He was trying to distract Evan from the argument that was happening right beside them.

“Not everything is about you, Connor. I’m just talking to Evan, its not the end of the world.” Zoe threw her bag over her shoulder, careful to maintain a peaceful distance from her brother.

Connor grumbled angrily but decided not to prolong the fight. “Whatever.” There was still an edge of paranoia creeping in the back of his mind, but he pushed it down and tried to focus on whatever it was that Jared and Evan were talking about.

Evan grinned down at the green sheen of the plant’s foliage. He thought for a moment. “Her name is Bingo and I love her.”

Jared laughed slightly and nodded. “I'm sure you do.” He agreed.

“I do!” Evan put the pot next to his cheek in a display of affection. 

“Well, Evan, I have to get to class.” Zoe piped up, placing a hand on his shoulder, “It was fun talking to you!” She smiled again and started on her way to class.

Evan absently dropped the plant back down to the table and watched Zoe go. Without looking up, he raised his voice. “How, um, how are you, then, Connor?” 

Connor glared at the abandoned plant on the table, “I feel like I might be sick.”

Jared turned to him with a concerned expression. “What? Why? Are you okay?”

“You tell me if you’re okay after you see your little sister blatantly flirt with your friend.”

Jared grimaced, glancing back at the direction Zoe had left. He shuffled closer to Connor. “It's not something we can really control, unfortunately.”

Evan almost hadn’t caught Connor call him his friend. “Flirt? Wait, what are we talking about?”

Connor’s face contorted into a pained expression. He really, really, _really_ didn’t want to talk about this. “My sister and you.”

“Was I—Was I being too obvious? Does she hate me?” He looked at Jared. “She hates me, doesn’t she? I ruined it! I knew I apologized too much! What’s wrong with me?”

Connor knew that he had said that he was cool with Evan liking Zoe, and that he didn’t care who his sister dated, but this conversation was making him wildly uncomfortable. He sent a pleading look to Jared for help. He would know how to deal with this.

Jared sighed, turning back to Evan. “No, Evan I'm sure you did fine. She seemed like she liked talking to you. Anyway, we should be getting to class, shouldn't we? The bell is going to ring soon.”

Evan’s face fell. “Yeah, class,” he muttered, standing up. He didn’t have much else to say. 

Jared frowned, stopping Evan with a hand on his arm. “Why are you upset?”

Evan tried and failed to push Jared’s hand away. “Just, y’know, ugh, class, right?” He was sure those words made sense in some order, just maybe not that one. 

Jared sighed again. “Evan, you can't lie to me. I know you. I know when something is wrong.” He released Evan’s arm, stepping back to link his hand with Connor's once more. 

“Look, I don’t know, okay?” He avoided eye contact with either of the other two boys. “I just all of a sudden started feeling bad. It’s not unheard of!” He grabbed Bingo the plant and held it close. 

Jared blinked in surprise at Evan's sudden raised voice. Great, yet again he’d managed to upset him further. He unconsciously squeezed Connor’s hand as he looked to the ground, smiling sadly. “Yeah, I know. Sorry, we should, uh… get going.” He was at a loss for words, unsure of how to continue.

Connor rubbed small circles on the back of Jared’s hand, wanting to reassure him but not knowing what to say in this situation.

Evan squeezed the pot in his hands, knowing he’d already ruined his chances at a nice conversation on the way to class. He couldn’t risk an awkward trip, so although he normally would walk the same way as Jared, he turned and stumbled out the other door, taking the long way, saying nothing. 

Jared sighed heavily, shoulders deflating. “Great. Another amazing conversation from Kleinman.” He muttered bitterly.

“He’s just feeling bad, Jared, that’s not your fault.” Connor knew that it didn’t sound very convincing, but he honestly wasn’t sure what had just happened.

Jared shrugged, pulling Connor out of the cafeteria. “I know, but I didn't exactly help, y’know?”

“You did your best. Better than I could have. I’m sure he’s fine, anyway.” Connor decided not to mention that his class was in the opposite direction of Jared’s.

Jared smiled weakly. “Yeah, I hope so.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things are escalating !

Jared's day was more or less standard after that, he suffered through his classes, joking around with his classmates when the situation called for it, trying to make it the the end of the day. A couple people asked about him and Connor- they must have seen them together- but Jared was unsure of how exactly to answer them. He hadn't asked if Connor was okay with people knowing they were together. On one hand, Connor hadn't exactly argued when he had held his hand and kissed him, but he also had said no kissing on campus. So for now Jared just waved them off and changed the subject. He would have to ask later. Jared spent half the day contemplating that, and the other half worrying over Evan. Was he okay? Had Jared upset him? Damn it. He wished that this were easier.

Evan had avoided conversation with anyone for the rest of the day, though it wasn’t hard—Not a lot of people tried to talk to him. He waved off a conversation with Alana about her grandmother, but that was the closest he’d gotten. Now, he trudged his way toward his locker to get ready to go home. He tried to push the hope of another note inside away. If he got too hopeful, he’d just be more disappointed when there wasn’t one. He stood struggling with his combination lock like always, wishing no one could see him, Bingo the plant tucked under one arm so he could use both for his locker. 

Connor had almost decided to just skip the rest of the school day after lunch, but he knew that if he did, he’d have to endure another lecture from his mom, and that really was not worth it. So he spent the rest of the day not listening or caring about anything happening around him. No one talked to him. He had always been good at putting off angry vibes so that people avoided him. When the end of the day rolled around, he made his way to Jared and Evan’s lockers, which were relatively close together. He got to the lockers before Jared, but Evan was already opening his up, and he hadn’t seen Connor across the hallway yet. Connor decided not to bother him and let him read whatever note Jared had left that day and looked down the hall to see if Jared was on his way.

“Hey,” Jared had been making his way to his locker to put up his history textbook when he saw Connor idling in the hallway. He approached him, obviously, intending to ask why he was just standing there. “What are you doing?”  
Connor pointed across the hall to where Evan was still working to open his locker, “Waiting. He’s about to read it.”

Jared turned to where Connor was pointing, seeing Evan struggling to open his locker whilst also holding the small succulent. “Oh.” Jared had never actually witnessed Evan’s reaction to his notes. He couldn’t say he wasn’t curious, so he stood with Connor and watched as well.

Opening the door to his locker with difficulty, Evan put the plant on the top of the lockers so he could stuff his backpack with his books. His eyes fell on a now familiar shape of paper lying at the bottom of the shelves. His heart skipped a beat as the excitement filled it to the brim. He shakily picked it up to read it.

_5) you look really cute in your striped blue polo._

Evan read it three times, his mouth curling up in a grin and his face becoming hot. He looked down swiftly and saw he was wearing that same shirt today—what a nice coincidence! He felt himself giggle just a bit. He put his things in his bag and closed his locker, but didn’t walk away. Instead, he stood there grinning alone with Bingo the succulent in one hand and the newest note in the other. 

As Connor watched Evan clutch the note and the little plant to his chest, he realized that he was smiling. In the middle of the busy hallway. Fuck. He quickly wiped the soft smile off of his face and replaced it with a neutral expression. He turned slightly to Jared, only to find him grinning widely. He looked so happy watching Evan. This was way too much for one person to handle.

Jared felt breathless. He hadn't realized how _happy_ Evan was after reading his notes. Had he ever seen Evan smile like that? He turned to look at Connor, feeling speechless. He didn't know what to do with this information. Jared had never been quick with realizing his feelings, and often anything new that he felt just confused him until he had time to process. What was he feeling right now? Love? Heartbreak? Fear? Jared needed something to ground him, and right now that meant Connor.

Connor felt a pang in his chest at the expression of complete awe and adoration on Jared’s face. He couldn’t possibly imagine how it must feel to see someone that you’ve loved for so long that happy over something that you did for them. And Jared was so obviously in love with Evan. He clenched his hand a bit tighter around the strap of his bag, “I told you he liked them.”

Jared gulped, mind spinning. He felt… too much. Too much for Evan, and for Connor. The feelings conflicted and tore him up from the inside. He desperately grabbed Connor’s hand, squeezing it tightly. “I-” he paused, sighing. “I need a damn nap.”

Connor looked down at their clasped hands and back up at the crowded hallway nervously, but didn’t pull away. “Really?” A nap? He knew that Jared avoided things like this, but that was a whole new level. “Maybe you should go talk to Evan, instead.”

Jared grimaced slightly. “My head hurts. I think I have a brain tumor.” He pouted, leaning into Connor's side. “Maybe I’ll just die.”

“You’re making _my_ head hurt.” Connor pushed Jared off of him and toward Evan, following right behind. It was rude to just stay across the hallway staring. Rude and creepy.

Jared grumbled internally, but relented. He shuffled over to Evan, Connor trailing close behind him, until he was standing right beside him. “Hey, Ev, what's up?” Casual. Just stay casual, Jared. Casual is safe.

Evan jumped but quickly managed to compose himself. “Hi,” he said, excitement in his voice. “I got another note, see?” He held it out with pride, his hand shaking a little with joy. He giggled a tiny bit, as a silence filler. 

Connor leaned over and read the note. Jared complimented his shirt? Really? He looked down at Evan’s shirt and nodded. “It is a nice shirt.” Connor really hated the things he said sometimes.

Evan grinned toothily. “Thanks! I never really thought it was special, but I guess I’ll wear it more often now.” He eyes sparkled. 

Jared smiled slightly. He was glad Evan was so happy. He deserved it. “Any ideas on who the notes are from?” _Casual_.

Evan’s smile didn’t falter, but his tone did. “No,” he said, disappointed. “I have no clue.”

Connor blinked, “I thought you said that you thought it was Zoe?”

Evan shook his head. “Doesn’t match her handwriting.” He gestured to where she had signed his cast in curly letters. 

Jared tensed suddenly. Handwriting? He hadn't even considered Evan trying to match the handwriting. Shit. Would he notice? “Uh, well then, I wonder who it could be..” Jared was fucking _awful_ at casual.

Connor placed a hand on Jared’s shoulder, “Well, maybe the person disguised their handwriting or something. People do that, right? If they don’t want you to know who they are yet.”

Jared bit his lip, glancing at Connor, If only he was actually smart enough to consider doing something like that. Fuck.

Evan shrugged. “Yeah, I guess so.” He stuffed the note into his pocket. He turned to face the other two properly. “So how are are you guys?”

Jared coughed slightly. “Uh, good, actually--” his mouth was working before his mind. Again. “We were just coming over to- uh, ask if you wanted.. To come out? With us?” Ah shit.

What? Connor looked at Jared like he was insane before schooling his expression so as not to worry Evan. What was Jared even doing? They hadn’t even planned to hang out together at all this afternoon. Not that he had any objections to it, but what the _hell_? He didn’t want to disagree with Jared and cause a problem so he decided to just roll with it. “Yeah. Come out.”

Evan blinked. “Come out? Like...hang out? With you two?” Were they really inviting him to do something again, after he ruined the first time? He hoped it wasn’t a joke. 

Jared nodded quickly. Fuck it. Too late to turn back now. Thank fuck Connor had helped cover for him. “Yeah, that’s what friends do, right?” Friends. Always friends. Only Friends. What the fuck. Jared’s thoughts were a mess, he didn’t know what he was thinking. 

“We thought it would be… nice.” Nice. Yeah. That didn’t sound stupid at all, Connor, good job. Connor decided to just shut up and let Jared continue with whatever he was planning on the spot.

Evan grinned wider. “I’d love to hang out! What are you guys doing?” He looked at Jared with excited anticipation. 

Jared flustered slightly. “Uh.. We were gonna go.. To the…” his eyes landed on the succulent in Evan’s hands. “Tree.. place.” Wow, real fucking smooth, Jared. Nice.

“Tree place?” Evan’s face grew impossibly brighter. “Which one? There’s Ellison State Park, but it’s pretty far away. You know, I worked there this summer as an apprentice park ranger! Have I...Have I said that already?” Worry crept onto his features. 

Jared looked to Connor desperately for help. “Uh..” Was Ellison State Park a good place to hang out? Could they just go there and.. Do whatever? How far away was it? Fuck, what had Jared gotten them into.

Connor made a snap decision looking at Jared’s desperate expression. “We were gonna go to this orchard I know. It’s not that far out of town, and it closed down a while ago, but it’s still standing.” He thought back to the last time he had been there. It had closed about a year ago, but Connor had visited once two months ago and no one had ever noticed. “It’s quiet. And beautiful. My family used to go there all the time when I was young. And there’s this really good ice cream place nearby. So… yeah. If you want to come with us?” Connor hadn’t really shared this much of himself with people in a long time. It was a bit nerve wracking.

Evan’s face shifted from worry to awe. “Yes! I’d love to go there! It sounds so special! And ice cream you said? I’ve been _craving_ ice cream. What a coincidence!” He hadn’t been this happy in forever. He hadn’t really considered himself happy at all in forever. Maybe today was a sign that he made the wrong choice at the park those months ago when he’d— “Are we leaving now?”

Jared looked between Connor and Evan. “I don’t have anything left to do here.” He really shouldn’t just spring surprise outings on Connor like this. It wasn’t very considerate. Jared never had been very good at being considerate.

Connor shrugged. He wouldn’t have suggested it if he wasn’t going to go through with it. “Sure. Let’s go.”

“Awesome!” Evan hadn’t said that word in a long time. 

Jared allowed a grin to creep onto his own face. While this was all very impromptu, it didn’t mean they couldn’t actually have fun. Jared was excited to see somewhere from Connor’s past. And to see Evan fawn over the trees. He didn’t know what he was doing. Fuck.

“I can drive?” Connor posed it as a question. “I know the way. If you both want to go now.” Why was everything he said coming out in question form? God, Murphy, pull yourself together.

Jared cleared his throat. He needed to get back to his usual self. “Right, Connor will drive, I’ll suck his dick while he does, and Evan will watch cartoons in the back, yeah?”

“Yeah! Wait– No.” Evan shook his head. “No, Jared.”

Connor made a vague choking noise in the back of his throat, “Jesus fuck, Jared.”

Jared grinned deviously. “Okay fine, no blow job.” He paused, eyes shining wickedly. “What about handjobs?”

“Oh my god.” Connor shook his head. “No. Stop.” Why did he agree to date Jared in the first place?

Jared fixed his face in a faux pout. “Well then what’s the point?” he joked. “All that leaves us with is the cartoons.”

“You say that like _Max and Ruby_ isn’t the cutest thing you’ve seen,” Evan pouted. 

“Isn’t that the show with the creepy mute rabbit? Because I- ..Zoe used to watch that.” Connor pulled his car keys out of his pocket.

“Max isn’t mute, Connor, he says things like ‘dragon shirt’ and ‘chocolate’.” Evan turned his nose up in mock offense. “Fake fans these days.”

Jared snorted and shook his head. Only Evan would be so serious about a show for children. 

“Come on, you Dorks, let's go.”


	11. Chapter 11

Jared idly watched the passing scenery out of the car window. They drive wasn't an extensively long one, but it was enough to give Jared time to think. He was sat in the passenger seat, one hand linked with Connor's and resting loosely on the console between them. Evan, in the back seat, was chattering excitedly. As soon as they had gotten into car he had launched into one of his intense rambles about some kind of tree or another, neither Connor nor Jared had the heart to interrupt him. It was endearing, really.   
Jared had his head propped up on his free hand as he blindly gazed outside. Connor. Evan. Connor and Evan. Evan and Connor. He sighed to himself. Evan was a lost cause- Jared had known that for years- he only had eyes for Zoe, but then he would go and do something or other that had Jared's head spinning and heart pounding. He couldn't deny that he liked him. A lot.

Connor, on the other hand, _was_ willingly together with Jared. They were technically dating. The thought alone had butterflies running wild in Jared's stomach and a grin spreading across his face. Jared liked Connor a lot, too. But… he wasn't sure Connor wasn't just dating him because he considered him an easy lay, or just someone to use to pass the time. He knew Connor wasn't good when it came to talking about his feelings- he had trouble opening up to people- but he couldn't help but wonder if he was only with him for the physical aspect of things. 

Jared knew that Connor liked Evan. He could see it— before they had gotten together and still now- every time they were around him. The way his eyes softened and his body automatically relaxed. Jared wasn't blind. 

Damn it. What kind of fucked up situation had he managed to get himself into? He tried to sort out everything in his mind clearly. He liked and was currently dating Connor. Connor probably liked him back but he definitely liked Evan as well, who Jared also liked. Evan, however, only had eyes for Connor's sister, Zoe, who may or may not like someone? Jesus Christ. What sort of teenage romcom drama shit was he living?

“—at least fifteen degrees cooler under a tree, which is great, because it’s sort of hot out, you know, that late summer heat—” Had Evan taken a breath since they’d gotten in the car? He didn’t know. But he just couldn’t stop. He was more excited than he had been in forever. Today actually _was_ a good day. Better than good, it was near perfect, save for his little episode after lunch. But even that was mild compared to others he’d had. The rambling came naturally to him, and with no one stopping him, it only fueled his excitement. It was a comfort tool he used automatically when things got too intense—in a good or bad way. He didn’t choose to do it, it just happened. He was even too happy at that moment to wonder if he was bothering Connor and Jared. 

Jared was pulled out of his thoughts as he focused back in on Evan's rambles. He smiled slightly. He was glad that Evan seemed to be enjoying himself so much.

Connor was nervous. He tapped his fingers on the wheel in a quick pattern, trying to get some of this nervous energy out. He had never taken anyone to the Orchard. Before it had closed, he had visited from time to time without his family. It was sort of a reminder of who he was before he ruined things with his family. Even after the Orchard had closed down, he stopped by a few times to cool off after a fight with his parents or Zoe. And now he was taking Jared and Evan there? He let out a silent but shaky breath. He hadn’t spoken much at all for the whole car ride, but no one had seemed to notice yet. Jared looked in deep thought, and Evan only really needed occasional one word answers to continue his diatribe. 

Connor glanced out of the corner of his eye to where his and Jared’s hands were linked. When had that happened? Jared wasn’t at all the sort of person that Connor had ever imagined himself with. If he had imagined himself with anyone at all, it had been with someone more like himself. Or nothing like him at all. But a different nothing like him than Jared was. Connor snapped his eyes back to the road. He didn’t know what he wanted; he had spent too much time thinking that he would never get anything like this at all to really know what he had expected, but he did know that it wasn’t Jared’s innuendos or stupid jokes or a calming presence from the same person who used to call him a freak. Connor shoved that thought away. He didn’t need to think of that. He could at least attempt to be happy for a while and enjoy this.

Speaking of, “We’re here.”

Jared perked up, looking over at Connor. “I'm excited to see where little Con-man liked to play!” He grinned. It was true, he did want to learn more about Connor and his life. He wanted to be able to get closer to him, and he was thankful that he was finally getting a chance to do so.

Evan’s drabble had ended. Instead, he stared wordlessly out the window at the expanse of now wild and unattended apple trees. The field gave off a yellowish hue, like the golden color of happiness. He was in total awe. 

Connor pulled his hand from Jared’s and pulled over to park on the curb. “Most of the attractions than things they had to do have been taking down. They only left the trees. They don’t even have very good apples anymore.” He shrugged and parked the car, pulling the keys out of the ignition.

Jared turned around in his seat, giving Evan a faux stern look. “Now, Son, don't wander off, okay? I know you're excited but stay where your father and I can see you.”

Evan unbuckled his seatbelt and grinned, but rolled his eyes at Jared. “Yeah, yeah.” 

Connor turned around slightly, “Seriously, though, Evan, I wouldn’t go too far off, it closed for a reason and I really can’t handle driving you to the hospital if you get hurt.”

Jared spoke seriously this time. “No climbing the trees. Since apparently that doesn't work out so well for you.” He glanced down at the cast covering Evan’s arm.

“Glad you guys care so much,” Evan said. Should it have hurt like it did that Connor ‘can’t handle’ helping him if he got hurt? Evan only pondered that for a moment before seeing a particularly big tree through the window over Jared’s shoulder. “Oh my god,” was his verbal response. 

Jared shook his head, smiling slightly as Evan scrambled out of the car, scurrying off into the grass. He finally removed his seatbelt, pausing before opening his car door. He bit his lip thoughtfully, turning to Connor. “Hey,” he called.

Connor paused, having been about to get out of the car. “Hey…?”

Jared reached over, grabbing him by the collar of his hoodie, and pulled him down to plant a soft kiss on his lips. “Thank you.”

Connor flushed, some of his nervousness dying down, “Anytime.”

Jared pecked Connor on the lips one last time before finally pulling away, opening his door and stepping out of the car.

Connor cursed inwardly. Anytime? What the fuck was wrong with him? He ran a hand over his face in disappointment and shame and got out of the car to follow the other two.  
Evan had already made it to the tree he’d seen from the window, staring up at it in awe. It was amazing how nature could do things like this. This tree was once a tiny seed, and now it was larger than a truck. At least. There were flowers on the ground growing sporadically, more of them scattered near the tree’s roots. Evan bent down to pick one. It was a pinkish white color, small—maybe the size of Evan’s thumbnail. He turned around to see if Connor and Jared were coming. 

Jared jogged after Evan, trying to catch up with him before he got too far away. He watched him stop in front of a big tree, bending down to pick a flower. “Slow down, there, Acorn.”

“No,” Evan said. He held the flower out. “You can’t slow down the beauty of nature.”

Connor stood, slightly behind Jared, looking up at the tree. “It’s better here in the springtime, but at least it’s apple season.” He looked back down at Evan and smiled. Maybe it was a good idea to bring him here.

Jared looked down at the grass beneath his feet. God. All of a sudden he just felt so… pointless. He was here, with Evan and Connor- who he was _supposed_ to be dating- and he didn’t have the first fucking clue about what to do. Jesus. He sighed slightly, mood taking a low turn. He almost felt sad enough to cry, but he didn’t want to upset either of the other two boys. How could he show these people how much he cared about them? What could he do to get through to them. He frowned sadly, kicking at the ground. He wanted to be able to make these boys happy- make them blush and smile and laugh. So he made up his mind. He was going to do whatever he could for the rest of the day to make them happy. Or at least, he would try to. Hopefully.

While Jared kicked at the grass, Evan had managed to pick four more of the little pinkish flowers. He didn’t want to mess their petals up, so he stuck them behind his ear for safe keeping. “Jared, what’cha doing?” he asked, bouncing over to the other two. 

Jared glanced up, the image of Evan bounding towards him with flowers in his hair almost stealing his breath from him. He cleared his throat, trying to keep his voice as steady and confident as possible. “Nothing, Just thinking.” He smiled widely at Evan so that he wouldn't be worried. 

Evan grinned back. He was glad Jared was happy. “Do you see all the little flowers? I think you’re stepping on one…”

“Oh!” Jared stepped backwards, trying to get off of the flower, but ended up stumbling right into Connor's chest. He craned his neck to look up at him, giving him a crooked smile. “Oh, hey.” 

Connor raised an eyebrow, looking down at Jared, “Hey. You killed a poor innocent flower.”

Jared scoffed, sticking his lip out in a pout. “It was an accident!” He huffed. He could have moved- so that his back wasn't pressed up against Connor’s chest and his head wasn't resting on his collarbone- but he didn't. He didn't want to.

Connor leaned forward slightly and rested his chin on Jared’s head. “Evan, have you seen the tulips yet? There used to be a big field of them over there.”

“Tulips?” Evan squeaked. “Can we go find them?”

Jared hummed in question, sneaking his hands down the length of Connor’s arms until he reached his hands, linking them together and bringing them up to wrap around his waist. Nice. A weird standing spooning situation was happening now.

Connor nodded. Jared’s hair smelled unexpectedly nice. “Yeah, they’re just past the golden apple grove.” He pulled back slightly from Jared. “Here, I’ll show you.”

Evan nearly vibrated with excitement as he waited for Connor to point them in the right direction. 

Connor untangled himself from Jared, but grabbed his hand before starting off in the direction of the field. He led them through the apple trees until a clearing appeared ahead. There weren’t nearly as many flowers as there used to be, but a few tulips were scattered about the overgrown grass and wildflowers.  
Jared laughed at how excited Evan looked.   
Evan saw the flowers and immediately bounded ahead of Connor, ready to most likely stick some more behind his ears. Along with the tulips, the wildflowers were also a pretty variety. He picked some of those first, so they wouldn’t feel less special. 

Jared stood with Connor at the edge of the flower patch, watching Evan. “Jesus fuck, he is really into this, huh?”

Connor didn’t take his eyes from Evan as he answered the question, “I’m just glad he’s happy. Maybe you should randomly invite him on our unplanned dates every time.”

Jared huffed out a sad laugh. “Then it would just be polyamorous dating.” If only.

Evan yelled from the field ahead. “Look at all the flowers I got!” He had more behind his ears and a few stuck in his hair, scattered randomly. Some were in his hands, still. 

“Save some for the rabbits and squirrels or whatever, Evan!” Connor called out, before his brain caught up with what Jared had said. Wait, what? “Wait, what?”

Jared’s breath caught slightly, though why he didn't know. “If we brought Evan on all of our dates. Then we would just all be dating. Like a polyamorous trio.” He restated, scratching his cheek awkwardly. Poly relationships weren’t really commonplace, so Jared expected Connor to just wave the notion off as silly. He didn't want to admit to himself that he knew it would hurt him when he did, though.

Connor stared at Jared. Was he making fun of him? Right now? He pulled his hand away and stepped back, “This is where you make some sort of fucked up innuendo and do that obnoxious laugh, right? Because, not funny Jared. Really not funny.”

Jared blinked, his chest twisting painfully. “What? What are you talking about, I wasn't-” He grasped for the right words. Why was Connor so upset? “I’m sorry, I didn't realize the suggestion— uh, I mean, the _idea_ of a poly relationship would upset you. My bad.” He fidgeted with his hands anxiously, not meeting Connors eyes.

“It’s not--” Connor squeezed his eyes shut. “Is everything a fucking joke to you? I get that you have feelings for him, and I’m fine with that. Just-” He reached up and clenched a hand in his hair to ground himself. “Evan is straight and in love with my sister, so there’s no reason to make fun of my- just stop it, Jared.”

Jared’s breath became uneven and he clenched his fists at his sides. “Make fun of your what, Connor? I’m not—” he huffed in frustration. “I _know_ he’s straight. That's why you had to settle for me, right? I’ve seen the way you look at him, I’m not blind. I just- I hoped that maybe, if he weren't, I wouldn't be thrown out completely. Because– because I know that liking two people at the same time is fucked up, and I’m sorry. I wish I weren't like this.”

Connor couldn’t breathe. Usually the orchard was a place where he went to calm down after a fight, but now they were fighting and Evan was right there and- “I don’t look at Evan like anything, Jared. You’re the one who can’t talk to him like a normal person. Just stop making shitty jokes all the time, because I don’t care who you like or don’t like, I just thought you liked me.” He knew that if he kept standing here, things would only get worse, so Connor turned and stalked off in the opposite direction of Evan and Jared. He needed to cool off before one of them said something that they would really regret.

Jared was crying. Connor had hit him, and hit him hard. He knew that he was right, he could only ever act like some fucked up child when it can to Evan. But couldn't Connor _see?_ Jared had been trying to tell him this whole time, he _did_ like him! Connor had become just as important to Jared as Evan was, but no matter how many times he tried to tell him, Connor just _wouldn't listen_. Jared dropped down onto his knees, shoulders shaking. He knew that the reason Connor didn't want to accept his feelings was probably because they weren't requieted. It hurt like hell. Connor probably only agreed to go out with him because he couldn't have Evan, and he knew that Jared was in the same damn boat. Only Jared did care about Connor, and wasn't just using him as some kind of substitute, or _whatever_.

Evan, who had taken to sitting on the ground in the tall grass and fiddling with the flowers he had left over, looked over toward where he’d last seen Connor and Jared. He gasped as he found a lack of Connor and saw Jared on his knees looking extremely distressed. Evan dropped the flowers in his hands and stood up. “Jared?” he called. 

Jared sniffled, not looking up as he heard his name called. Great. Wonderful. Now he was going to ruin Evan's day just because he couldn't keep his fucking emotions in check. Evan was going to see that he was crying, and he’d panic, and then everything would be ruined. God _fucking damn it_. He scrubbed at his eyes beneath his glasses pitifully. He just wanted _one_ good fucking day. His shoulders shook harder.

Evan started walking toward Jared, his stride becoming a jog as he realized the other boy was actually crying. “Jared?” he said again, voice softer. “Hey, what happened?” He stopped next to him and immediately knelt down to his level. 

Jared buried his face in his hands. “I- I fucked it up.” He stammered, voice watery. “God _damn it_.”

Evan ghosted his hand over Jared’s back. “D-Do you wanna talk about it?” He tried to make his voice as soft as possible. He pulled a flower from his hair and offered it to Jared, knowing he wouldn’t see it until he looked up. 

Jared let out a shaky breath, glancing up slightly. “I don't want to ruin your d-day, you were having s-such a good time, I-” he cut off when a small broken sob escaped him. 

“Hey, you didn’t ruin anything,” Evan answered calmly, smiling at Jared. He nudged the flower toward him. “Tell me what happened, Jared. I can help!” He thought he could. He’d talked to a therapist enough to know the basics, right?

Jared accepted flower, taking in between two shaky fingers. “I- We were t-talking about—” Fuck, he couldn't tell Evan what started the fight! That would mean telling Evan the he’d basically been in love with him for years. What was he supposed to do? “Um, I said something dumb a-and Connor got u-upset, because, I _always_ say dumb shit, so why wouldn't he?”

Evan thought for a moment. “You don’t always say dumb shit, sometimes you can be really smart. You just choose to say things that can be...questionable. Or maybe you don’t choose to. Like how I can’t stop talking sometimes. Uh- See? Proof.” He laughed nervously. “Have you apologized for whatever you said?”

Jared smiled slightly at Evan's stumbling attempt to comfort him. “I- I think I did? It all happened really fast, and then he was walking away, and I—” felt like he wanted to die.  
Evan took a deep breath and shoved another flower into Jared’s grip. “I’ll talk to him.”

Jared's head snapped up. “Wh- No, y-you don't have to do that! I'm sure it's my fault, I- You don't have to spend the day trying to do damage repair for my stupid choices.”

Evan rolled his eyes, but in a mock playful manner. “It’s what a third wheel’s for, yeah? Helping? I don’t want my...friends to be upset.” He wasn’t sure if Jared liked Evan calling them friends, but maybe it was what he needed now. 

Jared reluctantly nodded, not bothering to dispute the 'third wheel’ comment. He watched as Evan wandered off in search of Connor, eyes drifting down to the flowers in his hand. He twirled them lazily, falling down to lay on his side in the grass. There were probably tons of bugs and ants everywhere, but Jared was just really fucking tired. Maybe if he went to sleep, he would wake up and things would be different. Better. 

Evan kept up his previous bubbly expression so Connor wouldn’t be thrown off. He needed to ease into the topic of Jared. When he reached the taller boy, he sighed happily. “Thanks for bringing us here, Connor,” he said. “It’s so beautiful. Do you want a flower?”

Connor turned, unclenching his fists at Evan’s smile. “Uh… thanks..” He glanced over Evan’s open face. Did he know? Connor felt sick for yelling at Jared and he really didn’t want to end up yelling at Evan too. “I’m.. I’m glad you like it here.” And he was. As much as the Orchard was his place, he knew that Evan would like it and was glad that he had shared it with him. Now if only Jared would stop making jokes like that, maybe it could be a safe place again. Connor flinched at his thoughts. No, it wasn’t Jared’s fault, it was his. He couldn’t take a joke. Connor looked down to where he had practically crushed the tiny flower in his grip.

Evan momentarily forgot his purpose for coming over and immediately grabbed Connor’s hand to stop him from damaging the flower. “You- no. Hold it like it’s a tiny kitten or something. Don’t crush it.” He forced his hand open. “Uh, here, this is better.” Evan took the slightly crumpled flower and stuck it behind Connor’s ear. “There.” He let go of his hand. “Looks like Jared’s taking a nap, huh?” He needed to get to business. 

Connor gingerly touched the flower in his hair. He looked over Evan’s head where Jared had disappeared among the flowers. “...Yeah.” He stuffed his hands into his pockets.

“How’s it going with you two?” Evan asked awkwardly. He didn’t know how to dance around the subject and still get answers the way his therapist could. 

“I.. Uh…” Connor pulled one of his hands out of his pockets to run it down his face tiredly, “I fucked up really bad, actually.”  
Aha, Evan thought, there it was. “How so?” He needed to know what had gone down. 

Connor sighed and looked away from Evan, “He just made a shitty joke and I snapped way too easily.” He always did this. He always snapped and pushed people away if they got too close. Jared didn’t deserve that. “I said some things, I got too caught up.”

Evan kept looking Connor in the eyes even though the latter wasn’t facing him. “Hey, ‘s not your fault,” he said. “God knows I get too caught up a lot. Like, a lot. Y’know, I betcha Jared wants to make things right just as much as you do!”  
Connor rolled his eyes, “Right. Because so many people have wanted to talk to me after I freak out like that.”

“Well, he didn’t let me come talk to you because he _doesn’t_ want things to be right.” Evan tried to catch Connor’s gaze. “C’mon, you both think you’re to blame. It’s not healthy.” Why could he tell people that when he himself couldn’t listen to his own advice? No matter, this wasn’t about him right now. 

Connor bit his lip nervously. He knew that Evan was trying, and that it wasn’t his area of expertise, but Jared didn’t need someone who was so fucked up that he couldn’t even hold a single conversation. Hell, they were only really together because of one drunk make-out session and the fact that Jared was tired of fawning over Evan sadly. Connor wanted to hit something. He wanted to scream and break things and just freak out for a minute, but there was Evan, trying to get him to talk, and giving him flowers, and listening, even if it was only so that he wouldn’t be caught in a fight. Connor pushed down his self-loathing and anger and touched the little flower that was still resting behind his ear. “Well, shit, I guess I have to apologize then, huh?”

“Only if you mean it. Jared will, because he is sorry. I can tell.” Evan offered a soft smile to Connor. Should he try and make a joke? Would that make him laugh? “Hurry up so we can eat the nasty apples!” That was stupid. Evan winced at his own words. 

Connor almost smiled. Evan was way too good to be his friend. “Yeah. Don’t forget I still owe you ice cream, Hansen.” He couldn’t seem to get himself to move towards Jared. He was stalling.

“Don’t worry, I’ll remind you,” Evan said. “Let’s go.” He set off toward the flat bit of grass where he knew Jared was lying. 

Connor followed awkwardly, his arms crossed in front of him. When they reached Jared, he followed Evan’s example and sat on the ground beside the sleeping boy.

Evan, now in the grass, shook Jared’s arm. “Jared, how are you already asleep?” He nudged him harder. 

Jared sighed, cracking open an eye. He hadn't been asleep, not really. He had been trying to sleep, though. Hoping to sleep. He had managed to stop crying not long after Evan left. He had just laid there, pitiful tear tracks drying on his face. His breath caught in his chest as his eyes met Connor’s form, and he scrambled up into a sitting position, pulling his knees to his chest. “Is this, like, some weird team consolation type thing?” He looked to Connor helplessly. His voice was uneven and rough as he spoke. “A-Are you gonna-- are you breaking up with me?” 

Connor sighed, pushing his hair back and shaking his head. “No.” He knew he should apologize, but that shit was hard. He looked at Evan for support, but Evan was looking away, as if giving them some form of privacy. “I… I’m sorry.” It came out a lot more quietly than he had intended.

Jared felt confused. “ _You’re_ sorry? For what? I’m the one who fucked up. Me and my dumbass mouth.” Why was Connor apologising when it was Jared’s stupid comments that caused the problem?

Connor shook his head again, looking down at the grass, “Doesn’t give me the right to freak out. I overreacted.”

Jared loosened his grip on his knees slightly, uncurling his body so that he could loot at Connor properly. “I’m sorry bout that stupid shit I said. But, please, believe me when I tell you I like you, because _I do_ , Connor. I really really do.” Connor’s last comment from their fight, when he had said ‘I thought you liked me’, had been tearing Jared apart. He needed him to know to truth.

Connor cringed, not looking up, “Yeah, I know.” He knew that Jared wasn’t a bad person. That since he’d committed to this he wasn’t going to hurt the psychotic freak. Connor scratched absently at his wrist. “You said.”

Jared hesitantly crawled over to Connor, placing one gentle hand on his wrist and the other on his cheek, bringing his gaze up to meet Jared’s own intense one. “I know I said it,” he began, eyes pleading with him to believe him. “But that doesn’t mean you know. I really like you Connor. I like _you_.”

Connor paused, glancing over Jared’s face for any sign of deceit. “Jared…” He knew that they would have to further this conversation, but he didn’t want to do so in front of Evan, so he leaned forward and kissed Jared quickly. “Okay. I like you too.”

Evan had really tried not to hear the other two. He had at least tried to make it seem like he wasn’t paying attention. He didn’t know if he was convincing, though. He’d picked a few more wildflowers, tying them together in a small ball of petals. He had managed, however, to look up at just the right moment to see Connor lean and kiss Jared. That made Evan happy. He wanted them feeling better, and it looked like it was a success. He smiled to himself. There was this sort of tension in the air when he was around Connor and Jared. Not a bad one, yet he couldn’t place it any further than that. It was just a feeling in the back of his heart. He looked away from them quickly before they could tell he’d seen their moment. 

Jared smiled as Connor kissed him. Usually Jared was the one to initiate the kisses, so the times when Connor did it made him feel especially breathless. He pulled back, taking in Connor’s presence. “Is that a flower in your hair?” he asked, squinting slightly. Of all the people to have flowers on their person, Connor was not one that Jared had expected. It was really cute on him.

Connor blushed and quickly pulled the flower out, “I- Evan gave it to me.”

Jared grabbed Connor’s arm, stopping him from discarding the pink flower. “No, It’s cute! Really cute. He gave me some, too.” Jared turned around, picking up the two flowers that he had dropped when he sat up.

“Oh.” Connor turned and poked Evan in the side. “You just give flowers to every guy you know, huh?”

Evan flinched away from Connor’s jab at his side. “J-Just my friends!” he promised. 

Jared laughed, shuffling around to Connor’s back. “Well, then be a good _friend_ and go get me some more.” He ran his fingers through Connor’s hair, smoothing it down in preparation.

Connor froze. “Uh.. what are you doing?”

Jared hummed, separating Connor’s hair into pieces. “Making up for our fight.” He muttered distractedly.

Connor blinked in confusion but didn’t pull away. He really hoped no one said anything about how greasy his hair probably was.

Evan had bounded off, in search of only the best flowers per request. He didn’t know why Jared wanted them, but he figured more was better than less, so he picked as many as he could hold. When the area started looking sparse, he returned to Connor and Jared and plopped back onto the grass. “Here!” He dumped his arms out on the ground, letting the flowers fall. 

Jared grinned, giving him a thumbs up. “Perfect. Can you hand them to me one at a time when I ask you to? This is gonna require both hands.”

“Please don’t hurt my hair, it’s fragile,” Connor said dryly.

Jared snorted. “I’m not gonna hurt your hair, Con-man. I’m gonna make you pretty. Well, Pretty _er_.”

Connor rolled his eyes but leaned his head back to give Jared better access to his hair. “Evan, don’t let him maim me.”

Twenty minutes and many flowers later, Jared was finished. “There! Done.” He sat back, taking in his work. He thought it turned out pretty good. He had done Connor’s hair up in a careful braid, weaving flowers throughout it.

Evan was grinning. “That looks really good, Connor! You’re one with nature!” He smiled at Jared. “You made him all flowery and it’s very nice.” He nodded in confirmation. 

Connor was more relaxed than he had been in a long time. He opened his eyes and reached up to touch his hair. “I don’t look too gay, right?” He said it in a joking tone, but he really hoped that neither of them spread this to people. He had a _reputation_.

Jared snorted, leaning over Connor’s shoulder to peck him on the cheek. “You look cute.” He turned to Evan. “I still have some flowers left, I can do you, too, if you want?” 

Evan tilted his head. “You want to braid my hair?” he asked in disbelief, mainly because his hair wasn’t near as long as Connor’s. “I don’t think that would work. But I can teach you to make little crowns with the flowers!”

Connor had pulled his phone out and was looking at his hair in the camera. “You should make Jared one.”

Jared shrugged but nodded. “Alright, sure.” 

Connor smiled to himself as Evan started to string some flowers together. Jared was laughing as Evan explained the flower crown process. A fluttery feeling rose in his chest. God, he was hopeless.


	12. Chapter 12

The whole drive to Á la Mode, Connor didn’t talk much. It wasn’t a bad thing though, the silence was comfortable. Evan was looking out the window as Jared played with the radio, switching channels the whole drive. 

Connor had pulled most of the flowers out of his hair before leaving the Orchard. Evan and Jared had complained a bit about them, but he had said that he put his foot down about wearing his hair like that in public. Jared had only just found a song that he deemed listenable when Connor pulled into the parking lot.

Evan still had his own crown of flowers on, some also stuck in his hair in places. He watched as the trees got smaller in the distance. The ice cream place looked small and cozy. Either that meant there wouldn’t be a crowd or it meant the people who were there might talk to them. Whichever way, there was no backing out. He wanted that ice cream. 

Connor pulled into a parking spot and turned off the car. “Ice cream time.”

Evan grinned. “Do they have chocolate?” he asked as Jared pouted at the loss of his music. 

“What ice cream place doesn’t have chocolate? They also have this hot fudge that I would kill both of you for.” Connor paused. He really hoped they took that as the joke it was supposed to be. He should probably leave jokes to Jared. He cringed and got out of the car.

Jared laughed, hopping out of the car as well. “Once, my dad got this off brand pistachio ice cream but instead of just _pistachio_ it was called 'That Green Nut’, so now I mainly eat pistachio ice cream.”

Evan’s face held a perturbed expression. “Why would you say that?” 

Jared shrugged, grinning. “I'm just telling the truth! I didn't name That Green Nut, I just eat it.”

“Pistachio is disgusting, I don’t care if it has the funniest name on earth, that’s a disgrace.” Connor locked the car door.

Jared scoffed giving him a faux offended look. “How dare you, I bet you won’t be saying that later when you're licking it off my—”

Evan, suddenly very red, cut in. “Look at the size of that scoop!” He pointed to an ad in the window of the shop, walking towards the door. He would not let himself get caught in Jared and Connor’s...whatever. 

Connor rolled his eyes and started towards the shop. “Last one in has to order.” He wasn’t going to respond to Jared’s… licking comment. They both knew it was just bull.

At Connor’s words, Jared immediately took off into a sprint, punching Connor in the arm as he passed him. “You’re gonna have to order my Green Nut for me!” He taunted, hurrying towards the shop doors.

“Not if you keep calling it that!” Connor didn’t mind too much that he was going to end up having to order, he knew the menu here by heart and he knew most of the workers. Plus Jared got a kick out of the race. And Evan had to talk to less people.

Evan saw Jared race past him. “Where’s the fire?” He tried to catch up, but almost tripped on his shoelace. “Oh,” he muttered to himself, bending down to tie it back. He looped the shoestring carefully. On the ground by his foot, there was a trail of ants. Evan took one of the flowers from his hair and put it down for the ants to enjoy. Standing up, he finally made it to the doors, still managing to beat Connor there. 

Connor stalled outside until Evan was in the store looking at the menu to follow him in. He had watched Evan leave the little flower on the pavement, and while he didn’t exactly know why he did it, he couldn’t help but find it endearing. When he got inside, Jared and Evan already seemed to have their orders in mind. “What do you want, guys?”

Jared smirked wickedly. “You know me, Big Daddy, Papa J is always a slut for the nut.”

Connor slapped a hand over Jared’s mouth. “I take it back. Evan, what do you want?”

Jared pouted, licking Connor's palm.

Connor raised his eyebrows, unimpressed, and didn’t move his hand. He had a younger sister, he wasn’t phased. He looked to Evan for his answer

Evan looked up. There on the menu were at least three different types of chocolate scoops and multiple chocolate toppings—fudge, sprinkles, chocolate chips. He wanted– “Everything chocolate.” He smiled widely. 

Jared tried to say something but was muffled by Connor's hand. He huffed, pulling it away from his face. “I want strawberry and green nut!” he pulled his wallet out of his jean pocket. “I’m buying.”

Evan stepped behind Jared, putting each of his hands on Jared’s shoulders, staring up at the menu still. “Yeah, get me one of everything that’s chocolate.” If Jared was buying, Evan was taking advantage. 

Connor took the money that Jared held out. He wasn’t going to get in a fight over who would pay, he could just pay next time. “You two go find somewhere to sit, I’ll bring it over when it’s done.”

Jared saluted him clumsily. “Aye aye, captain!”

Evan looked behind them at the array of booths and bar seats overlooking the street. “I’ll follow you, Jared,” he said awkwardly, not knowing where the best place to sit would be.

Jared nodded, turning to look at the tables available. He immediately locked in on a corner booth, making a beeline for it, Evan following closely. He slid into the booth, planting himself right in the middle of the seat.

Evan sat gently next to Jared on his left, then stood up and sat across from him instead. Connor should be the one to sit by his boyfriend, after all. “It, uh, smells nice in here, yeah?”

Jared paused, sniffing the air. “It smells… cold. How do ice cream places always fuckin’ _smell_ cold, how does that work?”

Evan shrugged. “Maybe our noses hate it so it says gross this is cold.” It didn’t make sense, but at least he was talking to Jared. 

Jared nodded. “Runny noses are just them crying.”

“Gross,” Evan said, making sure to throw in a laugh so Jared would get the reaction he needed.

Jared smiled at the sound of Evan's laughter. He had such a dorky laugh. Not that Jared could say anything, though. His laugh was a fucking disaster. “Oh, wait, Connor can't carry all three Ice creams, one of us should probably go help him.” Jared turned to look at where Connor was idly chatting with the cashier, placing their order.

Evan thought for a moment. Half of him wanted to be the helpful one and assist Connor with the carrying, but the other half wanted Jared to do it so the couple would get closer, especially after their kerfuffle earlier. “U-uh…” 

Jared stood up, giving Evan a pointed look. “Don't talk to strangers while I'm gone. They aren't really going to give you candy, and they don't actually have a puppy in their van. I'll be right back.” He scurried over to Connor quickly.

“O-Oh.” Evan shrank back into the booth, hugging his arms close to him. He instantly felt alone. He didn’t know what had Jared acting like Evan was a little kid lately, but honestly, he wasn’t complaining. It felt nice to hear the caring words. 

Connor had just finished the three orders when Jared came up to the ice cream bar. He stepped back to let any other incoming customers get to the cashier and turned to Jared, “You didn’t have to leave Evan, I got this.”

Jared shrugged, flapping a hand in the air as if to wave the words away. “Can’t carry three ice cream cones with two hands, buddy.”

Connor nodded absently and watched the person behind the bar scoop the ice cream. “I could if I tried hard enough. You underestimate my determination.”

Jared laughed softly, casting Connor a sideways glance. “Oh, trust me, Con-Man, I don’t underestimate you at _all_.” He smirked wickedly, purposefully trailing his eyes down the taller boy’s form. “Definitely not.”

Connor flushed, but only slightly. He was getting used to these comments. He looked Jared directly in the eyes, “Oh really?”

Jared hadn’t expected Connor to humor his teasing, so when he met his eyes the way he did Jared felt his face begin to heat up. He ignored it, not backing down. “In the great words of Shrek, ‘ _really_ really.’”

“Don’t quote Shrek when I’m trying to flirt with you.” Connor returned his gaze to the ice cream in the display.

Jared grinned to himself. Connor was actually trying to flirt with him? He wasn’t sure that happened very often, maybe this was progress! “Quoting Shrek is the _only_ way to flirt.”

“Are you sure about that? Because if it is, flirting canceled. You’re not allowed to flirt anymore.” Connor took the first finished cup of ice cream, Jared’s, from the worker and handed the green and pink ice cream to Jared. “I ordered you sprinkles because you had a sad lack of toppings in your order.”

Jared took the cup, eyes lighting up. “Woah, Dude, It’s like Wanda and Cosmo went to a gay pride fest!” He stopped and suddenly looked up at Connor with a deadly serious expression. “Oh my God, Con-Man, did you just expose Timmy Turner as gay?”

“Who?” Connor, of course, knew the cartoon reference, he wasn’t stupid, but Jared’s deeply scandalized expression was worth it.

“ _What the Fuck?_ Oh my god, are you serious? It’s, like, one of the best cartoons in the world. It’s The Fairly OddParents! Did you have no childhood? Or happiness?”

“Childhood? Technically, yes.” Connor picked up the final two ice creams and turned back to the table. “Happiness? I’ll get back to you on that.”

Jared gaped at him. “Holy fucking shit, Con, I can't believe this. How are you alive!? You are coming to my house and we are watching every single episode of the classic Fairly OddParents series in 1080 4k HD Surround sound. I must educate you. And I can suck your dick during commercials.” He wiggled his eyebrows at Connor.

“You know if you keep offering, I’m going to have to take you up on it.” Connor didn’t wait for a response and started towards Evan.

Jared gaped for an entirely different reason this time. He watched Connor’s retreating form for a stunned moment before hurrying to catch up. Damn, Connor, where was all this suddenly coming from? Jared smirked. He liked it.

Connor placed the chocolate mountain that vaguely resembled ice cream in front of Evan and sat across from him.

Jared slid into the booth next to Connor, smooshing himself up against him comfortably. “Evan, He’s never seen Fairly Odd Parents.” 

Evan didn’t look up at Jared from the ice cream that was put in front of him. It was huge. And all chocolate. “Really? Did he just avoid TV forever?”

Connor shrugged, “My mom didn’t like TV and my sister always had control of the remote when we did watch something.”

Jared scoffed. “What the fuck did she watch, then?”

Connor stared into his mint chocolate chip ice cream. “An ungodly amount of Powerpuff Girls.”

Jared, who had had a mouthful of ice cream, choked in laughter. He coughed, trying to clear his throat. “Oh my god, I want to see a tiny Connor watching the Powerpuff Girls! That sounds fucking amazing.”

Connor groaned, “You really don’t. My sister was convinced that I was the green one for the longest time. It made my dad so mad. I didn’t even like the show!”

“Buttercup is the tough one, Connor, you should have been honored,” Evan added, already having dug deep into his chocolate. 

Jared hummed around another mouthful of ice cream. “Yeah, Evan is, like, a _massive_ Powerpuff Girls fan.” He told Connor, motioning towards the boy in question with his small spoon.

“Don’t expose me, Jared,” Evan said as soon as he swallowed his huge bite of ice cream. “Like you weren’t obsessed with cartoons.”

“Never said I wasn’t.” he shrugged. He quickly stole a spoonful of Connor’s ice cream, shoving it in his mouth. “Gross, mint.”

Connor pulled his ice cream away from Jared. “Don’t touch my ice cream, Jared.” He turned back to Evan. “Now you have something to talk to Zoe about. I’m eighty percent sure she still has posters. But don’t say your favorite is the red one. She’ll fight you for it.”

“It’s the blue one, actually,” Evan mumbled. He was excited to share something in common with Zoe. Maybe it would make talking to her less awkward. 

Jared remained quiet, suddenly thoughtful. Right. Zoe. Jared had almost forgotten about her. He wondered if she was nice or not. Evan doesn't deserve to fawn after someone who would treat him terribly. Good thing he wasn't fawning after Jared, right? “What’s Zoe like, anyway?” He asked, staring into his ice cream. “Like real Zoe, not school Zoe.”

Connor froze, spoon halfway to his mouth. “Uh….”

Evan finally looked up, face messy from chocolate, ice cream already nearly gone. He didn’t say anything, as to not be so obvious, but he waited intently. 

Jared looked up at him as well.

Connor dropped his spoon back into his ice cream and didn’t look up. Should he be truthful? Tell them how _awful_ he’d been to Zoe in the past three years? How they hadn’t had a conversation without it ending in fighting in forever? How Zoe was always against anything and everything he said, running to daddy the second he did anything lately? Or should he tell them what they want to hear? That Zoe was a beautiful perfect angel that loved stars and sparkles and used to be his best friend? He settled for something in between. “I… don’t really know,” he managed. “We don’t really talk.”

Jared’s eyebrows furrowed in concern. “How come?” he asked gently. Family issues were never an easy topic to hit on, even Jared knew that much.

Connor stirred his ice cream absently. “We just don’t.” He sighed. He really didn’t want to get in the middle of Evan and whatever he liked about his sister. “We just have a lot of… differences… that are hard to get over. We haven’t really spoken since she was in middle school. Can we talk about something else?”

Jared bit his lip thoughtfully. He could tell Connor was at least mildly upset, and it was beauce Jared had brought it up. He wanted to fix it-- make him feel better somehow. Jared shoved some ice cream into his mouth. “Evan, Sorry, this is gonna be pretty gross.” Before anyone could react, Jared pulled Connor down by the back of his neck, smashing their lips together. He gently prodded the other boy’s mouth open, ice cream mixing with their kiss. 

Connor gave a muffled noise of surprise but didn’t pull away. Pistachio ice cream was disgusting in his opinion, but Jared’s mouth was warm and sweet. He knew that Evan was right across from them, and probably revolted, but he continued the kiss, tilting his head slightly, letting his sour feelings dissolve into the ice cream and Jared.

Evan had immediately averted his gaze to give the boys privacy. That might be him one day, with a girl maybe like Zoe, maybe Zoe herself, happy and on a date. It made him smile to think of. The only other feeling he noticed was hunger. He’d finished his mountain of chocolate in record time, yet he still wanted something more. It’d be too much to order again, so he planned on staying quiet. 

Jared finally pulled away with a gasp, panting softly. “To make up for the ice cream I stole from you.” He said, smiling timidly. His cheeks were dusted with a soft blush, partially from the kiss and partially because he just realized he’d basically made out with Connor in the middle of an ice cream shop. And Evan.

Connor was a bit out of breath. “Yeah. Consider it made up for. Though pistachio is disgusting.” He gestured to Jared’s bowl.

Jared smiled lightly. “Good thing you taste good.” What the fuck did that even mean? Jared was such a disaster.

Connor half smiled and kissed Jared again, quickly. He glanced at Evan, making sure he wasn’t paying attention. He leaned back in, right next to Jared’s ear. “You can taste more later, after we drop Evan back at his place.” He was mostly teasing him, but with how pink Jared got, he was leaning toward making his teasing a promise.

Jared gulped, face absolutely burning as a shiver ran down his spine. Shit, Connor really had him. Honestly, if Jared were being completely honest with himself, Connor had him wrapped around his finger. He _really_ enjoyed being with him. All Jared could do was squeak in response to Connor’s words.

Connor cleared his throat and turned to Evan, “How’s the ice cream?”

Evan finally looked back at them. “O-oh, it was great,” he said, smiling. His face was in desperate need of a napkin. “Best I’ve ever had, really.” He felt a little out of place. He was awkward there being the third wheel. 

Jared noticed Evan’s empty cup. “Do you want the rest of mine? I’m not really very hungry.”

Evan eyed the ice cream left in Jared’s cup. “Are you sure? I don’t want you regretting it. And I don’t want to intrude on your date.” That’s what this was, wasn’t it? It hadn’t started that way, but now it was evident. He was just the kid the parents had to bring to date night because no sitters were willing to take him. 

Jared shook his head. “Evan we _invited_ you. You aren’t intruding. Take it. It’s fine. I have my own stash of the Green Nut at home.” Jared jolted suddenly, a small gasp escaping him. “ _Pistachio ice cream is Shrek nut_.”

Evan dropped his spoon. “Jared, shut the hell up.”

Jared looked _incredibly_ pleased with himself.

Connor elbowed Jared in the side and pushed his half melted ice cream across the table to Evan, “I suddenly lost all my appetite.”

Jared rubbed his side, pouting. “Okay, but I’m not hearing any protests, so _obviously_ you guys agree.”

Connor shook his head. “I do not agree. Not at all.”

Evan muttered a “No” around his bite of Jared’s strawberry ice cream, already having finished the Pistachio. He eyed Connor’s bowl as it was slid toward him. 

Jared smiled, suddenly feeling very affectionate. “Thank you guys for coming out with me randomly.” He turned to Connor and kissed him again. “And thank you for bringing me and Evan here.”

Connor shrugged slightly. He had been apprehensive about bringing them to his places, but now that they were here, he felt much better. But he wasn’t going to get too mushy right now. “It was nice.” He could say more. He could tell Jared and Evan how he felt a lot safer with them now that they had been here with him, but he decided that there had been enough emotional talk for a whole month today. He took Jared’s hand under the table and squeezed it slightly in return for the kiss.

Jared smiled, entwining their fingers as he pulled his phone out to check the time. “It's getting kinda late, we should probably head home soon.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> emotions

It wasn't long until the trio was back in Connor's car, heading back the school where Evan and Jared’s cars were parked. Jared was idly humming along to the song playing over the radio– 'Hit Me Baby One More Time’ by Britney Spears– as he thought over the day's events. He knew that the conversation he had been having with Connor that had lead to the fight definitely had not been resolved properly. They were going to have to talk. And probably soon. Jared felt uneasy thinking about it.

Evan sat in the back content with his flowers and the day’s events. He was very grateful and appreciative of Connor for bringing them to his special place. He’d enjoyed it tremendously. However, he was still hungry after having eaten about eight scoops of ice cream along with their toppings. With every fast food restaurant the car drove past, Evan felt hungrier. It was something he’d gotten used to—hunger—since his mom had stopped leaving food out for him when she went to work. “You need to learn to make it yourself, Evan,” she’d say. He couldn’t even order a pizza himself. He definitely was not about to say something about being hungry now, of course, because they’d just eaten and that would be rude of him. So, he sat with his flowers and Bingo the plant and hoped neither of the other two boys could hear his stomach growling. 

Connor spent the first part of the car ride thinking of nothing. He purposely pushed away his worries about what would happen when he was next alone with Jared and whether or not Evan was okay with everything that was going on. They had been driving for ten minutes when Connor heard the loud growl from the backseat. He turned down the music and looked up into the rear view mirror at Evan. “Was that your stomach?”

Jared blinked turning around in his seat to look at Evan. “Dude, do you want to go to Wendy's or something? I’ll pay again, it's no problem.”

Evan shook his head meekly. “No, I’m fine. We– we just had ice cream.” On cue, his stomach growled again. 

Jared quirked an eyebrow, turning his head to face Connor. “Can we stop by Wendy's?”

Connor was already pulling over. “Yeah, but I’ll pay this time. What do you want, Evan?”

Evan shook his head again, more violently this time. “Nothing, really,” he assured. “I’m fine. I don’t need anything.”

Jared kissed Connor on the cheek in thanks. “He wants a chicken sandwich with a large fry. And a Doctor Pepper.”

Connor nodded softly and pulled into the drive through. “You’re getting food, Evan, nothing you can do to stop it.”

Evan shrank back into the seat. “I-I’m sorry,” he said softly. Jared was right, of course. 

Jared stuck his tongue out at Evan. “Dummy. No need to be sorry. We offered.”

“You shouldn’t have had to,” Evan mumbled. He felt absolutely awful for forcing them to make another stop. The joy of the day drained to make way for guilt and anxiety. 

Jared grimaced to himself. He knew exactly what was going on in Evan’s head. He was making himself feel like shit over things that he shouldn't be feeling guilty for. “Evan. Seriously. If you start getting upset after we just had a great day I will come back there. Stop feeling guilty. You don't need to, we want to feed you. We’re like feeders but less sexual.”

“I-I don’t want to know how that would be sexual,” Evan croaked. Classic avoiding the situation. He’d be a master of it if he weren’t so awkward. He still felt guilty about everything. 

Connor finished ordering and leaned back into the car. “Evan, it’s really not a big deal. Don’t worry about it.” He pulled the car up to the window and pulled out his wallet.

Evan picked at his shirt buttons. “That’s kind of, um, my speciality,” he muttered. This would be over soon. Maybe Connor and Jared would even forget about it. 

Jared huffed, unbuckling his seatbelt. “Alright, Evan, you asked for it!” He grabbed Connor's chin, turning his head so that he could kiss him quickly. “Be right back.” He grinned. And then, just like that, he was clambering over the console, awkwardly climbing into the backseat with Evan.

Evan gasped and reflexively moved over so Jared wouldn’t climb on top of him. “Jared, what the hell are you doing?” His heart began beating faster. 

Connor blinked, confused at Jared’s sudden need to be in the back seat, but he didn’t question it. Jared would do whatever he wanted and hopefully Evan would end up feeling better. He’d just focus on getting the food.

Jared, once he finally made it to where he was sitting down and _not_ in danger of kicking anyone in the face, turned so that he sat on his knees, his whole body facing Evan. “I told you, if you kept feeling bad about this I was going to come back here. And guess what? Here I am.” Jared pulled off his outer shirt, tossing it up into the front seat. “Don't want that getting in the way.”

Evan was becoming more confused. “Wh-what are you doing, though?” He watched as the shirt fell into place on the passenger seat. “How would that get in the way? The way of what?”

Jared smirked, pushing his glasses up his nose. “Well, if you're gonna feel like shit, I’m just going to have to make you feel better, aren't I?” Jared edged closer to Evan, pausing to glance out of the window. Hmm, he should probably wait until they have the food. That way the people at the window wouldn't see.

Connor glanced back when the shirt fell into the passenger seat. What the hell was Jared doing? He forced his eyes away and to the window, where the food was being handed to him. He took it and didn’t even bother thanking the worker before pulling out of the parking lot. “Jared? What are you doing?” He would have just stayed silent, but it was sort of nerve wracking to not be able to really see what was going on, and Evan’s nervousness was upping the tension in the car.

Jared didn't turn away from where he was facing Evan. “I'm about to have to use Evan’s biggest weakness against him.” He paused, smirk growing and a wicked glint in his eyes. “He's _very_ ticklish.”

Evan’s eyes snapped wider, fear in them. “Don’t you _dare_ , Jared Kleinman.”

Jared laughed at the use of his full name. “Oh, but I must! Someone has to make you stop feeling bad, guess it has to be me.” He moved even closer, trapping Evan in the corner. 

“Please don’t,” Evan whispered, betrayal filling his voice. He had nowhere to hide. Jared hadn’t done this in years. Evan certainly hadn’t missed it. 

Jared paused. “Do you feel guilty that we bought food for you?”

Yes. “N-No!” Evan lied horribly. 

Jared quirked an eyebrow. “Liar.” He launched at him, running his fingers lightly down Evan’s side, pressing down just enough to get the effect he wanted.

Evan couldn’t stop the flood of pained laughter that escaped his mouth. His arm—the unbroken one—went to work trying to push Jared away. “S-stop!”

Connor glanced up into the mirror again to see Evan and Jared laughing and play fighting. Evan was almost screaming as Jared continued to tickle him. Connor felt a pang in his chest and tore his eyes away and back to the road. He bit his lip. “Be fucking careful, if we wreck and one of you gets hurt, I will kill you, Kleinman.”

Jared laughed, pausing for a second to let Evan breathe. “I’ll buy you a new car if Evan is enough to make us crash.”

Evan took in deep breaths as fast as he could. He knew a second round was inevitable. “Connor, please help,” he squeaked. 

Evan sounded breathless and a bit pained, so Connor took some pity. “Jared, I think he’s learned his lesson, let him eat.”

Jared didn't quite back off yet. “Are you guilty?”

Yes. “ _No!_ ”

Jared huffed. “Stop. _Lying_.” He attacked again. His fingers dug into Evan’s sides mercilessly.

Evan erupted into more laughter, eyes screwed shut and legs trying to kick Jared. “Seriously, s-stop, Ja-Jared!”

Jared paused, grabbing Evan’s wrists and pinning them to the seat above his head. “I won't stop until you understand that we care about you. We _want_ to do this kind of stuff for you.”

Evan shook his head violently, trying to pull his arms back down and out of Jared’s grip. “I-I can’t help it, j-just stop!”

“Jared, he’s trying, you’ve made your point.” Connor intervened because it sounded like this wasn’t going to end any time soon, and he was mostly scared that if Evan kept kicking like that they would go off the road.

Jared growled, pressing Evan’s wrists harder into the seat. “No! I haven't made my _fucking_ point!” He couldn't take this anymore. “Connor pull the fucking car over.”

“I-“ Connor stopped his protest before he could even finish and pulled over to the side of the road. It wasn’t a busy road anyway. He jerked the car into park and turned around in his seat.

Jared, once the car was stopped, gritted his teeth. He took a deep breath, staring into Evan’s eyes. “Connor. Do you like me?” He spoke calmly, not breaking the eye contact with Evan. 

Connor’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Wh- Jared, what the hell does that have to do with anything?” He knew that they would have this conversation after their fight earlier, but now?

“Yes or no, Connor. Do you like me?”

Connor’s eyes shot to Evan and then back to Jared. “...Yes…?” Shit, that wasn’t supposed to come out like a question. “Yes.”

Jared’s lips quirked slightly before resuming his intent expression. “Good. Now, Do you like Evan?”

Evan’s breathing was erratic. He couldn’t force himself to break the terrifying eye contact with Jared that intensified with every second. “J-Jared, what are you _doing_?” 

Jared ignored the question. “ _Yes or No, Connor._ ”

Connor couldn’t breathe. He was somewhere between confused, furious and terrified. “What the _fuck_ , Jared?” Why did he have to do this? With Evan right there? What the hell? “Evan is my _friend_.” he spat the word like an insult.

Jared nodded decisively at his words. “Friend. That's a yes. Evan has to realize that people actually _care_ about him. He isn't a _fucking_ burden. He isn't in the way, or annoying, or forcing us to do things for him. We do it because we _want_ to make you happy. We want to talk to you and have you around, even if you stutter and don't know what to say. _We fucking care about you, Evan._ ”

Tears were welling up in Evan’s eyes. He was totally overwhelmed. Too much was going on right now. He kept his eyes closed. “I’m _sorry_!” He knew Jared was trying to help, but it didn’t stop him from feeling even guiltier about the whole thing. How pathetic was he to make his friends pull the car over just to reassure him? They didn’t deserve such a wimp as their friend. 

Connor took a steadying breath. “Jared… it’s just his anxiety. He can’t help it.” Connor knew he wasn’t exactly helping the problem with his tension and being constantly on edge. “Just.. let him go.”

Jared felt his own tears welling up. “I- I know.” He sighed, loosening his grip on Evan's wrists. “I'm sorry. I shouldn't have- Sorry. I'm just… being stupid and emotional. It's not your fault, Evan. I know you can't help it. I just ruined the whole damn day because I'm a stupid fuck. I'm sorry.” He got off of Evan swiftly, retreating to the opposite corner of the car where he pulled his knees to his chest, head hung in shame. 

Evan’s eyes opened weakly. He gulped. “A ch-chicken sandwich can save the d-day,” he whispered, using humor as his absolute last resort. It was a Jared move. Maybe he’d appreciate it. 

Jared huffed out a laugh, burying his face in his knees. Maybe if he curled far enough into himself he’ll stop existing, and then they wouldn't have to deal with his actions. He was probably crying by now, but his eyes were crushed closed and he was willing himself to just… stop.

Connor was not very good with sad people. Or happy people. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Jared, come on, it’s not your fault. You just… you care a lot. And that’s not a bad thing. Maybe you show it in a fucked up way, but you care.” Was that insensitive? Connor hoped that that wasn’t insensitive.

Jared laughed again, not moving. “I- j-just take us home, please. We can talk about it later.” 

Connor nodded softly and turned back to the road, pulling back out to drive back. He didn’t bother trying comforting words again, he had obviously failed the first time, and Jared didn’t want to talk.

Evan tried to keep his breathing under control. He reached over to where he’d set his succulent and picked it up. He squeezed the pot and attempted to ground himself before he did something that would make Jared feel even worse. He didn’t say anything either, since he’d also failed at helping. 

Twenty minutes later, they were pulling into the school parking lot. Jared lifted his head just enough to look out the window. “Ah. We're here.” He didn't move.

Evan’s head jolted up. From the window, he could see his old car parked alone in the space he’d picked that morning. He waited for Connor to stop the vehicle. 

The whole rest of the ride back to the school had been silent and stifling. Connor parked close to Evan’s car in the near empty parking lot and let out a sigh of relief. He was honestly just ready to diffuse this tension, and the only way he knew how was to just let them split up for a while.

Evan didn’t say anything. He turned toward Jared and took a flower from his own hair, sticking it in Jared’s softly. Then, he sighed and got out of Connor’s car, walking slowly to his own. 

Jared’s chest twisted as Evan placed the flower in his hair, but he didn't say anything until Evan was in his car and exiting the parking lot. “... Connor?” He asked timidly, voice rough.

Connor looked sadly at the abandoned bag of food on the passenger seat. That hadn’t really gone well at all. And if Jared started their overdue emotional conversation right now, Connor would probably scream. “Yeah, Jared?” he asked, tiredly.

Jared sniffled, looking up at Connor's reflection in the rearview mirror. “Will you take me home? Please? I… don't want to be alone.”

Connor’s expression softened. This afternoon had been just as emotionally taxing for Jared as it had for him, and he couldn’t hold that against him. Especially after what he had said to him at the Orchard. He moved the things from the passenger seat and gestured for Jared to move up with him. “Yeah, of course.”

Jared clambered over the console carefully, settling himself into the front seat. We scrubbed at his tear stained cheeks pitifully, looking down at his lap. “Thank you.” He just wanted to go home and lay in bed with Connor. He wanted to cuddle and cry until there was nothing left and he could finally fall into the sweet oblivion of sleep.

Connor reached over and tentatively took Jared’s hand. “No problem.” He wanted to say more, like how he was sorry about saying those things about Jared and how he spoke to Evan. But he couldn’t get the words out, and knew that if he did it would only make the ride to Jared’s worse. “Just tell me the way.”


	14. Chapter 14

When the pair had finally arrived at Jared’s house, he carefully made his way out of the car- waiting until Connor was out as well- before grabbing his boyfriend by the hand and dragging him all the way to his room. “Can we just cuddle? For a while?” Jared asked, sitting on the edge of the bed and looking up at Connor. “... Please?”

Connor looked around Jared’s room. He hadn’t actually expected Jared to be so open about this, but he wasn’t complaining. Even though he had his worries about their relationship, Connor had come to really like Jared, and if he was asking for affection like this he wasn’t going to say no. “You’re being really forward about this. Are you sure you’re okay?” Connor slowly sat beside Jared at the end of the bed.

Jared fell over to lean into Connor's side. “No, not really.” He muttered hoarsely, tears welling once again. “Fuck.”

Connor frowned and wrapped his arm around Jared. “You know that Evan worrying wasn’t your fault, right…?” Because of course that was tearing Jared up. He lo- liked Evan and being the cause of something like that never felt good.

Jared turned to bury his face into Connor's chest. “'s not just that.” He sighed, bringing his arms up to wrap around Connor's midsection. “I just- I don't wanna talk about it right now. Sometimes I just feel like I wish I could just stop existing.”

Connor tensed up. Jared couldn’t really mean that, did he? Connor rested his chin on top of Jared’s head. “I’m sorry.” He didn’t know what else to say. Should he say he needed Jared? Was that too clingy? Say Jared shouldn’t feel that way? That would be a bit hypocritical.

Jared carefully pushed Connor back until they were laying down. “Jus’ stay with me, like this. for a little while.”

“Okay.” Connor rubbed Jared’s back lightly. “As long as you need.” He said that like he was doing this for Jared, but honestly being held close like this was doing wonders relieving his stress from the day.

Jared pulled Connor impossibly closer, grabbing a loose blanket and pulling it over them. “Thank you.”

It was silent for nearly ten minutes before Connor spoke again. “I’m sorry, you know. For what I said at the Orchard.”

“I'm sorry for all the stupid shit I said today.” Jared mumbled, nuzzling into Connor's neck. “I kept fucking it up. First I made you upset, then Evan.” 

“No, Jared. I overreacted. And Evan just got anxious. None of that is your fault.” Connor pressed a single kiss to the top of Jared’s head. “You did say something that made me mad, but it doesn’t give me the right to say things like that. I’m just- I was just paranoid.”

Jared kissed Connor's collarbone lightly. “'s okay. I don't blame you.” He paused, breathing in Connor’s scent deeply. He smelled like flowers and weed. Somehow it was nice. “We probably should talk about that stuff at some point, huh?” He sighed. “Can that be some other day?”

Connor pulled Jared slightly closer. “Well, I thought we just did, but I guess.” He really didn’t want to ruin the mood. He actually didn’t want to leave ever.

Jared laughed slightly. “I meant- whatever. Another day.” Jared felt the heavy weight of drowsiness pulling at him. “Tired,” he mumbled.

“You should go to sleep.” Connor moved his hand up from Jared’s back and into his hair.

“If I do, are you gonna leave?” Jared asked, fighting his eyes open.

Connor paused, pondering that for a second. “If you want me to, yes. But if not… if I go home now, Zoe will be nosy about where I’ve been, Larry will accuse me of skipping to smoke all day, and it will just be more trouble than it’s worth.”

Jared twisted, hooking a leg over Connor, holding him in place. “Don't want you to leave.” He mumbled, finally letting his eyes flutter closed. He trusted Connor to be there when he woke up.

———

Evan, having eaten the entire Wendy’s meal out of anxiety as he drove home, pulled into his driveway to see an unsurprising lack of his mother’s car. She must have still been at work. Whatever, it was fine by him. At least she wouldn’t ask a million questions about where he went and where the flowers had come from and who had given him that succulent. 

He was exhausted. He didn’t even bother locking his car doors as he trudged through the garage and into the house. He’d left his backpack in the car, too. 

Without changing his clothes, he decided he’d go right to bed. During times like these—when he felt like not even the strongest of medicines could help him feel any better at all—he slept on the couch. It was complicated, and he didn’t think he could explain it if someone asked why. He wasn’t sure if he even understood it. The simple answer was that Evan slept on the couch because he didn’t feel like he deserved the comfort of a bed. The complex answer? Something in the back of his mind told him if he slept on the couch, it would feel as if he were on vacation or at someone else’s home, and that was where the anxious feelings were coming from—just being somewhere different. He needed something to blame them on other than himself. Yeah, that was the complex answer. 

Evan tugged down the blanket that his mother had hung in front of the windows as a makeshift curtain. It had been there for years, every other day Heidi saying she’ll get a real curtain soon. 

He lay on the couch, numb from all the rapid emotions fired at him and by him that day. He pulled the blanket up to his chin as he remembered how angry Jared looked, how upset Evan had made him and Connor. He’d been such a bother that they had to pull the car over to calm him down. Even if Jared’s words were supposed to be comforting, his tone only scared Evan further. He couldn’t imagine how angry he’d made Connor. He swore he’d pay them both back for the ice cream and Wendy’s soon, once he had enough money. Plus interest. 

And the way _friend_ was spat. That broke Evan’s heart. 

At least Jared had remembered how ticklish Evan was. That wasn’t a good thing on the surface—tickling always ends up hurting—but it felt a bit nice to know Jared still clung to their childhood memories. 

It was also nice of Connor to orchestrate the whole thing. Beyond nice, really. Evan honestly had had a great time. He only wished he could earn the right to be invited again. 

When had it gotten dark? How long had Evan laid there, thinking about how pathetic he was? The clock on the cable box said 11:43. Time flies when you’re an anxious mess. 

He figured getting sleep wouldn’t come easily, so he sat up and got his phone—almost dead—out of his pocket. Opening the Mail app, he decided he could get a head start on Tuesday’s letter to himself. It was almost Tuesday anyway, right? He’d email it to his school account so he could print it in the computer lab like usual. 

In the subject, he typed the date. Then, his cursor moved to the body. 

_Dear Evan Hansen,_

_Today is definitely going to be a day, but there’s really no reason to call it great or even good._

_I thought I had friends–I_ think _I have friends. I screwed it all up. But what else is new?_

_I know Jared said he cared about me, and Connor agreed. But how could they? Honestly, if someone knows how they could possibly like someone who feels guilty for every little thing, please explain it to me._

_It’s not like I think they’re lying. I just can’t believe it. Why haven’t they abandoned me already? If my dad can do it, so can they. So can my mom. She should. All I make her do is worry. If I did disappear, she wouldn’t have to do that anymore._

_I don’t think the letters are helping. Dr. Sherman says I’m a good writer, but I can never get the right words on paper. I can’t make him understand. I think I need a higher dose of my newest pill._

_If it isn’t too expensive, anyway._

_Maybe I should disappear. Everyone would be happier, but at least now I think they’d notice. This isn’t a movie. I know they’d be better off. Especially Mom. Worst thing that’s ever happened to her. Sounds overdramatic, but you’re me, so you get it._

_This didn’t say near enough. I have so much more, but I have a math test, and I need to get some sleep. See you later. If I do._

_Sincerely,_   
_Your best and most dearest friend, me_

Evan wished he had the guts to say what he really felt. 

He hit send. Looking back at the subject line to make sure the date was correct, he noticed a major mistake. 

He hadn’t sent it to himself. He’d sent it to his last contact. He’d sent it to Connor. 

———

It had been weeks since Connor had slept through a full night. He couldn’t even clearly remember the last time, but that night, Connor didn’t wake up once until Jared’s alarm started blaring at 7 AM.

Jared groaned, eyes closed, hand reaching out blindly to hit the snooze button. It wasn't until a moment later he realized that he wasn't alone. “Connor! You stayed,” he observed. 

Connor nodded sluggishly and reached up to rub the sleep out of his eyes. “What time is it…?” Did he sleep in his clothes? Ugh.

Jared glanced at his phone. “7am.” His stomach fluttered as he watched Connor's sleepy expression.

“Fuck, Jared, why do you get up this early?” Connor cracked one eye open and tried to glare at his boyfriend for getting him up at this ungodly hour.

Jared gave him a lopsided grin. “I don't. I have, like, three alarms because I always shut them off.”

Connor groaned. Seven fucking AM and Jared was already smiling at him like _that_. He rolled over and sat up. “Jesus..” Where was his phone? Did he leave it in the car? “Too early.”

Jared shrugged, arm snaking around Connor's waist. “Yeah,” He didn't want him to leave just yet.

Connor looked down at Jared, who was sleepily smiling and holding onto him like he didn’t want him to go. Not that Connor really planned on leaving. Jared didn’t have his car and it would be rude of him not to drive him to school, especially when he was looking so tired. Connor would be fine wearing the same clothes to school two days in a row, right? It wasn’t like he had a great variety of clothes in his wardrobe anyway, no one would notice. Shit, he was just staring.

Jared yawned, eyes falling closed again. “Back to bed,” he urged, tugging on Connor's waist slightly. He had multiple alarms for a reason. He was still tired as hell.

Connor knew that he wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep, but he lay back down anyway. Might as well. “Only until your next alarm, though,” he whispered, allowing Jared to close his eyes and try to sleep again.

Jared tried to will himself back to sleep, which wasn't especially difficult considering how tired he still felt. He had slept better than usual last night. Why did Connor make it so easy to fall asleep? His presence was comforting. He edged closer to him.

Connor wrapped his arm back around Jared and stared at the ceiling. He felt insanely refreshed. Maybe it had been the emotional exhaustion of the previous day or just Jared, but that was the best sleep he had had in a long time. Connor let his thoughts wander as Jared dozed. He didn’t know how long it would be until the next alarm, but this was pretty nice, considering that Connor didn’t usually like being this close to people.

The next alarm went off at 7:30, making Jared grumble and untangle himself from Connor. He shut the alarm off, sitting up with a huff. “Stupid alarms,” he mumbled, yawning again.

Connor smiled slightly and sat up. “Come on, Jared, time to get up.” As much as Connor liked just laying here, and as much as he _wasn’t_ a fan of school, school had Evan, and he really felt as if they needed to be at school for him to make sure he was still okay after yesterday.

Jared sighed, tiredly getting to his feet and stretching. “Ugh. Mornings are dumb.” Truthfully, Jared felt anxious about going to school. Then he would have to face Evan, and face the consequences of what he had done yesterday.

“They are, but we all have to suffer them.” Connor stood up and looked around to see if he had brought his phone with him. Jared’s room was a bit of a mess, though, so it wasn’t exactly going to be easy to find it.

Jared pouted but didn't protest, instead moving over to his closet to get a change of clothes. “I don't think you want to wear any on my shorts, but I might have a shirt or jacket or something that might fit you.”

Connor looked down at himself. “No one will notice if I wear the same jeans.” He really didn’t like the idea of wearing the same clothes as yesterday though. “Maybe a shirt…? I can just wear my hoodie over it.” He didn’t want to be too invasive.

Jared hummed as he rifled through his clothes. “Oh, this works.” He pulled out a black shirt, tossing it to Connor. On the front, in simple white letters, it read “Homophobia is Gay”. Jared grinned, giving him a thumbs up.

Connor stared at the shirt before snorting and dropping it into his lap, “Why do you have this?”

Jared shrugged, pulling out some clothes for himself. “The internet is a wonderful place, my friend. Impulse buying is very easy.”

Connor nodded, smiling slightly at the shirt. “I’m going to change.” Jared’s sense of style was… different, to say the least, but it said a lot about him, and Connor found that he really wouldn’t mind wearing his shirt. He stood and started towards the door. He was pretty sure he’d seen a bathroom when Jared dragged him in last night.

Jared hummed in acknowledgement, not turning around. “Second door on the left,” he informed, waiting for the door to close before he started changing his own clothes.

Connor followed Jared’s directions down the hall and into the bathroom. He quickly rinsed out his mouth to rid himself of morning breath and pushed his hair back so that it wasn’t such a mess. He changed into Jared’s shirt, noting that it was a bit short on him, showing a sliver of his midriff, but no one would notice with his hoodie zipped up. As he was putting the hoodie back on, his phone fell out of the pocket. “Shit,” he mumbled, reaching down to pick it up.

He turned it on and saw that there was only 12% battery left and sighed. He was just about to shove it back into his pocket and go out to Jared when he saw a notification for an email.

He pulled up the email, reading who it was from. Evan? Why had Evan emailed him last night? As he read the email, dread settled in the pit of his stomach. Shit.

Jared, after he finished changing and freshening up as best he could, wandered out of his room and down to the bathroom door. Connor had been in there for a while. Or maybe he had just left? The thought worried Jared. He timidly knocked on the bathroom door. “Con? You in there?”

Connor stared at his phone. Did Evan mean to send this to him? Was he okay? Well, obviously he wasn’t okay but was this- He couldn’t even bring himself to think it. His ears were ringing.

Jared tried the doorknob. Locked. “Connor?”

It wasn’t a suicide note. Connor tried to regain his breath. It couldn’t be. It was probably just sent by mistake. Right. Okay. Was that Jared? Connor turned his phone off and stuffed it back into his pocket. “Y-Yeah?”

Jared frowned. “Are you okay? You sound upset.”

Should he tell Jared? Connor started to pace. Jared would probably know better what to do, but telling other people things like this was an ultimate betrayal of trust, and it would only worry Jared and there was no need for that right now, he was feeling better this morning. He’d just ask Evan about it today. But then again, this was the second letter that Evan wrote like this and- Connor was freaking out a little bit and he needed to calm the fuck down before Jared got too worried. He had to say something. “I’m fine.” That sounded convincing, right?

Jared's frown turned into a grimace. “You don't sound very fine. Open the door,” he rattled the knob again. “Please.” He tacked on as an afterthought, not wanting to seem too demanding.

Shit, now Jared was worried, good job, Murphy. Connor took a deep breath and put on his most neutral face before unlocking the door.

Jared pushed it open, eyes instantly locking on Connor's face. It was blank. “What's up?” Maybe he had been mistaken, maybe Connor was fine. Maybe he was just being nosy.

“I’m fine.” Connor clenched and unclenched his fists in his hoodie pockets. “We should get going to school.” He tried not to make eye contact with Jared for too long, lest he give something away and completely freak out.

Jared didn't want to push. He definitely didn't want a repeat of yesterday. “Okay. But, if something is up, you don't have to hide it from me, okay?”

Connor relaxed slightly and tried to give a reassuring smile. He was pretty sure it looked more like a grimace. “Okay.” He leaned over and quickly kissed Jared’s forehead. “You finish up, and we can go.”

Jared nodded, shuffling into the bathroom. He felt kind of nauseous as he thought about facing Evan, but he knew there was nothing he could do to avoid it. It was time for him to take some goddamn responsibility for once.

\--------

Evan had stayed on the couch, but he hadn’t gone to sleep. Not one wink. His mother had gotten home around 2 in the morning and hadn’t noticed his form in the dark. She’d gone right to bed. 

Now, though, it was light out, and Heidi was standing in the living room facing Evan’s blank expression, hands on her hips, not disappointed, but worried. 

“Why are you on the couch, Ev?” she asked, concern in her voice. 

Evan didn’t know what to do. He certainly could not go to school today. If he had to face Connor after knowing he probably read that stupid damn letter– He’d implode. “I felt sick,” he muttered. Maybe Heidi would let him stay home. 

“And the couch helped? Isn’t that uncomfortable?”

Oh. Evan gulped. “No,” he said. “You always tell me to sleep on the couch when I’m sick.” He tried to make his voice sound pained. 

“That’s so I can hear you in my room if you need help, honey.” Heidi sat on the arm of the couch by Evan’s feet. 

“Well.” Evan didn’t know that. Heidi worked at a hospital, he just assumed she knew couches had magical healing properties. 

“Let’s take your temperature, Evan,” she sighed, standing right back up and going into the bathroom to find the thermometer. 

Great, Evan thought, she’ll know he was faking it. 

Heidi came back and ran the thermometer over Evan’s forehead. “You don’t have a fever,” she said. “So that’s good.” 

“Yeah,” Evan tried harder to sound sick. 

His mother pushed some of his hair from his eyes, revealing a forgotten flower. “What is this?”

Shit. He couldn’t tell her about the orchard; she’d ask too many questions. “Oh, um, my cactus is g-growing flowers again,” he lied awfully. His mother wouldn’t know he only just got a cactus from Connor, nor that the type of flower in his hair would never grow on a cactus. 

“Aw, that’s cute,” Heidi said, smiling at Evan. “Why don’t you go ahead and get ready for school, then this afternoon we can have pizza or something to make you feel better.”

So staying home wasn’t an option. “Okay,” Evan said, trying not to let his fear and disappointment lace through. 

Heidi patted his covered feet and hopped back up, smiling again before going into the kitchen to check on her coffee. 

Evan pushed the blanket aside and sat up. Today was going to be a horrible day. He was certain.


	15. Chapter 15

Connor had felt Jared staring at him the entire ride to school. Neither of them spoke much, but it wasn’t too uncomfortable. Jared seemed to understand that Connor, for reasons he didn’t know, didn’t want to speak much, and Connor was relieved that he accepted that. Connor had thought about sending a text to Evan or trying to call him, but decided that that would just end up making Evan feel worse about it before they even got to talk. So he chose to wait until they could talk face to face. Whenever that would be. If he was okay. Which he had to be.

Jared was pretty sure something was up. At first, he had been looking at Connor because he had gotten distracted with his sharp facial features, his eyes running over them appreciatively. But then he noticed the concern creasing his brow, worry pulling at his lips ever so slightly. Jared didn't bring it up; Connor would say something if he wanted Jared to be aware. But that didn't help the ever present unease boiling low in his stomach.

As Connor pulled into the school parking lot, he scanned the front of the school for Evan. He saw no sign of him, though, which he told himself wasn’t odd because Evan never stood outside of the school before class with everyone else. Connor pulled into his regular parking spot and turned off the car. Half of him wanted to jump out and go looking for Evan immediately, but the other half wanted to just stay in the car, unknowing but safe with Jared.

Jared bit his lip in contemplation. “Um, Thanks. For everything.” He could feel himself blushing. Way to ruin your carefully crafted image, Kleinman. Nice job. He quickly leaned up and pecked Connor on the cheek. “I…” he trailed off, not sure what he was trying to say. “I, um, I appreciate it. A lot.” Smooth. He winced internally.

Connor relaxed, if only slightly, and turned, pulling Jared in for a real kiss. “Thanks for letting me stay,” he added when he pulled away, “and for understanding.” Connor almost went back in for another kiss, but remembered his real goal of finding Evan and leaned back. He gave Jared a quick half-smile and got out of the car.

Jared, still slightly breathless from the kiss, did the same. He got his backpack, heading towards the building entrance. May as well get it over with. He was going to have to face Evan sooner or later.

Connor followed Jared into the school and tried not to look too anxious as he scanned over the crowds of students. He didn’t see him in the hallway. Connor felt dread and anxiety settle in the pit of his stomach. ‘ _Maybe I should just disappear._ ’ Where was he?

————

Evan had parked exactly opposite of his normal spot, on the other side of campus. He thought about skipping, but the school would call his mother to notify her of his absence and the guilt would drive him mad. So he watched the seconds tick by on his phone’s clock app until the bell would be ringing. He planned on staying in his car until then. His heart was beating fast—he was scared of what Connor might say to him once he inevitably found him. 

Finally, the time came, and Evan had five minutes to get to class. He gulped, grabbing his backpack and getting out of his car numbly, locking the doors behind him. He made his way through the hallway to his classroom, trying to keep his head low. 

\------

Jared grimaced as he sat in his second period class, not paying attention. Was Evan avoiding him? Probably. He wouldn't be surprised, especially after what he pulled yesterday. Jared sighed to himself. What a Fucking Disaster.

\----------

Zoe had been on her way to lunch when she saw Evan practically scurry out of the school doors. She blinked and watched as he slunk out to the back parking lot. What was he doing?

Of course, Zoe followed him. She had thought that they were going to sit together at lunch again, and told herself that she only wanted to know if he still planned on doing so. But really she was just curious. Evan Hansen was pretty interesting under all the stuttering and sweating, and he was especially interesting when he was sneaking off of school property, looking like he was running from someone. She followed him all the way to the back of the junior parking lot, where she knew he didn’t usually park. Huh.

Evan sat in his car in the backseat, waiting for lunch to be over even though it just began. He knew he had to face Connor soon, but he didn’t want to do it with so many people around. The only solution was obviously to avoid it indefinitely. No one would find him here. He’d taken extra precautions. 

Zoe contemplated leaving for only a moment before covering the last few steps to Evan’s parked car and rapping purposefully on the window.

Evan’s lidded eyes snapped open, blood running cold. Who had managed to track him down? And so easily? He slowly turned to see Zoe tapping on the glass. Shocked, he scrambled into the front seat, turned the car on, and lowered the window. “H-How can I help you?”

Zoe smiled. _How can I help you?_ Evan was too cute. “What are you doing out here?”

Evan gulped. “Oh, um, y-you know, just, uh, a car thing.” Smooth. 

Zoe stared at him. She looked pointedly at the keyless ignition, then to the empty passenger seat. She turned her gaze back to Evan, her eyebrow raised, looking surprisingly like Connor for a second. “I’m getting in.” Without waiting for permission, she stepped back and around the car to the passenger side.

“Uh-” Evan couldn’t stop her. He was never good at telling people not to do something. He let her slide in and stayed silent, trying to think of anything to say. He had no real excuse. And this was _Zoe_. He couldn’t make a fool of himself in front of her again. 

Zoe leaned back in the seat and watched Evan for a minute. He looked especially nervous for some reason. She stared down at her nails, hoping that it would make him look a bit less like he was about to throw up. “So who, or what, are we hiding from?”

Evan, in all his desperate attempts to think of a smart answer, blurted “Your brother.”

“ _What?_ Did he like, yell at you or something? Did he hit you? Is that why he didn’t come home last night? Oh my god, Evan, I’m so sorry, he can just be such a _psycho_ sometimes, I-“ Zoe cut herself off. She needed to work on her jumping to conclusions and assuming the worst in her brother. As much as she resented him the past few years, he had gotten a bit better lately. “I mean, what happened..?”

Evan was staring at her in horror. “N-no! He didn’t do anything! It was me, actually.” He could tell Zoe the truth, right? He felt like he could. Like he should. She could be an objective player in the game and tell him what was the best thing for him to do. 

Zoe bit the inside of her cheek to keep herself from interrupting. She really wanted to know what happened. Especially if Connor wasn’t the cause of whatever problem had Evan so worked up. But then again, Evan would say it was his fault even if Connor had hit him or yelled at him.

Evan took a deep breath and continued when Zoe didn’t respond. “I, um, I sent him a...sensitive email,” he started, “and it- Well, it wasn’t really meant for anyone else to see? It was kind of personal actually? S-so I’ve just been kind of hiding from him.” That should do it, right? He didn’t have to tell her the whole story. 

Zoe’s jaw nearly dropped. A sensitive email? There was no way that could mean anything but- ….but Evan wouldn’t tell her about _that_. Evan was shy and sweet and Zoe was about 80% sure that her brother was dating Jared Kleinman. At least, based on the picture Evan had sent her, and the fact that her brother said he now had a boyfriend. Zoe had to know more. She continued looking at her fingernails. “Evan can I ask you something?”

Evan looked up at her from where he was staring at the steering wheel. “S-sure,” he said. What could she want to ask? What was in the email? What would he tell her? He couldn’t just explain it all, it was far too complicated. He couldn’t tell her that he’d basically written a pseudo-suicide note every day for about a week or two. He waited for her question in silence, afraid of the inevitable. 

Zoe took a deep breath. How could she phrase this? Evan was obviously worried about this ‘sensitive email’ that he sent Connor, and if it was what she thought it was, then she had to do something about it. She gently reached out and placed a hand on his arm. “Have you ever liked someone…?”

Evan stared at her hand on his arm. Shit. Did she know? She totally knew. “M-Maybe,” he said quietly, caught in the act. 

Maybe? Zoe smiled a bit, nervously twirling her hair with the hand that wasn’t on Evan’s arm. “Do you like someone now…? Is that why you’re afraid to face Connor..?”

“That’s not why I don’t want to see your brother!” Evan shouted, then composed himself. “Sorry. No, that’s not, um, why.”

“It’s not..?” Now Zoe was just confused. Was Evan covering for himself or being honest or…? “Evan…” He obviously didn’t want to talk, so Zoe dropped it. “Do you think he’s mad? Because he usually is mad but he gets over it pretty quickly.”

“I-I just don’t want him to, um, think of me any differently because of, because of what was in the email,” Evan tried to explain. He checked the time. Had it really only been five minutes? Damn. 

Zoe blinked. “You do know he’s g-“ she bit her lip to stop herself from continuing that sentence. She learned her lesson the first time she outed her brother like that, and though she was pretty sure that Evan did know, she decided to say something else. “You do know he’s not going to think of you differently, right? You’re like his first friend in forever, and he’d have to be really crazy to mess that up.”

“I dunno,” Evan said. “He has Jared. They...kiss a lot.” He really didn’t know what he could say. Zoe obviously knew about his crush on her, but he couldn’t just bring it up. If she didn’t say anything else about it, she wasn’t interested. There wasn’t anything he could do about that. 

So Jared _was_ Connor’s boyfriend. Okay. Well that sure made Evan’s sensitive email much worse. “Gross.” She wrinkled her nose, trying to bring some light back to the conversation. “It’s sad that my weird brother gets a boyfriend before I do.”

Evan had to be looking into things. That wasn’t a hint, was it? It couldn’t have been. She wasn’t asking him out. She would have if she wanted to. He laughed nervously, obviously fake. “Yeah…” It was better to agree than to conflict, right?

Zoe sighed, pulling her hand away from Evan’s arm and leaning her seat back. “Wanna share my lunch?”

Evan watched as Zoe adjusted the seat. He really needed to work on telling people not to do things he didn’t want them to do. “N-No thanks, I’m really not, um, hungry at the moment.”

Zoe frowned. “Not hungry? But it’s lunch time. Breakfast was like a million years ago.” She started unpacking her lunch. Zoe didn’t even think to ask if Evan was okay with her staying for lunch. “Your loss. I have _delicious_ leftover gluten free lasagna.”

“Nice?” It came out like a question. Evan really was hungry, of course. He nearly always was. Heidi chalked it up to being a ‘growing boy’ but he was certain something was just wrong with him. What wasn’t?

Zoe started eating her food, watching Evan. “So were you just planning to sit here until lunch was over?” Just as she finished her question, Evan’s phone pinged in the backseat.

C: _We’re going to have to talk sometime, Evan. Where are you?_

Evan awkwardly scrambled to the backseat, crawling on his hands and knees over the console. He fixed his shirt when he arrived in the seat and nodded as a response to Zoe’s question, staring at the message on his phone. Could he ignore it? Connor was right, of course, they would need to talk soon. Evan knew that. But he felt his anxiety bubble in his chest at the thought of it. He didn’t send anything back, but he didn’t put his phone down. 

Zoe watched Evan climb into the backseat awkwardly. He started playing with his phone and she turned back to the front of the car. Lunch would be over in around ten minutes, and she was determined to stay with Evan until then. She continued to eat her lunch and waited for Evan to start up some kind of conversation. If he didn’t, they’d just sit in silence. He didn’t seem in much of a mood to talk anyway.

Evan wasn’t in a mood to talk, but he did anyway. “C-Connor texted me.” He had decided he’d tell Zoe as much of the truth as he felt comfortable with. Plus, she knew Connor. She could help with the situation. Evan felt warm around her. Probably because of his undying crush, he knew, but he still felt like he could trust her. 

Zoe turned back around in the seat, fork in hand. “Really? Is he threatening you?” There she went again. She cringed inwardly.

“Not directly,” Evan mumbled. He shifted back in the seat, sighing. 

“...What do you think he’s going to do? I mean what’s so bad that has you this scared, if you think he’s not going to yell at you?” Zoe stabbed at the stale lasagna.

Evan gulped. “Worse. He’s going to judge me.”

Zoe snorted. “Ev, sorry to break it to you, but _everyone_ judges you.”

Evan kept looking forward. “Yeah, like that’s not a super real fear of mine.”

Zoe shrugged. “Everyone judges everybody. I judge you, you judge me, Connor judges you and you judge Connor. It’s only natural. He’s not, like, gonna hate you for it. I mean, I don’t think anyway.” She didn’t really know. Depending on what the letter said… but she wasn’t going to tell Evan that. It would only work him up more.

Evan took a deep breath. “Okay,” he said, voice high and crackly. “D-Does that mean I have to talk to him?”

Zoe thought for a second. “Eventually, yes. But it doesn’t have to be today. If he doesn’t track you down, that is.”

“He just might.” Evan groaned. He shouldn’t have written that stupid letter. 

“Hey, I’m sure it’ll be fine.” Zoe offered a half smile. “And if it’s not, you’ve at least got me, right?”

Evan looked up in surprise. “I-I do?”

Zoe nodded. “Yeah, I signed your cast, didn't I? That means we’re friends. And I’m _much_ cooler than Connor anyway.”

Evan looked back down at his phone. “You really are pretty cool,” he admitted. He swiped up on the notification from Connor, but then something went wrong. As his screen was only holding half his attention, he’d accidentally tapped the wrong button. Instead of dismissing the banner, he’d somehow managed to share his location with Connor for the next hour. “Shit,” he mumbled. But it was too late. 

Zoe preened at the compliment but her mouth fell open in a gasp at the curse. “Evan Hansen cursing? I didn’t even think you had the ability. What’s wrong?” She leaned over the console and into the back to look at his phone.

Evan buried his face in one arm, the other, unbroken one holding the phone in a way so Zoe could see easier. He didn’t say anything, instead groaning in exasperation. 

Zoe stared at the phone. “Shit is right.” Connor was probably on his way over now, if Evan was right about how sensitive the email was. And judging by Connor’s text, he was. She shifted back into her seat. “Should I go, or do you want me to stay…?”

How could Evan tell her he didn’t want her knowing about the email’s contents without upsetting her? “Uh, you should probably get ready for class, don’t you have band next?” Was that stalkerish? At the moment, he didn’t care. 

“Oh, yeah, I do. Shoot, it’s on the other side of campus.” Zoe shoved her things unceremoniously back into her backpack. After a second of thought she turned about in her seat again and awkwardly pat Evan on his upper arm. “Good luck.” She honestly hoped that whatever was going to happen ended up working out. Both Connor and Evan needed friends. With that, she gave one last reassuring smile and got out of the car.

“Thanks,” Evan muttered, not uncovering his face. How could a day like yesterday—with the orchard and ice cream and laughter—give way to a day like this? Poetic injustice. 

As soon as Connor got the message, he started on his way to the parking lot. Lunch was nearly over, and Connor had spent the majority of it looking for Evan. He got to the parking lot with ten minutes left in lunch. He followed the tiny map on his phone until he saw Evan’s car in the distance. Only when he saw the silhouette hunched in the back seat did Connor pause. Evan had given him radio silence all day, but they did need to talk. Connor had to tell him that he didn’t deserve to disappear. That Jared was a nervous wreck just because he thought Evan was avoiding him today. But it only just hit him that this conversation was going to be hard for both of them. Connor scratched nervously at his arm. He took a deep breath. He had to do this for Evan. He walked the rest of the way to the car and opened the back door, squeezing into the backseat by Evan.

Evan’s breathing was labored, his head held low. He really needed to learn how to lock the doors. He shook with fear, but said nothing. Connor would say something eventually. He sat in silence—save for the involuntary noises of his own breathing—waiting for something to happen. 

Connor looked over Evan as soon as he got into the car. He looked like shit. Connor’s gaze landed on Evan’s cast tracing his eyes over the signatures there. He picked habitually at his nail polish. They sat in silence for a few minutes as Connor scrambled for something to say. All of his words seemed to have suddenly vanished. “Evan?”

Evan couldn’t seem to think for himself. “Hi, hello,” he heard himself say, his voice cracking. What did that even mean?

Connor cleared his throat. He kept his eyes on Evan’s cast and not his face, which wasn’t turned towards him anyway. “Did you mean to send it?”

The email or his location? Evan figured it didn’t matter. Both answers would be– “No,” he choked out, willing himself not to cry. He hoped he said the right thing. Connor had to have known the answer to that. 

Connor nodded slightly. It was obvious that Evan didn’t plan on being an active participant in this conversation, closed his eyes and steeled himself for what he was about to say. “I…” this shouldn’t be this hard. Connor had thought about these things for years. “I know how it feels.” He stared straight ahead. “What you wrote.”

Evan’s eyes looked up, but not high enough to see Connor. His throat was already aching as if he’d been crying. “Which part?” he asked cynically. His voice sounded like he’d laughed, but it had really just caught in his throat along with the pain that was already there. 

Connor tensed slightly. He forced himself to relax so that Evan wouldn’t see. “I don’t know, the part about no one missing me if I just downed all my fucking pills?” Shit. That didn’t help, Murphy. “I mean-“ Shit.

Pills? That was oddly specific. More ominous than odd, actually. And a perfect opportunity to talk about Connor instead of Evan. “A-Are you okay?” His voice was genuinely concerned and squeaky. 

Connor waved off the question. “I just mean that I know what you meant. So you’re… not alone.” Connor cringed inwardly. That sounded terribly cheesy and lame and he wished he was better at these things.

“That kind of makes me feel worse,” Evan mumbled. He was awfully upset that one of two of his friends felt that way. He wouldn’t wish it on anyone. 

Connor frowned. Damn, that was supposed to make it better. Sure, he was no success story but he had thought solidarity would at least make Evan feel a bit better. Part of him wished that Evan had sent the email to Jared instead. He’d be much better at this. Connor took a shaky breath, “Two weeks ago I thought I could disappear and no one would notice. I had no friends, my parents would be infinitely happier if I wasn’t always being a problem child, and Zoe would be perfectly fine with hating me for the rest of her life. I could have just.. faded away.” He dug his fingernails into the palm of his hand. “But now there’s you and Jared and suddenly I’m not so easily erasable, you know?” He let out a dry chuckle. “I don’t know about your mom, because families can be shit, but I know that Jared’s been worried since last night that he upset you, and that I almost went crazy this morning thinking you had hurt yourself. So.. that’s something, right?”

Evan couldn’t breathe. The backs of his eyes stung. He was totally confused. “You were...worried?” How could they have been worried? He was just a third wheel. But Connor had come immediately to find him after he accidentally sent his location, so that meant something, right? And did it mean that they might...care? Evan stared straight ahead, not daring to let the tears fall. If Connor and Jared cared, he could try to be better. For them. 

“Of course I was fucking worried, Evan.” Connor finally looked back over at the boy beside him. “But… I didn’t tell Jared.” Evan looked exhausted. A part of Connor wanted to reach out and pull him close until he believed that he wasn’t alone anymore. Connor reached his hand out slightly and placed it gently on Evan’s cast.

Evan still didn’t make eye contact. “You didn’t? Why not?” He hadn’t expected Connor to tell Jared, but he also wasn’t sure why he wouldn’t. He was glad, though. Jared would just feel worse. 

“It would just.. worry him. And I didn’t know if you even actually..” Connor cleared his throat. “It’s not my place anyway.”

“I’m sorry,” Evan croaked. He really was sorry. “I never meant to worry you.” A tear was dangerously close to falling. “I guess that’s all I do, huh? Worry people.” If he wasn’t around, people wouldn’t be so worried. 

Connor laughed slightly. “People worry because they care, Evan.” He couldn’t bring himself to directly say ‘I care’. That may be a bit much for now. Implied would do. “Don’t be sorry for that.”

“But if I did just– just disappear,” Evan thought aloud, “no one would have to care. No one would have to worry.” Wasn’t that right? He pulled his broken arm out from under Connor’s touch. 

Connor’s chest hurt at Evan’s thought process. He pulled his hand back but turned sideways in the seat so that he was looking directly at Evan. “No. Evan, you have to listen to me about this. Jared would be _crushed_ , and I..” he swallowed down his urge to close up and hide his feelings, “Evan, the first day of school, it wasn’t Jared who made me think that maybe I shouldn’t.. disappear. Really, he was a bit of an ass. You were what changed my mind.”

Evan looked at him finally, in shock. “What? What did I do? Lie to you about writing a letter to myself because I was too ashamed to admit I have problems?” He really hadn’t meant to say that, but he couldn’t force himself to keep his voice calm and words simple. 

“You spoke to me like I was actually human?” Connor tried for a smile but it came out much more like a grimace. “I read your letter, and it was everything that I’d been feeling… I don’t know. It convinced me not to long enough.”

“I helped you?”

Connor’s eyes caught on Evan’s cast and how he was cradling it like it was hurting him. He tore his eyes away. “A bit, yeah. Enough to stop me from..” he trailed off, glancing back at Evan’s arm, something a bit like suspicion and fear flickering in the back of his mind. “From doing something that day.” Though Connor was used to talking about his suicide plainly, he had noticed that Evan only specifically used the term ‘disappear’ and he wasn’t going to make him more uncomfortable than he already was.

“Y-You were gonna…?” Evan couldn’t make himself finish the question. He had _saved_ Connor? Had he really? Just by talking to him? That made a little sense. If Evan had had someone to just talk to, maybe he wouldn’t have done what he had. Maybe his arm wouldn’t be in a cast. But then would he have still met Connor? Would it just be Connor dead instead of Evan’s arm broken? He would rather have a million broken arms than know he could have saved a life. Lunch was over, but Evan wasn’t through with this. He watched Connor with concern and surprise in his eyes. 

Connor shrugged off the concern. “Yeah.” He didn’t want pity. He didn’t want _attention_ no matter what Larry said. “The point is, whenever you feel like… that… you can call me. I don’t care when, I don’t care why, I’ll listen.”

“Oh,” Evan mumbled, fiddling with his phone. He looked down again, the eye contact a little too much for him. He was silent for a moment before a ring was heard from Connor’s pocket. 

Connor cursed under his breath and pulled his phone out of his back pocket, which was rather difficult considering he was cramped behind the seat Zoe had leaned back. He blinked down at the contact name and looked back up at Evan. Evan had just called him from no less than two feet away. Something lurched in his chest. He clicked the answer call button and sat the phone down between them. “Tell me how I can help.”

Evan let his phone fall to his lap. “I-I don’t know,” he managed to say. At least he was honest. He looked back up at Connor through his hair. 

Connor found that maintaining eye contact with Evan right now was extremely difficult, but he didn’t shy away again. “We don’t have to talk, you know. We don’t have to do anything. We can just sit here until school’s out.”

“A-And miss class?” Evan squeaked. He knew he didn’t have much going on that day, but if he just skipped...he’d feel guilty. He already thought about doing it. 

“What are we missing, like two classes? You’ll be fine.”

“I-I guess,” Evan whispered, not wanting to dissent. He did feel better about it with Connor there. 

“Look, if anyone finds out, you can just say that I kidnapped you and was pressuring you to do drugs.” Connor shrugged.

“I wouldn’t do that!” Evan promised. He was serious. If they got caught, they’d get caught together. 

Connor couldn’t fathom how Evan could be so loyal even to someone like himself. Evan looked so dead serious about this hypothetical blame game that Connor almost smiled. “We won’t get caught anyway. If you want to stay here, that is.”

“I-I think I do,” Evan admitted. “Wish we could go to that orchard. Everything is so calm there.” He had really fallen in love with that place. 

Connor thought for a second. “We could. Sneak back into the school, get your stuff and just go. I’m pretty sure it’s still between classes, so no one will notice.”

“We could do that?” Evan’s voice was loud and squeaky; full of hope. 

Connor had no will power. None. He wanted Evan to sound like that forever. He nodded. “Let’s do it. Come on.” He opened the car door and got out, gesturing for Evan to follow.

Evan took a deep breath. He tried convincing himself they weren’t breaking the rules. With a long exhale, he stepped out of his car with Connor. 

Connor started towards the school with Evan. Things would get better. They would go to the Orchard, Evan would end the day on a better note than this morning, and Connor would not cave to his urge to reach out and take Evan’s hand in a show of comfort. Connor shoved his hands in his pockets. Things would get better.


	16. Chapter 16

Evan sat in the passenger seat as Connor drove his car out of the school parking lot and onto the road. He was feeling incredibly guilty. He didn’t like breaking the rules, mainly because of how his anxiety would ruin any fun he’d have. But with Connor there, he felt like the guilt would subside soon. He stared down into his lap, where he held the note he’d retrieved from his locker for the day. This one wasn’t specific. It just said that he was beautiful. Nonetheless, it was sweet. He was glad Connor let him get his things before they left. 

Unlike the drive the day before, Evan didn’t have much music to listen to. He wasn’t subscribed to any radio plan, and he didn’t have any CDs, so the public radio was the only source of entertainment. He didn’t want to distract Connor, though, so he didn’t turn it on. He sat perfectly still, trying to get over the anxiety of skipping class. 

The drive to the Orchard was silent, but not too tense. Evan spent the entire trip either looking at the note that Jared had written for him or looking out the window. Connor thought back to how Evan had turned a pleased pink and formed a tiny smile when he had first read the note. Connor hadn’t asked what it said, he didn’t want to intrude, but Evan had looked so happy and flattered at the slip of paper now cradled in his hands that Connor had almost felt as if he was going to spontaneously combust in the middle of the hallway.

After a few more minutes of simultaneously comfortable and awkward silence, though the awkward part may have been Connor’s imagination, he pulled up beside the gate to the Orchard and parked the car.

Evan looked up. “We’re here?” he squeaked. The smile on his lips hadn’t disappeared. He was feeling better about missing school now. 

“We’re here.” Connor confirmed, unlocking the car doors.

Evan smiled, genuinely for the billionth time since he read the day’s compliment. “Can I eat one of the apples this time?”

Connor felt a smile tugging at his mouth as he got out and started towards the gate. “If you want. I’m sure we can find at least one good tree left.” He breathed deeply, taking in the fresh smell of wildflowers, grass and apples that was the Orchard. He turned back to see if Evan was following.

Evan wasn’t far behind. The scene of the landscape still caught him off guard. It was just as beautiful as yesterday. “Apples are nice,” he said, not really thinking before he spoke. He felt good there, like he could say anything and Connor wouldn’t judge him. 

Connor nodded softly and watched Evan look out over the only place that Connor had felt safe at for so long with that open smile. “Let’s go get you some apples then, Evan.”

“And flowers?” Evan asked, skipping ahead. Already, he forgot about skipping school, about the awkward conversation he’d had with Zoe, about the email he’d sent Connor. He just wanted to enjoy this place forever. 

“If we leave here and I _don’t_ have a flower crown, you’re not coming here with me again,” Connor said in a mock serious tone.

Evan’s smile widened. “Perfect!” He fell back in line with Connor so they could walk together. 

Connor turned in the direction of where he knew the less overgrown apple trees would be. They walked in silence for a moment, side by side. Connor felt comfortable like this with Evan. It was just… easy. Easy, comfortable and warm. Like he’d known Evan forever. Connor pulled himself out of his thoughts when he saw the shining apples on the trees. He sped up slightly. “So… What did today’s secret admirer note say?”

Evan kept his pace. “That I’m beautiful,” he said without hesitation. The scenery made him feel free. No point in hiding the truth here. Thinking back to the note made him smile more. He really was a roller coaster of emotions lately. 

Connor bit the inside of his cheek. Jared was right. Evan was beautiful. Connor didn’t think before voicing that exact thought. “Well, they’re right.” He didn’t look at Evan to gauge his reaction. He didn’t even feel guilty for saying it. If Jared could tell Evan those things, Connor could at least agree. Albeit less anonymously.

Evan stopped walking. “Y-You think so?” he asked in confusion and surprise. The compliments coming from someone he couldn’t see were easier to hear than those coming from a person with a face, a voice. The latter felt more real. 

Connor felt his face warm slightly. He didn’t expect Evan to be so surprised about it. “I mean- Of course. For a guy who likes my sister,” he tacked on as an afterthought, looking ahead.

“Right…” Evan started walking again. He didn’t notice how his heart had skipped a beat when Connor had complimented him. 

Connor stopped suddenly in front of one of the larger apple trees. “Do these look good? I can never tell, I always get bad ones.” The apples looked good on the outside, even if on the smaller side. “You’re the tree expert.”

“Ah, I’m not really an expert.” Evan inspected the tree. “Still, this one looks pretty good, yeah.” He approached it, but to his dismay, he couldn’t reach any of the fruit. 

Connor reached up, only stretching up slightly to reach one of the apples. He wiped it off with the sleeve of his jacket before handing it to Evan. “I’ve eaten one too many rotten apples for a lifetime, you’re eating one first.”

“Gladly!” Evan said as he took the apple and immediately took a small bite. He chewed it for a moment. “I think they’re fine,” he informed. 

“What?” Connor had never found a single good apple in all the years he’d been here. “Not really a tree expert? Liar.” He reached up and plucked his own apple from the tree.

“Taste it, it’s not bad,” Evan said, shrugging. He took another bite. “And you’re the one who found this tree, Connor.”

Connor shrugged, sitting at the base of the tree. “I guessed. You knew.” He took a tentative bite of the apple. It was actually really good.

“Do you like it?” Evan asked, sitting himself down on the grass against the trunk of the tree. 

Connor nodded enthusiastically around the bite of apple. He shuffled over until he was leaning against the tree trunk as well, just to Evan’s right. He leaned his head back against the wood and closed his eyes. He was glad that Evan had asked to come here, it was just what he needed after the worry-filled morning.

Evan felt like he could tell Connor anything. “This is the first thing I’ve eaten all day,” he admitted, stuffing another large bite into his mouth. 

Connor paused, thinking back to that morning. “Fuck, me too.”

Concern filled Evan’s eyes. “What? Are you okay? You should eat, Connor!” He didn’t realize how hypocritical he sounded. 

Connor opened his eyes and looked directly at Evan. “Really?” That was the most hypocritical thing he’d ever heard. “I didn’t think about it. Jared didn’t have breakfast either.”

“You were with Jared?” Something in Evan’s chest panged, but he ignored it. “L-Last minute sleepover?” Without him. 

“...Yes. I didn’t want to go home, and he didn’t want to be alone so we just decided-“ Connor cleared his throat. “Nothing really… we just slept, you didn’t miss anything.” Why did he feel the need to clarify that? It was none of Evan’s business. And Connor didn’t want to downplay how staying with Jared was just as relaxing to him as this was with Evan. What the fuck was wrong with him?

“Sounds nice,” Evan said. “I’m glad you both got that time.” He was. He was happy for his friends. He was happy that he had friends to be happy for. 

Connor nodded again. He didn’t feel any real pressure from Evan to respond, but he found himself going out of his way to talk anyway. “You deserve it too.” And he did. Evan deserved someone like Jared who insisted that yes, he did like him, and gave out kisses like they were casual, like they didn’t mean everything to someone who was so deeply broken. Evan deserved that.

Evan’s expression had turned blank. He was staring at nothing in the distance, his voice flat and unbelieving. “You really think so?” He didn’t sound hopeful. He was only halfway paying attention. There was no way he really deserved something like that. That was too good for him. He hadn’t earned it. 

Connor frowned. “Of course I do. You’re my friend.” He looked down at his fingers, picking at his nail polish. “And I’m not the only one who thinks so, according to your locker notes. So if…. if Zoe doesn’t see that then it’s her problem.”

Evan shrugged. “Apparently,” he muttered. Connor was right, he had to be. Someone obviously cared enough to put notes in his locker every day. That person must think he deserves that kind of thing. 

Connor felt a bit useless. Evan obviously wasn’t fully believing him, but he didn’t know what else he could do. Other than just be here. He’d never really had to help someone like this.

The sound of Evan biting his apple filled the tranquil silence. “So you wanted a flower crown?” he asked. 

Connor hummed softly in assent. “Only if you want to make one.”

Evan nodded. “It’s calming.”

“Then make me one..?” Connor looked around and plucked a tiny flower, the closest one to him.

“I can’t braid hair, but I can try my best,” Evan said, nodding enthusiastically. The flower Connor had was far too small. “Stay there. I’ll go find some good ones. I know a place.” The way the last statement fell off his tongue as if he’d been to the orchard a million times both confused and calmed him. He shrugged it off, standing up. “You’ll let me go, right? Jared never lets me go out of sight alone. I’m not a baby.”

Connor looked down at the flower in his hand. On one hand, he was still worried about Evan and his mental state, but on the other, he didn’t want to baby him and ruin the trust that he felt was forming between them. He looked up at Evan, “Yeah, you can go. But I can’t promise I won’t look for you if you’re gone for over ten minutes.”

“I’ll be back in eight!” Evan promised, shooting Connor a small smile and going off in the direction of the patch of flowers he’d seen yesterday. 

\----------------------------

Jared wasn’t an idiot. Nor was he blind. He had been on his way back from lunch, after a failed search for Connor and/or Evan, when he saw them. Just the two he had been searching for, together. He didn’t approach them, however. He just watched. They seemed to be moving purposefully. Too much purpose to simply be heading to their next classes. He watched Evan open his locker and grin down at the small slip of paper he had put in it, his heart fluttering ever so slightly. Then he followed them from afar, watching them make their way outside and into Connor’s car. He watched them leave together, not a word from either to him. 

Yet, he wasn’t upset. He wasn’t sad or angry or jealous. He was actually fairly pleased. This would give him time. Time to find a way to make it up to them for what he did yesterday without worrying that one of them might find him before it was complete. Perfect. Plus, they might get closer while they were away. Jared counted this as a win win situation. So, he decided that if they were skipping, he may as well do it too. He wandered out of the front doors easily, hopping in his car and already plotting in his head as he made his way to the nearest store. Apology gifts were always nice, right?

\-------------------------

Evan had gotten back rather quickly with the flowers, and Connor now had his very own flower crown. The two talked about insignificant things, and mostly lay underneath the tree in a comfortable silence. Connor was glad that Evan was feeling good enough to just sit like this now. He tried not to think about how broken Evan had sounded in the back seat of his car, wishing that he wasn’t alive, or how he cradled his arm like it was a reminder of something terrible. Instead Connor focused on the clear blue of the sky and Evan’s quiet facts about the flora around them.

Evan’s rambling slowed down eventually. He suddenly sighed, absently moving closer to Connor for comfort. “It’s really beautiful here,” he breathed. “It’s like we could just watch the sun and the wind and the little animals for forever.” He really did feel better, but he was very aware that it was only temporary. Soon, this feeling would give way to the anxiety and worries currently pushed crudely to the back of his mind, but ever present and always prodding on his consciousness. He wished they could stay in that moment for eternity, so that neither of them had to return to the world he knew hurt so badly. 

Connor turned his head slightly. Evan was looking away, and Connor found himself tracing his profile, highlighted by the dappled sunlight coming through the bright green leaves that hung over them. “I feel that too.” And he did. He knew it would have to end, and he’d have to go back to his house and school and the paranoia and disgusting feelings would come back, but for now, everything was peaceful.

Evan watched the leaves of the far off branches sway and shake with the breeze. He looked high into the trees, at their tops—how tall they were, how above the rest of the world, above the dangers and troubles. Evan shook his head to himself and looked down at the flowers in his lap left over from Connor’s crown. He couldn’t let himself think about the tops of the trees anymore. It brought painful memories. The worst part was that it also brought the urge to do it all over again, the thought that maybe it could end differently the next time. He sighed. “Thank you. For, um, for bringing me here, and for caring, I guess.”

Connor turned back to the sky, slightly worried that Evan would catch him watching. He shrugged slightly. “I like having you here.” He didn’t bother commenting on caring.

“Well, um, thanks anyway, Connor,” Evan said, clearing his throat. “Y’know, it- it means a lot to me.”

“I’m just… glad you’re feeling better.” Connor knew he hadn’t fixed anything, but if Evan felt the slightest bit less alone now, it was worth it.

“Aren’t you? I hope so,” Evan admitted, turning to face Connor. He reached up and fixed a flower in his crown so it was straighter. He smiled. 

Looking at Evan’s soft smile in the sunlight, bits of grass in his hair, something clicked in Connor. All he could see was Evan and his bright eyes and his warm fingers in Connor’s hair and his watery smile in the backseat of his car, how he lit up when he talked about cactuses the second day of school, how he still had the tiny pine tree air freshener tied to his bag, how he had cradled Bingo yesterday, and his chocolate ice cream smeared face. Before he could even register what he was doing, Connor was leaning into Evan, eyes never leaving his. Evan didn’t move back, so Connor closed the distance.

Evan squeaked as Connor’s lips collided with his own. He felt the world freeze around them, some sort of tingling in his fingers and toes. As he processed that, _yes, Connor Murphy was kissing him_ , he hadn’t noticed himself softly pushing back, _kissing_ back. Suddenly his eyes were closed, and all he could taste was Connor. He was warm, and he was soft. Evan could tell why Jared liked kissing him so often. Wait, Jared. Evan’s eyes shot open and he pulled his lips away from Connor’s, staring into his eyes. There wasn’t anger or disgust in them, only confusion and concern. “C-Connor-” he tried. “What about– What about Jared?” He didn’t question himself, how he’d kissed a boy and how he was pretty sure he’d liked it. That could come later. Connor and Jared’s relationship was more important. 

Connor blinked his eyes open in confusion. His mind was clouded with Evan, Evan, _Evan_ and it took a moment to snap back into reality. He licked his lips. They tasted like strawberry chapstick. All of the sudden, he caught up with himself. Jared. Jared who he had woke up with this morning, Jared with his soft sleepy smile and bedhead, Jared whose shirt he was _still wearing_ , and fuck. Holy fuck. Evan was watching him with a confused expression, and Connor scrambled backwards, into the tree. “ _Fuck_.”

Evan followed him closer to the tree, on his hands and knees. “No, no, come back, it’s okay! It’s fine! Don’t hurt yourself!” The sound that resulted from Connor’s body colliding with the tree trunk wasn’t pretty. It must have been painful. Evan didn’t want Connor feeling any pain. This was their day of rest and peace.

“I- I- _fuck_ , Evan I’m sorry I didn’t-“ Shit, this wasn’t what he had planned. He meant to make him feel better, but now Evan would hate him and think that everything he said was fake and Jared would find out and Connor couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t _breathe_.

Evan shook his head violently, but his words—like always—failed him when he needed them most. He had to show Connor he wasn’t angry. He had to let him know he wasn’t going to leave him. Before he could think, he found himself once again centimeters from Connor’s face, feeling his heated and frantic breaths on his own cheeks. Then, in a flash, he was kissing him again, desperately, trying to convey how _not angry_ he was. 

Connor gasped into the kiss. Evan was- but he liked- Connor let Evan kiss him, hoping, despite everything he knew that told him that this would end terribly, that Evan didn’t hate him for this. Fuck, now Connor felt tears pricking at the backs of his eyes. He ruthlessly pushed the emotions down and let his hand move up to Evan’s waist.

Evan ignored the discomfort in his chest and stayed like that for a few moments, pulling away only to say what was the only thing on his mind. “I-I’m sorry,” he choked. “I panicked, I–” He took a deep breath. “I’m not angry!” he squeaked. His face was beet red, his head swimming. 

“You’re-“ Connor hated himself. If he could have just controlled himself they could still be enjoying an afternoon and Evan would be better and everything would be okay. “You’re not…?”

Again, Evan shook his head exaggeratedly. “No! No. I’m not. No!” The anxiety and confusion of the situation gave him a familiar lack of filter. 

Unwanted thoughts cluttered Connor’s brain. Evan only kissed him again because he didn’t know what else to do. Connor had ruined everything. _Everything_. Evan just wasn’t rude enough to make his disgust obvious. Connor pushed Evan away from him. Not hard enough to hurt him, just enough to get him away. To push away the concerned looks and the soft lips and Connor couldn’t do this, _what the fuck had he done_. “Stop it.” Connor didn’t even know if he was talking to Evan or his own mind.

Evan fell backwards, not because of the force, but because of the unexpectedness of it all. He clutched his broken arm in his hand, which had become sort of a habit. His breathing was fast and shallow, his eyes filled with fear and remorse. He had no idea what he was supposed to do. It was all fine until he’d kissed Connor again. He ruined it like he always did. “I-” He gulped for a breath. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, shrinking back in on himself. If Connor wanted him to stop, he would. 

Connor was shocked out of his thoughts by Evan’s broken voice. He brought his hands down from where they had somehow become fisted in his hair in his attempts to ground himself and shut up the angry voices. Evan was on the ground a few feet away, terror in his eyes and his knees pulled into himself. Connor gulped back his anger and looked at his hands. God he was such a monster. “No.” His voice was softer now. “I don’t- I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-“ He couldn’t finish the sentence.

They were cut off from any further conversation by both of their phones chiming suddenly, startling both of them.

Evan gasped loudly and awkwardly scrambled for his phone, dropping it once he managed to pull it from his pocket. He picked it up and crudely wiped some dirt and grass from the already cracked screen. It was a text from Jared. Sent to both Evan and Connor, in a group chat. He didn’t even know his phone could _do_ group chats. He never had more than one person to talk to. 

Connor watched silently as Evan opened his phone. He knew that this wasn’t anywhere near resolved, and that Evan was probably, understandably, upset about what Connor had done, or worse, blamed himself for Connor getting too caught up and pushing him away. Connor bit the inside of his cheek and pulled his own phone out. It was Jared. He felt an instant pang of guilt.

J: _I have some stuff for u guys_

Evan read the message twice. _U guys_. That meant both of them. Jared had something for him? He whispered a “What?” to himself. His heartbeat hadn’t slowed down, and his fingers were too shaky to type a real response, so he sent a simple one. 

E: _?_

J: _meet me at my car later_

Connor frowned at the messages, guilt gnawing at him from the inside out. Jared had gotten them stuff and he had- fuck, he was a mess. Connor glanced back up from his phone to see Evan staring resolutely at his own phone. Connor thought for half a second about asking him not to mention any of this, but he knew that even on the off chance that Evan agreed, it would do more harm than good. He looked back down. No use in putting it off.

C: _We’ll be there_

Evan whimpered. “W-We’re going back to school?”

Connor cringed. He had promised Evan that they would skip and that he would help him feel better. That obviously wasn’t going to happen. “He said later. We’d have to go back and get your car anyway. School’s almost over.”

Connor was right. Evan was just being childish. “Can I eat another apple?” he asked weakly. He needed Connor to know he really wasn’t angry or scared of him, especially since his first attempt to do so had hardly worked out. 

“Yeah, of course.” Connor didn’t understand why Evan wasn’t taking the easiest path out of this situation and leaving as soon as he could. But he certainly wasn’t going to point that out.

“C-Can you reach it for me?”

Connor reached up and picked an apple. He quickly wiped it off, as he had done the first time, and handed it to Evan.

Evan gave Connor his best and softest smile as he took the apple and sat himself back against the tree. Maybe if he acted normal, it would give off good vibes.


	17. Chapter 17

Jared laid across the back seat of his car, an arm thrown lazily over his eyes as he dozed. He hadn’t gone back to class, obviously. When he had gotten back from the store he had elected to sit in the back seat, carefully writing out some specially worded letters for Evan and Connor to try to explain himself and his actions, and what he had actually meant. Once those were finished, he shot off a couple quick texts in a group chat, thrown his phone into the front seat, and waited.

———-

Evan, having eaten his apple and calmed down considerably, read the messages in the group chat and turned to Connor. “I-I guess we should go, huh?” 

Connor had managed to calm slightly as Evan ate his apple. He nodded and stood up. “He’s probably waiting.”

Evan stood up, too. He acted on an impulse for one last chance to show Connor he really wasn’t angry and softly stuck his last flower into the taller boy’s hair. “Yeah.”

Something in Connor’s chest loosened. Maybe Evan didn’t totally hate him for what he did. He didn’t seem to, anyway. Connor almost apologized again, but stopped himself. He reached up and touched the flower gently, “Thanks.”

Evan shot him a soft smile, eyes crinkling at the ends. He gestured for Connor to lead the way back to his car. 

Connor led Evan out of the Orchard and back to his car silently. In less than twenty minutes they’d be back at the school and he didn’t know exactly what he would do when faced with Jared. He tried not to focus on it, and focused on his new hope that Evan didn’t hate him yet.

Evan hummed to himself, a tactic that had proven to keep his heart rate down. He was having a crisis. He knew he liked Zoe, but so far, he’d had three kisses—his only kisses—with two boys. He’d even kissed Connor back. So, really, what did that mean for him? 

Connor drove the two back to the school in a different sort of silence than they drove to the Orchard in. Evan was humming quietly to himself, and it had a calming effect on Connor. About halfway to the school, Connor managed to get his voice to work. “Evan…?” He kept his eyes trained on the road, “When- When we get there, I’ll tell Jared, okay? You don’t even have to be there. I’ll tell him that I...“ Connor still couldn’t say it out loud.

Evan stopped his humming. “What? No, I can help! Moral support!” He really had no idea what Connor was talking about. He’d assumed they were both just going to not tell Jared about what happened under the tree. For all Evan knew, Connor could be talking about professing his love. 

“Moral support?” Connor raised an eyebrow, “I’m not going to make you chose sides, Evan.” He knew if he did, it would go horribly no matter what. Jared would be upset if Evan didn’t chose him, Evan would be upset over having to chose, and Connor would be wrecked no matter what Evan did.

“Choose sides?”

Connor frowned. Did Evan completely forget what had just happened? Had Connor Murphy finally fucking lost it? “When I tell Jared. You don’t have to chose sides, you don’t have to even be there.”

“Okay, I-I heard that part. What are you talking about?” Evan’s eyes held concern. 

Connor was beginning to get a bit irritated. Was Evan joking? Really? It wasn’t funny at all, and if he thought he could- Connor took a deep breath. “Did I completely hallucinate what happened under that tree?”

“Oh, I-I thought you were talking about, um, something else, sorry,” Evan spouted out, embarrassed. He looked down. So Connor was going to tell Jared they’d kissed? For some reason, that only intrigued Evan.

“What else would I be talking about?”

“Well, I don’t know!” Evan didn’t think he could explain his thought process. 

Connor frowned. They were only a few minutes away from the school now. “I have to tell him, I’m not making you keep that sort of secret.”

“I-I understand! It would feel like you were cheating on him if you didn’t!” Evan hadn’t meant to say that, but it had come out, and it was too late. He was only trying to make things better. 

Connor flinched, swerving slightly into the middle of the road. The car behind them honked loudly and he grit his teeth. “It would- You know, we aren’t even officially dating, so I’m not cheating, Evan, that wasn’t cheating.” He didn’t know why he was defending his actions. He knew what he did was terrible, and he did feel like he was cheating, but Evan did not need to know that.

Evan shrank back in on himself in the seat. He gulped. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled, “I thought you guys were official.” He just needed to shut up, then everything could start getting better.

Connor could see the school in the distance, so he tried to relax his grip on the wheel. It didn’t work very well. “No, I’m s- You were right, Evan.” The statement was supposed to come out apologetic, but Connor knew it sounded too sharp. He wasn’t trying to take it out on Evan. He thought so, at least.

Evan only absently nodded, still looking down, knowing Connor probably didn’t see his response. He was hoping whatever Jared had going on would fix all of this. He would have his own conversation with Jared later.

Connor sighed when he didn’t get a response and kept quiet. Nothing he would say right now could do any good. He pulled into the school parking lot.

Evan looked up, deciding if he could help Connor locate Jared’s car in the parking lot, maybe he wouldn’t feel so bad. He knew Jared always parked in the same place, so really his help was redundant and completely unnecessary, but he still pointed. “There he is.”

Connor pulled into the parking space beside Jared’s car. He couldn’t see Jared in the front seat as he parked.

“I-Is he in there?” Evan inquired, leaning forward to see better. 

“I don’t see him..” Connor said, quietly, opening the car door.

“Are we early?” Evan squeaked as he got out of the car swiftly. He took a few steps toward Jared’s car. “Wait, he’s in the back!”

Shit, he was in the back. Connor walked around the front of the car and tapped on the window of Jared’s.

Jared shifted at the sound, cracking his eyes open. He must've fallen asleep. Damn, it had gotten hotter in the car, good thing they had woken him up before he got roasted. He pulled himself up, cracking the door open with a sleepy grin at the two boys. “Hey guys, sup?”

Evan attempted a positive attitude. “Jared! Hi!” He didn’t answer his question. 

Jared’s sleepy grin only served to remind Connor of that morning. Guilt was going to eat him from the inside out, but he didn’t want to say anything yet. “Why are you sleeping in the back of your car?”

Jared shrugged nonchalantly. “School’s a drag, I wanted a nap, I guess.” Well, kind of. He had actually been waiting for them for a while and he must've dozed off. Was school over yet? What time was it? “Uh, I have some stuff for you guys,” he mumbled timidly. Which was highly uncommon for him. Timidness wasn't really his style.

“You...said so,” Evan added, noticing something off in Jared’s demeanor. He couldn’t quite tell what it was. 

“Stuff…?” Connor looked Jared up and down. He looked exhausted and almost… worried. It put Connor even more on edge.

Jared gave them a crooked grin. “Um.. apology gifts?” It felt dumb now that he had to say it out loud. “To say sorry. For yesterday.” He turned, reaching over into the front seat. When he turned back to them again, he had two bags in his hands. One green, the other black.

Evan tilted his head. “What’s going on?” He was still confused, feeling left in the dark. 

Jared gulped, shrugging. “Uh, I felt bad. Or, I _feel_ bad. About what I did to you, yesterday. How I ruined it for everyone. So, um, I got you guys these.” He held the bags out to Evan and Connor respectively. He didn't look at them as he spoke, instead he kept his head down.

Connor paled, holding the little bag in his hands like it was a bomb. “Jared… you didn’t have to.” He _shouldn’t_ have. Connor felt absolutely awful for making him feel bad, and worse for knowing he was going to do it again.

Evan took the bag in front of him and looked Jared in the eyes. “Especially for me,” he mumbled, not quite thinking before he spoke. He was trying to read the emotions in Jared’s gaze. 

Jared still didn't look up. “Yeah. I did.” He couldn't really feel better about what happened until he made it up to both of them. “It's nothing, really. Just… an apology. You don't have to say anything. Just, y’know, accept it.” He shrugged again. 

Connor stared at the black bag. If he refused the gift, it would make things messier, but just looking at it and thinking that Jared got it for him because he felt bad when Connor was the one who yelled at him yesterday made him feel sick. He hesitantly pulled the paper out of the bag, pulling out the first thing he saw. It was an old worn book, with fancy silver script along the spine stating that it was a book of poems, Edgar Allen Poe. The next thing in the bag was a pack of two expensive looking fountain pens. Connor swallowed around the growing lump in his throat and pulled out the last thing in the bag. It was soft. “A stuffed panda?” His voice broke on the last syllable.

Jared looked up at him with a blush and timid smile. “I thought it was cute,” he coughed, cheeks reddening further. “Like you.”

Connor felt like he was either going to start crying or start laughing hysterically. He wanted to kiss Jared and tell him that this was probably the nicest thing anyone had ever done for him, but he stayed back and turned to Evan to watch him open his gift.

Evan watched Connor reveal his gifts with intrigue. It took him a second to realize it must be his turn now. Shakily, he opened the bag in his hands, a sea of green shining inside. What caught his eye first was a small packet of seeds, and upon further observation, he noticed that they were for strawberry vines. He didn’t know Jared paid enough attention to him to remember that strawberries were his favorite fruit. Moving on to the next item, Evan felt his face grow red with fluster. Beside the seeds was a very fancy, top grade flower pot. It was one Evan had seen in the store several times, but had to pass up because of how much it cost. Biting his lip to avoid tearing up, he pushed the pot to the side to reveal a small plush cactus, a little happy face on the front of it. It was frankly adorable. Suddenly, Evan remembered he was being watched and quickly composed himself—albeit rather badly. “J-Jared…” He didn’t know what to say. It was all perfect, he wanted so badly to hug the shorter boy and show him how thankful he was. Was that overstepping his boundaries? He thought with Connor there it may be a bit insensitive, but nonetheless, he found himself wrapping his arms around Jared tightly.

Jared blinked in surprise, arms reflexively wrapping around Evan. “Oh! Does this mean you accept my apology?” He laughed slightly to try and stamp down the tense atmosphere.

Evan didn’t let go. “What do you think?”

Jared laughed again, patting Evan’s back comfortingly. “That's, uh… not all? I also have some… things that I wrote. For both of you. But it's just kinda dumb and emotional, y'know? You probably don't want them.”

Connor’s heart melted watching Evan and Jared hug. He caught Jared’s eyes over Evan’s shoulder and tried to give a reassuring smile. “We want them, Jared.”

Jared smiled back, nodding slightly. “Okay,” he confirmed, pulling away from Evan so that he could reach into his pocket and pull out two carefully folded sheets of paper. He handed the boys their respective notes– he had written their names on the outside to make it easier– and cleared his throat awkwardly. “Um, yeah. You don't have to read them right now, if you don't want to. It might be kind of… awkward? I dunno.”

Connor ran his fingers over Jared’s messy scrawl on the front of the note. He could pocket it and read it later, but that would just make him feel worse once Jared knew how awful he was and what he did. He glanced up at Jared and carefully unfolded the letter.

_Dear Connor Murphy,_

_Weird, isn't it? That's how I started that email that got us talking. Maybe if I hadn't overheard you and Evan in the computer lab that day we wouldn't be here right now. But, I did. And here we are. I'm sitting in the back of my car writing these for you two, because_ – there was something that had been crudely scratched out in pen before the letter continued– _because you mean a lot to me. You and Evan, you guys are really all I have, you know? Kinda sad, huh? We've only been talking to each other for a couple of weeks and yet here I am, feeling like you're one of the only things worth living for on this stupid fucking planet. I'm sorry, for all the stupid shit I have ever said to you, or will ever say. Let's face it, I'm a dumbass, and I'm going to fuck up more in the future. But, just know that, no matter what happens, I’m glad you're you. And I'm glad I know you. You really do mean so much to me. Thanks for putting up with my shitty jokes._

_~jared_

Connor’s eyes stung. Jared’s note was so perfect and touching and so amazingly Jared. Fuck, Connor was crying in front of people for the first time in years. He gently folded the note back up and put it in the bag with the other things Jared had gotten him. Looking in the bag, Connor’s heart swelled. He placed the bag carefully on the ground and stepped closer to Jared. Sure, spontaneous kisses hadn’t gotten him anywhere good today, but he didn’t know what he could possibly say to something like that. He put his hands on Jared’s cheeks and tilted him up for a gentle kiss, probably the most emotional kiss that the two had ever shared. Connor poured everything he couldn’t voice into that kiss.

Jared’s heart stuttered as their lips met. His eyes automatically fell closed as he reciprocated, pouring in just as much feeling as the other boy was. He pulled back after a moment, giving the taller boy a crooked grin. “Don't cry, Con-man. That's the opposite of what I want.” He forgot about Evan momentarily, leaning up to kiss the tear tracks staining Connor's cheeks. 

Connor let out a small chuckle and wiped his eyes, keeping one hand on Jared’s face. “Shut up, dumbass,” he muttered, affectionately, “this is the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me.”

Jared blinked at him. “It is?”

Connor nodded silently. He didn’t deserve this, but fuck was he glad that he had it.

Jared grimaced internally. Well, damn. He could definitely do better than this if Connor wanted him to pull mushy shit. He made a mental note to top this with something else at some point. An apology wasn't something that should really be considered someone's nicest thing. “Does this mean you forgive me?”

Connor stepped back, not losing eye contact with Jared. “I forgave you last night, Kleinman.”

Jared smiled at him. “I know, but you can never be too sure!”

Evan stood awkwardly by Jared’s car, trying not to ruin the other boys’ moment. While they talked, he examined his own letter. He didn’t open it yet, but he ran his fingers absently over the indentions made in the paper from the writing. He’d never seen Jared this remorseful. They’d known each other over a decade, and Evan had only rarely heard Jared say sorry at all. Connor must have been right; Jared must actually care. 

Jared looked back up at Evan. “You still don't have to read it now, if you don't want to, y’know.” 

“I-I can read it now,” Evan said, unfolding the paper carefully. 

_Dear Evan Hansen,_

_Hey, evan. I’m not sure what to say, to be completely honest. We’ve known each other since we were kids. Weird. And all this time I’ve been a total asshole. Sorry. I have a reason, but I don’t think you really want to hear it. So i won’t make excuses. I’ll just say sorry. Sorry for everything I do and have done to upset you or ignore you or make things worse. I don’t mean to, really. I get… distracted. You mean a lot. To me, and connor. He means a lot to me, too, but that’s for his note. I’m writing yours first. Don’t tell him that, though. Evan Hansen. You are amazing and kind and sweet and you deserve so much better. You and him, you’re all I have, y’know? Friend wise. Camp friends. A lie. No one liked me at camp. No one puts up with me. Except for you and him. Why? Why do you bother? I don’t know. Maybe i never will. Thank you. For being there, even when i act like a piece of shit and yell and make stupid jokes that aren’t funny. Thanks. I really do care about you, evan. Even if you don’t believe it. Its true. Sorry i’m a stupid friend. I’m trying to be more nice. For you._

_Sincerely, me (jared)_

Evan took a while to read it, not because he was slow, but because he read it twice. When he finished the second time, he looked up from the paper and at Jared, who was standing in the same spot as a minute ago. Evan didn’t know why he’d expected him to have moved. He had a lot going on in his mind, but his voice was soft and concise. “You care that much?” he asked shakily, glancing toward Connor, but quickly facing Jared again. Would it be okay to hug him a second time? Evan thought against it. Jared would initiate if he wanted another hug. “And your camp friends, they- They’re not real?” Maybe he shouldn’t have said that with Connor right there, but oh well.

Jared flinched slightly at Evan’s words. “Well, yeah. To both. I mean, I did meet people at camp, but they didn’t like talking to me.” Jared shuffled awkwardly in place, looking down at his feet.

“Who wouldn’t like talking to you?” Evan replied. Perhaps he sounded hypocritical, since in the past he had admittedly avoided Jared on occasion in an attempt to escape conversation or insults, though he had stuck with Jared over the years anyway. He was the first one Evan had thought of when his mother had suggested asking peers to sign his cast.

Jared scoffed slightly, looking up at Evan with a raised eyebrow. “Evan, on the first day of senior year I told Connor that his hair was ‘school-shooter chic’. You know I’m fucking awful to talk to.”

“You did say that, but look who’s still here!” Evan gestured to Connor. “We both are! And sure, you spit insults like no one’s business, but I think I always knew it was just a front.” Something about the way Jared walked, the way he was different when it was just he and Evan, the way his voice sounded just _off_ when he made those jokes stood out to Evan. He might not have put all the pieces together soon enough, but now was better than later.

Jared gave him a sad, crooked smile. “Yeah, but, to be fair, I’ve been following the two of you around like a lost puppy.” He shrugged. “Thanks, though.”

“A lost puppy is the best kind of puppy. That just means it’s ready to be found. And, Jared, really, you will be found. Maybe you have been! By us! I hope so!” Evan couldn’t help but let his positivity--a coping mechanism, really--bleed through.

Jared made a choked sound, turning away from both boys. “Evan, you guys are gonna make me cry, stop it. If I cry then you’ll cry and it won’t stop.”

“Dr. Sherman says crying is good for the soul,” Evan mumbled, folding his letter back up and sticking it in his bag like Connor had with his.

“Good for the soul, but not good for my amazingly macho image.” He cleared his throat, turning back to the boys with a new, easy grin plastered on his face. “I saw you guys sneaking out of school earlier. Was it fun? I’m not upset or anything, it’s fine. You guys _are_ friends, after all. Where did you two go, though?”

Evan’s breath didn’t quite hitch, but it did _something_. He looked up at Connor, since he knew the taller boy might want to explain himself. He wasn’t sure if Connor was planning on telling Jared about the latter half of their adventure now or later.

Connor looked up from examining the book that Jared had gotten him. It really was a beautiful book of poems. He shot a glance toward Evan, but quickly turned back to Jared to answer his question. “The Orchard.” He kept his answer short, not wanting to turn this conversation in that direction with Evan standing nearby.

Jared nodded. “Was it fun?”

Connor shrugged, focusing on keeping his face neutral. “Just needed a day off, and Evan agreed to come with me.” Well, that was a complete lie.

Jared's eyebrows furrowed slightly. “I mean, that fair, but what did you actually do there? Just more flowers or what? You guys were gone for a hot minute.”

Connor forced himself not to look at Evan. If he did he might give something away, and he still wasn’t ready. He focused on a point over Jared’s shoulder and ran his fingers through his hair to give him something to do with his hands. “We just hung out.” A flower fell out of his hair and onto the cement.

Why was he acting so strange? “Okay.” Jared didn't want to upset him by prying. He still felt mildly uneasy for some reason, though. 

Suddenly, Evan stepped forward. “We kissed!” he blurted, looking shocked at his own words. His eyes darted to Connor, fear evident in their sparkle. “I’m sorry!” he said quickly, then repeated several times, the shock not subsiding from his expression. 

Jared blinked, looking at Evan blankly. “Huh?”

Connor’s heart sank watching Evan dissolve into apologies over his mistake. “I- It was my fault.”

Jared shook his head as though to clear his thoughts. “Wait- what? You guys kissed? That's why you've been acting so tense?”

Connor cringed at the vocalization of it. “Obviously.” That came out too harsh. “But it’s not Evan’s fault, he didn’t even know, and he didn’t- I initiated.” It was very important that Jared knew it wasn’t in any way Evan’s fault. 

Jared was quiet for a second. “Okay. That's fine. You don't have to get so worked up, I'm not mad. I mean, I kissed him too. So now we're even, right?” He cracked a small grin to try and lighten the situation.

Connor frowned. “You’re _not mad_?!” How could Jared not be mad. That wasn’t at all the same. He was acting like this was nothing, and that was actually making Connor a bit mad. He deserved to be hated for this, what the fuck was Jared on?

Jared blinked. “No?” Jared frowned slightly. “I mean, wouldn't it be kind of… hypocritical of me if I were?” Connor already knew how fucked up Jared was. So what if they kissed. Actually, the idea of them kissing was weirdly appealing to Jared. No, gotta push that thought out of his head. “I mean, it was just one kiss, right? It's fine.”

Again, Evan couldn’t stop himself. “It was two!” he blurted again, immediately looking very displeased with himself. “I-I did the second one, so, um,” he trailed, trying to make it sound better for Connor.

Jared grimaced. “This is really upsetting you two, isn't it? Do you really feel _that bad_ about it?” He didn't want that. He wanted them to be happy. Hell, initially he had intended to have them maybe get together to begin with. He wasn't even meant to be part of this equation. “If you really feel that guilty, then kiss me, Evan.”

Evan gasped cartoonishly. “How would that make me feel any less guilty?!”

Jared gave him a crooked grin. “Then we'll all be even, right? No need to feel guilty. We’ll all have kissed each other. Wait, unless, you two want to, like be together now? Without me? Is that what's happening?”

Evan shook his head in confusion. “What?” he squeaked. 

Jared stepped back suddenly, gulping in fear. “A-Are you guys nervous about this because you want to get together now?”

“What?” Connor exclaimed, incredulously. “No, of course not.” How could Jared even think that? “Especially not after what you just did for us. I don’t- that’s not what this is.”

Jared let out the breath he hadn't realized he was holding. “Oh, thank God. I was scared– or, uh… look, you guys, you don't have to get upset. Not for my sake. Here,” he stepped closer to Evan, kissing his cheek. “Now it's fine.” He turned back to Connor again, pulling him down carefully to kiss his cheek as well. “Kisses for everyone, right?”

Connor frowned. “Is it really okay, Jared?” It shouldn’t be okay. He knew that he and Jared had only been dating a few days, and that that only began because of one drunk kiss, but he had still _cheated_. And the guy that he kissed was the one that he knew Jared was head over heels for.

Jared rocked back on his heels. “Do you intend to kiss any other people?”

“....No…” Connor couldn’t believe that Jared was taking it so well.

Jared nodded. “Then it's okay. If it were anyone else, I probably would be upset. But, it's Evan. So it's fine.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Evan piped in. 

Jared tensed. He had almost forgotten Evan was standing right there. “Uh, it means you like Zoe, s-so it fine, right? Aren't you supposed to be straight?”

Why did that sting? “I’m supposed to be…” Evan mumbled. 

Connor almost rolled his eyes at the mention of Evan’s crush on his sister. He thought back to Evan kissing him the second time and flushed slightly. “You don’t have to be.”

Evan stared at the ground. “I don’t?”

Connor shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant. “Not if you aren’t. You don’t have to define as anything. We aren’t all as blatantly gay as Jared here.”

“I-I’m confused.” Evan was entirely overwhelmed. He couldn’t get a grip on any coherent thought. 

Jared hummed, leaning back against the side of his car. “Don't think so much into it. Do you like girls?”

Evan immediately thought of Zoe, how her smile lit up the room and how genuine she was. “Definitely.”

Jared nodded. “Do you like boys?”

Evan glanced reflexively toward Connor, then up at Jared, and finally down again. His fists clenched. “I...I don’t know.”

“Did it feel bad when you kissed boys?”

Evan hesitated. “No.”

Jared shrugged. “Well, there you have it. Congrats Evan. You're not straight.”

“W-Wait, I don’t understand-” Evan cut himself off, staring even more intensely at the ground. 

“It’s not something you just understand and move on, Evan.” Connor had never really had a problem with realizing his preferences, but it was probably strange to suddenly realize you like guys. “You don’t need to dedicate yourself one way or the other, anyway.”

“Dedicate myself?” Evan sounded even more confused. 

“I mean to like- I meant to naming it?” Connor nudged Jared to encourage him to word this better, because Connor was obviously just scaring Evan.

Jared nodded. “Evan, you don't have to decide that you're bi or pan or whatever. You can just accept that you sometimes like dudes and sometimes ladies. Don't worry about labels for now. Wait until you’ve figured yourself out more.” 

“You guys think I–” Evan gulped. This was untrod territory. “You think I like...boys?”

Jared shrugged again. “You like kissing, right? Even though it was with a boy? Would you ever consider doing it with a boy again?”

“I don’t know!” Evan all but yelled. “Is that allowed?! I don’t think that’s allowed! I like girls!” He liked _Zoe_.

Connor shook his head. “You can like more than just one or the other, Evan. You don’t have to be gay to like guys. And you don’t have to be straight to like girls. You can be in the middle.”

Evan rubbed the back of his neck. “That’s a thing?”

Connor nodded. “Have you never heard of bisexuality?”

“What? What is that?” Evan was feeling overwhelmed again. First he was being given gifts, then various emotions later, he was having a crisis. 

“Uh.. bi people like girls and guys the same way? Both.” Connor rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. Evan wouldn’t be thinking this at all if it weren’t for that kiss.

“Both,” Evan echoed, not so much as a question. “Maybe, um, m-maybe so.”

Jared hummed. “I mean, if you want, I could kiss you and find out if you really do like boys,” he teased. He was joking. Mostly. 

Evan looked up at Jared through his hair. “You’re not serious.”

Jared blanched slightly. “Wh- Do you want me to be?”

“Do you want to be?” Evan shot back, voice sharp but unsure.

Jared glanced at Connor worriedly. “I-” What was he supposed to do? He didn’t want to hurt Connor. He obviously saw kissing Evan as cheating, considering how upset he had been after he had done it. Plus, Evan still liked Zoe. “Does it matter? You like Zoe. That’s all you need to worry about, right? What does it matter if you like boys or not if you have a crush on a girl right now.” Jared tried to keep the bitterness out of his voice. He really tried. 

Evan shrank back toward the car behind him. For some reason, Jared’s tone really stung. “I like Zoe,” he repeated, as if he were actually convincing himself rather than informing or reiterating. 

Jared stepped closer to Connor, away from Evan, reaching out so that they were touching ever so slightly. Comforting. “Don’t you?” Why did he sound unsure?

“Yes?” Evan hadn’t meant for it to come out as a question, so he cleared his throat and tried again. “Yes.”

“You don’t sound so sure.”

“Are you really testing me right now?” Evan squeaked, his back hitting the car as he moved even further away from the two other boys. 

Jared shook his head, eyes softening. “I’m asking.”

Something in Evan calmed his breathing, slowed his heart rate, and made his face feel cooler. Was it because of Jared’s eyes, the look in them that might mean concern? Was it the topic? That didn’t make a lot of sense, but it felt right. They both did. He let out a meek noise, somewhere between a whine and a sigh. “I don’t know.”

Connor’s eyes followed Jared and Evan’s back and forth through the entire exchange. He was still disgusted by the idea of Evan and Zoe, but some part of him wanted Jared to keep pushing the issue. Maybe it was some sort of sick masochism that wanted Jared and Evan to kiss and get it over with. “How do you not know?” He found himself asking.

“I just don’t know!” Evan yelled. Why was this so hard to understand? Not just for Jared and Connor, but for himself as well. What was going on with him?

Jared put a hand up in surrender. “Evan, it’s okay. You can not know. This is probably a lot for you right now, right? Just… take some time to think it over, yeah? Sort it out in your head.”

Evan took a deep breath and squeezed the plush cactus he didn’t know he’d taken out of the bag. “Okay,” he breathed. “Okay.”

Jared sighed, yawning. “We should probably go home. It’s getting kind of late,” he paused. “Well, it isn’t, but I’m tired.”

Connor nodded in agreement. They all needed to calm down a bit after today, and though they really hadn’t resolved anything in his opinion, Jared and Evan both looked too tired to get anything done. “Right.”

Jared turned to Connor, pulling him down into a kiss. “Bye.” He waved to Evan. “See you guys tomorrow.”


	18. Chapter 18

Jared sighed as he wandered into his bathroom. He had gotten home, changed into some flannel sleeping pants, and was now getting ready for a hot nap. He liked to wash his face before he did, to avoid breaking out- and getting his pillow dirty with face grease. Face grease is gross. He paused as he turned away from the sink, eyes locking on a crumpled black shirt on the ground. That must be Connor’s from that morning. He must've forgotten it. Jared felt torn. Would it be creepy to do what he wanted to do? Probably. But no one had to know. Jared swiftly pulled off his shirt, grabbing the one off the ground and sliding it over his head. It was long on him, and smelled of weed and flowers. Jared quickly dashed but to his bedroom, jumping into bed. For some reason, it felt like he was doing something he shouldn't, and he wanted to hide in his bed. He was very tired. A nap would do him good, especially after everything that had happened lately.

——————

Luckily, Connor got home before the rest of his family. Cynthia had some sort of yoga deal today, Zoe was probably staying for jazz band, and he hoped that if he shut himself up in his room right now, no one would ask where he had been the previous night or find out that he had skipped that day. Before he locked his bedroom door and went radio silent for the night, he sent a quick text.

C: _What I said about calling me still stands, Evan._

Connor shut his phone off and locked his door.

——————

Evan went straight to bed. He didn’t care what time it was or how hungry he was. He wanted to be asleep. He kept his phone with him, but left Connor on read when he received the message from him. He understood. He just didn’t know how to respond. He didn’t speak to his mother. Eventually, he fell asleep, his mind racing until his subconscious took over. 

—————-

The next morning, Jared had ended up waking up far earlier than he had intended. He hadn't been able to fall back asleep, so instead he had an early morning. He got to school an hour before usual, so rather than wandering around inside, he set his bag down and sprawled out across a bench in front of the school. Maybe he could get a power nap?

Evan got to the school with exactly five minutes before the bell. He saw Jared on the bench, presumably sleeping. Should he engage? He had some news to tell him, after all. He figured it wouldn’t help. Either he’d wake him up or the bell would in a few minutes. Walking slowly over to him, he took a seat at the end of the bench, barely enough room for him to fit comfortably. “Jared?” he prompted.

Jared hummed, cracking an eye open. He hadn't been able to sleep. “Heya, Acorn. Sup?” He didn't move to sit up, but he did shift to give Evan a bit more room.

Evan took the offer and scooted fully onto the seat. “Connor isn’t here yet?” he asked, not bothering to answer Jared’s query--he knew it was purely for politeness.

“Not as far as I know.” Jared definitely wasn't still wearing Connor's shirt underneath his zipped up hoodie. Definitely not.

“I’ll just tell him later, then,” Evan mumbled.

Jared quirked an eyebrow as he stared up at the sky blankly. “Tell him what?”

Evan picked a spot on the concrete to focus on. “Uh, maybe I shouldn’t tell you yet.”

Jared finally moved to sit up. “Tell me what? What’s up, man? Something wrong?”

“Nothing’s _wrong,_ ” Evan corrected.

“Well, then did something happen? This is all very ominous, my friend.”

“I’m not trying to make it sound that way!” Evan defended. “Sorry, I just--” He cut himself off with a sigh.

Jared held up a hand, grinning dopily. “I was just messing around, dude. If you don’t want to tell me, whatever it is, it’s fine. I can wait till you’re ready.”

Evan wiped his hands on his pants. “No, no, I already wrote in my letter that I was going to tell you before school.” He sighed again, psyching himself up to it.

Jared blinked, nodding. “Okay? Don’t pressure yourself to do something if you don’t want to, though.”

Evan nodded and closed his eyes. “I-” He cleared his throat. “I think I really am, um, b-bisexual.” He thought for a moment, then nodded again to confirm that’s what he wanted to say.

Jared straightened, grinning at him. “That’s great, Evan! But… what made you realize? You seemed pretty worked up at the thought of it yesterday.”

Evan coughed. “I-I, uh, I had a, um, a dream.”

“A dream?”

“About...a boy.”

Now Jared was definitely interested. “A boy?”

“A boy, okay?” Evan confirmed, not wanting to say anything more. “I-I just had to tell you.”

Jared blinked. “Okay, yes, but that still doesn't make sense! You had a dream with a guy in it and now you know you're bi?”

Evan briefly flashed back to the dream he’d woken up from at the sound of his alarm. “Yes,” he said with absolute certainty. 

“Evan…. Did you have a gay wet dream?”

Evan turned a bright shade of pink. “No!” Maybe. 

Jared gaped at him. He was a terrible liar. “Oh my _god_!” He had a gay wet dream! “Who was it? Was it someone from school?”

“Don’t make me regret telling you this!” Evan warned, even pinker. 

“I'm just curious! Who could you possibly dream about? I've only ever imagined you dreaming of, like, trees.”

Evan was going to defend himself, or fail at it, rather, but the bell to begin school rang, saving him from further humiliation. “Yeah, was whatever, tell Connor or don’t. I’m going to class.” 

“Wait, Evan!” Jared reached our, grabbing Evan’s arm before he could run away. “Seriously though. Congrats.”

Evan stopped and looked at Jared. “Thanks.” He smiled. 

——————

Connor got to school fifteen minutes late. He had woken up later than usual, and managed to get pulled into a fight because apparently Larry didn’t like him being out all the time and apparently Larry thought that if he skipped again he would have to be sent to rehab again. Somehow, Connor had managed to keep his cool. Or at least, he didn’t end up screaming and throwing things, which was probably only because of the pointed looks Zoe had kept shooting him. Cynthia intervened before things got too messy, leaving Connor to walk into school late with bags under his eyes darker than they had been in weeks. He went through his first few class periods in a blur. He didn’t see Evan or Jared at all the entire morning, and before he knew it, it was lunch time.

————-

Evan contemplated sitting in his car during lunch again. It probably wouldn’t be the wisest thing, since Connor would know where to find him. Would he look for him though? It would be interesting to test and see if he would. No matter, he said he cared, so Evan believed him. As far as he could, anyway. The crushing feeling that both Connor and Jared would leave him inevitably had been growing in the back of Evan’s mind. For now, though, he had no reason to be wary. Right? He had only kissed his friend twice yesterday and told his other friend—the first friend’s boyfriend—that he was most likely bisexual. That wasn’t probable cause to just _ignore_ him, right? He decided not, so he trudged to the cafeteria. 

When Evan got to the cafeteria, Connor was already seated at their usual table. He had the book that Jared had gotten him yesterday open on the table in front of him. Across the lunchroom, Zoe waved wildly at Evan to get his attention, an empty seat to her right and an excited Alana Beck talking beside her.

Evan looked between the two siblings. Connor seemed focused and peaceful, and Zoe looked animated and inviting. Connor wouldn’t be mad if he sat with Zoe for just a few moments, would he? Evan sent a glance back at Connor before picking up his pace and walking toward Zoe and Alana. 

Zoe smiled brightly as Evan approached. “Hi, Ev!”

They were on nickname basis? Would it be bad for Evan to say— “Hi, Zo.”

Zoe’s eyes brightened at the nickname and she motioned for him to sit. “Alana was just telling me about her senior project.”

Alana perked up as Evan joined them. “Evan, Hi! We haven’t talked lately, how are you? Is your arm feeling better? I see people signed it. Oh, Can I sign? I don’t think I’ve ever signed anyone’s cast before.”

Evan tilted his head, but fished his sharpie out of his pants pocket. “If you want, sure,” he said, keeping his voice even and positive.

Alana took the marker happily, pulling the cap off and moving over so that she could reach Evan’s arm. She quickly scribbled her name in curly letters on Evan’s inner arm, since no one had signed there yet. “Cool!”

Evan winced as she moved his arm, but smiled once she finished. “Thanks!” He was feeling pretty good. Maybe telling Jared his news that morning had helped his attitude. 

Zoe grinned at her two friends getting along, “So, Evan, are you feeling better today?” She had been a bit worried leaving him in such a bad mood yesterday.

Evan’s smile turned softer, more genuine. Zoe really could bring out that side of him easily. “Yeah, thanks,” he said quietly. 

Alana beamed at him, handing back the marker. “No problem!”

“What are you guys up to?” Evan asked in an attempt to make more conversation. 

“Just eating lunch.” Zoe gestured vaguely towards their food. “Are you going to join us?”

“Do you want me to?”

Zoe glanced to Evan’s left, where her brother could be seen in the distance, hunched over a book, not looking inviting at all. She met Evan’s eyes again. “Of course. If you want to, that is.”

Evan’s smile easily returned. “Sure,” he replied, taking a seat next to Zoe. 

Zoe was proud that she had gotten Evan to sit with her. Not that she wanted to steal her brother’s friend or anything, she was just happy that Evan felt comfortable enough around her to come eat with her and someone else. “So what’s up with you?”

Evan blinked at her. “Me?”

“Mhm,” Zoe nudged him lightly. “How are things with you and Connor?” Zoe was still ninety percent positive that Evan was crushing on her brother, but she made sure to stay vague enough with her wording so that Alana wouldn’t catch on.

Evan knew he blushed at the mention of the boy he’d kissed twice only yesterday, but he still tried to play it cool. “I think we’re on good terms,” he said, hoping it was enough. 

“That’s good.” Zoe nodded and took a bite of her food. “Better than most are with him.”

Evan’s eyebrows furrowed. “Why are you so negative when it comes to Connor?” He blinked. “I didn’t mean it like– I just– I’m sorry.” He looked down at his hands. 

Zoe paused, poking her fork into her food. She knew that Connor had been getting better lately, and that she probably shouldn’t be so hard on him, but Evan didn’t really know Connor. He didn’t know about all the manic episodes and the yelling and the pot and the resentment she had built against him. “I don’t mean to… He’s just not exactly easy to be positive about, you know?”

Evan might regret this, but he spoke anyway. “He could be if you let yourself see him that way.” He wasn’t trying to be rude; he really was trying to help.

Zoe frowned. “Look, Evan, I’m glad you’re hanging out with Connor, really, I am. He’s been in a better mood lately, and that’s good, but he’s still Connor.” Zoe wished Alana would stop being so uncharacteristically quiet and come to her rescue for this. She really hated this topic.

Alana looked back and forth between Zoe and Evan, feeling mildly uncomfortable. Maybe she should cut in before things got too tense. “So, Evan, what's up with you and Connor, anyway? Do you have a crush on him?”

Evan did _not_ think back to the dream he’d had that had confirmed Jared’s speculation that he was bisexual. “No.” His voice was clear and strong, but he could have sworn he felt like it would crack at any second. 

Zoe breathed a sigh of relief at the topic change. “Alana, you can’t just ask someone if they have a crush on someone else.” Even though it was completely obvious that they did.

Alana pouted, but otherwise ignored Zoe's comment. “Are you sure? Because I'm pretty sure he has a thing for you. Actually, I think that that other guy has had a thing for you for a while, too. Jared? Kleinman? You guys hang out sometimes, and he always totally gives you the biggest heart eyes when you aren't looking.” Alana's words just fell from her lips without stop, making her curse herself internally. Why didn't she have a filter? This is why no one talked to her.

Evan blinked. “Are you talking to me?” he squeaked. “Me?” Alana couldn’t be. And even if she was, she couldn’t be serious about it. Sometimes she could talk herself into things so much that she believed them herself. 

Zoe’s eyes moved from Evan to Alana and back again. She cleared her throat. “Uh.. I think that Jared guy is actually Connor’s boyfriend.” Zoe liked Evan. He was a good friend and even though he was a good friend and into her brother, she felt obligated to make sure things didn’t get too mixed up in Connor’s relationships.

“He is!” Evan said loudly. “He is,” he repeated softer. “They’re cute together, yeah?” Anything to stop talking about himself. He liked Zoe, not anyone else. He still felt that way. No matter what dreams or realizations or kisses he’d had. Her smile still made him feel the same butterflies. 

Zoe shrugged slightly. “I guess, yeah.” She didn’t even know Jared.

Alana shrugged. “Well, doesn't that just make things easier? They both obviously like you, _and_ each other. So that means you don't have to choose between them, right?”

Evan stammered. “Wh-what? What does that even mean?” What was going on? Why was Alana so focused on this?

Zoe’s face scrunched up in confusion, “Uh… Alana?”

Alana blinked at the confused expression on their faces. “What?”

Zoe glanced quickly at Evan’s confused, pale expression and then sent Alana a pointed look. “How about we talk about something else? How are your classes?”

Alana flushed, realizing her mistake. “Oh! I'm sorry, Evan, I didn't mean to upset you. Yeah, um, topic change, right. I think I’m failing English. How are your classes?”

Evan was grateful Zoe had gotten Alana off that topic. Just another reason she was so perfect. “Wait, how are you failing english? I thought you made straight As.”

Alana gave him a sheepish grin. “I haven't been doing the bellwork, because I spend the time working on work for my other classes so that I can get ahead.”

“Why would you get behind to get ahead?” Evan pondered aloud. 

Alana shrugged. “Don't like English class. I already know the language. Spoken it for years. Don't need any more information on it.”

Zoe nodded excitedly. “You’re right! I _hate_ English class! There’s no reason for it! We can already read and write.”

Evan loved English class. He loved the literature and he loved to write. But they didn’t need to know that. “Yeah, isn’t it, um, just useless?”

Alana smiled, laughing slightly. “Evan, we have the same English class. It's your favorite. You don't have to say that just because we did, it's okay that you like it.”

Evan stared at a spot on the table in shame. He never had been good at lying. “Sorry, I thought– sorry.”

Alana shook her head quickly. “Don't feel bad! It's fine. Just be yourself, yeah?”

“Myself?” Himself hadn’t proven to be good enough. 

“Exactly!”

“But–” Evan knew better than to argue with Alana Beck. “Fine.”

Zoe smiled slightly. “You don’t have to change opinions, we like you. And English is Connor’s favorite too.” She paused, “Or at least, he doesn’t hate it.”

“He doesn’t?” That was new information. Evan could use that. Did Jared know? Is that how he knew to get him that book of Poe? Maybe Evan was just oblivious. But still, if it turned out that they weren’t on the best terms after all, he knew something that might cheer Connor up. 

“No.” Zoe stirred her food around. She needed to stop bringing the conversation back to Connor, really. “He’s always liked to read and write stuff.”

“Good to know.” Evan would have to remember that. 

Zoe took a few more bites of her food before responding. “Once, I read one of his journals and it was all just really depressing poetry. That he wrote.”

“At least he’s expressing himself. It’s healthy, right?” Evan thought back to his own quote-on-quote ‘depressing poetry’ from years ago. 

Zoe shrugged. “That was over a year ago, but I guess so.” She glanced up at the digital clock on the lunchroom wall, noticing that there were only five minutes left in the lunch period.

Evan didn’t notice the time. “It’s a good sign. Dr. Sh– My therap– My doctor says that kind of thing is always a good sign.”

Evan had a therapist? Was he okay? Zoe pushed that thought aside. “Hobbies?” She thought that sounded right. Connor was always less Connor-y when he was reading. “What do you do like that?” The idea of Evan having a therapist worried Zoe a bit. She knew that he was quiet and shy and a bit weird sometimes, but she didn’t think that constituted therapy.

“Oh, um,” Evan stammered, not prepared to answer a question about himself. “I do, uh, gardening. And arbory...things.”

“Gardening? That’s cool!”

“Ah, you don’t really think that.” No one ever did. 

“Okay, no, I don’t, but everyone is interested in different stuff. At least it’s not like voodoo or something.” Zoe smiled at Evan again. She could imagine him gardening. It fit him. Quiet and good.

“If I did voodoo, all I’d do is help people feel good. Little massages, you know? Is that still dark magic?” Evan really needed to stop talking. 

Alana chimed in, “Maybe it's more like hoodoo? I'm not sure what hoodoo is. But I think voodoo is mostly about hurting people.”

“Oh, then maybe I’d do hoodoo. I think I’ve heard of that.” Evan nodded as he tried to recollect. It sounded right. He trusted Alana. She knew a lot. 

“Evan Hansen, giver of hoodoo massages and light magic comforting hugs.” Zoe nodded as if cementing the fact.

Evan smiled softly at Zoe. “That’s me,” he confirmed. 

Zoe smiled back. “The hero we all need.”

“I’m no hero.”

“Sounds like something a hero would say.”

“Or a villain.”

Just then, the bell rang, signaling the end of the lunch period. Zoe frowned, pushing herself up from her seat.

“Well, um, bye,” Evan said, looking from Zoe to Alana. He barely noticed how he hadn’t eaten lunch for a few days. 

Zoe grabbed her things and offered Evan another smile. “Thanks for sitting with us.” She gently touched his shoulder as she made her way past him, knowing that the Jazz Band room was across campus. “You should do it more! Bye, Ev!”

“B-Bye!” Evan called. Everything was going pretty well for him. He watched Zoe go, catching Connor in the corner of his eye. He was with Jared, both of them gathering their things and getting up to leave. Evan wondered if Jared had told Connor what he’d told him before school that day.


	19. Chapter 19

Jared, after slipping his daily compliment into Evan's locker, headed to the cafeteria. He spotted Connor immediately, leant over the book he had given him the day before. He pretended that the sight didn't give him butterflies as intensely as it actually did. He wandered over, sliding into the seat beside him. “Heya, Con-man.”

Connor startled slightly at the sudden voice. He had been so absorbed in the poems, he hadn’t even noticed Jared’s arrival. It was nothing he hadn’t already read, but rereading when he knew that Jared got it for him made it seem better somehow. He looked up, “Jared.” How had Jared made it here before Evan? Evan always made it to lunch earlier.

Jared waved in greeting, leaning over to peck Connor's cheek. “Sup? Where’s Evan?”

Connor shrugged, shutting the book. “He never showed up.”

Jared blinked, grimacing slightly. “Never showed up? But, he-” Jared's eyes scanned the cafeteria, landing on Evan. “Oh.”

Connor followed Jared’s gaze across the cafeteria to see Evan sitting at another lunch table with- “Ugh.”

Jared hummed. “At least he's making progress, I guess.”

Connor rolled his eyes and turned away from his sister and Evan smiling at her like she was the best thing in the fucking universe. His mind immediately went to the worst, that Zoe would talk bad about him enough that Evan would eventually see how much of a monster he was, but he pushed those thoughts aside and focused on Jared. “Yeah. I guess.”

Jared cleared his throat, facing Connor with an upbeat expression. “So, What have you been up to? I haven’t seen you all day.” 

“I was late.” Connor didn’t elaborate. It wasn’t like Jared had no one to talk to if he wasn’t at school.

Jared shrugged. “I was early. Took a nap on a bench in front of the school.”

“Really? I’m surprised you weren’t robbed or killed.” Taking a nap in front of the school wasn’t exactly recommended. Connor did that once and woke up without a wallet.

Jared placed a hand on Connor’s shoulder. “Occupational hazard.” He informed, giving him a solemn shake of his head. 

Connor raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. “Your occupation is napping.”

“God yes.” 

Connor rolled his eyes again, but smiled slightly.

Jared grinned, making sure to trail his hand down Connor's arm as he removed it from his shoulder. Jared quirked an eyebrow. “Damn,” he muttered. Connor was low-key toned as fuck.

Connor pulled his arm out of Jared’s reach. “You don’t have to act so surprised.”

Jared pouted. “And you could've told me that your body is fuckin poppin.”

Connor felt his face heat slightly, but kept his cool. “Poppin? Really, Jared?”

Jared shrugged. “It is!”

“Right, okay,” Connor replied, dryly. ‘Poppin’. “Thanks, babe.”

Jared rolled his eyes but leaned down to kiss him quickly anyway. “It's not a bad thing.” He paused, eyeing Connor's torso. “ _Definitely_ not a bad thing.”

Connor felt his face heat further. He glanced around quickly to make sure no one was looking. He turned back to Jared and let his eyes trail down to his chest. “Not so bad yourself, Klein- is that my shirt?”

Jared froze, tensing up. “Uh-” he quickly zipped up his hoodie completely. “N-No!”

Connor’s grin grew slowly. “I think it is, actually. Out of two dollar graphic tees this morning?”

Jared felt his face heat up- had Connor ever managed to embarrass him before?- as he brought his hands up to his face. “Oh my god.”

“How is it not hanging off of you?” Connor couldn’t stop himself, Jared looked _cute_ \- a word Connor detested- all red and in his shirt.

Jared gulped, shrugging. “It kinda is.” He reached down, defeatedly unzipping his jacket. “It goes down to, like, my mid upper thigh.” His face was a lot warmer than he would've liked.

Connor rested his chin in his hand as he eyed the shirt on Jared. He couldn’t stifle his grin. “Well, that’s just fucking _adorable_. Jared Kleinman likes to wear his boyfriend’s clothes.” He didn’t even register calling Jared his boyfriend in his amusement.

Jared pouted, crossing his arms. “Do you have to expose me like this? My amazing hardcore image could be tainted if someone heard my weaknesses.” He noted the way his heart fluttered at Connor's words, but didn't act on it.

“Oh, right, ‘hardcore’. You wore Crocs to school last year.” Connor chose not to think about exposing Jared. That wording was a bit too much for 11 AM on a Wednesday.

Jared forgot his embarrassment momentarily as he grinned stupidly, letting out an obnoxious, self satisfied giggle. “Yeah, that was fuckin hilarious. The ultimate power move.”

Connor had never really known what the expression ‘butterflies in your stomach’ meant before he heard Jared’s full laugh. Or maybe before he saw Evan’s genuine smile. “I’m pretty sure you blinded three freshman. And me. I can barely look at you now, thinking about it.”

Jared laughed again. “Just imagine; us- getting down and dirty; ready for a roll in the hay, dicks out, and then _bam_. I whip out the Crocs.”

Connor’s face heated up again. “Fucking- What, do you keep them under your pillow? Jesus, Jared.”

Jared was basically cackling. “I have to be _prepared!_ ” he teased, beaming at Connor. He was really glad that they were able to play around like this; especially after how stressful the past few days had been.

“Oh my god. I cannot believe you.” Connor ran a hand down his face in mock exasperation.

Jared snorted. “And to think, all this Kleinman; just for you. Who said dating didn't come with benefits? Now you can visit my Crocs any time you want.”

Connor chuckled lightly, “Does anyone else know about your Croc Kink? Because, if it’s only me, I retract my agreement to date you, I can’t handle it.”

Jared stuck his tongue out childishly. “At least it's not like Evan's weird Ugg thing. He probably fucks those boots when he's alone.” Jared wasn't paying attention to what he was saying anymore.

Connor’s eyes widened. “Evan has _Uggs_?!” He imagined Evan, blue polo and khakis, wearing Uggs, and barked a laugh. “Jesus.. Zoe had Uggs. When she was thirteen. Jesus fuck, Evan.”

Jared snickered, remembering Evan in his boots. “Those _fucking shoes_ ,” he breathed, choking on a laugh. “God, they were such a sight.”

Connor shook his head. “I’m so glad I don’t have a tragic shoe backstory. You should get him to wear them again.”

Jared nodded, still grinning. “I would wear my Crocs again, but unfortunately I don't think you could control yourself if I did.”

Connor nodded solemnly. “My number one turn on, Jared Kleinman in neon orange Crocs. You’ve found me out.”

Jared shrugged. “It's okay, sunshine, it's a lot of people's turn on.” He winked playfully. “No one can resist the Kleinman Crocs combo.”

Connor absolutely did not flush at the joking nickname. Instead, he scoffed. “No one, huh? Are you trying to get me to fight for you?”

Jared's stomach fluttered. “Are you trying to tell me that you're _willing_ to fight for me?” His tone was teasing, but he couldn't say that he didn't find the idea appealing.

Connor met Jared’s eyes. He found himself telling the truth, “At this point, I’d fight anyone in the school, except Evan, for you.” 

Jared's blush returned full force. “How very swoon worthy,” he muttered, unable to keep the bashful grin off his face. “Keep talking like that and I'll be wrapped around your finger even more than I already am.”

Connor smiled. He was grateful that Jared wasn’t mad at him for yesterday, because seeing him flustered like this was beyond worth it. Flushed red down to his neck with that dopey grin… He would have said something sarcastic or flirty, but his eyes caught back on his shirt on Jared’s chest. “You can keep it by the way. The shirt. I have enough of them.”

Jared coughed, face turning impossibly redder. “Thanks.” He paused for a minute, stamping down the bashfulness. “Speaking of having me wrapped around parts of your body,” he smirked deviously. “I dunno about you, but my next class is pretty boring. We _could_ find a way to… entertain each other, instead.” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Connor looked back down at his book to keep himself from blushing again and giving himself away. “Not at school. I’m beginning to think you just want me for sex, Kleinman.”

Jared scoffed indignantly, straightening up. “How dare you suggest such a thing.” he put a hand to his chest in faux exaggeration. “Who do you think I am, some sort of desperate horndog?” He snorted to himself, dropping his hand back into his lap. “Seriously, though. I wouldn't date someone just for sex. I may be fucked up, but I’m not _that_ fucked up.” He blushed lightly again. “I want you because I like you.” He grimaced to himself. “I like you _a lot_ , actually. Like, really a lot.”

Connor hadn’t really meant his statement, it was more of a joke, but hearing Jared defend himself so seriously against the accusation made something in Connor’s chest loosen. He really shouldn’t need Jared to keep reaffirming that he liked him, but it didn’t hurt at all. It did a lot to assuage his paranoia. “You’re not fucked up,” Connor paused, hating a bit how soft his voice had sounded. “But you are a desperate horndog.”

Jared laughed slightly, but still appeared to be deep in thought. Suddenly, he look up at Connor, blinking in surprise. “Damn, Connor, I think I’m in love with you.” As soon as the words left Jared's lips, he was slapping a hand over his mouth, eyes wide and face pale. Did he really just say that? Here? _Now_? Why the fuck   
was he so unable to filter himself.

Connor paled, feeling his smile slip away. “You…” he couldn’t find the words to express what he was thinking. What the fuck? He scrambled for an explanation. This _had_ to be some sort of joke, right? He looked around. No one was even looking at them. Zoe was across the room laughing at something Evan said. His mind snapped back to what Jared had just said. There was no way he could possibly mean it. He loved Evan. And no matter how well their lunch had been going, he would _always love Evan_. He knew that Jared would contradict this thought process, though. He’d insist that he did like Connor and then make a lame but endearing joke. “Please tell me this isn’t some sick joke.” Connor’s voice sounded a bit broken to his own ears. He winced.

Jared gasped, eyes desperate as he shook his head. “No! Of course not!” He gulped, body shaking. He bit his lip, not meeting Connor's eyes as he stared at the table in shame. “I'm sorry, Connor, I shouldn't have said that. You probably don't feel the same way, and we haven't even been together that long, but here I am, running my mouth off _again_.” He let out a shaky breath, trying his best to fight back his distressed tears. “I'm sorry, Connor, but I do love you.” May as well follow through, since it was obviously too late to turn back.

As much as Connor was conflicted and confused by the situation, he didn’t want to see Jared distressed. If this did turn out to be fake, then he could freak out later. He took a deep breath and reached over to take Jared’s hands in his own. “Hey. Jared. Calm down.” He bit his lip and forced himself to keep going. “It’s- we’ve only been… doing this… for a few days, and I’m not- I don’t-“ Connor took another breath and cursed himself for not being able to speak. “I can’t say _that_ , but I…. I’m not mad.” Unless it was a joke. In which case he was furious.

Jared sniffled, looking up at Connor. “Y-You’re not upset? You don't think I’m… I dunno, stupid?” He felt awful. He felt worse about how he couldn't quite make himself regret saying it. “It's totally okay that you can't say it back, I'm not expecting you to! I just… I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Except it wasn’t totally okay because Connor still didn’t understand. Was Jared just too trigger happy with the phrase, or.. “You aren’t stupid, Jared.” Connor paused, thinking for a moment, “I thought you still loved Evan, though. The notes.”

Jared's stomach twisted. _Evan._ He knew Connor was waiting for an explanation; Jared contemplated what to say. He decided that being honest was all he could do. “I… I do.” He confirmed in a broken whisper. “But I love you, too.” He didn't understand it himself. “God, I’m a mess.” He swallowed back more tears.

Connor didn’t even think before pulling Jared into a hug. He couldn’t bare to see him so torn up over this. He really wasn’t mad about it, in fact, some part of him was insanely, hopelessly happy with Jared’s confession. He rubbed Jared’s back in an attempt to be calming. He really hoped that people wouldn’t see this and make fun of Jared for hugging the freak. “You’re not a mess. It’s okay. I promise.”

Jared clung to Connor desperately, burying his face in the taller boy’s chest. “Thank you,” he whispered hoarsely. “for everything.”

Connor pulled Jared somehow even closer, his chin resting on the shorter boy’s head. “You don’t have to thank me.”

Jared let out a pitiful laugh, taking a deep breath to inhale Connor's increasingly familiar scent to calm himself. “You are… way too kind to me, Connor Murphy.”

Connor snorted. “Me? Kind? I’m not near as kind as you deserve.”

“I don't deserve someone as kind as you. I don't know why you guys bother to hang around me.” he sighed. “But, I’m glad you do.”

Connor pulled back slightly so that he could meet Jared’s eyes. Part of Connor wanted to kiss him and be done with it, but a larger part did not want to do that in the cafeteria. “We hang out with you because we like you. Crocs and all.”

Jared smiled softly, finally managing to calm himself down slightly. “Lunch is almost over,” he warned, grimacing at the clock on the wall. 

Connor looked up at the clock as well. He pondered for a moment before deciding. “Want to meet up after class and watch Evan read your note?”

Jared grinned, nodding. “Mark my words, Murphy. One day I _will_ suck your dick. It's only a matter of time.” 

Connor pushed Jared away as the bell rang. “If your parents still aren’t home this afternoon, we’ll see.” He grabbed his book and left the cafeteria.

Jared gaped at Connor's retreating form, a smile tugging at his lips. Connor fucking Murphy.


	20. Chapter 20

Evan was glad to see the end of school for the day. He went by his locker, retrieving his books and catching the day’s note before it fell to the ground. It said that his laugh made the person happy. He smiled at it like he always did--giddy and a little embarrassed--before carefully folding it and putting it in his pocket.

Jared, who had been idling at the end of the hall to watch Evan without being too obvious, grabbed Connor by the hand and dragged his towards the nervous boy.

“Wh-“ Connor was startled by the suddenness of Jared pulling him down the hallway, but closed his locker and followed without protest. He had been the one to suggest they meet after class. He could see Evan up ahead, beaming down at his daily note.

“Evan!” Jared called, waving to him. The pair stopped as they finally reached him. “Hey! I brought Connor! Don't you have something to tell him?”

“Huh?” Evan turned around. “Oh, hi, guys,” he said, smiling at the both of them. He wasn’t sure if he’d wanted Jared introducing his secret like that. Half of him had even expected him to have already told Connor everything.

Connor’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Hi, Evan. Something to tell me..?” He really hoped it wasn’t something bad. He looked from Jared back to Evan.

Evan sent a pointed look to Jared. “Well, yeah, kinda.” He fidgeted with his shirt. “It’s important, I think. I mean, you might not think so, I just...did. Do.”

“Okay….?” Connor bit his tongue to keep himself from asking more questions. He didn’t want to startle Evan or make him close up.

For some reason, thinking about telling Connor was a lot scarier than telling Jared. Evan took a deep breath. Connor would accept him, right? He had to. There was nothing to worry about. “Well,” he began, “remember yesterday when you and Jared, um, mentioned that b-bisexual thing?” He stopped to gauge Connor’s reaction so far. 

Connor blinked. That? Of course he remembered, but why was Evan bringing that up? Did he finally realize it was Jared leaving the notes? He made sure to keep his expression neutral. “I remember.”

Was Connor really not catching on? Evan sighed. Now or never, like a band-aid, right? “I-I think I am. B-Bisexual, I mean.” He winced.

Connor froze. He looked to Jared, for what, he didn’t really know, but Jared’s eyes were trained on Evan. Connor swallowed and turned back to Evan. He was still playing with the hem of his shirt, obviously nervous. He had to say something. “Oh.” Something other than that. “That’s… that’s great, Evan.” It was great. He was glad that Evan was accepting himself and all that. Connor tried to give an encouraging smile.

Evan didn’t make eye contact. “Y-You don’t sound very, um, excited. Not that I expected you to! I just- Nevermind. I’m sorry.” He hadn’t known what he was expecting.

Connor shook his head quickly. “No, no, I am glad for you, Evan, really, I just didn’t expect it. You were so unsure yesterday. What happened?” Connor didn’t like to pry, but he was genuinely confused. How could someone go from so straight to entirely sure of their bisexuality in a day?

Evan turned bright pink, looking at the floor and staying silent for a long moment. “Just, um, thought about it a little more,” he lied. There was no way he was going to tell Connor he’d had a dream that had confirmed his sexuality, especially when it may or may not have been about him. He could only hope Jared wouldn’t spill those beans.

Jared did not get the memo. “That's not what you told me, this morning!”

Evan sent another pointed warning look towards Jared. “Yes it is,” he said firmly.

Connor frowned. “I’m confused.”

“Nothing to be confused about!” Evan exclaimed, hoping Jared would understand in the next two seconds and back him up.

Jared's eyes narrowed is suspicion. Why wouldn't he want Connor to know? “Wait- was it- was it _about Connor_?”

Evan’s expresion turned into a shocked and betrayed one. He looked as if he were about to break down into tears at any second. “Jared! No!” He had to keep the lie up. He couldn’t make himself give in. 

Jared bristled at Evan's upset expression. Shit. “Uh, are you sure? It's totally normal to have a dream where you talk your feelings out with your friend, right?” He could fix this, right?

Jared must have realized what he’d done. “Right,” Evan agreed. “But there was no dream at all, so none of that matters!”

Connor shot a look of suspicion at Jared. There was something that the two of them weren’t telling him, but he didn’t want to press. “Right… well… glad I could help, I guess?”

Jared laughed, casually leaning on a locker. “Speaking of helping out in dreams,” Jared’s humor defense mechanism was back in place. “Gotta ask, lads. Is it gay to have a hot dream about your boyfriend and mate having a threesome with you? Asking for a friend. The friend is me.” What the fuck, Jared. How the hell was this going to help? Now he looked like an asshole and an idiot. Great. He sighed. “Sorry, that was bad, wasn't it?”

Evan only turned pinker. “What?!” he squeaked, hoping he hadn’t heard correctly. 

Jared just shrugged. Technically, he hadn't been lying. He did have that dream. He had intended to shift the focus off of Evan, but maybe telling them about his wet threesome dreams wasn't the best way to go about that.

Connor stared at Jared in disbelief. He couldn’t believe that he had just outed himself like that. A tiny voice in the back of his mind told him that this was Jared’s way of showing Connor that he wasn’t enough. Connor swallowed and looked down at his hands. “Sounds pretty gay to me.”

Jared nodded solemnly. “It be that way, sometimes, y’know?”

Evan tried to compose himself. “What you dream about doing with your boyfriend and camp friends is not my business.” He suddenly remembered Jared’s note, how it had said the friends from camp weren’t real. “W-Wait…”

Jared snorted, laughing obnoxiously. “Yeah?”

Evan’s eyes narrowed in suspicion and realization. “Then who- Who was the third-” He couldn’t finish his question. It was too inappropriate a topic for him to feel comfortable with talking about at school. 

Connor was severely uncomfortable. He hadn’t wanted to be present for this conversation in the first place. Jared had just dug his own grave and Connor had no idea how to help either of them.

Jared just shrugged again. “You. But I'm pretty sure I just got off on watching the two of you together. I can't believe you guys turned me into a dream cuck.” He _really_ shouldn't be telling them this.

Connor knew that he was turning red. Why would Jared say this? In the middle of a busy hallway? Connor gave Jared a pointed look. “Jared, seriously.”

“Sorry, Con.” He wasn't that sorry.

Evan said nothing, but he really looked like he was going to cry, now. He looked between Jared and Connor, eyes darting from one to the other in a total loss of what to think, say, and do. 

Jared sighed, waving a hand in the air. He needed to try and fix this. “I was kidding, guys. Sorry. Poor taste, on my part. Forget it.”

Evan’s eyes widened. “It was a _joke_?!” He felt his hands start sweating. “I thought you were past those kinds of jokes, Jared!”

Jared ran a hand through his hair. “Sorry. Old habits? I mean, it's better to be a joke than to upset you two.” Only it wasn't a joke. It was true. But that would only upset them more.

“What about when the joke upsets us?!” Evan all but yelled, only quieting his voice when he remembered they were in a hallway.

Jared tensed at Evan's tone. “I know! I'm sorry! I was just trying to-” he paused, cutting himself off. “I don't know what I was trying to do. I'm sorry.”

Evan didn’t know what to feel. “I’m going home.”

Jared deflated, gaze dropping to the ground in shame. “I-” he cut himself off before he could mess things up more, glancing to Connor with worried look. Was he mad, too? Had Jared fucked it up completely? _Again_? God. He fucking _hated_ himself. It would always end up like this. Jared would inevitably run his mouth off like a fucking idiot, upsetting the people he cared about, and then he would make a stupid half assed attempt to fix things and just end up making them _worse_ , because he's a fucking _idiot_ and completely shit at functioning like a normal decent human being. God _fucking damn it_.

If Connor had been truly mad about Jared’s joke, it disappeared as he watched his face fall. Connor knew that expression. He could practically see the self-degradation that Jared was no doubt berating himself with. Looking at Jared’s dark expression, Connor made a decision. “Evan, wait. Jared was just- He was just teasing, Evan. It was in poor taste, you only just came out, but he didn’t mean harm.”

Evan stopped about five feet from where he’d started walking. “He didn’t?” There was genuine confusion on his face, as if he really had expected Jared to be making fun of him. 

Jared looked up, blinking at him. “N- No!”

Evan’s eyes met Jared’s. “Oh,” was all he said, quiet and surprised, like his whole world had changed, but he’d only imagined it.

Jared frowned, folding in on himself slightly. “I- I never mean to hurt you. Either of you.” How could he say that? How could he claim that his intentions were good when hurting them was all he did? He was selfish. He didn't deserve them. 

The look on Evan’s face softened. “I-I’m sorry,” he said, his eyes darting to the floor to avoid looking into Jared’s. “I got worked up.” He didn’t let himself say anything else and ruin it all like he usually did. Jared didn’t deserve to have to clean up Evan’s messes, especially the whole dream thing. That wasn’t fair.

Jared shook his head decisively. “No, Evan. I shouldn't have said that. It was stupid. I was trying to… lighten the mood, I guess? But I did it the wrong way. You didn't do anything wrong.”

Evan looked up only slightly--enough to see Connor’s legs to remind himself he was still here, too. “Neither did you,” he said, sighing. “Just- You didn’t.” He was trying in a roundabout way to confirm Jared’s suspicions about his dream. As sort of an incentive for apologizing. He hoped Jared would catch on, not so much because he wanted him to know the truth--hell, no--but because he didn’t want to repeat himself.

Connor was proud of himself and the other two boys. They had actually worked it out for once, instead of both leaving with hurt feelings. Connor decided, that as a reward to himself for helping them talk, he could wrap his arm around Jared. “Neither of you did. Because you both apologized. So it’s okay now.”

Jared couldn't help but smile at Connor's action. He nodded, looking back at Evan. “Do you want a group hug?”

Evan stared at Jared and hesitated—looking at the both of them seeming so happy and close—before pathetically nodding, almost ashamed of himself for wanting to be a part of what shouldn’t include him. 

Jared's smile softened as he held an arm open in invitation, glancing up at Connor to make sure he was okay with it.

Connor had always been wary of physical contact, but shrugged and held out his other arm for Evan to join them.

Evan looked them both in the eyes before slowly and shakily walking over. He inserted himself between the two outstretched arms, but hesitated without doing anything until the other two boys did. 

Connor slowly wrapped his arm around Evan’s shoulders. He watched for any signs that Evan was uncomfortable, but saw none.

Jared was much more readily enthusiastic. He, too, wrapped Evan in a hug. He squeezed both boys in his arms, trying to transfer some semblance of how he was feeling through the action.

Evan finally hugged them both back, somewhat awkwardly, since their heights were so varied. He dared not to let himself cry. He tried to say ‘thank you’ but what came out was, “I’m sorry.”

Jared's arm twitched around Evan, as though he were fighting an impulse to move it somewhere else. “Connor says we don't have to be sorry anymore. It's fine.”

Evan gulped. “Well, as long as Connor says so.”

Connor rolled his eyes, even though he knew that neither boy could see him. “If both of you apologized half as many times as you wanted to, no one else in the world would ever have to.” Connor fought down the urge to pull away from the intimate contact, taking a silent deep breath. He could do this as long as they both needed it.

Jared looked up at him. Was he really okay with being this close to them? In the middle of the school? Jared grimaced internally. Pulling away might upset Evan, but staying like this might upset Connor. What the fuck. He huffed, pulling back enough so that they weren't smashed together quite so tightly, but still maintaining contact with them. “How about this. Every time I do something stupid that upsets you, you both get one free favor from me. Whatever you want. Just tell me, and I'll do it, no argument.”

Evan watched Jared’s eyes. “You wouldn’t wear your famous Crocs, would you?” 

Connor groaned and pulled back a bit. “Not the fucking Crocs, we just revisited those blinding monstrosities, let them die.”

Jared quirked an eyebrow. “Two opposing requests. I don't know how to deal with this.”

Evan shrugged. “I didn’t really want the Crocs back. The noises they make when you walk hurt my ears.”

Jared pouted. “How rude. My Crocs do their best.”

Connor shook his head, “No. They don’t.”

“They really don’t, Jared,” Evan added. 

“This is homophobia.”

“No, it’s–” Evan thought for a moment. “B-Bisexualphobia!”

Jared gave him a faux gasp. “How dare you assume my Crocs are bisexual. Crocs are a gay man's shoe. UGGs are bi. Obviously.”

Connor made a noise of obvious disgust. “As a gay man, I will not stand to be associated with Crocs in any way, shape or form.”

“I like UGGs,” Evan muttered, not wanting to interrupt the boyfriends’ conversation. 

Jared nodded to Evan. “I know you do, honey.” He patted him on the shoulder before turning to Connor. “And, as your boyfriend, I can promise that you _will_ , at some point, be associated with Crocs. Trust me.”

“I’d rather be associated with the UGGs, actually.”

Jared gaped at him, mouth curling into a smile as he laughed. “ _Wow_.”

Connor shrugged. “I’m just telling the truth. Crocs are awful.”

Evan finally cleared his throat. “I-I actually have to go now,” he admitted. “I might be late to, um, my therapist’s office.”

Jared nodded reluctantly. “Ah, well, we’ll see you tomorrow, then, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Evan assured, giving a final soft smile to the two other boys. He stepped out of their circle and started off down the hallway once again. 

Connor watched Evan leave, stepping back a bit from his uncomfortable closeness with Jared. Not that he didn’t like being close to Jared and Evan, he did, it was just a bit much for him, especially at school. He adjusted the strap of his bag. “How long has he had a therapist?”

Jared sighed, turning to Connor. “Middle school.”

Connor frowned, fiddling with his jacket sleeve. He was still worried about Evan. Even though it was a bit hypocritical. He didn’t want Evan to ever feel that way, he didn’t deserve it. Especially if Connor’s suspicions about his arm were correct. “Hey, you didn’t really upset me, but if the offer stands, can I call in that favor?”

Jared's eyebrows shot up in surprise, but he nodded regardless.

Connor stayed silent for a few seconds before he met Jared’s eyes. “I want you to ask Evan to hang out with you soon. This weekend, or tomorrow, whatever. One on one. I think you both need it.”

Jared's breath hitched slightly, but he promised not to argue. “Okay. If that's what you want.” He nodded decisively. He hesitated, clearing his throat. “Do… do you wanna come over to my place? My parents are gone until tomorrow.” He knew he was probably blushing, but he chose to ignore it.

Connor hesitated. He had been trying to get Evan and Jared closer, so that maybe Jared could finally tell him how he felt. He had expected some sort of resistance, but Jared had just… gone with it. Connor didn’t know if that was good or bad. He pushed his hair out of his eyes and focused on Jared’s invitation. Sure, he had gotten told off for not being home lately, but he didn’t really care about that. “Yeah. Okay.”

Jared perked up, giving Connor a timid smile. “Yeah?” He breathed, suddenly relieved. He hadn't realized how nervous he had been when he was waiting for an answer. “C-Cool.” He grabbed Connor's hand, linking their fingers together, but not moving quite yet. “Can I kiss you?”

Connor felt warm with Jared’s hand in his. He kept his eyes on their interlaced fingers. “You should really be more careful about all this PDA, Kleinman.”

Jared shrugged, still remaining firmly in place. “We're the only ones here. Everyone already left.”

“Now.” Connor’s voice sounded bitter. “We weren’t earlier, at lunch. And talking to Evan.”

“Ah,” Jared started, “Yeah. You're right. I should've asked, I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s not-“ Connor sighed. “I don’t dislike it. Whatever, it’s stupid, let’s go.”

Jared frowned, pulling Connor to a stop once again. “Hey, wait, no, it's not stupid! If something makes you uncomfortable I should respect that. You said you don't dislike it, but you don't really seem comfortable with it, either.” Jared may be an idiot, but he had noticed.

“I just…” How could Connor say that he didn’t want to ruin Jared by making their relationship public without looking like he was asking for attention? “How are you comfortable with it?”

Jared blinked in surprise. “Why wouldn't I be? I lo-” Too soon, Jared. “I like you. So, I wanna be with you, and do stuff with you. I don't care if some old woman gets offended by me holding the hand of a guy I care about. That's her problem. But, if you don't like it, I won't do it.”

Connor snorted sarcastically. “I’m not worried about an old woman, I’m worried about everyone else. You’re holding hands with the school shooter, Jared.”

Jared blanched, his breath knocked from his chest. School shooter chic. What a stupid fucking joke. He took a small step closer to Connor, giving him a stern look. “Connor, you're not-- you aren't 'the school shooter’. I'm sorry I ever said all that stupid shit, but you aren't- you're not--” Jared huffed, his words getting jumbled in his mouth. “You are Connor Murphy. The tall, cute, kind guy with a poppin' bod and a thing for books. So maybe you have some family issues, and maybe you get upset sometimes. Who gives a shit? That’s life. People wanna talk and spread stupid lies? Let 'em. If they can't see you for who you really are, they aren't worth a damn minute of your time.”

If someone had told Connor two weeks ago that Jared Kleinman would be making him feel so… worth it, appreciated and _loved_ , he would have probably have told them to fuck off and thought that they were crazy. Connor didn’t believe half the words that Jared had said, of course, but just the fact that he had said them.. Connor had always tried to let the things that his peers said roll off of him, but no matter what he did, some things stuck. Especially when it seemed so true. Connor took a shaky breath, for some reason feeling close to tears, which he really didn’t need right now. He cleared his throat. “Th-Thank you.”

Jared shook his head, not breaking eye contact or backing down. “No reason to thank me, Con. All I’m doing is telling the truth.” He laughed slightly. “I've been doing that a lot lately, actually. Sometimes it doesn't go over quite as well as this. But you’ve seen that already.” Jared blinked, shaking his head again. “Sorry, off topic. Anyway, what I was trying to say was, if you don't want me being affectionate with you in public because you think it'll be bad for my 'image’ or something, don't. Never had that great of an image to begin with.”

“No image is better than a bad image.”

Jared nodded, smiling. “Yeah, well, I guess you have to deal with having the annoying asshole hang around you all the time, so, y’know.” He shrugged nonchalantly.

Connor frowned. “You’re not annoying, Jared. And you’re doing a lot better about realizing what you say, and all.”

Jared took another step closer. “Can I kiss you?”

Connor nodded, stepping closer as well.

Jared grabbed the strap of Connor's bag, pulling him down to meet his lips in a warm kiss. It wasn't rushed or heated, just a simple, calming kiss. Jared pulled away after a minute, smiling up at Connor. “Let's go home.”

Connor nodded again, dumbly. He couldn’t find the words to express himself and his thankfulness for everything Jared had said. So, instead, he took Jared’s hand again and pulled him out of the school doors. He’d find a way to thank Jared at his house.


	21. Chapter 21

Jared grumbled to himself internally as he woke. What time was it? He blinked, squinting into the dark of the room as he sat up in his bed. Had he slept in his clothes? No, not all of his normal clothes. He was still wearing Connor's shirt from yesterday, but he was no longer wearing his jeans. He frowned to himself. He rarely ever slept in his underwear. 

Jared was pulled from his thoughts as something shifted in the bed beside him, making him jump. No, not something. Some _one_. Connor, to be exact. A shirtless Connor. Jared's breath caught in his throat, face heating rapidly as he the memories of the night before suddenly came pouring back. 

“Holy shit,” he whispered, heart pounding. They had- Last night- And then-- _Holy Shit._ Was he not a virgin anymore? Did it count? Technically, the most clothing that had come off was Connor's shirt and Jared's jeans. They hadn't initially _intended_ for things to go so far. It had actually been rather tame, at first. 

They had gotten to Jared's place, he made some food for them, they chatted for a while, and then they went up to Jared's room so that he could show Connor his impressive collection of 'things that had once belonged to Evan until he accidentally broke them and then was too sad to throw them away himself’. 

And then, somehow, the pair had ended up perched on the bed, sharing innocent kisses. Then the kisses turned not so innocent, and before he knew it, he was having a full blown make out session on his bed. At some point the jeans and the shirt had come off, allowing Jared to marvel at Connor's 'poppin bod’ (not to mention giving him access to an entirely unmarked terrain on which to leave copious love bites). It had stayed like that for a while- casual makeouts and sloppy love bites exchanged between the pair contentedly.

It probably would have stopped there, too, except then Connor moved against him in _just_ the right way, shooting sparks up his spine and stealing the breath from his lips. That was what did him in- he quickly but clearly told Connor to tell him if he wanted to stop, and then all he could remember was their frantic movements against each other, lips recklessly thrown at any skin they could touch, the only sound in the room was the rustle of fabrics sliding against each other roughly, mixed with soft pants and desperate whispers.

Jared remembered frantically chasing after that fleeting spark, Connor's name rolling off his tongue over and over and over again as he figured out exactly how to move so that the sparks grew and grew until they finally overwhelmed him, Connor's gentle voice coaxing him along as he hit his peak so good he saw stars. Next thing he knew he was waking up here.

Jared shifted uncomfortably, suddenly realizing the unpleasant sticky feeling in his boxers. He grimaced, grabbing his phone off of the bedside table and checking the time. 5:08 am. Great. Jared was sat in bed, _awake_ at 5am, the morning after him and his boyfriend Connor had _grinded_ on each other until they both came. While still partially dressed. What a way to start your day. 

He grimaced, looking down at the sleeping boy next to him. His face was relaxed, hair a mess (very possibly due to Jared's overenthusiastic hands the night before), still dressed in his jeans. Jared winced sympathetically. That couldn't be comfortable. Jared sighed, running a hand through his messy hair. Should he wake him? Or let him sleep? Would he want to talk about what happened? Will he just pretend there was nothing? What should he do?

Connor woke up to gentle light streaming through the window. According to Jared’s clock on the bedside table, it was 5:14. He groaned softly, reaching up to rub the sleep out of his eyes. It was far too early to be awake. As Connor moved to roll over and see if Jared was awake yet, he noted the uncomfortable feeling of jeans still on his legs. The previous night caught up to him. Jared’s bright laugh turning into soft moans and panted breaths and Jared saying his name just like _that_. Connor smiled slightly to himself. That had definitely been worth waking up vaguely uncomfortable. So what if he had probably ruined these jeans?

Shit, he had nothing to wear to school.

Connor shook that thought from his head and saved it for later. He rolled over and looked up at Jared, who was already sitting up and obviously thinking of something. Connor took the moment to admire him without his glasses on.

Jared's eyes drifted back down to Connor, causing him to jump slightly as he realized the other boy was staring up at him. “Oh!” He cleared his throat, voice vaguely raspy from the previous night's events still. He gave Connor a crooked smile. “Hey.”

Connor gave a half smile back and sat up. “Hi.”

“Fancy seeing you here, huh?”

“You held me hostage by falling asleep on top of me, I couldn’t exactly leave.” Not that he would have wanted to.

Jared blushed, shrugging. “My bad.” He grabbed his glasses, sliding them on. He took in Connor's still hazy expression, smile softening. “Your hair is a mess.”

Connor reached a hand up to his hair self consciously. “Your fault. You kept touching it.”

Jared grinned, shrugging again. “Yeah.” He reached out, carefully running his fingers through it in an attempt to smooth it down. “I really like your hair.”

Connor would never admit it aloud, but he _really_ liked Jared’s hands in his hair. He let himself enjoy it for a moment before reaching out and tracing his finger over the marks he had left on Jared’s neck. “You aren’t going to be able to hide these.” His voice sounded a bit smug, even to himself.

Jared's skin tingled under Connor's touch, making him shudder pleasantly. He gave him an accusatory look. “That was on purpose, wasn't it?” 

Connor grinned, removing his hand. “Obviously.”

Jared laughed, leaning over to press a quick kiss to Connor's lips. “Connor Murphy, a territorial man. Who knew?” 

Connor thought back to signing Evan’s cast and covering nearly the entire white surface. “I like you looking like this, I guess.” He shrugged.

Jared felt the blush that had been fading return full force. He liked when Connor was straight forward like this. “I should, uh, probably find us some new pants, huh?”

Connor frowned, as if suddenly remembering his own discomfort. He wanted to ask if he could take a shower, but he didn’t want to push it. He had already stayed over and taken one of Jared’s shirts before. “Can you drop me off at my house before school?”

Jared grimaced slightly. He didn't really want to say goodbye just yet, but his parents could come home at any time today. It was probably for the best. “Yeah, of course. I can give you some flannel sleep pants that are too big for me in the meantime, though, yeah?” Dry jizz was very unpleasant.

Connor nodded. The more he woke up, the more uncomfortable he became. “Thanks.”

Jared clumsily climbed out of the bed, awkwardly shuffling over to his dresser. He pulled open the top drawer, extracting a pair of red and black flannel pants, as well as a clean pair of boxers. He tossed the pants to Connor, giving him an apologetic smile.

“Sorry, uh, my underwear would probably be too, um, wide. For you.” Jared blushed again, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly as he stared down at the floor, shifting self consciously. It was no secret that Jared had some noticeable extra pounds, especially around the muffin top and love handles.

Connor had no experience dealing with other people’s body issues, bar the time that he punched a seventh grader in the nose for saying Zoe was ugly, so he didn’t really know what to say to that. “That’s… it’s okay, I’ll be fine until I get back to mine.” Connor sat the pants down and awkwardly shuffled off the bed and over to Jared. He paused, hoping this didn’t seem too sappy or too out of character for him. He didn’t want to assume that Jared felt something he didn’t and offend him. He cleared his throat, “I… You know I think you’re attractive, right?” Connor winced inwardly. Jesus.

Jared, who had looked up at him with worried eyes, couldn't stop the soft laugh that escaped him. He smiled up at Connor, shaking his head slightly. “You don't try to comfort people very often, do you?” He chuckled again, pulling him into a grateful hug to show that he appreciated the gesture regardless. “I think you're beautiful.”

Connor gave an irritated noise in response, but wrapped his arms around Jared’s middle anyway. “That’s what I meant.” He pressed a kiss to Jared’s head and pulled back. “I’m really disgusting right now, though, so I don’t think we should be doing all this sappy shit until we’re clean.”

Jared laughed again, nodding. “You can change here, I’ll go to the bathroom. Just crack the door when you're done so I know I can come in.”

“You say that like you don’t plan on barging in and making use of the word ‘poppin’ again.” Connor picked up the pants again and started scanning the floor for his shirt.

Jared's laugh could be heard even as he pulled the door closed behind him. “I'm just appreciating the art!” He called through the wood, turning to head to the bathroom. What a morning.

———

Connor’s ride to school had been excruciating. After changing into something less sticky, Jared had driven him to his house for a change of clothes. He had offered to wait for him and drive him to school, but Connor had strictly prohibited that. He couldn’t have his parents and Zoe grilling him about Jared that early in the morning. He had quickly changed and managed to avoid his parents long enough to get out of the house and get a ride from Zoe.

Which had been absolute hell. She had sent him knowing looks and made endless choice comments about Jared and staying out late and _safe sex_ of all things. It took all of his willpower not to either jump out of the car or push her out. Luckily, he made it to school in one piece and practically jumped out of the car to begin his search for Evan and Jared.

Evan stood by his car, desperately trying to get it to lock. It was old, so it didn’t have an automatic key, and the lock in the door was stuck. He leaned over the open driver’s side attempting to pry the knob up so he could smash it back down and lock the car in time for class. He hoped his pathetic grunting wasn’t too loud. 

Connor saw Evan across the parking lot, struggling with his car door. He looked like he needed help, so Connor made his way across the parking lot. By the time he made it to Evan’s car, he looked so worked up that Connor was sure he was about to fall into a panic. “Need some help?”

Evan jumped, almost falling backwards into his car. “O-oh,” he said, once he realized it was just Connor. “I can’t get this thing to lock! I’ve tried for twenty minutes! My car’s gonna get stolen!”

“I don’t think it will get stolen in the school parking lot.” Connor gently took the key from Evan’s hand. “Has it always done this?”

“Yes! But it’s never been this stuck!” Evan’s voice was desperate and high. 

“Are you sure something isn’t stuck in the door..?” Connor reopened the car door, looking inside.

“Pretty sure!” Evan watched in worry. 

Connor frowned, scanning the car door. The lock indicator was still down, so using his thumb and forefinger, he pulled until it snapped back into the unlocked position. Leaning back out of the car and shutting the door, Connor handed the key back to Evan. “Try again?”

Evan narrowed his eyes, but took the key and tried the lock again. It worked smoothly, clicking into place. “You’re really strong,” he trailed off. 

Connor shrugged, brushing the compliment off. “It was nothing. You want to go inside, or stay out here?”

“Whichever you want,” Evan said, smiling gratefully. He pocketed his car key. 

Connor found himself smiling back slightly. “Come on, Jared should be inside by now.” He nodded in the direction of the school and started in that direction.

“Right,” Evan agreed, starting right behind Connor, following him to the entrance. 

Connor considered asking Evan how his therapy was, but quickly decided that that crossed a line. Instead, he tried to think of a less invasive way to ask if Evan was okay without giving himself away. Connor was still concerned with Evan’s state of mind after the letters that he had written, but he didn’t want to scare him off by seeming too overbearing, which he tended to do. He opted for a simple, “Having a good morning? You know, other than the car troubles.” Why was it that every time he tried to care for his friends it ended up sounding so awkward?

Evan looked up at him. “I guess,” he said unenthusiastically. “I almost fell down the front steps, but I didn’t! And I saw my mom for a while which was good.”

Connor nodded. The mention of Evan’s mother brought back one of his primary worries. Evan’s letter had said that she wouldn’t even care if he disappeared. And though that may be an anxiety fueled overstatement, Connor wanted to be sure. “Your mom,” he paused, “she’s not… she takes care of you, right?”

Evan didn’t quite know where that had come from, but he nodded. “When she’s home. And when she’s not, she leaves money and food for me.”

That answer did not sit well with Connor. But he didn’t know what else he could do about it. He had already told Evan that he could call him whenever he needed. “That’s good.” Not as good as Evan really deserved, though.

“Mhm, she tries really hard.” Too hard. “Look, it’s Jared!” Evan was grateful for the change in subject. 

Jared, who had been shoving his textbooks into his locker, turned as he heard his name. His eyes lit up as they landed on the pair, waving them over.

Evan pulled Connor along with him as he approached Jared. “Hi.”

Jared grinned. He was in a very good mood today. “Hey! Sup?”

Connor smiled slightly at Jared’s enthusiastic grin, trying not to notice the marks on his neck, “Evan couldn’t lock his car, so we had to fix it.”

“Why would you tell him that?” Evan frowned, his weakness found out. 

Jared laughed, shaking his head. “Evan, I’ve watched you struggle with that lock _so many_ times.”

“It really was stuck, Evan,” Connor said, hoping that he didn’t actually upset him.

“It was!” Evan looked at Jared. “It was.”

Jared rolled his eyes, ruffling Evan's hair. “I believe you. You should really get a mechanic or something to look at that, though.” Jared glaced at Connor, unsure if he would be okay with him grabbing his hand or not. His palms itched. 

Evan grumbled. “Mechanics are expensive.”

Connor felt out of place in this conversation. His family had never had financial problems. He focused on picking at his nails and just listening to the other two.

Jared hummed. “My dad could probably take a look at it.”

“Your dad is scary,” Evan said matter-of-factly, like the whole school knew. “And my mom would still want to pay him.”

Jared suddenly remembered Connor's request from the previous day. “She doesn't have to know. You could come over, and I could say something. You know how he is, he’d be out there in a second.”

It was tempting. “I can’t just use your family like that. That’s rude.” Evan scratched at his elbow. 

Jared shook his head. “It's not using if I offer.”

“They’re not even home, are they?” Evan remembered Jared saying they’d be back from their trip sometime this week. 

Jared blushed slightly. “Actually, they got home this morning at about 6.” Right as Jared was returning from dropping Connor off. It had been an awkward conversation.

Connor’s eyes widened but he stayed silent. He wasn’t sure if Jared wanted Evan to know about their… sleepover.

“Oh,” Evan said. “Did they see the marks on your neck?”

Jared choked slightly, having almost forgotten about the hickies. He felt his face light up instantly. “Yeah. They teased me.” He grimaced. “Asked when I got a girlfriend.”

“I thought-” Evan shut his mouth. That wasn’t his business. He was under the impression that Jared’s parents knew he was gay. 

Jared shrugged. “Yeah.” His parents were good and all, but they still lived in Texas.

Evan winced. His mother was very supportive, no matter what. “I’m sorry.”

Jared waved it off quickly. “It's fine. It doesn't really matter.”

Connor cleared his throat, hoping to lighten the mood. “Well, it means we get to put off the whole ‘meet the parents’ game, so that’s good.”

Jared smiled deviously. “It also means I can have friends over with the door closed.”

“Friends? Plural? Don’t corrupt Evan behind your closed doors.”

Jared laughed, shrugging again. “That's up to Evan's UGGs.”

“I don’t wear those anymore, thank you very much,” Evan grumbled. He tapped his foot. 

“You should help me convince Jared to get rid of all of his blinding shoes,” Connor said, gesturing to Jared’s bright blue Adidas.

“I don’t believe in shoe-shaming, so no.” Evan looked down at Jared’s feet. “I like that color.”

Jared grinned, bowing dramatically. “As much as I adore the both of you, I have to go make up a test I missed.” He stepped forward, quickly pressing a kiss to Evan's cheek and then pulling Connor down for an equally as quick peck on the lips. “I’ll see you two at lunch!” He waved, scurrying off down the hall before either could respond.

Evan put his hand on his face where Jared had kissed him. He tried not to think about it too hard. “Since when did he miss any school?” he asked Connor. 

“I… don’t know…” Connor stared after Jared confusedly. Since when did he have the guts to kiss Evan?

Evan shrugged. “He probably just put it off till now.” He dropped his hand from his cheek. 

“Yeah..” Connor shook his head. Jared was insanely unpredictable, he shouldn’t waste time trying to figure him out. “Probably.”

“So,” Evan started, “what now?”

Connor shrugged. “What do you want to do for the next,” he glanced at his phone, “ten minutes?”

“Um, we can sit in the cafeteria,” Evan suggested. 

“Really? Isn’t that like, a lot of people?” Connor knew that he and Evan ate lunch in the cafeteria every day, but a lot more people were there in the morning than during the lunch period because they had nowhere else to go.

Evan hesitated. “I guess it is, nevermind.” He had nothing else to offer, however. 

“No, I mean.. We can go if you want,” Connor offered, “Zoe is probably in there anyway.”

“It’s okay, you probably don’t want to see her,” Evan said. He remembered Zoe saying she and her brother weren’t the closest. 

Connor shrugged. “So? If you do, I can endure. I already survived her driving me to school.”

“You didn’t stay at Jared’s?” Evan didn’t know why he’d assumed that. 

“No, I did. He dropped me off to get clothes, though.” Connor turned his face from Evan so that he wouldn’t see how pink his cheeks got.

Evan nodded. “Ah,” he said. “So you did give him those hickeys last night.”

Connor reddened further. “I- Who did you think gave them to him?”

“I knew you did, just didn’t know when.”

Connor cleared his throat. “I did. Last night.” He had just confirmed that, why did he say it again? “Anyway.”

“Anyway,” Evan echoed. “Where are we going?”

“Cafeteria,” Connor decided, “it’s the only place you suggested.”

“Well-” Evan tried to think of another option. “The benches outside?”

“If you want. There’s only six minutes until class anyway.”

“Where’s your first period, then?” 

“U.S. History,” Connor grumbled. “Same place as last year.” He had had U.S. History with Evan junior year, but had failed the class due to not actually being in the classroom half of the time.

“Oh.” Evan didn’t want to ruin it all and make a comment about remembering Connor in that class the previous year. “That’s close to the cafeteria, huh?”

“Kinda, yeah.” Connor started in the direction of the cafeteria, because obviously that was where Evan was wanting to go.

“Ah,” Evan breathed, following Connor. “Did you and Jared have fun last night?” He realized how that had sounded. “Wait- I didn’t mean like- just- did you- okay, nevermind.” He stared at the floor, cheeks ablaze. 

Normally Connor would have been on the defense over a double sided question like that, but one of the best things about Evan was that he never made Connor feel the need to defend himself. “We did.” He didn’t bother to specify whether that was the answer to the question or the innuendo.

“Th-That’s good,” Evan stammered, composing himself. He saw an empty table in the cafeteria ahead and sped up so he was in front, leading Connor to it. 

Connor followed Evan to the table with a small smile on his face. He took a seat with his back to the wall. It wouldn’t hurt to tease Evan a bit. “It was.”

Evan blushed a little more. “G-Good for you, Connor,” he said, not a lick of sarcasm in his voice. He sat next to him, trying to lean back against the wall like Connor did, but nearly fell. 

Connor chuckled at Evan’s flailing and placed a hand on his shoulder to steady him. “Thanks, Evan.”

Evan let out his own nervous chuckle and smiled at Connor. “Thank _you._ For, um, my car thing. I don’t think I actually thanked you.”

Connor shrugged it off again. “It’s fine, really. It wasn’t a big deal.”

“I guess I gotta go to Jared’s this weekend to get his dad to fix it,” Evan said, sighing. He might as well try and make a party out of it. “Maybe you can come too.”

“I can’t, actually. We’re having a ‘family cleansing’ weekend or something.” Connor put air quotes around his mother’s words. He was only lying partially. His mother did say that they needed to do more family activities, but she didn’t specify this weekend. Connor just wanted to make sure that Jared got to spend time with Evan.

“Oh,” Evan mumbled. “Sorry. That should be fun, though, right?” He wasn’t familiar with family anything. Taco night, maybe. Not a whole weekend. 

Connor shook his head gravely. “Fuck no. My mom will act like we’re the perfect family, my dad will make things even worse by trying to remind her that we aren’t, and Zoe will-“ Connor caught himself before he said something negative about Zoe. Evan wouldn’t like that. “Zoe will be caught in the middle of it with me.”

“I’m sorry,” Evan said, even though he knew he couldn’t help. “I wish you and Jared had a happier home life. A-And Zoe, but that goes without telling.” Had he just ruined it by mentioning her?

Connor started to pick at his fingernails again. “Is Jared’s home life really that bad?” He tried to make his voice neutral. Just what he had heard from Jared about his parents and his sexuality worried him, and he wanted to get off of the topic of his own family without alerting Evan.

“I’m not really that sure,” Evan admitted. “I’ve not been around his parents in a long time. I’ve heard them fight a couple times, but I’m not assuming anything. Even if nothing was going on, I still wish he had a happier life. Don’t you?”

“Of course I do. I wish you did too.” Connor processed this new information. Apparently Jared’s family was not as perfect as it seemed to be in the family portraits on his walls. Connor found himself chewing his bottom lip. Both of these boys deserved much better than a parent that wasn’t there or parents who argued and didn’t accept them.

“Huh?” Evan looked at him in confusion. “I’m fine. My mom, she cares a whole lot. Really. She’s never hurt me.” He couldn’t have Connor thinking his mother was abusive or anything. 

Connor blinked. “But you said, in your letter, that she wouldn’t even-“ He cut himself off, knowing that Evan wasn’t as comfortable talking about this as he was. Just as he was about to apologize for assuming the worst, the bell rang, starting the school day.

Evan would have spouted some awkward string of words that were meant to dispute whatever Connor was thinking, but if he didn’t leave now, he would be late to English on the other side of campus. He didn’t say anything to Connor, leaving the conversation on pause as he trudged away, dodging kids’ backpacks.


	22. Chapter 22

Evan reached the cafeteria like always. He scanned the room, eyes locking on—yet again—Zoe on one side and Connor on the other. He was torn for a second time. Connor looked less engaged than yesterday, but Zoe wasn’t with Alana. He closed his eyes and made up his mind before the crowd of underclassmen filed in behind him. Making quick strides, he sat himself beside Connor. 

Connor looked up when Evan sat beside him, half expecting it to be Jared again. He met Evan’s eyes, then looked across the room to see his sister sitting at the table she had begun to occupy when she started sitting with Evan. Which meant that Evan had _chosen_ to sit with him over Zoe. He tried not to feel too good about it. “Hi. Welcome back.”

“Hi,” Evan said. He felt like he was forgetting something he wanted to ask Connor, but he didn’t dwindle on it. “Y-You’re not eating today?” He was one to talk. He rarely ate lunch. 

“No.” Connor shot a look at the empty table in front of Evan. “Neither are you.”

“I don’t need it,” Evan lied. The truth was, he wasn’t really sure of his and his mother’s financial situation. He only knew they couldn’t afford a lot of things normal families could. He assumed that meant school lunches, so he just never told her he skipped lunch every day. It was fine with him. He wasn’t usually hungry. He always ate a huge dinner anyway. “You should get something.”

Connor looked over at the neighboring lunch table. The students were all poking at something that looked like it was supposed to be chili. It actually looked worse than his mother’s home cooked gluten free garbage. “I’m good, actually.”

“I-If you insist,” Evan said. He was worried about Connor. He hoped he was okay. “Where’s Jared?”

“He always takes a few minutes to get here.” Usually about ten minutes. Enough time to write a note, walk across campus to Evan’s locker, and then walk back to the cafeteria.

“How come?”

Connor panicked inwardly momentarily. Why was Evan being so inquisitive today anyway? He had to think of something that Jared would say that would get Evan off of the topic. “Well, he told me he likes to watch porn before lunch, so.” That was definitely something Jared would say.

Evan’s expression went completely flat, blank of all emotion. “Great. He probably does.” Jared was the only CIT with computer lab access at camp, after all. He probably knew a lot about how to get around blocked sites. 

Connor hoped that Evan didn’t actually believe that. Because he had known Jared for years, and if he believed that, then Connor had serious concerns about his own judgement. “Probably.” Connor really had a knack for making conversations awkward. “How were your classes..?”

“Fine,” Evan said. “We got to do a writing prompt in English, so that was fun.”

“Really?” Connor hadn’t ever heard someone describe a writing assignment as fun. He could see Evan as a writer. It was a quiet, stress free activity, he would probably be good at it.

“Yeah, it was. I have a journal.” Evan was embarrassed by his writing, but his mother had always told him it was good. Though, she was supposed to. That made him wonder about the credibility of anything she said. 

Connor thought about his own journal, stuffed behind the headboard of his bed. “Trees and journaling? Could you get _any_ cooler, Hansen?”

“Very funny. I know I’m not a cool kid or whatever they’re called now.”

Connor raised an eyebrow. “I think they call them cool kids.”

“Still? Huh.” Evan picked at his cast. It looked like he had lots of friends by the names on it. Maybe he did. 

Jared made his way to the lunch room, quickly locating Connor and Evan. He hurried over, plopping down in a seat next to them. “Hey guys, what did I miss?”

Evan gave him a weird look. How did he look so normal after watching porn at school? “Not much.”

Jared quirked an eyebrow at the strange look Evan was giving him. “What?”

Evan tried to stop making the skeptical expression, but the attempt failed. “Nothing?”

Jared rolled his eyes. “You're a terrible liar, Hansen.”

Connor struggled to keep his expression neutral. He hadn’t actually expected Evan to believe him. “We were just talking about why you’re always late to lunch.”

Evan’s weird look came back in full effect, but he said nothing, looking away. 

Jared's eyes narrowed, never leaving Evan's. It was easy to get him to break. “Oh? Which is?”

Evan glanced at Connor, hoping he’d answer for him. When Connor didn’t move, Evan gulped. “Y-Your...activities.” He felt his face become warmer. 

Jared snorted, propping his chin up in his hand. “Do you mean the hardcore twink porn, or the illegal graffiti?”

Evan’s face was definitely red now. “Th-The first one,” he squeaked, looking down again. 

Jared's lips quirked as he shot a look to Connor quickly. “Oh, yeah. Don't worry, though. I only watch them to find good ones to link to Con-man over here. Strictly no school jacking for me.”

Evan kept his gaze on the table. “Good to k-know.”

Connor rolled his eyes at Jared’s teasing grin. “You know, now that Evan is bi, you could send them to him instead. You _should_ send them to him instead. I think he would appreciate it more.”

“Wh-” Evan’s eyes widened. He shook his head violently. “Please don’t do that.”

Jared grinned, winking at Evan. “Dunno, Ev. I have a knack for being able to find ones with guys who look like you.”

“Why would you say that?!” Evan shrieked. Surely he couldn’t be serious. 

Jared shrugged, maintaining eye contact but not saying anything else.

Connor felt the corner of his mouth pulling up in a smile. “Because it’s probably true. I wouldn’t put it past him to have a whole file of pornstars that look like you.”

Evan was a red, sputtering mess. “Wh- N- Why- No! Stop! Gross!”

Jared's gaze flicked over to Connor. “Oh, don't think it's just him, Con-man.”

Connor knew that his cheeks were getting that awful blotchy shade that Jared always managed to get out of him. “Right. Can’t forget your weird fantasy of fucking your clone.”

Jared's grin widened. “Not to mention the _extensive_ amount of videos I have featuring the tall, dark, and handsome guy.”

“Damn,” Connor couldn’t stop his smile, “you must jack it a lot, Kleinman.”

Jared winked at him playfully. “Religiously.”

Connor scoffed at the wink and turned back to Evan. “How is he this shameless?”

“H-He’s an enigma,” Evan responded, still flustered. 

Jared shrugged nonchalantly. “It's a talent.”

Evan shuddered. “Are you gonna eat?”

Jared shook his head. “Nah.”

As if Evan needed more reason to skip his own lunch again today. He nodded numbly. “M-Me neither.”

Connor looked back and forth between the other two. “Well, fuck, I guess we’re all just terrible at taking care of ourselves, then.”

Evan’s expression darkened noticeably. “Yeah,” he agreed, voice low. His eyes looked distant. 

Shit. Connor hadn’t meant to make Evan look like that, it had mostly been a joke, but apparently dark humor wasn’t Evan’s thing. Connor clenched and unclenched his fists under the table. He had to think of something to counteract this. “It’s a good thing there’s three of us then. We can’t look after ourselves, we can look after each other?” Fuck, that was so cheesy. Connor wished he would stop trying to be better than he really was, it always ended up to awkwardly.

Jared smiled, trying to lighten the mood. “That's what we're here for, right?”

Evan looked up, his eyes refocusing on the world around him. “I guess.”

Jared poked him in the side where he knew he was ticklish. “'I guess’ doesn't pay the bills, honey.”

Evan didn’t laugh. He swatted Jared’s arm away. “Money isn’t real. If ‘I guess’ was an agreed upon form of currency, it could pay any bill.”

Jared wasn't deterred, hand instantly resuming it's poking. “Too bad it isn't, then.”

Evan still didn’t laugh. He tried pushing Jared’s hand away again. “Yeah, then my mom would be rich.”

Jared paused, grabbing Evan's wrist. “Evan. What's wrong?”

Evan glared at him. “Stop, Jared.” He yanked his arm free of Jared’s grip. 

Jared bit his lip, glancing back at Connor. He sighed. “Please?”

“Please _what_?” Evan didn’t know what he did wrong. 

“Talk to us, Evan. You obviously aren't happy right now. What's wrong?”

“I am talking to you!” Evan said. “And I’m rarely happy,” he added, muttering quietly. 

Connor dug his nails into the palm of his hand. Great. Now Evan was upset. Connor focused on a point in the distance and forced himself not to speak; he would only end up making it worse than this. Jared probably had it covered.

Jared grimaced. “ _Evan_ , you know what I mean.”

“Is lunch over yet?” Evan ignored Jared’s probing. 

Jared pursed his lips, nodding. He obviously wasn't going to get anywhere with this. “Do you wanna come over this afternoon or tomorrow?”

“Are you still talking to me?” Evan asked, his dark expression falling into a more confused one. 

Jared blinked, recoiling ever so slightly. “Jeez. If you didn't want me to talk to you anymore all you had to do was say.” He frowned. 

“N-No, I just thought- I thought you were- You weren’t talking to Connor?” Evan didn’t want Jared thinking he was angry at him. “I-I thought you were asking h-him,” he explained pathetically, looking down at his hands. 

Jared felt relieved, he had been afraid that his incessant prodding had really angered Evan for a minute. “No, I was talking to you. To fix your car, remember? We can hang for the day. It's been a while.”

“Y-You’re serious about that?” Evan was surprised. 

Jared nodded. “Totally.”

“I-I guess tomorrow is better.”

Jared nodded again. “Alright, It's a date.” Whoops. Maybe he should've phrased that differently. He cleared his throat. “Speaking of dates, Connor! We should do something soon.”

Evan turned a little red, but he knew what Jared had meant. He didn’t question it. 

Connor looked up and tilted his head in confusion. “We just ‘did something’ yesterday.”

Jared rolled his eyes. “I don’t mean getting each other off, Con, I mean like just hanging out, y’know? Good for the soul.”

Connor looked at Jared skeptically, “Right. Okay.”

Jared gave him a quick wink. “And maybe getting each other off afterwards, if you want.”

Connor’s expression instantly fell back to bored neutrality. “Shut up, Jared.”

Jared laughed happily. “I'm kidding! Mostly.”

Connor rolled his eyes, “I’m not doing anything this afternoon.” He also wasn’t busy any other time, but he wanted to make sure that Evan and Jared would be spending Friday together.

Jared perked up. “We should do something, then. Anything, I don't care. Just some time to chill together, y’know? Especially since Evan is gonna have my unadulterated attention tomorrow. Wouldn't want my Con to feel left out, after all.”

“I was the one who s-“ Connor cut himself off, glancing quickly at Evan, “who said I couldn’t come. Plus I trust Evan to keep you in line and alive. So I’ll see you other times.”

Jared hummed. “So, are we on for this afternoon or not?”

Connor shrugged, “Sure.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> woah bro

Jared sat at his computer desk, boredly spinning himself in his chair. He had been so busy lately that it felt weird to be alone. Although his solidarity wouldn't last long-- Evan was supposed to come over soon. He had invited him over because Connor had asked him to, but also because he did kind of want some time alone with his old friend. He was scared, though, because usually Jared had a habit of saying the wrong thing and inevitably upsetting the boy. He was going to try his best to avoid doing that.

Evan had arrived ten minutes ago. Finally—after being hounded by Jared’s father for what felt like an eternity about his car door—he found himself rushing inside before he could be asked about anything else. He said a quick hello to Mrs. Kleinman, who didn’t even look up from her puzzle book, and made his way through to Jared’s room. He knocked. 

Jared got to his feet with a huff, walking over to the door. He pulled it open, already talking. “Mom, no, I don't want to s— Oh. Evan!”

Evan stepped back. “You don’t want to what?” He hadn’t been in Jared’s room since they’d had that get together with Connor and they’d all gotten drunk. It brought back memories of Evan’s first kiss, which was, for better or worse, with Jared that night. 

Jared waved a hand in the air as though to wave the thought away. “She keeps asking me if I want to learn how to knit with her. She _knows_ knitting is for Sundays, though, so I don't know why she keeps trying.”

Evan smiled. “Knitting’s for sundays, huh?”

Jared shrugged. “Everyone needs a hobby, right?” He turned around, wandering back over to his chair. “So, did my dad throw his dick at your car yet?”

“If you’re asking if he offered to help fix it, then yes.” Evan took a single step into the room, but didn’t move an inch further. 

Jared nodded, glancing back at Evan. “Ev, it's fine, you can come in. Sit down or something.”

Evan hesitated before stepping in fully. He put his bag down in a corner. “D-Did I interrupt anything?”

Jared shook his head. “Nah, I was just wallowing in loneliness as I awaited your much anticipated arrival.”

“You must have been doing _something_.” Evan stood awkwardly by the computer chair. “Texting Connor?”

Jared shrugged. “I think he's asleep. I was just spinning around in my chair wondering if I would puke at some point.”

“Please don’t. I don’t want to witness that.” Evan gulped. “So what exactly are we doing?”

“Hanging out. Like friends do. What are you in the mood for?”

“I don’t know, what do friends do?” 

Jared pursed his lips. “Dunno, we could watch a movie, play video games, go out somewhere, braid each other's hair while we trade secrets- it's really up to how you're feeling, Ev.”

“I don’t really have any secrets,” Evan lied. “And I’m not really good at any games.”

“That leaves movie or going out. Which one gets your dick hard?”

“Neither, Jared.”

Jared pouted. “Fine, which one sounds better to you?”

“G-Going out?”

Jared nodded, grabbing his wallet and keys, shoving them into his pocket as he slipped his shoes on. “Where to? Anywhere specific?”

“N-No, just–” Evan took a breath. “Just out?”

Jared gave him a crooked grin. “Out it is, then.” He strutted past Evan, grabbing his wrist as he passed to lead him out of the room and down the hall. “Mom, We're gonna go get food!” He called, a distant “okay,” answering.

“Wait, a-are we getting food?” Evan asked, trying to hide the hopefulness in his voice. He was hungry. He hadn’t eaten anything that day except for a cereal bar. Half a cereal bar. 

“Yeah, I mean, food is out, right? My treat. You can choose where.” He unlocked his car, sliding in and cranking the engine. 

“Everywhere,” Evan mumbled, slipping into the passenger side and clicking his seatbelt. 

Jared glanced over at him for a second but then shrugged, an easy grin on his face. “Everywhere it is.”

Evan wanted to tell Jared it was a joke, but it really wasn’t. “Except Jack’s. Mom has a boycott against them. Gotta honor it.”

Jared nodded. “Of course. Fuck Jack’s.”

“Yeah, uh, s-screw Jack’s.” Evan made sure his seatbelt was secure. It was. 

“Where first?” Jared asked, adjusting the air. 

“Burger King.”

\--------

“How do you stay so damn skinny?”

Evan bit into his Big Mac. It was the fifth hamburger at the fourth place they’d been. “What do you mean?”

Jared watched in amazement. How was _he_ the one with the muffin top? He had only managed to last to the second fast food chain. Jared just shook his head. “Are you gonna still be hungry after this? There's somewhere I think we can go, if not.”

“Nah, I think I’ll be good.” Evan pulled some fries from his carton. “Where?”

Jared smiled. “A secret place.”

“Secret? Like Connor’s orchard?”

Jared nodded slightly. “Kinda. You’ll see when we get there.”

“How far is it?”

Jared hummed. “About an hour.”

“Cool,” Evan said, smiling. He finished his food. “We can go now, if you want.” He was excited to see Jared’s special secret.

Jared grinned, standing up. “Let's go, then.”

Evan did the same. “Can’t wait.” He followed Jared out the McDonald’s door. 

————

As the car pulled to a stop, Evan opened his eyes. He hadn’t realized he’d fallen asleep. He yawned, sitting up in his seat. “Are we there?”

Jared hummed in affirmation, putting the car in park. They were somewhere in the woods, a beaten trail being the only thing leading up to the area. In front of the car was a tall structure, looking mildly abandoned.

“Where are we?” Evan popped his back, stretching a little. He stared up at the structure in front of them. 

“Jared's house of feelings.” Jared popped open his door, shutting the car off. 

“Jared’s...what?” Evan opened his own door, but didn’t step out until Jared did. 

Jared closed the door behind him, casually walking over to the metal staircase leading up around the side of the structure. It seemed like a viewing platform of some kind, just one actual room that sat atop tall stilts, but it was also a fairly decent size. Too big to be for hunting. “It's where I store my emotions to die.”

“What?” Evan followed him slowly, carefully. “You let your emotions...die?”

Jared didn't answer as he started up the stairs. It took about two minutes to get up to the top, where they were faced by a wooden door that was padlocked shut. Jared pulled out his keys, unlocking it and swinging the door open. 

Evan peeked around his shoulder. “Woah,” he said. “How long have you been, um, coming here?”

Jared stepped in, holding the door open for Evan. “Couple years, I guess.”

The interior of the building felt large and roomy, it seemed to be equipped with basic utilities; a short count with a sink, along with an old fridge was against one wall, a simple fold out couch/bed in one corner, a wooden writing desk and chair opposite that. There was a small wooden table in the middle, probably once used for eating. These things seemed aged, scuffed and stained from years of use. But, there was also other, newer things. 

The sheets on the bed looked fresh and clean, next to it, folded up on the ground, were multiple blankets and pillows. There were candles littered around the place, some burnt and runny and some brand new. On the desk was an array of clutter and papers, a stray book on the floor a foot away. All of the walls were spanned by large viewing windows, but most of them were crudely covered by blankets that were hung with pins and nails. There was one wall that was left untouched, an amazing view of the sky and trees below could be seen from it.

Evan turned to look out at the trees. “Wow,” he breathed. “How did you get all this stuff up here?” To him, it looked like a dream. He’d always wanted a place like this, just his, away from everyone and everything else that could hurt or laugh at him. He was glad Jared had this. 

Jared's heart thudded painfully in his chest as he watched Evan's awestruck expression. “Just kinda gradually accumulated, I guess.” He glanced out of the windows. It was going to get dark soon. He shuffled over to the kitchen area, pulling open on of the drawers and extracting a large box of matches. “I think this place used to be a fire watch tower, but It must've been abandoned or something.”

Evan nodded, still staring out the window. “They decommissioned the fire watch staff in June 2012 because the state deemed the woods safe from forest fires.” He looked at the expanse of treetops filling the distance. This was about the same height as the oak tree he fell from and broke his arm. Somehow the height didn’t scare him. He thought it would; too many bad memories. He could finally see the view he’d tried to reach that day at Ellison State Park, but it was different. He had someone there to catch him if he fell, and the world didn’t look so flawed. 

Jared went around the room lighting candles, which took about three minutes. He dropped the matchbox onto the wooden table before moving over to where the fold out bed was. He folded it up quickly before moving to one end and pushing it until it was in the middle of the room, roughly centered with the windows. He pulled the bed part back out, shuffling over to grab the stacks of blankets and pillows and tossing them onto the bed. 

Evan pried his eyes away from the window to see what Jared was doing, the sudden candlelight surprising him a bit. “What’s this?”

Jared started arranging the pillows and blankets easily, as though he’d done this exact thing a million times before. “When I come here, if it's around this time, I like to watch the sunset.” He laughed at himself softly. “Super lame, I know. But it's nice. I have chocolate, too. It's like going through a break up, I just sit in my blanket nest and shove chocolate in my face. Thought you might want to try it out.” He stepped back, revealing a very cozy looking nest of fuzzy blankets and pillows of all shapes and sizes.

Evan didn’t think it was lame. It looked like what dreams were made of. His eyes darted from the nest back up to Jared. “This is–” He couldn’t find the words. “It’s just perfect.” He could completely understand why Jared would spend so much time here. 

Jared smiled bashfully, motioning to the bed. “Go on, get in. I can provide good chocolate and mediocre room temperature bottled water. That’s about it, as far as rations, though.” He made his way back into the kitchen again, pulling open the drawer under the one that held the matches.

Evan sank down onto the blankets. “I think I’m good on food for now, thanks. Water would be cool, though.” He looked at where he’d dropped his bag—he was glad he’d brought it—in the corner. It looked so out of place. So unlike Jared. Evan felt intrusive. 

Jared snorted. “Suit yourself.” He grabbed two bottles, tossing them over onto the foot of the bed. “So, sometimes, if I want to be _extra_ lame, I’ll do this other thing, with these, uh,” he paused, unsure how to describe it. “I could make it extra colorful, if you want?”

“Nothing here is lame,” Evan promised. “I wanna see the colors.”

Jared blushed, biting his lip. “Okay. But you have to close your eyes until I say, okay?”

Evan shrugged to himself. “Fine,” he said, putting a hand over each eye to effectively seal off his vision. After a moment, he heard tiny clicks, one after the other. They stopped eventually and he felt Jared fall on the blanket next to him. 

Jared turned to look directly at Evan. “Okay, open.” 

When Evan did, he was met with a web of colorful glass, strung together with a mess of yarn. It created an odd, clunky sort of curtain almost, except the majority of it being broken shards of glass in every color and size. The glass nets covered most of the windows, except the one directly in front of them. Jared cleared his throat awkwardly. “Uh, the light of the sun, when it sets, will hit them, and reflect.”

Evan’s eyes were wide. “I didn’t think this could get any better, Jared,” he whispered, completely serious. “I can’t wait for the sunset.” His mouth hung open a bit as he took in the colorful pieces. 

Jared smiled a bashful, happy smile. “Yeah,” he whispered hoarsely before clearing his throat. “It’ll probably be about fifteen minutes. We can just talk for a bit, if you want?”

Evan nodded. “That’d be great,” he said. “But first, can I change clothes? Khakis are only so comfortable.”

Jared laughed. “Yeah, go ahead. I won’t look.”

Evan cracked a smile. “Swear?”

Jared held up three fingers. “Scout’s Honor.”

Evan narrowed his eyes, but crawled over to his bag when Jared looked away. He trusted him to keep his promise. It took him a minute to get changed, but eventually he was in a baggy State Park t-shirt, sleeping shorts, and a pair of thigh high socks that resembled trees, roots at the feet and leaves by the knees. His mother had bought them for him. A Hanukkah present. “Okay, I’m good,” he called, crawling back into the nest of blankets. 

Jared took one look at Evan and instantly felt his face burn. “Cute,” he mumbled, looking away. He was afraid to look for too long. His heart hurt. “Y’know all those times I told you I was going out with ‘camp friends’? This, uh, this is where I actually was.”

“Wh-what?” Evan’s voice sounded heartbroken. “You- Why didn’t you just tell me you didn’t have other friends? You know I didn’t either. I-I missed my best friend.”

Jared felt like this conversation was going to lead to him crying, and soon. “It’s a long story, Ev. One that you really don’t want to hear, Trust me.”

“I have time, tell me,” Evan prompted. “I think I have a right to know why you ignored me.”

Jared sighed, a lump forming in his throat. He didn’t allow himself to cry. “You’ll hate me.”

“You treated me like borderline shit for a few years and I’m still here,” Evan pointed out. “I couldn’t hate you.”

Jared stared blindly out of the window, face grim. He was about to fuck himself over and ruin everything, and he knew it, but Evan was right. It was time he knew. “L-Let’s just say that heartbreak isn’t just from breaking up. It’s also from unrequited love.”

Evan’s eyebrows furrowed. “What? Who hurt you? That Israeli girl? No, you’re gay. Wait, who hurt you?” He was confused beyond belief. He couldn’t imagine someone who could hurt Jared that much. It took a person with absolutely no heart to not love him back.

Jared took a shuddering breath, grabbing a stray pillow and hugging it to his chest. “Evan. I lied to you because I couldn’t- I was-” He bit his lip harshly. “I… I liked- _like_ two people. Which is already an issue in itself, I know. One of them was Connor. And the other one- the other one has always been you, Evan. I’ve a-always loved you.” 

Evan’s eyes suddenly felt very dry. He blinked several times, but it did nothing. The feeling wouldn’t go away. “I-” He tried to think. “ _I_ hurt you?”

Jared gulped, sniffling slightly. “Not on purpose. It wasn’t your fault.”

“Wh-What kind of a person a-am I? I didn’t even notice–” Just as Evan was getting prime for rambling, the room started to change color. The sunset was beginning. 

Jared sighed, a small defeated smile on his lips. “I love you, Evan.” The room lit up with the vibrant orange of the sun, gradually growing more and more red. And then, It hit just the right angle on the horizon, and all at once the light caught on the shards of glass, casting dozens of colorful streaks across the room. Jared wasn’t looking at the window. He was staring at the way the colors danced across Evan’s skin, catching on his eyelashes. He tried to memorize it. 

The combination of Jared’s words and the way the sun’s light passed through the glass to illuminate their world in soft color made Evan gasp. He was in complete awe, watching through the window until a thought grazed his mind. He looked at Jared, the expression of wonder never faltering from his eyes or face. Inching ever so closer, he put a soft hand on Jared’s cheek and observed the way the colors matched his skin tone. 

Jared gasped softly, not moving. Was this happening? “E-Ev?” His voice came out as nothing more than a whisper.

Evan couldn’t answer verbally. There just weren’t any words for it. Instead, he followed pure instinct. He leaned forward, on his knees, and very softly pressed his lips to Jared’s, his eyes closing immediately. It was different than kissing Connor. Not worse or better, but different. 

That was enough to push Jared over the edge. He couldn't stop himself-- suddenly there were tears running down his face and he had Evan on his back, pinned lightly to the bed as he hovered over him, kissing him with everything he had. He was probably disgusting right now, ugly sobs breaking up the kiss into a series of desperate kisses, his glasses were digging into his face, and his whole body was trembling. 

He felt so many things. His heart was pounding so hard it scared him, his chest soared with happiness. But, at the same time, his stomach felt heavy with the knowledge that this was just Evan getting caught up in the moment. As soon as it ended Evan would be back to himself, stressing over his action, and Jared would inevitably comfort him as he always did. 

He tried to focus on the now-- focus on Evan's inhumanly sweet lips and how they worked against his, so good and far surpassing any of Jared's daydreams. But not even that helped, because then he was thinking about Connor and his warm hugs and slightly chapped lips and how much he cared about him, and, God help him, Jared _missed_ him, even now.

His mind swirled with thoughts of Evan and his bubbly excitement, Connor and his cute laugh, Evan’s astoundingly adorable naivety, Connor’s fierce intensity in everything he did, Evan's eyes, Connor's hair, everything that had made Jared fall so deeply for both of these boys consumed his brain. As he lay there, lips on Evan's, he felt so unbelievably happy and content, yet, at the same time, like something was missing. Like it was _almost_ perfect, _almost_ everything he could wish for, and the realization of this slammed into Jared so hard it physically winded him. 

He was is a relationship with a boy that he loved, and who cared about him. He was finally kissing the boy that he had loved for _so long_ , after finally confessing. And yet, Jared wished that Connor were there. He wished that Connor could experience this, too. Sweet kisses and soft candle light and even softer blankets. He wished it could be the three of them, together. That they could be here, curled up together in a nest of loving contentedness, whispering sweet nothings and laughing at nothing until exhaustion claimed them and they all fell asleep. And then Jared was crying harder, tears coming faster and body shaking so hard he worried he might fall, because how _fucking selfish_ could he be? They both deserved so much better, so much _more_ than Jared and what he could give them. Jared pressed their mouths together so hard he was scared he would bruise Evan’s lips. 

Evan whimpered slightly, finally pulling away when the lack of breath got too much for him. His eyes were big and worried, staring up at Jared’s. The other boy’s tears were dropping onto Evan’s face and shirt, and he was afraid. “A-Are you okay?” He put away his strange and unfamiliar desire to kiss Jared again. He needed an answer. Why was he crying? Was it because of Connor? Evan hardly thought that mattered anymore; Connor had kissed him, too. He wanted Jared to be happy, not shaking like this. If Jared went into an episode, Evan wouldn’t be far behind. And don’t get him started on how good it felt to be laying under him. Evan didn’t think about that then, he had to know if he was all right, then he could worry about things like that. 

Jared dropped his head onto Evan's shoulder. “I'm s-sorry,” he choked, trying to calm himself. “I d-don't want to lose you.”

“I’m not– Hey, I’m not going anywhere! Are you okay?” Evan found his fingers gently carding through Jared’s hair. 

Jared whimpered, taking a minute to collect himself. Once his sobs died down and his tears slowed, he finally spoke again. “I'm so _selfish_ , Evan, I- I want to _be with you_ , but I also want to be with him and I love you both, you both mean so god damn much to me and I— I just, you deserve so much _better_ than some asshole who can't figure out his own feelings, but I'm so s-scared of losing one of you, I don't know what I would _do_ ,” he stopped, choking back more tears.

“You’re not gonna lose me,” Evan promised, his voice somehow strong and free of wavering. He kept his fingers running through Jared’s hair. “I mean it.” He wasn’t quite sure what was going on with Jared, or especially with himself, but he knew he wouldn’t be leaving him any time soon. 

Jared's fingers twisted in the fabric of Evan's shirt. “Even if I don't want to break up with Connor? If I asked you to be my boyfriend too?” He took a shaky breath. “Would you stay even if I said I wanted all of us to be together? The three of us?”

Evan was silent for a long time. Not the kind of silence that meant he was thinking ‘wow, what a freak’ or ‘how do I let him down gently’. No, it was a silence that meant ‘could that work?’ He thought about Connor. How he’d kissed him, and then how they’d kissed again. How that had been how Evan had figured he was into guys. That, and the dream he’d had. About Connor. He thought about Jared, his childhood best friend returned from the graveyard of broken friendships. How he’d shared his first kiss with him only about a week ago. How Jared had changed, claiming he really cared about Evan, and how he believed him. He thought about how Connor had taken him alone to his special orchard, and how Jared now had him in this perfect nest of blankets atop a fire watch tower that had been free from prying eyes prior to Evan’s arrival. They’d both trusted him with their secrets. He finally thought about Zoe, her smile, how she signed his cast and seemed to really enjoy being with him. How he’d had a crush on her for upwards of two years. But was it a real crush? It was certainly something, but the more he talked to her, the more he felt he just _really_ wanted her as a friend. He thought for a long time. 

Evan eventually found his voice working again, his hands never leaving Jared’s hair and back, rubbing comfortingly, trying to reassure. “See what Connor thinks,” he whispered. 

Jared pulled back slightly, look into Evan's eyes. “If he says yes?”

Evan’s expression was soft. “Then sure.”

Jared was back on him in a second, kissing him gently. “I-” He didn't know what to say, how to communicate his feelings in a way that would make sense. “Thank you, Evan.”

Evan smiled in a way that was both worried and relieved. “A-Any other bombshells you wanna drop tonight?”

Jared paused, biting his lip. “You know that email you got from someone and they claimed they loved you? That was me. Also, the note in your locker everyday. That's why I'm late to lunch.”

Evan’s jaw dropped. “That’s you?! Jared–” He was at a total loss for words. He couldn’t believe those were Jared. He did need to clarify something first, though. “So it isn’t- it’s not because of porn?” He coughed. “It’s not the notes… _and_ porn?”

Jared laughed, shaking his head. “No, Evan. No porn.” He leaned down to press another kiss to his lips. He was addicted, already.

Evan let himself laugh, too. It felt nice. Jared felt nice. “Do you kiss Connor like that?” he couldn’t help but ask; it had just come out. 

Jared smiled down at him. “Yes.” He kissed him again.

Evan had never had so many kisses, obviously. He liked it. But it felt illegal. “I-Is this even okay? I mean– Connor doesn’t know– He might not...like this.” His heart was also beating faster because he had finally embraced that side of him that he’d just realized; the bisexual Evan Hansen the world never knew it needed. 

Jared sighed, grimacing slightly. “I… don't know. He knows that I love you. He's known the whole time. But he also knows that I love him. I don't know.” Jared paused. “He wanted me to spend the day with you. Just you.”

Evan’s expression suddenly darkened like it had at lunch the other day. “So you didn’t even want to spend time with me? He had to _tell_ you to?”

Jared gasped, hand moving up to rest on Evan's cheek, lightly petting the soft skin with his thumb. “No! That's not what I'm saying! It's not that I didn't _want_ to spend time with you. God, I would sell my heart for just a minute with you. I was just- I was scared. I was afraid I would say something wrong when I wasn't paying attention, or I would make a stupid joke and upset you like I always do. I was afraid because I can never keep my damn mouth shut, and god knows I'm terrible with words.”

Evan looked away. “That’s my fault. I’ve been more anxious lately. Sometimes I overthink things. I didn’t tell my mom I need a stronger dose of my medicine, because I know our insurance won’t cover it, and– It’s not your fault. Sometimes you say things that are questionable, sure, but I’m– I’m a mess.”

Jared started pressing quick kisses all over Evan's cheeks, so soft they were barely there. “Don't blame yourself for things you can't control. I was a total asshole, and I knew it.”

Evan didn’t let himself ruin the sincerity of the moment by laughing at the tickly feeling the tiny ghostlike kisses put on his cheeks. “Yeah,” he agreed, bluntly. “But we can’t take words back. At least make the next ones count. Make them better.”

Jared gave him a dopey smile. “Yeah.” He leaned in once again, pressing a final— for now-- kiss to Evan's lips. He didn't pull away yet. He wanted to remember this, no matter what happens.

Evan could tell this would be the last kiss of the night. He put everything he had into it. He needed Jared to know that even if he didn’t quite understand it all, he was serious about it. 

Jared pressed his body into Evan's, one hand tangling in his hair and the other pressed into the bed next to Evan's ear, holding him up slightly. He nibbled Evan's lip, but didn't try to deepen it any further.

Evan was extremely inexperienced, which meant the tiniest nibble made him whimper. He was weak underneath Jared, but a good weak. 

Jared reluctantly pulled away, panting softly. “I'm glad I know you.”

“You are?” Evan squeaked, looking up at him innocently. 

“ _God, Yes_.” Jared dropped his head down to Evan's shoulder once again, this time nuzzling into the crook of his neck. “Jesus, Evan, I’m _so_ glad. You're one of the best people I've ever met. You deserve so much.” The other one was Connor. Even though he knew he would disagree. Connor really was a good person, underneath it all. 

Evan hugged Jared. He seemed so small with his head resting on Evan’s neck. “Well, I’m glad you’re giving yourself a second chance.” He was honestly surprised that he wasn’t shaking or stumbling over his words.

Jared took a deep breath and was quiet for a minute, just taking in the _Evan_. “We need to talk to Connor. Soon.” He hated to ruin the moment, but he had to. 

“I-I know.” Evan was well aware that Connor may be angry at him and Jared. He could only hope it wouldn’t last. 

Jared rolled off of Evan, sitting up and taking a moment to compose himself. “I don't think I can wait, Ev. I need to talk to him, like, immediately.”

“We’re leaving?” Evan knew they needed to do this, but he really didn’t want to leave this perfect place. “And I think Connor has a family thing going on, actually.”

Jared stood up, suddenly determined to do this. “It's probably fine, since it's night. And don't worry, we can come back. After. All of us together.”

Evan hesitantly stood as well. “I guess,” he said. “I just wish I had a place like this to share with you two.”

Jared smiled, pulling Evan into a hug. “Just you is enough.” He pulled away much sooner than he would've liked, pulling his phone out of his pocket. He took a deep breath. “Okay. We're gonna do this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally amirite


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> O shit

Jared typed in Connor's number, holding the phone up to his ear as it rang.

Connor was having a terrible day. Cynthia’s idea of ‘family time’ included board games, awful 1990s romcoms and a family dinner. No one had the guts to question her, so Connor sat through an excruciating game of Monopoly (which Larry won, much to Connor’s displeasure), two terrible movies and a dinner conversation that consisted of Cynthia imploring Connor over and over to invite his ‘new friends’ that Zoe had told her about to dinner sometime.

Needless to say, Connor had jumped at the chance to get out of the torture that was family time when his phone rang. He was slightly confused when he saw Jared’s contact picture, wondering why he was calling him and not spending his weekend with Evan. Had something gone wrong? Connor pressed the answer button as soon as he got into his room. “Aren’t you with Evan?”

“I need to talk to you.” Jared and Evan were already descending the stairs, back down to Jared's car. “Can you meet me somewhere? I'm in the next town over right now.”

Connor frowned in confusion, but grabbed his shoes anyway. “Yeah, sure. Uh… which direction? I’ll meet you halfway.”

“North, take the highway. I’ll send you an address, meet me there, okay?”

Connor nodded, before realizing that Jared couldn’t actually see him. “Okay. I’ll see you there.” Connor quickly finished knotting his laces and grabbed his hoodie.

Jared let out a relieved breath. “Oh, and Con?”

“Yeah?” Connor asked, distractedly, already making his way downstairs.

“Love you.” Jared hung up before Connor had time to respond. He quickly texted him the address before starting up the car.

Connor flushed slightly and stuffed his phone into his pocket. “I’m going out!” He yelled back, not waiting for an answer as he shut the door behind him.

————

Jared and Evan got there first. It was an old abandoned drive in, by the looks of things. The large projection screen stained and crumbling, but still identifiable. It was secluded, meaning they could talk in peace, and there were street lights dotted around, meaning they could actually _see_. Jared turned to Evan. “You sure about this?”

“If you are,” Evan said, staring out at the scene in front of them. “I feel like this is the part of the movie where they sit on the hood of the car.”

Jared chuckled. “I’ve never been more sure of anything.” He would've said more, but they could see headlights behind them.

Connor pulled into the drive in, checking Jared’s text again to make sure that he was at the right address. He shut off his car once he was sure that this was the right place. There was only one other car in the parking lot. As Connor got closer he could see two silhouettes sitting in the front seats. A creeping feeling ran up the back of Connor’s neck, the thought that he was being ganged up on clouding the back of his mind. Connor shook his head and approached Jared’s car.

Jared gulped, taking a deep breath. “Evan, stay here. For now. I need to talk to him alone first.”

Evan’s eyes were full of worry, but he nodded. “Okay,” he said softly. He turned on the radio quietly. 

Jared got out of the car, closing the door carefully before walking around towards Connor. Soon, they were face to face, a few feet from his car. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Connor responded. He wanted to ask why they were meeting in the middle of nowhere, but decided that he wanted to know something else more. “Is that Evan?”

Jared nodded. “Yeah. We need to talk.”

Connor was instantly on edge. They needed to talk? In the middle of nowhere? With Evan in the car not ten feet away? Connor tried not to visibly tense up. “About what?” He tried to make it sound nonchalant, but it came out too sharp.

Jared's eyes softened slightly at the worry on Connor's face. “I'm not going to break up with you,” Connor might break up with him, though. “It's about Evan. And us.”

Connor only relaxed marginally at Jared’s promise. He tried to push his paranoia to the side in favor of listening to Jared. It couldn’t be too bad if Jared could still looked at him with that soft expression. But then again, nothing positive could come out of a secret meeting in the middle of nowhere. Something must have happened. Something to do with Evan and- “Is he okay?” Connor blurted.

“He's fine!” Jared was quick to dismiss the idea. “It's just- Something… happened. We talked. I told him about the notes, and the email.”

Connor froze. Of course, he had known that it would have to come out sometime. Jared couldn’t keep giving notes forever, and hell, Connor had even encouraged Jared to work through his feelings for Evan. He hadn’t expected Jared to come right out and confess, though. If he confessed and ‘something happened’, then that could only mean- Connor’s breathing was becoming more ragged, but he spoke before Jared could say anything about it. “What happened.”

Jared gulped. “We kissed.”

“What the _fuck_ , Jared?” Connor’s fists were clenched at his sides so tightly he could feel his nails breaking skin. All he could hear was the sharp ringing in his ears that he always got before he blew up. The rational part of Connor’s mind told him that he was being hypocritical, that Jared didn’t deserve this, he was only going after the guy that he had loved for years, but that part was being drowned out.

“He said he wants to be with both of us!”

And fuck, did Connor want that to be true. He wanted that more than anything, but there was no world in which Connor Murphy got two amazing people to like him enough for that. It was impossible. “That’s not funny, Jared! When the fuck will you learn that your shitty jokes aren’t funny!” Connor couldn’t tell how loud his voice had gotten, but it seemed like it was echoing.

Jared held his ground. “I'm being serious! Connor, _look at me_! I love you. I also love Evan. And I _don't_ want to lose either of you.”

There was no way. Connor shot Jared a scathing glare but lowered his voice. “Shut up, Jared.” He couldn’t shake the voice telling him that this was a joke. Because it had to be a joke, if it wasn’t a joke, Connor wasn’t sure he could take the alternative.

Jared could feel the tears welling up at the look Connor shot him, but he still refused to back down. “No, Connor. I'm telling the truth, and Evan can confirm it, but you have to _promise me_ that no matter what happens, you won't get mad at him. You can blame me for everything. Dump me, hate me, yell at me, whatever. Just, remember that I- _We_ love you. No matter what.”

Connor could feel his anger melting, and he hated it. He hated it because when the anger went away he felt everything else. Connor squeezed his eyes shut and took a few deep breaths. He was _not_ going to have a breakdown right now. Jared seemed to be telling the truth about this not being a joke, but if it wasn’t a joke then it was pity. Which was worse. He knew that Jared would be happier with Evan and that Evan would be happy with Jared, but he also knew that he could never let them go if they gave him the option to stay, which would mean that he would be forcing these two amazing people into a relationship that they didn’t even want because they were afraid that he would off himself if they left. “I don’t need your pity, Kleinman.”

Jared couldn't help it. He scoffed. “ _Pity_? You think we're doing this out of pity?” He took a step closer, eyes locked on Connor’s. “Connor. You are kind, and funny, and _so fucking sweet_ that I could get a cavity. You're beautiful, even on your worse days. You try to help us when we feel bad, even though you don't know what to say, and-” Jared cut himself off, giving Connor a hard stare. “I could go on for days about how wonderful you are. Don't you _dare_ think that we want to be with you because of pity. We want to be with you for _you_.”

Connor couldn’t meet Jared’s stare. His breathing, while still ragged, slowed. Connor searched his mind desperately for another explanation as to why Jared would say these things, but surprisingly found none. He brought his hands up to his burning face and tried to take deep breaths. Jared had to be telling the truth, or at least believed that he was. Which meant that Connor had just yelled at him for no reason. There was a minute or two of silence as Connor took deep breaths. “I’m sorry,” his voice cracked slightly.

Jared softened again, bringing a hand up to Connor's wrist and pulling one of his hands away from his face. “Hey, it's okay, Con. You're okay.”

Connor let loose a slightly hysterical laughter. “Okay, right. It’s ‘okay’ that I just yelled at you and probably gave Evan a fucking heart attack from outside the car.”

Jared pulled the other hand away from Connor's face. “It is okay. I forgive you.” He leaned up to kiss Connor's cheek gently. “And I’m sure Evan will too.”

Connor felt the last of the tension leave as he adjusted his grip on Jared’s hand. “You were being serious…? He.. he agreed?”

Jared smiled at him, trying to contain his excitement at Connor's compliance. “Yeah, he did. Do you want to talk to him?”

Connor nodded slightly. Jared was obviously excited to make this work, so Connor pulled his hand back and offered a shaky half smile in return.

Jared lead Connor back to his car, tapping on Evan's window. “Ev, you can come out now.”

Evan jumped at the noise beside him, his heartbeat growing faster. Still, he nodded and turned the radio off, opening the door and getting out, trying not to get his socks too dirty. 

Jared pulled Connor closer, grabbing his wrist. He used his other hand to take Evan's wrist as well, then he carefully brought their hands together and stepped back so that Connor and Evan were standing before him, hand in hand.

Connor flushed slightly, staring at their joined hands. He was so caught up in Evan’s warm hand that he almost didn’t notice the socks. Almost. “Oh my god, Evan.”

Evan was still staring at their hands, very pink. “Wh-What?”

Jared smiled softly at them. “Evan, do you like Connor? And want to be with him?”

Evan turned impossibly pinker, matching the cherry blossom hue of his shirt. “I- Yes,” he managed. Suddenly this was real, and it was hard to think about. 

Connor pulled his gaze from Evan’s legs and squeezed his hand slightly. Maybe this was real.

Jared bit his lip lightly. “And you're okay with me being with both of you as well?”

Evan kept watching their hands. “Y-Yeah,” he said, nodding. He meant it, and he needed Connor to know he meant it. 

Jared turned to Connor. “Con?”

Connor blinked out of his thoughts and turned back to Jared. “Yes.”

Jared's breath caught, but he had to be absolutely sure. “Yes? Yes as in you want to be with us?”

Connor met Jared’s eyes. “ _Yes_.”

Jared moved faster than he probably ever had, throwing himself into the other two. He wrapped his arms around them, pulling them in close. “Yes!”

That startled a laugh out of Connor. He wrapped his free arm around Jared and buried his face in the shorter boy’s hair. He was probably squeezing the blood out of Evan’s hand by now.

Evan didn’t tell Connor his hand was beginning to ache. He wouldn’t dare. He couldn’t quite move with the other boys around him like that, so he stood still. “Can we go back to that tower, Jared?” He thought they could all agree they needed an official first date. Jared’s tower seemed the best option, and Evan was eager to get it done. 

Jared smiled impossibly wider. “ _Definitely._ Get in, you two.”

Connor paused, holding onto the other two before they could get into the car. “Wait, I have a few questions.”

Jared's face was starting to hurt. He didn't care. “Yes?”

“First, what tower?”

Jared snickered. “Long story. I go there to cry. Or, at least, I _did_. Don't think I’ll need to anymore, though.”

Connor nodded thoughtfully. “Okay. Second, what,” he pointed to Evan’s socks, “are those.”

Evan’s eyebrows furrowed. “What are you talking about?”

Jared laughed for real this time. “Those _fucking_ thigh highs!”

“My socks?! What’s wrong with my socks?!”

Connor looked at Jared incredulously. “How have you not told him?”

Jared gave him an innocent shrug. “I think they're cute!”

Evan was pink again. “Told me what?!”

“I- They-“ Connor shook his head in defeat. “Nevermind. They’re cute.”

“I think I want to know what’s so funny about my socks.” Evan pouted. 

Jared felt like now was a good time to take advantage of their newfound relationship. He pulled Connor down, giving him a gentle kiss, square on the lips. Then, as soon as he pulled away, he turned the other direction, doing the same thing to Evan. “They're cute. Just like both of you.”

Evan’s eyes sparkled. He only squeaked in response. He meant to say something, but his voice was untrustworthy. He’d have to wear his thigh highs more often. 

Connor smiled slightly at the kiss but rolled his eyes at Jared’s cheesy comment. “Right. Let’s go to this tower of yours.” He thought about kissing Evan to seal the deal, but dismissed that notion. The time had passed and he didn’t want to test it right now.

“Right!” Jared, however reluctantly, pulled away. “Get in!” He was in the driver's seat in under thirty seconds.

Evan fidgeted. “I-I’ll sit in the back,” he offered. He was just glad Connor hadn’t gotten angry. He’d heard yelling through the car doors, but he tried not to dwell on it. 

Jared yelled out of the open car door. “Just sit in his lap, no one will see because it's dark out! I don't want to not be able to touch one of you.”

Connor shook his head. “I’ll sit in the back,” he said, already opening the car door.

Jared pouted. “Lap! Please, Con?”

Evan only waited for a consensus. He’d do whatever they told him to. 

“I’m not going to force Evan to sit in my lap just because you want to hold someone’s hand, Jared.”

“I-I’ll probably fall asleep, if that affects the decision,” Evan added timidly. 

Jared gave Connor his best puppy eyes. “He didn't say he didn't want to!”

Connor really didn’t want to pick another fight tonight, especially not against Jared’s puppy eyes. He turned to Evan and said, as gently as he could, “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“I mean- I’ll probably fall asleep, so.” Evan still didn’t say no. 

Connor sighed. He still wasn’t sure if that was Evan’s polite way of saying no or not, but just talking in circles was frustrating. Making the executive decision, Connor shut the back door of the car, scooped Evan up and got in the passenger seat.

Jared beamed, leaning over to kiss each of them again. “Thank you!” Jared made a mental note of just how much he enjoyed seeing Connor carry Evan like that. 

Evan squeaked as Connor lifted him into his arms and again when Jared kissed him. Looked like he’d be riding in Connor’s lap after all. He didn’t mind. He’d kind of wanted that. He just didn’t know how to say yes. “A-Are we using a seat belt?” he questioned, voice high. 

Connor thought for a second before shaking his head and wrapping his arms around Evan’s middle. “Jared is going to drive _very_ carefully. Right, Jared?”

“Mhm! But before we go can you do me a favor and let me see your hands real quick?”

Evan held a hand up. “Huh?”

Connor raised an eyebrow but held out his left hand.

Jared took both of their hands, turning Evan's face down and putting it in Connor's, and then putting his on top of Evan's, linking all of their fingers. “Perfect.”

Connor smiled down at their hands, “You’re a sap, Jared Kleinman.”

Evan’s lips curled up in a gentle smile. This felt right. “I like saps.”

Jared grinned. “I like both of you!” He knew that they already knew, but he still wanted to say it again. “I would say no making out while I drive, but actually I encourage it.”

Evan had managed to turn pink yet again. “Oh, I don’t really- I’m not experie- I don’t know- How do you-“ He cut himself off. He knew he was the least experienced out of the three of them now. He really wasn’t quite sure what he was supposed to do or how he was supposed to act. 

Connor rubbed his thumb across the side of Evan’s hand. “It’s fine, Evan. Jared doesn’t need to be distracted anyway, he’s already a terrible driver.”

Jared pouted. “Rude. Can I have a kiss for the road, at least?”

Connor huffed, leaning over and kissing the easiest part of Jared that he could reach, his temple, with Evan in his lap. He was beginning to regret his decision not to sit in the back. Not that it wasn’t amazing having Evan close, it was, it was just also awkward positioning.

Jared smiled at them, having to temporarily release their hands to put the car in drive. “Let's get this show on the road!”


	25. Chapter 25

Evan had, indeed, fallen asleep again. When Jared pulled up in front of the tower for the second time that night, he put the car in park and looked over at his two _boyfriends_. “Con, why don't you wake him up for a minute while I go and get everything ready? There's no electricity, so I need to light the candles so that we can see.”

Connor nodded silently and motioned for Jared to go on. Even though he was about to wake Evan up, he was reluctant to speak and ruin the moment. As Jared got out of the car and made his way towards the tower, Connor let his eyes roam over Evan’s peaceful expression and the freckles dotting his nose for a moment. His face was slack and anxiety free, a bit of drool coming out of his mouth and onto Connor’s shoulder. For the first time in a long time, Connor felt truly calm. He shook Evan’s shoulder slightly. “Ev?”

Evan stirred. “Huh?” He opened his left eye just a crack in order to see Connor. That startled him. He’d forgotten he had been sitting in his lap for the ride back to Jared’s special getaway. He jumped, his eyes fully open. “Oh– Hi.” He wiped the drool from his lip. “S-Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Connor assured, unwrapping his arms from around Evan’s middle. Now that Evan was awake and Jared was gone, the position felt almost too intimate. Like he had taken advantage of the sleeping boy somehow. Connor cleared his throat. “We’re here. Jared already went up.”

Evan looked out the window. “Oh,” he said lamely. “Sh-Should we go up? Too?”

Connor knew that they should follow Jared up, that it would be rude to keep him waiting, but he had said that he had to do something up there, so a bit longer couldn’t hurt. Connor was still skeptical of this whole new dating thing, even though he was sure that Evan would never fall asleep on someone that he didn’t at least trust. Either way, nothing good or bad would ever come of it if Connor didn’t at least test it. Biting his lip, Connor made his decision. It would be best to do it now, while Jared was away, so that if it did go wrong, he wouldn’t be disappointed. Connor hesitantly reached out and placed his hand under Evan’s chin, gently turning his head and tilting it up to make eye contact. “Tell me if this is too much?” Not giving Evan a real chance to pull away, Connor closed the gap.

Evan’s eyes were wide, but they fluttered closed. Connor’s lips were soft, gentle in a way that let Evan know he wanted to do this. He found himself kissing back, though he wasn’t sure what to do. He didn’t know how to date someone, much less two people. What if he kissed him wrong? Then he’d upset two instead of one. He hoped Connor couldn’t feel the desperation and confusion pouring from Evan’s lips to his. 

Connor exhaled a sigh of relief as Evan started to kiss back. Evan’s kiss was unsure but so unbelievably real that Connor knew he would never be able to give this up. Connor moved his other hand to Evan’s waist, hoping the pressure would reassure and ground him as he tilted his head to deepen their kiss.

Evan’s hand found its way to Connor’s cheek, resting lightly and gently. He let Connor take the lead, since he seemed to know what he was doing, or, rather, more than Evan did. As the kiss deepened, Evan’s heartbeat grew faster. 

Connor felt a passion in this kiss that he hadn’t felt in his first kiss with Evan. Knowing that he wanted this, that he wanted _him_ , both of them, sparked something in Connor that he was sure he’d never felt before. He pulled Evan impossibly closer in his lap, leaning into him with something akin to desperation.

Evan’s thumb rubbed tiny ghosts of circles on Connor’s cheek. His legs had curled up closer to his body, making the situation even warmer. His free hand found its way to the edge of Connor’s hair, the tips of it. He didn’t pull it—that would be rude. Instead, he twirled it absently through his fingers. From the movies he’d seen, Evan was surprised there wasn’t already a tongue involved. 

Connor made a soft noise in the back of his throat as soon as Evan’s hands made their way into his hair. His hand on Evan’s chin moved around to the back of his neck, running his fingers back and forth across the warm skin. He found himself opening his mouth slightly to take in Evan’s soft lower lip, which tasted like the same strawberry chapstick as last time.

Evan was startled just a bit at the way Connor took his lip in between his own. The surprise made his fingers grip Connor’s hair a little tighter, and to pull it only slightly. He loosened it immediately. A small nasally sound escaped his throat. 

Jared had relit all of the candles, and had time to clean up the odd snot tissue or tear stained paper before he started getting worried. It had been ten minutes, surely they should be up by now? He decided to go check on them, hopping down the stairs two at a time.

Connor felt breathless. His mind was clouded with the smell and taste of Evan and his hands in his hair and his legs around his waist. He didn’t pull away to regain his senses, all of his self awareness going out the window as Evan, seemingly involuntarily, tugged his hair. He nipped lightly at Evan’s lip, and took the chance to chase the taste of Evan into his mouth.

Jared was stood beside his car at 10pm, grinning way too hard as he watched Evan and Connor make out in his passenger seat. He heart fluttered happily. He shuffled up to the car, pulling the door open. “As much as I would _love_ to watch you two bang in my car, it's gonna start getting cold soon.”

Evan jumped, nearly falling off of Connor’s lap, his lip being pulled as his face separated from Connor’s. “God–” He caught his breath. “Shit, Jared, you can’t sneak up on people like that!” 

Jared snickered, moving in to quickly press a kiss of his own to Evan's reddened lips.

Evan squeaked. There was going to be a lot of kisses tonight, wasn’t there?

Connor cleared his throat, positive that he was smiling way too hard, given the situation. “Upstairs?”

Jared hummed, making sure Connor received his share of kisses as well. “Yes, good idea.”

Evan grinned. “Can I have some of that chocolate this time?”

Jared stepped back, allowing them to get out. “Ev, you guys can have _whatever you want_.”

Connor swung his legs out of the car, and when it became apparent that Evan wasn’t going to stand up on his own, picked him up once again and stood. “By whatever you want you mean chocolate, right?”

Jared winked at him, taking a minute to once again appreciate the visual of Connor with Evan in his arms. Then he turned around and bounded up the steps once more.

Connor shut the door behind them with his foot and followed Jared up the stairs. Evan was surprisingly light, it turned out.

Evan held onto Connor tightly as their height above the ground grew. He didn’t look down, but the continuing sound of walking up more and more stairs was daunting. He hadn’t been afraid before, why was he now? He tried to think about the situation instead; how he now had two boyfriends instead one impossible crush. Before he knew it, they were inside. 

Connor looked around the room in awe. He had never expected Jared to have a place like this. The atmosphere was so cozy and warm and _safe_. Connor gently sat Evan down on what looked to be a makeshift bed of blankets. He turned back to Jared, the flickering candlelight reflected in his glasses. “When did you do all this?”

Jared blushed, shrugging. “I've been coming here for, like, three years maybe? I've had some time to make it cozy.”

“It’s pretty during the sunset!” Evan said from the floor, already pulling a blanket up over himself. 

Jared nodded thoughtfully. “Good place to cry.”

Connor frowned, looking out the window. How many people had to make Jared cry before he dedicated an entire place to it? Connor kinda wanted to hit everyone who had hurt him.

Evan patted the blankets next to him. “Someone sit by me,” he suggested, not wanting to be left out. 

Jared shuffled over to the counter, grabbing three chocolate bars and tossing them back over. “Chocolate for my Kings.”

Connor picked up one of the candy bars and plopped down onto the blankets to Evan’s right. “Thanks, babe.”

Jared shuffled over, dropping himself down on top of both of them. “Any time.”

There was a sharp inhale of breath and a quick “Ow!” followed by Evan pouting. “Jared, watch the arm!” He pulled his broken arm free and cradled it. 

Jared winced, pressing an apologetic kiss to Evan's cast. “Shit, Ev, I’m sorry! I forgot.”

Evan took in Jared’s genuine expression. “I forgive you,” he said softly. 

Jared nodded, eyes lingering on the cast. “Say, uh, not to ruin the mood but- What happened to Zoe?”

Evan’s eyebrows furrowed. “I-I think it was more of a friend crush. It kind of went, um, away? Once I started hanging out with her? Is that a thing?” He trusted Jared and Connor to know. They knew his sexuality was a thing, so they ought to know about this, too. 

Connor’s expression darkened. He had forgotten about Zoe and Evan’s crush in the heat of the moment. He wasn’t exactly sure how his sister felt about Evan, and he guessed that it didn’t really matter anymore, but he wasn’t sure that Evan could just throw away a year plus long infatuation in one night. “I don’t think that’s a thing.”

Jared shook his head, eyebrows furrowed. “No, it is! You can definitely get friend crushes on people. It's like, you just really _really_ want them to like you, but not necessarily romantically.”

Evan’s eyes were worried. “S-So is it a thing or not?” He hadn’t expected them to disagree. He didn’t know who to believe. 

“I’m just saying that there’s no way he could have a crush that intense and it only be platonic.” Connor hated himself for ruining the mood like this, he really didn’t mean to, but it just made no sense. Especially since it was on Zoe, who _everyone_ loved.

Jared shrugged. “Well, you have to remember that he also had never actually talked to her during that time. Sometimes when you actually interact with someone things can change. I once thought I had a crush on that girl with the freckles and blonde hair when we were in, like, third grade, and then I talked to her. Now I'm gay.”

Connor shrugged as well, not making eye contact. “Then how do we know that this isn’t just another set of ‘friend crushes’ and he just doesn’t know it?”

Jared blinked lazily, falling back to lay down and stare up at the ceiling. “If he just wanted to be friends, he wouldn't have kissed both of us.”

Evan couldn’t breathe. Connor didn’t think he was serious about this? He couldn’t explain it himself, but that didn’t mean he was lying. It felt wrong to feel so panicky in this special place, but he figured that’s what it was really for. He didn’t say anything, but he knew the other two would notice his distress at any second. 

Connor knew that he was being stupid and irrational, and that they were both probably already getting fed up. He hadn’t meant to ruin this. Evan looked like he was about to start hyperventilating. Connor tried to put himself back into the calm mindset he had had before Zoe was mentioned. “I’ve just never felt that, I guess. Maybe it can happen.”

Jared bit his lip, sitting back up. “Enough about that, we’re supposed to be basking! And maybe fucking. But mostly basking.” He crawled up, wedging his way right in between them so that the three of them were pressed together tightly.

Evan didn’t seem to notice Jared squeezing in between he and Connor. He was too caught up in trying to breathe. He couldn’t let himself do this tonight. Especially when he couldn’t just go home to cry in his room like usual. Still, he said nothing, attempting to catch his breath and ground himself. 

Connor’s chest felt tight. “I’m sorry, Evan, I didn’t mean-“ he cut himself off, not wanting to make it worse.

As soon as he managed a deep enough breath, Evan spoke, his voice high and squeaky. “N-No, you shouldn’t be sorry, I– I just want you to k-know I’m serious about all of th-this.” Talking it out would help, right?

“Yeah, no, I really should have known after,” Connor waved his hand in the general direction of where the car was parked below. “Just- Sorry.” He really hoped that this wouldn’t ruin the whole night. Honestly today should have been just Jared and Evan’s.

Jared look between the two of them, slowly snaking his arms around both of their waists. “Hey, hey, you two. It's okay. We're all okay. We're here, and together. That's what's important. Yeah?”

Connor released a long breath and tried to relax. “Right.”

Evan nodded meekly. “Uh huh,” he managed.

Connor leaned over Jared and held out the chocolate bar to Evan, as a peace offering.

Evan looked from the chocolate to Connor and smiled softly before taking it. “Th-thanks,” he said. 

Jared pressed kisses to both of their cheeks. “Now, the _real_ issue here is that I want to kiss both of you a million times and I only have one pair of lips.”

Evan giggled, finally coming out of his dark state. “You have two cheeks,” he noted. “We could kiss you instead!” He wanted to be open-minded with this, try things to see if they worked. 

Connor nodded gravely, a mock serious expression on his face, trying to keep up the light mood. “It does seem like that is the best option.”

Jared pretended to mull it over. “Well, I _guess_ that would work. Not sure if it would be as enjoyable as covering every inch of you guys’ faces with kisses, though.”

“No, we wanna thank you for making this happen! Right, Connor?” Evan smiled at the taller boy. 

Connor’s lips quirked in response. “Definitely.” He motioned his head towards Jared and leaned in to kiss his cheek, watching Evan do the same.

Jared blushed as their lips met his cheeks. “Y-You guys, I d-didn’t _make_ anything happen. It was a team effort!”

Evan’s smile was soft and innocent. “Yeah, but you...made it easier.”

“You orchestrated it, Jared. There’s no way we ever would have gotten here alone.” Connor leaned back onto the blankets.

Jared shrugged, falling down to lay on his back and stare up at the ceiling. “Thank Fuck for my inability to keep my mouth shut, then, huh?”


	26. Chapter 26

At some point, the boys ended up tangled in a big pile of limbs and lips, their only concerns being each other. Jared hummed, nuzzling into Connor's neck while pulling Evan's arm tighter around his waist. “This is good.”

Evan smiled sleepily. “Yeah, you’re right,” he said, yawning. He’d been tired that day, even if he had two naps. “C-Connor’s hair is really soft.”

Connor chuckled quietly and turned on his side, draping his arm over Jared’s middle. “Thanks, Evan.” Everything felt so warm and soft, with no sharp edges.

Evan giggled. “Jared’s is soft, too. So’s his skin. I’m tired.”

Jared smiled, lazily pressing a kiss to Connor's neck. “Usually it gets too cold up here to sleep, but I guess with all the body heat it's fine.”

Connor pressed a return kiss to Jared’s forehead. “We should stay all night, then,” he murmured.

Evan shivered. “But I’m tired.”

Connor snorted lightly and leaned up so that he could see Evan’s face over Jared. “I was suggesting we sleep here, Evan. Doesn’t your mom think you’re staying at Jared’s anyway?”

“Oh,” Evan said awkwardly. “Yeah, she does.” He looked at Connor’s soft eyes. Cute. 

Jared hummed, sitting up just enough to take the excess blankets from around them and pull them over them instead. Like a big cozy nest. “Fuck, I’m gonna sleep so damn hard.”

Evan nodded. “Me too, I-I think we all deserve it.”

Connor made a noise of agreement and lay back down. “It’s been a _long_ day.”

Jared leaned over to press a slow, lazy kiss to Evan's lips. “Goodnight, sunshine.” He flipped over, doing the same to Connor. “Goodnight, starshine.”

Evan giggled sleepily and lay down into the nest of softness. “Goodnighty, Jare.” He didn’t want to push for anything from Connor. If he wanted something, he’d initiate it. 

Connor was sure that if he pretended he didn’t blush at the nickname, no one would notice in the dark. “Night, Jared.” He paused, letting the silence wash over them for a minute. “Goodnight to you too, Ev.”

Jared rolled his eyes. “Kiss him, dummy.”

Connor elbowed Jared lightly, but sat up and leaned over him, seeing Evan’s outline in the shadows. He bent his head down and gave Evan a soft and gentle goodnight kiss. “Goodnight, Evan.”

Evan smiled toothily, his face warming. “Goodnight, Connor,” he said, his smile evident in his voice. He exhaled comfortably. 

Connor smiled to himself, shuffling back down into the blankets and wrapping his arm around Jared again. He knew this sort of thing wasn’t going to happen all the time, but he really could get used to this feeling.

Jared hummed as he snuggled up in between the two, already half asleep. He hadn't realized just _how_ tired he was. “Love you guys,” he muttered, breath evening out. 

Soft breathing came from Evan’s side, turning into even softer snoring. He’d already managed to doze off. 

Connor didn’t respond verbally, simply staring at Jared and Evan’s figures as they fell asleep. For the longest time he just watched their chests move with soft breaths. Sleep didn’t usually come easily to Connor, but he fell into slumber surprisingly quickly that night.

\--------

Jared shifted in his sleep, burrowing down farther into the warm fuzzy heat around him. He could live in this feeling for the rest of his life.

Connor had woken up relatively early, a combination of the sun streaming through the window, and Jared having stolen the blankets waking him up. He spent his time waiting for the other two to awaken looking out the window at the tree tops. He sat in silence, not moving or thinking about much of anything. Just waiting in the quiet of the morning.

Evan was still asleep, but he was twitching. His eyes were closed tighter than normal, darting back and forth in his skull. His arms shook and his heart raced. Tiny noises started to come from his throat, desperate sounding. 

Jared was pulled from his sleep by the small sounds, making him sit up tiredly with a yawn. “Ev?”

Connor turned as soon as he heard Jared’s voice. Evan was making jerky movements in his sleep, and Connor was already on his feet. “What’s wrong?”

Evan didn’t wake up, but the twitching got worse. His body shook with what had to be fear. The noises got louder and more urgent. 

Jared was suddenly much more awake. He shook Evan's shoulder, eyebrows furrowed in worry. “Evan?”

A tear squeezed out of Evan’s tightly shut eye. His whimpers didn’t die down. The shaking wasn’t working. 

Connor frowned worriedly, staring helplessly from a few steps away. He didn’t have experience with helping someone with something like this. Was this a seizure or a nightmare? He didn’t even know. “What- What do we do?”

“I- I don't know.” Jared shook him harder, one hand coming up to rest on his cheek. “Evan! Wake up!”

Evan’s eyes shot open as he bolted upright, Jared’s hand falling to the side. He was hyperventilating, sweating, and near crying. “Wh-” He couldn’t quite get anything out. 

Connor snapped to his senses as Evan started to tremble. He stepped forward and dropped to his knees on Evan’s other side. He reached out tentatively but stopped before touching the gasping boy. “Can I..?” He asked softly, nodding in the direction of his hand inches from Evan’s back.

As the tears started falling from Evan’s eyes, he managed a nod. He shut his eyes again and pulled his knees to his chest. 

Connor gently put his hand on Evan’s back and began to rub small, soothing circles. He looked up over Evan’s shoulders to meet Jared’s eyes. He should have some sort of background in dealing with this, what with being Evan’s best friend for years.

Jared frowned, bringing a hand up to rest on Evan's shoulder. “Ev? Can you try to take deep breaths for me? In 3, hold 2, out 4.”

Evan really tried to breathe along with Jared’s instructions. His body was making it hard for him to hear, though, which was frightening him even further. He rocked back and forth slightly to try and take the edge off. 

Jared brought a hand up to run through Evan's hair. “That's it, you're doing good. Just focus on breathing.” Jared glanced over at Connor, shooting him a worried frown.

Connor worried at his bottom lip nervously, rubbing Evan’s back in time with Jared’s breathing exercises. Connor moved his eyes from Jared’s, to Evan’s shaking frame and back, asking silently what this was. He knew a nightmare’s aftermath when he saw one, but he was worried that this was a common thing with Evan, or if they had done something to cause it.

Jared sighed, still petting Evan. “Panic attack.”

Connor nodded silently, his heart clenching painfully. If Jared could identify it that easily, then Evan must have them frequently. He wanted to do something to help calm Evan down, but his voice had seemed to stop working. All he could do was rub Evan’s back and watch as he struggled to regulate his breathing.

Eventually, Evan managed to stop hyperventilating. His face was still buried in his arms, but he choked out a sniffly, urgent “I’m sorry.” He felt both too hot and freezing at the same time, and he wouldn’t stop sweating. 

Jared hushed him, shaking his head. “It's okay, Ev. You're okay.” 

Evan kept trembling. “W-We’re t-too high up,” he spouted. It wasn’t really what was bothering him, but it was part of it. They didn’t need to know the truth. 

Connor felt like he’d been punched in the gut. He had pretty much pieced together Evan’s secret after he read the second letter, but hearing his voice, broken and hurting like this was almost too much. Evan was cradling his casted arm again when Connor looked back up to Jared. “We should go back down to the car.”

Jared blinked in confusion, but nodded regardless. “O-Okay. Can you carry him?” 

Connor nodded again, already picking Evan up. He made grateful eye contact with Jared before heading towards the steps. “Close your eyes, Ev,” he whispered, starting down the stairs and back towards Jared’s car.

Evan did as he was told, gripping Connor’s shirt tightly. He was still breathing unevenly, but at least it was deeper than before. The tears hadn’t shown any signs of stopping. 

Jared followed close behind, not bothering to stop to close the door behind them. Once they were on the ground once again he looked at Evan. “Is this better, Ev?”

Evan cracked a worried eye open. “A-A little,” he assured, before closing his eye again and whispering another “I’m sorry.”

Connor shook his head, opening the door to the backseat of the car. “It’s not your fault. Is it okay if you just lay down back here until you feel better..?” He knew that he would have to fill Jared in on at least some of what he knew. Half of him wanted to say that it wasn’t his story to tell, but Evan wasn’t in any shape to tell it and Jared deserved to know right now.

Evan nodded weakly. He could do that. He liked the smell of Jared’s car. It could help him calm down. 

Jared watched as Connor layed Evan down carefully, closing the door. “Con? What's going on? Evan doesn't- He isn't afraid of heights?”

Connor motioned for Jared to follow him a few steps from the car, out of earshot of Evan, not that he could listen very well in this state. Connor stared down at his boots contemplatively. After a moment he spoke, still not looking up, “Look, he hasn’t told me directly, so I don’t know anything concrete.” He was skirting around the matter. He couldn’t help it. It was so much harder talking about someone else’s suicide attempt.

Jared was really starting to worry now. “Okay?”

Connor pushed his hair from his eyes, staring at a point over Jared’s shoulder. “Do you know how Evan broke his arm this summer?”

“He fell out of a tree?”

“See, that’s- that’s the thing. I don’t think he fell out of the tree. I think he let go.”

Jared's stomach twisted, his heart stuttered in his chest. “W-wh—” he hadn't even considered that. Oh god, had Evan tried to kill himself by jumping out of a tree? What if he had succeeded? What if- What if Evan weren't here right now and Jared had never talked to Connor and Evan never realized he was bi and none of this ever happened? “Oh God.”

Connor winced. “Like I said, I don’t know for sure, but he sent me this email on Monday that just.. I think being up that high again was just too much too soon.”

“Wait, he sent you an email? What- What did it say?” Jared did not feel great.

“He didn’t mean to. It was one of his therapy letters.” Connor really didn’t want to stay on the topic of that email long enough for Jared to realize that it was probably his persistent and heated words that sent Evan spiraling into that mindset that afternoon.

Jared's body felt vaguely numb. His heart ached and he chewed on his lip in thought. “Shit.”

“I spoke to him about it,” Connor was quick to add. “Not that that fixes it, but the thing that he most needs right now is to know that people are here for him. And would miss him. He- He didn’t seem to think that, before.” Connor paused, “Which is no one’s fault.”

Jared scoffed. “Yeah, sure. I believe that.”

“I’m serious,” Connor insisted. “You couldn’t have known.”

“Could've been there for him.”

Connor let out a frustrated groan. “Or, you could be now, because he’s still suicidal and all you can think about is what you could have done months ago.”

Jared tensed, eyes snapping back to the car. “Shit!” Connor was right, Evan shouldn't be alone right now. He hurried back over to the car, pulling the door open. “Ev, are you okay?”

Evan had somehow rolled off the seat, curled up on the floor of the car, cradling his left arm like it stung. “U-Uh huh,” he managed. Everything was still blurry and slow motion-like. 

Jared climbed into the car, pulling Evan back up on the seat and hugging him to his chest. “You don't seem very okay.”

Evan shook his head slowly. “I-I’m fine. N-Nightmare. D-Don’t worry about m-me.”

Jared shook his head, threading his fingers through his hair. “Of course I’ll worry.”

Connor leaned against the side of the car, watching the two. “We both do.”

Evan didn’t move. “Why should you?”

Jared's arms tightened around Evan ever so slightly. “Because we care about you, Evan. I love you, remember? Always have.”

“Y-You say that, but…” Evan trailed off, fresh tears welling up in his eyes. He couldn’t believe he’d ruined their day already. 

Jared turned Evan around, giving him a hard stare. “Evan. I mean it. I love you so much.” He kissed him carefully, trying to convey his emotions without scaring Evan too much.

Evan shakily pulled away from him. “Y-You called me an acorn.” He looked at Connor. “A-And you said falling out of a-a tree was the saddest thing you’d ever heard.”

Connor tensed slightly and looked down at his boots again. “Yeah, well I’m an asshole, so..”

Jared grimaced. “Stop it. You aren't an asshole. If anyone is, it's me. Don't forget my school shooter chic. Look, Evan. Acorns are good, they grow into beautiful trees, just like you. And it _is_ sad, because you could've gotten hurt so much worse and thank God you didn't because I don't know what I would do without you. That goes to both of you.”

Evan blinked out some tears. “I-I’m sorry,” he said for the third time. “I-I believe you, I just–” He let a choked sob escape his lips. “I’m sorry.” It was really all he could say. He was sorry. He hadn’t meant to flip out on them, nor had he meant to accuse them of anything. They shouldn’t be any more worried about him than they already were, which itself was too much, in Evan’s eyes. 

“Look, Evan..” Connor took a steady breath. “I know you’re sorry. But none of it was your fault. _Especially_ us caring about you. Because we aren’t going to stop. All three of us have made mistakes getting here, but I’m- We’re not letting you go because you’re hurting.”

Evan bit his lip hard to avoid apologizing again. It wouldn’t help. He still held his left arm in his other, cradling it gently. He couldn’t make himself look Jared or Connor in the eyes, so instead he just nodded, not trusting his voice to say anything other than sorry. 

Jared kissed Evan's forehead before turning to Connor. “Please get in here with us right now, because I'm gonna cry if I'm not touching both of you in the next two minutes.”

Connor hesitated for only a moment before sliding into the car beside Jared. He immediately reached out and put his hand on top of Evan’s on his cast. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t have anything to say. Evan already knew that it was a show of solidarity.

Evan finally looked up at Connor, saying nothing. He knew the look in his eyes. Only shared experiences could produce a moment like that. He looked back down at his cast, his hand covered by Connor’s. Maybe someone would miss him after all. 

Jared took Connor’s free hand, linking their fingers while his other arm remained around Evan's midsection. He wanted to say something, but he didn't know what. So instead he dropped his head to rest on Evan's shoulder.

Evan let Jared’s head put pressure on his shoulder. Usually after a panic he’d be very touch-sensitive, but now felt different. He had a reason to come out of his panic other than just having to live life. Jared and Connor meant a lot to him, it turned out. He let his breathing normalize. “Y-You have a french fry on your floorboard by the way,” he whispered. 

Connor snorted. Huddled in the backseat of Jared’s car, between two boys who were just recently his boyfriends, one of whom had just recovered from a panic attack, that statement seemed like the funniest joke of all time. Maybe Connor Murphy had finally cracked, and all it took was a single productive conversation about feelings.

Jared let out a choked laugh as well. “Damn, Ev. You made Connor laugh better than me. I've been defeated.”

“I-I’m not kidding, you got two Cheetos and some Lucky Charms down there, too.” Evan had counted. 

Jared paused. “You didn't eat any of it, did you?”

“Fine, you had three Cheetos, but I’ll leave it up for interpretation.” That time, Evan was kidding. 

And that was when Connor started to giggle. Honest to God giggle. He buried his face in his hands to hide the hysterical laughter. It really wasn’t even that funny, but in that moment he was so goddamn _glad_ that they were talking like this that it just slipped out.

Jared froze, looking up at Connor with wonder in his eyes. “Holy shit,” he breathed. “That's fucking _adorable_!”

Connor swatted Jared in the arm, trying to control his laugh. “Shut up.”

Jared beamed at him, grabbing the hand that tried to swat him. “No way! I love it.”

“I-It is cute,” Evan agreed, somewhat proud of his ability to make Connor laugh like that. 

On most days, Connor detested his laugh. And his smile. He found, though, that if these two thought it was a good thing, he wouldn’t mind letting it out more. Nevertheless, Connor took a moment to regain his breath before relinking his hand with Jared’s. He leaned forward and gave Evan a short but sweet kiss. “Don’t tell anyone. Either of you.” He tried his best to sound even slightly intimidating, but it was hard when he was still smiling so widely.

Jared grinned. “Definitely not. We're the only ones who get to hear the beautiful Connor laugh.”

Evan nodded, sniffling. He was still shaking a little, but otherwise mostly calmed down. 

Connor rolled his eyes but didn’t stop smiling. He turned back to Evan, “You feeling a bit better now?”

Evan nodded again. “Yeah, sorry,” he apologized. “I mean– I am, yeah.”

“That’s good,” Connor tried for a reassuring voice, “we could, I don’t know, go get breakfast or something..?” He felt like Evan might want to get out of the woods.

Jared perked up. “Oh, I know this great breakfast place about twenty minutes away!”

“Pancakes?” Evan asked meekly. He hadn’t realized how hungry he was. 

“Hell yeah.” Jared beamed at them. “Uh, you might want to change first, though.”

Evan looked down. He was still in his sleeping clothes, his extra-large t-shirt and shorts. “I-I have to go back up there?”

“No! I can go get your bag for you.” Jared felt kind of bad that they couldn't spend anymore sunsets together up there now that they had Connor as well, but he was willing to sacrifice his guilty pleasure of sitting in an old fire watch tower in favour of his boyfriend being happy.

Connor nodded in agreement. “Jared can get it.” As cute as Evan was in his shorts and thigh highs, it probably wasn’t appropriate for a restaurant.

Evan swallowed awkwardly. “O-Okay. Thanks, Jared.” He’d repay him later. For all of this. 

Jared nodded, detaching himself from the other two. “I'll be back in a second.”

Evan turned to look up at Connor. Once Jared was gone, he cleared his throat. “Hi.”

“..Hi.” Connor’s voice was quiet. Somehow it felt like talking at normal volume would immediately lead to him saying something wrong. Or that if he spoke too much he would let it slip that he and Jared knew and Evan would get upset again. He stared at his hand on Evan’s cast for a moment before he spoke again. “You are up to going somewhere for breakfast, right?”

Evan nodded. “Yeah, I’m hungry,” he said, voice soft but not as quiet as Connor’s. 

“That’s good.” Connor looked out the window. He didn’t see Jared.

“Can’t survive off Jared’s floor food forever, y’know?”

Connor paused, turning back to Evan. “You didn’t really eat something off the floor, did you?”

Evan hesitated. “Sometimes a fry is too good to be ignored, Connor.”

“I-“ Connor wasn’t exactly sure if Evan was being truly serious or not. He scanned Evan’s face, looking for any sign that it _wasn’t_ true, but found none. “Fuck, Evan, you couldn’t have told me before I kissed you?”

Evan grinned sheepishly. “You wouldn’t have done it if I told you beforehand!”

Connor narrowed his eyes. “Very slick of you, Hansen.”

Evan’s eyes sparkled. “Thanks.”

Jared hopped back into the car, bag in hand. “Okay, now the question is; Does my pledge to not peek when you change still hold up now?”

Evan turned a dark red. “Of course it does!” he shrieked. “Probably more than before! Hand it over, I won’t take long.”

Jared handed him the bag, pouting. “Not even a little?”

“ _No_.” Evan didn’t care what Jared and Connor had done together before Evan joined them, but he had values. “No one’s peeking.” He fished a fresh shirt and jeans from his bag. 

Connor was already opening the car door again and pushing Jared out. “Come on, you useless pervert.” He knew that Jared was just joking. Or hoped that he was.

“Boo!”

Connor shut the door behind them and turned his back to the window to give Evan his privacy to change. Jared spoke a big game, but Connor smiled slightly when he turned away just the same.

It was difficult getting changed in a car, but Evan managed. He tapped on the window to indicate it was fine to turn back around as he sat to put his shoes on. 

Jared hummed, glancing down at Evan's feet. “Still wearing the thigh highs, huh?”

“No one can see them with my shoes on, Jared. Whatever about them making you laugh at me is gone now.” Evan laced up his shoes, the colors of his socks disappearing behind them. 

Jared shook his head, pulling open the car door. “They make me want to do lots of things to you, but laughing isn't one of them.”

Evan was an easy one to fluster. “They’re just socks, Jared!”

Connor shrugged, having to agree with Jared. “Those socks changed my life, Evan.”

“What does that even mean?”

Jared smirked, kissing Evan slowly. “Hot.”

“O-Oh.” Evan didn’t know how socks could be hot, but he didn’t argue. 

Connor nodded, matter-of-fact. “I actually think it was less a fact of the socks, and more the legs.”

Jared nodded. “You could make a religion out of those legs.”

“Wh- _My_ legs?” Evan looked scandalized. 

Jared snorted, hand falling onto Evan's knee and trailing over his calf. “ _Hell yes_.”

Evan’s leg reflexively twitched back. “Uh, thanks.” He wanted to talk about anything else. 

Connor’s eyes trailed over Jared’s hand and its trip down Evan’s leg. He cleared his throat and looked out the window. That was _way_ too much for him before breakfast.

Jared smiled, looking between the two boys. “You guys are cute. My favorites.”

Evan’s panic may have stopped, but he was still shaken by it. “Even after all that?” How could Jared be acting so normal after that sequence of events?

“Of course. Nothing is gonna change that, either.” 

Evan’s eyebrows furrowed, but he didn’t argue. “I-I can sit back here this time. It’s fine.”

Jared pouted. 

“It’s fine!” Evan repeated. 

“It’s broad daylight, Jared,” Connor spoke up, turning back to the other two. “He can't really sit in my lap.” Connor wasn’t sure he could handle it if he did. “I’ll sit in the back on the way back, if you want.”

Jared's eyes reflexively glanced down, his face reddening. “Uh, Con? Are you sure that's the reason why he can't sit in your lap?”

Connor reddened, pulling his legs up to his chest. “Shut the fuck up, Kleinman.” It wasn’t really his fault. Jared was the one who had to caress Evan’s fucking leg.

Evan hadn’t caught on. “Really, I can sit in the back. Or I can drive and you two can sit in the back together!” He wouldn’t admit it, but ever since Jared had gotten his car, Evan had wanted to drive it. It was so much newer and nicer than his own, and he just wanted to try it out. 

Jared hummed, giving Connor a smirk. “There's an idea.”

Connor stared Jared’s smirk down, despite the reddening of his face. “If you’re driving, I’m sitting up front, Evan.”

Jared snorted. “You say that like it would impact anything I'm suggesting.”

Connor shot the shorter boy a glare. “Seriously, Jared, stop it. Not happening.”

“Can I drive?” Evan piped in. 

Jared laughed, nodding. “Yeah, Evan, you can drive. I’ll have to give you directions, though, so unfortunately Connor will be limited to holding hands and/or kisses.”

Evan grinned. “Fine by me.” He was out of the car and beside the front door in record time. 

Jared tossed him the keys, sliding into the middle of the back seat. “Breakfast sounds fuckin fantastic right now. Wait, hey, this is our first breakfast date!”

Evan climbed into the driver’s seat, still grinning. “Hey, it is!” He was really feeling better now. 

Connor got a warm feeling at the other two’s obvious good moods about a first date. “Well, happy first breakfast date to you two.”

Jared smiled, kissing him quickly. “Get in the front seat, nerd.”

Connor scoffed, getting out of the car and back into the passenger seat. As soon as he was settled he turned around in the seat, “Everyone knows you’re the nerd in this relationship.”

Jared took the opportunity to kiss him. “Damn, you got me.”

Connor winked at Jared before turning back around. He tucked his hair behind his ears and stretched his legs out. Perks of being in a front seat. “So where are we going?”

“Local Diner! Follow the trail out to the road.”

“On it!” Evan enthusiastically started the car and pulled around onto the trail, following it carefully. 

\--------

“The pancakes are _amazing_. You guys should try to orange juice, too.” Jared was enthusiastically pointing to various things on the menu and gushing over them. He had come here many times.

Evan’s eyes hadn’t left the picture of the pancakes. “You can get these all-you-can-eat?” That really intrigued him. 

Connor glanced over the menu. With Jared practically bouncing next to him with excitement, he suddenly felt very tired. “If I don’t get coffee in the next ten minutes I’m going to pass out.”

Jared flagged down a waitress. “Hey, yeah, can we get One coffee, one chocolate milk, and one orange juice, please?” The waitress nodded and scurried off to the kitchen.

“How’d you know I wanted chocolate milk?” Evan asked. 

“You don't fawn after two guys for years without learning a few things about them.”

Connor raised an eyebrow, not looking away from his menu. “I don’t know whether that’s sweet or terrifying.”

“Probably both,” Evan said, still drooling over the photo of the pancakes. 

Jared just shrugged. “I'm feeling like you want the pancakes?”

“I’m thinking about it,” Evan said in a way that meant yes, he did want them. 

The waitress returned, passing out their drinks. “Can we go ahead and get an order of pancakes? I still need a minute to decide the rest of our order, though.” She nodded, smiling politely and wandering away once again.

Jared smiled at the other two. “It's on me this time, guys. A thanks for agreeing to date a dumbass like me.”

Connor looked up, a stern expression on his face. “Excuse you, I happen to like dumbasses.” He wanted to reassure Jared that of course they wanted to date him, but he couldn’t really speak for Evan, and he didn’t think he could actually make it through another emotional talk without screwing up.

Evan had already gone through half of his milk. “I don’t think it’s fair, I mean, you paid for all of that food yesterday. Aren’t you broke by now?”

“Nah,” he waved his hand dismissively. “Whenever my parents go out of town like that they try and pay me off so that I don't complain about being so alone all the time.”

Evan just nodded. He understood. Though she didn’t give him much money—they didn’t have enough for that—his mother always tried to make him happy when they were both home. He figured it was like Jared said; so he wouldn’t complain about being left alone so much. 

Connor swallowed, staring at the menu but not reading anymore. It suddenly felt very awkward, or maybe that was just him. For all his complaining about his parents, they were always there. Even when he didn’t want them to be. Connor suddenly felt extremely shitty for ever complaining about his life, when Jared’s parents were so absent and Evan’s family was so much worse off than his own.

Jared instantly caught on to Connor's discomfort. “Con, you good?”

Connor shook himself out of his thoughts and put on his most neutral face. “Yeah I’m fine. I’m thinking about getting French toast.” He hated French toast, but Jared didn’t know that.

Evan smiled. “French toast is nice. It always smells good.”

Connor nodded, closing the menu. “Yeah, I think I’ll get some.”

Jared hummed. “You sure? I thought you liked- nevermind that's stalkerish. You sure you're good?”

Connor hesitated, but only for a moment. How did Jared even know that? “Yes, Jared, I’m fine.” He bit the inside of his cheek when his sentence came out a bit too sharp. “I’m fine, thanks for asking.”

Jared hummed. “You're lying, but you don't have to tell us about it right now. It's fine, I won't pry. But are you sure you want the French toast? You really can get whatever you want.”

Connor huffed, crossing his arms. He wasn’t used to not being able to hide things. “I’ll get a waffle.” He hoped that Jared would take the hint and change the subject.

Suddenly, a yelp came from Evan’s direction. He was looking down at the floor. “Oh my god!” He bent over, quickly snapping back up. “Guys, I found a _dime_!” He was incredibly excited. 

Jared laughed, leaning over to peck him on the cheek. “Good job, Acorn.”

Connor glared into his coffee mug. If this were a month ago, he probably would have thrown something, but instead he just pulled his arms closer to his midsection and hated himself. 

Jared grimaced, sliding closer to Connor so that he could talk to him quietly. “Connor, really, what's wrong? I don't want you to be upset right now. What is it?”

“I already said, I’m fine.” Connor wasn’t going to throw his pity party all over their perfectly fine breakfast. Thankfully, he could see the waitress approaching with pancakes.

The waitress set down the pancakes and Jared smiled up at her. “Thanks! Um, I think we're ready now. Can we get two orders of waffles, another round of pancakes and one big plate of eggs and biscuits?” 

She nodded politely. “It’ll be out in a second!”

Evan was engrossed in the dime he’d found, but not too much that he didn’t notice the pancakes. “Oh god, they’re big, huh?” He didn’t put the dime down. 

Jared snorted. “Dimes? Not particularly.”

“No!” Evan yelled, wincing and softening his voice. “The pancakes, I’m not stupid.”

“I know you aren't, Ev, I'm just messing around.” Jared paused, but quickly pressed a reassuring kiss to Connor's lips. “This is a happy time, yeah?”

Connor relaxed slightly, vowing not to focus on his previous thoughts for now. “Yeah.” He could pretend none of it mattered for another hour or two.

Jared nodded. “Are you okay with that? Me kissing you in public?”

Connor shrugged. “You already know how I feel about it,” he murmured, remembering their talk in the hallway a few days ago. Now that they were with Evan as well, it was probably best to get it out of the way, so he raised his voice just enough for Evan to hear as well. “I think you and Evan should be the face couple. Since this,” he gestured to the three of them, “isn’t really out. I mean, if Evan is okay with it, of course.”

Evan swallowed a large bit of pancake. “Huh? But everyone already knows about you and Jared. Zoe was talking to some people about it, I heard her. And I don’t know if Alana knows, but I’m pretty sure she knows everything. She signed my cast!”

Connor blinked. Everyone knew? He had been under the impression that they had been discrete about it. But, then again, you couldn’t get away with hugging a friend in the cafeteria if you were Connor Murphy. And of course Zoe would have told, he shouldn’t have made the mistake of letting her in on it in the first place. It would have been better for everyone if Jared and Evan were the ones out in the relationship. There would be less gossip or drama because the two had been friends for years. But now that option seemed to be out the window. “Oh,” Connor said, eloquently. 

“You could dramatically dump Jared at school tomorrow so everyone thinks it’s over,” Evan offered, trying to be helpful. It wasn’t the best idea. He hadn’t meant to shoot Connor’s plan down. 

Connor paused for a moment, thinking over Evan’s offer. It sounded like Evan did want to be in an open relationship with Jared, which made sense, of course, but Connor was not just going to say yes to a chance to break up with Jared. He wasn’t stupid. “I don’t think that’s really necessary..”

Jared was pouting off to the side. “A face couple sounds upsetting.”

“I’m not really cut out for that,” Evan muttered. He couldn’t take one of his boyfriends away from the other like that, even if it was just in public. 

“Well, I mean..” Connor struggled to come up with an explanation of his idea, “We don’t have to have one. If you want this to be out, whatever.”

Jared shook his head. “I do, but if you don't then we don't have to. I want both of you to be happy, remember? That's all I care about. And if that means you don't want us doing stuff in public, that's fine with me. Just say the word and I'll stop.”

Evan nodded in agreement, a soft reassuring smile on his face. He would want them to treat him the same way. 

Connor bit his lip. He hadn’t meant to insinuate that he didn’t want to be seen with them, but that seemed to be what Jared thought. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just thought it would be easier to explain.” And that Zoe would be less likely to blab to their parents if the news wasn’t as juicy as ‘Connor has two gay boyfriends’.

Jared snorted. “Yeah, you're right. It is kinda hard to explain the whole double whammy, huh?”

Connor shrugged. “It’s not conventional, and people are idiots.”

Evan stared at his dime with worried eyes. “Sorry I caused so many problems.”

Jared's eyes narrowed. “Alright, guys, listen up. This ain't gonna work if we aren't all cool with it. None of us are causing problems. We all care about each other and that's what matters. Big gay mess.” Jared would've said more but the waitress was returning, a timid smile on her face as she carefully distributed the food on to the table. She smiled at Jared and Connor. “Y’all are cute together.” 

Connor blinked in shock. He guessed they really weren’t subtle about it. He wiped the surprise off his face and regained a neutral expression. He didn’t want to seem affected if she was being sarcastic. “Thanks.” His voice fell flat, dismissive. He had never been good with adults or people in general.

She nodded, hesitating slightly. She shifted to face Evan. “So, um, are y’all from around here or just passin’ through? Don't get many tourists around here this time of year.”

Jared quirked an eyebrow, but didn't say anything. She seemed… interested in Evan.

Evan swallowed his bite of pancake. He felt his hands start sweating. If he had known he would have to talk to some stranger today, he might have stayed in the car. “W-we’re from– We– We live about an hour s-south.” He was a little ticked Jared or Connor didn’t answer for him. 

Jared nodded, still eyeing the waitress slightly. “Next town over.” He felt his eyes twitch slightly as she put her hand on Evan's shoulder. 

“Oh, I’ve been down there a couple times! Nice place. You got much to do there?”

Evan’s anxiety—heightened by the unwelcome physical contact—bubbled until he ended up nearly yelling. “There’s Ellison State Park! I-I’m an apprentice park ranger there during the summers! Th-There are geysers there, a-and trees, obviously, but really big ones, and they teach lacrosse to anyone who wants to learn it, free of charge! I coached a croquet match last summer there!” He wished he could disappear. This was the opposite of a super power, just spouting everything he ever knew. It was a super weakness. 

She smiled, removing her hand. “Maybe I'll have to check that out some time.” She nodded to the other two, waving. “Y'all enjoy your meal, now. Give me a shout if you need anything.” She scurried off the speak to her next customer. 

Jared hummed. “Well.”

Connor glared after the waitress’s retreating figure. “Seriously? She just said we were cute and then flirted with him?” Connor suddenly didn’t feel very hungry.

Jared patted his shoulder. “I think she meant me and you. She probably assumed that Evan’s free because we're together.”

Evan was trying to catch his breath. “Sh-she was flirting with me?!”

“Absolutely.”

Connor poked Jared in the side. “Go sit with Evan.” He motioned to the other side of the booth. “Sit by him and be explicitly gay.”

Evan composed himself. “But I’m not gay.”

Jared laughed. “You are in this situation, buddy. And why are you telling me to do it? If you're so jealous you can just do it yourself, you know. Not that I'm not always tempted to be all over him.”

Connor frowned, looking back over at the waitress. “I’m not _jealous_ , I just don’t appreciate her flirting with him.” Despite his protests, Connor knew that he was, in fact, very jealous. “And it should be you so that she doesn’t hit on you either.”

Evan blinked. “Sounds like jealousy to me.”

Jared grinned and nodded in agreement, but slid over closer to Evan regardless. “Fine, I’ll be gay for you, Con.” He took Evan’s fork, cutting a piece of pancakes and holding it up for him. “Open.”

Evan didn’t open. “I can feed myself, Jared.” He thought he’d made it pretty obvious he wasn’t a stranger to food. 

Jared rolled his eyes. “Fine.” He dropped the fork back onto the plate, smirking. “Guess I'll have to use a different method, then.” He slid closer, smooshing himself up against Evan's side. He grabbed the boy's legs, pulling them up over his own so that Evan had to turn and sit across his lap. He wrapped an arm around his waist, locking him in place. “Hi there, Ev.”

Evan’s eyes were wide, and his face was incredibly red. “I- H-Hi,” he said, for lack of something meaningful to say. He was surprised and flustered, to say the least. 

Connor picked up his fork, placated by Jared’s methods. That would show the waitress. He honestly didn’t care if she judged them for being together anymore, as long as she never touched Evan like that again.

Jared smiled as he saw Connor's pleased look. “Definitely not jealous, huh?”

“Definitely not,” Connor affirmed, soaking his waffles with syrup.

Evan was still blushing, but he was feeling a little cheeky. “Are you sure you’re not jealous, Connor?”

Connor paused, looking back up at the boys cuddled together behind a stack of pancakes. “You’re both enjoying this way too much.” He was not going to admit jealousy. They’d only been dating a day. Not even that.

Jared shrugged. “I like it. It's cute that you got so worked up over a little flirting. As long as you don't try to fight any tiny waitresses I'm into it.” Jared _might_ have a _small_ possessiveness kink.

Evan giggled. “Want some of these pancakes?” He was asking both of them, but he looked at Connor. 

Connor shook his head. “Waffles are superior. Though I am appalled at the lack of breakfast meats at this table. Are you vegetarians? Because if you are, this relationship cannot continue.”

Evan blinked. “Like sausage and bacon and stuff?” Was Connor really asking that?

Connor shrugged. “Yeah.”

“Connor, do you know what a Jew is?” Evan asked slowly. 

Connor blinked, processing for a moment. He buried his face in his hands. “Oh my god.” He really should have known. Boyfriends were supposed to know those sorts of things. He felt insanely stupid.

Jared snorted ungracefully. “You dork!” He laughed. “I mean, the good news is you can't go to hell for being in a poly gay relationship when you don't believe in God!”

Connor groaned from behind his hands. Really. Jewish. Both of them, and he didn’t even know.

Evan smiled. “It’s okay, Connor, don’t feel bad! It’s not like you can tell.”

Connor scoffed, dropping his hands. “Seriously? Jared knows both of our breakfast orders and I didn’t even know your religion.”

Jared shrugged. “I don't know your religion.”

Connor rolled his eyes. “I don’t have one. So that doesn’t count.”

“Well, now we know!” Evan pointed out. “And really, it’s fine. It’s better you never see me in a yamaka anyway. I have a...weirdly shaped head.”

Jared snickered. “It's pretty funny.”

“Shut up, Jared.”

Connor’s lips quirked at the mental image.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ;( -sux

After gorging themselves on breakfast foods- with no other flirting waitress incidents, she seemed to have taken the hint- the three left the diner. They hadn’t really agreed on a destination, but Connor wasn’t really worried. Just driving was fine with him. He sat in the backseat this time, despite Jared’s constant complaints that cars should have three seats in the front row. 

They spent the drive talking about trivial things and fighting over who got to choose the music. After a while though, Connor was starting to worry about the length of this little trip. His previous bad feelings from the diner began to come back. Driving around like this wasted a lot of gas, and even though neither Jared nor Evan had complained about it, Connor felt shitty for it. Evan had almost had a heart attack over finding a single dime, and Connor was sitting there with a credit card and a trust fund worth thousands of dollars. He felt like maybe he should at least offer to pay gas money for Jared, but he had no idea how to bring it up. So, instead, as they drove further and further, Connor got quieter and quieter.

Evan held his new dime close to his face. “This says it’s from 1997! That’s older than us!” He looked at it closer. “Is this FDR? Looks like him. Did you know FDR was on the dime? It says ‘Liberty’ on it, too. Cool.”

Connor stared out the window at the passing road signs. He found himself thinking increasingly bitter thoughts. It was only a dime. It wasn’t even like Evan could buy anything with a single dime. Why the hell was he so fascinated with it anyway. Connor wished that Jared would turn back on that obnoxious country music station.

Jared hummed. “You act like you never held a dime before,” he teased, glancing at him. “I feel like half the time you try to be cute on purpose. Have you been playing us, Hansen? Because if so, it's working.”

“I think it’s excess energy from being excited about other things,” Evan said in a serious voice. “But if it’s cute, then that’s a bonus, yeah?”

“Naturally.” He laughed, glancing back at Connor. “Con? You okay?”

Connor didn’t look away from the window. “Mhm.” He tapped his fingers on his thigh in a staccato rhythm. If he didn’t respond and make a scene then Evan and Jared would go back to their conversation about that goddamn dime.

Jared hummed. “You’re lying again,” he stated it calmly, as though he knew it for a fact. “You do know I can tell, right?”

Connor rolled his eyes. He really wished he had something to do with his hands. “How can a incommental noise be a lie?”

“You tell me.” He shot him a look in the rear view mirror. “What’s wrong?”

Connor finally turned away from the window. “Keep your eyes on the road, Jared.” Connor brushed his hair back from his eyes, trying to come up with something to change the subject to. “Evan, tell me something about pine trees.”

Jared grimaced. “Are you just going to keep avoiding the question?”

“Yes.” Connor could feel the guilt and self-hatred building up, like the sand in the bottom of an hourglass, but he would be damned if he let it loose before the day was over.

Jared nodded flatly. “Any particular reason _why_?”

“Fucking _hell_ , Jared, let it go!” Shit, that was exactly what Connor had _not_ wanted to happen. He huffed, looking back out the window.

Jared’s eye twitched, but he still spoke calmly. “Connor, how do you expect me to let it go? Someone I care about is _obviously_ upset, and I just want to know why so that _maybe_ I can help somehow.” His eyes never left the road.

Connor growled, crossing his arms and digging his fingernails into his bicep. “ _Maybe_ ,” he drawled, mimicking Jared’s calm voice, “I’m tired of listening to Evan bragging about ten fucking cents.”

That did it for Jared. He roughly pulled the car over to the side of the road, unbuckling his seatbelt and spinning around in his seat to look at Connor. “Okay, _What the fuck_ is your deal today, Connor? Why are you acting like this? What’s got you so fucking upset? Just tell me.”

Connor narrowed his eyes, grip tightening. “What the fuck is my deal every day?”

Jared groaned. “Connor, If you’re gonna yell, just _fucking_ do it. Yell at me. I don’t give a shit. If that’s what makes you feel better, go fucking wild. Just stop avoiding the damn question.”

Connor couldn’t think straight. Why was it that whenever he tried to spare someone’s feelings, it only made it that much fucking worse in the end? “See, that’s a lie. You _do_ give a shit, and I didn’t- I don’t-“ Connor could feel the bruises forming on his arm, and it grounded him. Apparently, ‘I don’t want to talk about it’ wasn’t an acceptable answer, so Connor decided on Plan B. Say as little as possible until Jared accepted it. “I just feel sort of shitty, okay?”

Jared was quiet for a minute, thinking things over. He dragged a hand through his hair, stepping out of the car. He pulled open the back door, slipping in beside Connor. He sat beside him, but didn’t look at him. Instead he stared straight ahead, a worried frown on his face. “I’m sorry I yelled, Con. I just- I want you to… trust me. To be okay enough with me to let me try to help when you feel shitty like this. I just- I want you to be happy.”

Connor loosened his grip. This wasn’t fair at all. Jared deserved to be mad at Connor for making it about himself again, and definitely for yelling at Evan when he had done absolutely nothing. If Jared wasn’t mad, then there was no way in hell that Connor could justify being mad about this, especially when it was all his fault for being an ungrateful, terrible person anyway. “I’m not happy. I’m not just going to magically be-“ Connor cut himself off. That really wasn’t the point here. He blew out a steady breath, wishing he could stay angry longer. “I’m sorry I yelled at Evan. It was uncalled for.”

Jared nodded, still not looking at him. “Can I touch you?”

“No,” Connor breathed, hating himself for it. He didn’t trust himself not to lash out and hurt either of them any more than he already had. Fuck, he couldn’t even appreciate a person who said they loved him.

Jared nodded again. “Okay. Just-” he cut himself off, trying to figure out how to say this. “It's okay. It's okay to be upset or sad or unhappy. We all… say things. Some that we don't mean and regret, and some that- I’m not good with words, if you can't tell. Just, what I'm trying to say is that we're here for you. No matter what.”

Connor sighed, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes. Jared just had to be perfect with how he handled things and make Connor come clean. After a moment, he reached back and pulled his wallet out of his back pocket, dropping it onto the empty seat between them. He gestured for Jared to open it. Maybe it would make no sense to him, just another example of Connor freaking out over nothing and being selfish. Or maybe Jared would hate him for not using the card or forty dollars in cash that he had to pay for breakfast. Either way, Connor detested himself for being so fucking ungrateful when Evan was happy over his single dime.

Jared blinked, picking up the wallet and flipping it open. He allowed himself to soften slightly at the picture on Connor's drivers license. He looked terrible. “I don't understand, why are you giving this to me?”

Connor huffed impatiently. He reached over and snatched the wallet from Jared’s hands, pulling out the cash, more than one dime with it. He then plucked his card out of its slot and dropped it on the seat with the rest of the money. “There. You’re toting around a Class-A, ungrateful, arrogant rich boy with his family money and his huge baggage. Hope you’re happy.”

Jared was silent for another minute. He had to think before he spoke, in these situations. “Okay? I am happy. I know who you are, Connor. Just because your family has money and Evan’s doesn't does not mean that your problems are any less relevant. I- You-” Jared sighed. “Keep your money, Connor. I paid for everything because I wanted to. Besides, next time it’ll be your turn to pay, and papa J likes to eat.” He cracked a smile, finally turning to look at Connor. “I happen to like the arrogant rich boy that I’m toting around.”

Connor closed his eyes. When Jared spoke like that, it made Connor feel silly for even having the thoughts that he did. It didn’t completely dispel his problems, he still wished that he was better, or that Evan had the money instead, and he definitely wished that he hadn’t gotten agitated and yelled. After a few moments of silence he cleared his throat, “Okay.” It was all he could let himself say. The part of him that was still angry wanted to point out that Jared was just invalidating all of his feelings, and the part of him that was hurting just wanted to apologize until they both somehow forgave him and he found a way to make it better. Instead, he left it at that and turned back to the window.

Jared nodded even though Connor wasn't looking. “Just, one last thing. Please don't just sit and feel bad and suffer. If you ever feel upset or anything, just… talk to us, okay? If you're comfortable with it. I really do mean it when I say that I just want you to be happy. I’ll always love you, no matter what.”

Connor nodded in return. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Jared again. It was quite possible that he would cry if he did. All he wanted was for the other boys to be happy as well, but it seemed right now as if he was the one standing in the way of that. “Thank you,” he whispered.

Jared slid out of the back seat, jumping back into the driver's side. “That goes for both of you, by the way.” He cleared his throat, getting the car back on the road. “That was some pretty heavy stuff, huh? Evan, why don't you make us all feel better by telling us about pine trees like Con suggested earlier?” Jared was doing his best to keep himself upbeat and functioning, but truthfully he had a lot swirling around in his head. It was hypocritical of him, obviously, but now wasn't the time. He would be fine, for now, just letting his worries float around him.

Evan had been completely silent. He stared straight ahead, trying not to listen to Connor and Jared’s private talk, even if Connor was angry because of him. He forced himself to push all of his feelings down, not even letting a tear fall. “Well, they’re evergreen conifers. Which means they don’t lose their leaves during the colder seasons and they reproduce using cones. They can get pretty old if something doesn’t happen to them. They think one got to four thousand six hundred years.”

Connor worried when Evan’s voice didn’t even shake. He and Jared had just had a very verbal fight that wasn’t even resolved as well as it could have been and he seemed just fine. Connor started to pick at his nail polish. He just needed a minute to let the residual bad feelings wash away before he could engage with the other two again. He wasn’t sure that he would be able to right now without something going wrong again, so he continued to look down.

Jared hummed. “Tell me more, Ev. Just keep talking.”

“Well, um, the white pine grows faster than any other, about a foot per year. They’re the best for Christmas trees, actually, but that doesn’t really concern me. There’s not a Hanukkah tree. Is that unfair? That’s unfair. We should have a Hanukkah Banyan tree. Those are breathtaking. But don’t light the menorah under one.”

“Are you speaking from experience?” Jared's lips quirked slightly.

Evan’s expression was blank. “No.”

“Are you lying?”

Hesitation. “Yes.”

Jared laughed, shaking his head. “You dork. Don’t set yourself on fire, please. There’s probably a reason that it isn’t traditional to light something on fire underneath a tree.” Jared glanced back at Connor. He wished he would say something, so that he would know that he was okay. His heart ached.

“Then we should have a Passover tree instead,” Evan suggested. 

Jared hummed, “Sure. We can get a passover tree.” He was quiet for a minute. “Okay, I am _not_ going to let us all feel guilty and sad on our first proper day together. This is stupid. Let’s do something idiotic and fun. And maybe illegal. Fuck emotions for today, let’s have a good time. Let’s go be stupid gay- and bi- teenagers.”

Connor grimaced. That comment was obviously pointed towards him. Wanting to make this better for all of them, Connor tried to think of something he could do or say to cheer them all up. Of course, his first instinct probably was not the best, but he suggested it anyway. “We could get high.”

“D-Drugs?” Evan squeaked. “I don’t think I...I dunno…”

Connor shrugged, leaning forward slightly so that he was between the other two. “I’m not pressuring or anything, but Jared suggested idiotic, illegal, and a good time that would fuck all emotions.”

Jared perked up slightly. “We could try shotgunning! I've always wanted to do that. And Evan, if you don't want to then we don't have to. I want _all_ of us to have a good time.”

“I-I mean, you guys can,” Evan tried. Drugs made him pretty uncomfortable. 

Connor frowned, leaning back some. “We don’t have to at all if it makes you uncomfortable.” Connor had already made Evan uncomfortable enough, it wasn’t his fault that Connor hadn’t smoked in nearly a week now and was feeling emotional. He could wait a few more hours. “It was just a suggestion.”

Evan shook his head. “No, I said you two can.” He didn’t want to be the reason Connor felt bad. Again. 

Jared hummed thoughtfully. “We could sneak into the movies?”

Connor thought it over for a second before nodding. “I’d be up for that.”

“You guys can.” Evan was sucking the life and the fun out of everything. 

Jared laughed, shaking his head. “Evan is lawful good, I’m chaotic neutral, and Con is true neutral. The ultimate combo.” Wow, Jared, that was nerdy as fuck. He cleared his throat. “Why don’t we go back to my place and watch a movie there? We could cuddle that way, anyway.”

Evan raised an eyebrow. “Is it gonna be a horror movie?” 

“Not if you don’t want it to be.”

“Nothing over PG.” Evan paused. “13.”

Jared grinned. “How about Big Hero 6?”

“Yes! Connor?” Evan was grinning as well. 

Connor really didn’t want to be a downer, but he just had one problem. “Didn’t you say your parents are back from their trip?” He really couldn’t meet anyone’s parents today. Or any day. Ever.

Jared nodded. “Yeah, but they both have work today. Won’t get home till tonight.”

Connor relaxed slightly, leaning back into his seat. “Okay then. I’m okay with cartoons at Jared’s all afternoon.”

Evan turned around to smile at Connor. “Perfect!”

Jared pouted slightly. “Guess we have to get your car, huh? Probably shouldn’t leave it behind.”

Connor frowned. He had honestly forgotten about his car, sitting in the empty drive in parking lot. He couldn’t just leave it though. “I guess so. You can drop me off there and I’ll meet you and Evan at yours.”

Jared hummed. “Why don’t you take Ev with you, instead? I feel like you guys haven’t really had any time to get comfortable with each other quite yet. A little alone bonding time could be good for you!” Jared didn’t want to say that he actually just wanted a minute alone to sort out his thoughts.

“I… Okay.” Connor wasn’t going to outright deny the suggestion, that would be terrible. It wasn’t that he didn’t like alone time with Evan, it was just that after the scene he had created he was a bit wary of being alone with either of them for long enough. Especially Evan. And it was almost an hour drive.

Jared nodded. “You down with that, Ev?”

“Uh huh,” Evan agreed. He would have time to apologize to Connor for causing such a mess. 

“Let’s go get my car then,” Connor said, turning back to the window once again. Maybe it wouldn’t be too bad. If he could just apologize and not hurt Evan any more before they made it to Jared’s, then it would be okay.

—————

Jared dropped Evan and Connor off at his car, waving goodbye after giving them directions. He had a lot to think about while he was alone.

Evan opened the door to the passenger seat once Connor unlocked it. He wordlessly slipped inside, waiting for Connor to do the same. 

Connor climbed into the car silently. He knew that he had to apologize to Evan personally, and probably explain himself, but he was reluctant to be the first to break the silence. Being with Evan was normally calming, disarming. It had been since the first day of school, but now, instead of a soothing silence, all Connor could hear was his own intrusive thoughts, preparing him for Evan’s inevitable distrust, or even worse, fear, of him.

Evan took a deep breath, psyching himself up for the weight of this impending conversation. “C-Connor, can we talk for a minute? B-Before we get on the road?”

Connor closed his eyes for a moment, preparing himself for the conversation. He turned the ignition, but left the car in park. “Course, Ev,” he tried to keep his tone light but even the nickname tasted sour in his mouth. Like he didn’t deserve to say it.

Evan forced himself to look at Connor. Dr. Sherman always said eye contact was key, but Evan didn’t really see it. It still might work, though. “Um, can I just apologize?”

Connor blanched, “You? Apologize to me? Evan, no, I should be the one apologizing. I was a jerk to you over nothing.”

“N-No, I annoyed you with that stupid dime. I’m not _that_ poor. I just let all my excitement and confusion about myself and this new relationship roll off onto that dumb coin and it came out...wrong. I didn’t mean to make you feel, um, bad or ungrateful or anything. Really. You and Jared helped me out of a panic this morning, and I repay you by making you upset? That’s– It was shitty of me, Connor. I’m sorry.” Evan wasn’t sure if his words had come out coherently, but he hoped so. 

Connor felt awful knowing that not only did he hurt Evan, but he made him feel like it was his own fault that it happened. Connor shook his head quickly. “No, Evan. Me getting mad is _never_ your fault, especially when I yell at you or hurt you in any way. I freak out sometimes over nothing. I just.. get paranoid and in a bad spot and I shouldn’t take it out on you.” Connor realized the he was rambling and got to the point. “I’m sorry for bringing it up and making it an issue. You’re allowed to be excited about things, and it wasn’t even that that I was upset about. I took something out on you that I shouldn’t have, and that’s unforgivable.”

“Unforgivable? Co-Connor, I forgive you already. You don’t decide what’s unforgivable. A-And what Jared said, about how your problems aren’t any less important than ours because your family has more money? That’s true, he- he wasn’t trying to invalidate your feelings, he was trying to do the opposite.” Evan took another deep breath. “Sorry, that was a little off topic. Um, I’m just trying to say that you’re allowed to feel those things, yeah? A-And I really am sorry about that damn coin. I know I annoyed Jared with it too.” He slipped his hand onto Connor’s, but only for a moment, pulling it back to reveal that he had placed the dime in Connor’s palm. “Take it.”

Connor looked at the tiny silver coin, the backs of his eyes stinging. He always did this to the people he loved. Zoe, his mother, even his father, and now Evan. He took his own pain out on them. This, however, was the first time that anyone had offered him something out of comfort after the fact. He wanted to take it, and the forgiveness attached, but he knew that he couldn’t. He held the dime back out to Evan. “That’s the whole point, Evan. I don’t deserve this kind of stuff. I don’t deserve the money or the family or even you two. You didn’t annoy anyone. I yelled at you right after you had a panic attack this morning. You’re the one who deserves the apology.”

“Hey, no one really deserves money and stuff. Humans suck. It’s all relative. I want you to have this.” Evan closed Connor’s hand around the coin. “You already apologized and I already forgave you. That’s the end of it. I-I really want this to work. Us. And Jared. I dunno, it just feels right. Righter than Zoe did.” He mentally cursed himself for mentioning Connor’s sister. “A-Anyway, I think this can work if we’re all open and honest with each other. Which is something we could all work on. I know I could.” He sighed. “Please take the dime, Connor. It would mean a lot to me.”

Connor hesitated, but dropped the dime into his pocket. “I want this to work too.” If Evan thought that this could still work, then Connor definitely wasn’t going to push it. He knew that Evan was right about communication being key and staying open and honest was the only thing that could make it work, and he resolved to try harder to do just that. For them, if not himself. He took a steady breath and turned to meet Evan’s eye. “Thank you.”

Evan offered a genuine smile. “Any time.” He hesitated, unsure of himself for a moment, but eventually leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on Connor’s lips. “Let’s go watch a movie and cry about it.”

Connor broke into a small grin at the kiss. He shifted the car into drive and gently linked his hand with Evan’s over the center console. “God, I can’t wait to cry over cartoons with my boyfriends.”

Evan’s smile faltered a little. “W-Wait, one more thing. I’m sorry I didn’t wanna get high.”

Connor blinked, looking over to Evan in confusion. “I don’t care if you smoke or not, Evan. If you don’t like it, then you don’t like it.”

“I–” Evan was going to explain himself, but he’d just end up talking in circles. “Yeah. Sorry.”

Connor shrugged as he pulled out of the parking lot and started in the direction that Jared had instructed. “It’s not for some people. I’m just glad you don’t think I’m just a loser stoner and that’s the only defining trait about me.”

“You have so many traits, Connor. I don’t even think I’d put smoker on the list.” Evan meant it as a compliment. 

Connor chuckled, taking the odd compliment. “Thanks. So do you.” Well, that sounded even worse out loud. “I mean- well, you probably know what I mean.”

Evan giggled. “Yeah, I get it. Thanks.”

Connor smiled to himself and rubbed his thumb across the back of Evan’s hand, letting the once again comfortable silence take over for a few minutes. He found himself grateful for Jared suggesting that Evan ride with him. Though it did worry him slightly that Jared was alone. Of course, he tried not to jump to conclusions, maybe Jared simply wanted Evan and Connor to make up. Connor decided to distract himself. “You can turn on some music, if you want.”

“Oh, um, is there a station you like?”

Connor pondered that for a minute before shaking his head. “I’m not picky about music. Unless it’s bad.”

“Sounds a bit oxymoronic to me,” Evan mumbled, turning the radio on. 

Connor didn’t bother to respond, simply listening to Evan flip through channels to find something that he liked.

Evan nervously changed the stations, waiting for any sign that Connor liked what he was hearing. He wanted to play something he other boy would enjoy. As he neared running out of numbers, he began to feel more nervous. 

Connor watched Evan fiddle with the knob out of the corner of his eye for a bit longer before he spoke up. “Why don’t you put it on that station you had on in Jared’s car.” Connor tried not to dwell on the fact that Evan felt comfortable controlling the music with Jared there, but not when they were alone.

“Oh,” Evan muttered. “I-I don’t think you’ll like that one.”

Connor sighed, untangling his hand from Evan’s and reaching into his hoodie pocket. He pulled out his phone and passed it to Evan. “I have a playlist, just plug it into that chord and start it.” He was positive that Evan would hate his music, but at least it would take away the anxiety of the choice.

\--------------

Jared had not started the drive home yet. No, as soon as he had pulled out of the lot, he drove straight to the nearest crowded parking lot, put the car in park, and climbed into the back seat. That is where he found himself now, curled in on himself alone in the back seat of his car. He didn’t want the other two to know how torn up he was. They had plenty to deal with on their own without Jared pushing his childish worries and fears onto them. 

The truth is, Jared was sad. He knew he shouldn’t be, after all he had finally managed to get not one, but _two_ of his crushes to agree to be with him. But… he had been paying attention. He had mentally noted that neither of them said it back when Jared told them he loved them, which he knew was selfish of him to be upset over since they hadn’t even been dating long. He also noted that Evan never technically said that he even _liked_ Jared. He said he wouldn’t leave him, sure, but he had never actually told Jared that he liked him. 

He knew it was probably just his paranoia getting the better of him. He wished he hadn't tried to push Connor so hard earlier. He hadn't helped, really, in the end. Only made it more uncomfortable. He wished a lot of things. He wished he were better at using his words. He wished he weren't so scared of talking about how he feels. He wished he wasn't crying in the backseat of his car in a Walmart parking lot. He mostly wished Connor and Evan loved him.


	28. Chapter 28

Jared got to his house about two minutes after the other two. He stepped out, giving them a crooked, carefree grin. “Hey. Sorry, I got caught in traffic. Have you been waiting long?”

“Two hours,” Evan said, sitting on Jared’s porch. His face fell. “Couple minutes,” he corrected, feeling a little bad for lying. 

“Less than five,” Connor confirmed from his place on the step above Evan. He pushed himself up, dusting his hands off on his jeans and holding one out to help Evan up.

Evan’s wide eyes looked up at Connor, almost confused, but then he grabbed his hand and hoisted himself up with his help. “Thanks,” he mumbled. “Movie?”

Jared nodded, stepping past them to unlock the door. “My room or the den? Which would you guys prefer?”

“Your room is warmer,” Evan reasoned. “I get cold.”

Connor shrugged, following them to the door. “I don’t care either way.”

Jared nodded. “Room it is, then. You guys head up, I'll get the snacks.”

“Uh– I’ll help!” Evan exclaimed. “I can help! With the- with the snacks.”

Jared blinked in confusion, but nodded anyway. “Okay, sure. Con, We’ll be in there in like two minutes, yeah?”

Connor nodded and started up the stairs, heading to Jared’s room to wait for the other two and snacks.

“What snacks have you got?” Evan asked, watching Connor leave. He didn’t want the taller boy knowing why he stayed behind. He didn’t bother waiting for an answer, and once Connor was out of earshot, he spoke again. “Connor and I talked. Earlier.”

Jared froze for a second, shocked. Talked? About what? About getting rid of Jared? Oh god. He snapped out of it, shuffling into the kitchen. “Oh? About what?”

“Just– About what, um, happened in the car earlier. I think he’s feeling better. Hope so.” Evan had told Connor they all needed to work on being open and honest, so that’s what he was doing. 

Jared nodded. “That's good.” It was good. Jared had been worried. “I was afraid I’d made things worse somehow.” He laughed slightly, trying to play it off as a joke.

“Of course not!” Evan said. “You were trying to help. I made sure he knew that!”

Jared's heart melted slightly. “Thanks, Ev. Really.”

“And I gave him that dime!”

Jared chuckled, pulling open the pantry door and retrieving some random snacks. “I'm proud.”

“Thanks!” Evan grabbed as much of Jared’s food as he could before walking back over to the stairs. 

Jared smiled and rolled his eyes as he followed Evan up. This could turn out okay. 

Evan dumped the snacks in his arms on Jared’s bed. “I’ll either cry after the first twenty minutes or I’ll fall asleep.” It was still pretty early in the morning, but Evan could sleep anywhere, anytime. 

Connor, who was sitting cross-legged in the middle of Jared’s bed, his hair now pulled up in a messy bun, grabbed immediately for a bag of chips. “Why would you cry? It’s a Disney movie,” he commented before turning to Jared. “I didn’t know where you keep movies, so I couldn’t get it started. Sorry.”

“Exactly,” Evan said, commenting on the first half of what Connor had said. “It’s a Disney movie. Which means it’s unnecessarily sad and someone will most definitely need to hold me.” Was he expecting too much? Maybe. But he could feel the oncoming panic of _did I really just get into a relationship with my only two friends days after realizing I even liked guys_ getting closer, so he decided to revel in his apathy while he could. 

Jared laughed, getting the movie set up. “I volunteer. Con can hold both of us. A cuddle train. Dibs on being the middle.”

Connor snorted at their obvious eagerness but automatically opened his arms for Jared. “Come on, nerd.”

Jared grinned, grabbing the remote and jumping into the bed, settling into Connor's chest. “C’mon, Evan!”

Evan blinked. “I’m supposed to get in front of you?” He really hadn’t thought this through. 

Jared nodded. “Join us, Evanthy.”

“You know my name isn’t short for anything, Jared.” Evan awkwardly climbed onto the bed anyway, backing tentatively against Jared. 

“Hush, Evangelion.” He pulled Evan closer, pressing play on the movie. 

Evan grumbled, but tried to settle back. The movie had barely passed the Disney logo when he spoke again. “The animation, it’s just– It’s so beautiful.”

Connor settled into the pillows and wrapped his arms around Jared. “It is.” He had only seen the movie once before, but he remembered the amazing animation.

“I mean _wow_ ,” Evan breathed. He stopped himself from talking any further. The other two didn’t need him bothering them the whole time. 

Jared smiled, hugging Evan closer. “Right?”

Connor spent the first few minutes of the movie basking in the comfortable feeling. The warm, steady comfort of the other two boys leaning against him combined with the soft noises of the movie playing in the background was basically perfect. Connor thought that he could stay there forever and be content.

Jared leaned further back into Connor, sandwiching himself in between the other two. “This is really good.”

“Yeah, I really like this movie!” Evan exclaimed, only feeling comfortable speaking since Jared had. 

Jared took in the moment, pressed up against both of the boys he’d cared about so much for so long. He felt his breath hitch slightly, a shaky exhale leaving his lips. Damn it. Damn it damn it damn it. He wasn’t supposed to cry. Not now, not in front of them. That was why he spent thirty minutes crying his heart out before he came home. But, god damn it, here he was, swallowing around the lump in his throat and trying to sniffle as quietly as possible.

Evan covered up most of Jared’s sniffling as he struggled with a bag of chips that seemed to be packaged twice. With every crumple of the packaging, he felt his face become hotter. His desperation to get the bag open made it somehow harder to open, until it burst and spilled onto his lap. Rather than bother Jared and Connor further, he left the chips there and ate them off of his legs pathetically. 

Jared laughed fondly, leaning forward to press a small kiss to Evan’s cheek.

Evan decided he liked this. He liked the laughter being out of love instead of spite, the kisses at any time, the trust he’d already managed to build with these two–rebuild, in Jared’s case. He liked it a lot. He was so busy thinking about it that he missed the part in the movie that usually made him cry. Being a part-time writer, of course he turned it into a mental metaphor; Jared and Connor would be there for him to make the bad times better. It didn’t matter if they were boys and he’d only just realized he was into them, because what they had going was good. He didn’t say anything, but he let himself lean back into Jared the rest of the way, ridding himself of the tension he didn’t know he had. 

Connor smiled softly and Jared and Evan’s easy intimacy. He appreciated how fully comfortable they were right now, and was amazed the he could simply be part of this. Reaching forward, and actually being glad he had such long limbs for once, he plucked a chip off of Evan’s lap. The other snacks were too far away anyway.

Evan squeaked when he saw Connor’s hand emerge from the back of his vision. He let himself breathe when he realized it was only Connor. “I spilled my chips,” he muttered as if the other two hadn’t seen the whole incident. 

Connor chuckled, eating the chip. “No. Really?” He paused, thinking back over it and deciding that maybe sarcasm wasn’t needed here. “Need help cleaning up?”

Evan hesitated. “I-I was just gonna eat it.”

Jared snorted. “That's what she said.” He had been watching a lot of The Office lately. Perhaps too much.

Evan nearly choked on a potato chip. 

Connor stared at Jared, perplexed. “She said that she was going to eat it?” He understood the joke Jared was trying to make, but honestly.

“Kinky.”

Connor snorted, wrapping his arms around Jared once again. “Fair enough.”

Evan reached his hand behind his shoulder to swat at Jared’s face. “Save it for later.”

Jared cackled, humming. “Later, huh?”

Evan froze. “That’s not what I meant.”

Jared grinned, rolling his eyes. “I'm teasing, Ev. I'm not expecting anything from you. Either of you. Not until you're ready.”

Evan huffed. “That’s what she said.”

Jared giggled childishly.

“Consent is key,” Evan said plainly. 

Jared nodded. “It really is. 's no fun if everyone isn't down.”

Connor rested his chin on Jared’s shoulder. “It’s super hot, the two of you talking about consent.”

Evan put his index finger up as if giving advice. “Consent is sexy!”

“Consent is the hottest thing about sex.” Jared sounded completely serious. “Consent banging is the only good banging.”

“Consent is–” Evan stopped, eyes flickering back to the screen. “We missed the Fall Out Boy!”

Jared snorted. “But you're right here, Evan.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Evan Hansen: Fall Out of tree Boy.”

Evan didn’t laugh, nor did he smile. “Cool.”

Jared had forgotten. He hadn't been paying attention to his words. It was only after Evan's response that he realized what he had said. Instantly, he tensed, heart twisting. “S-Shit, Evan, no, I’m sorry, I– Fuck.”

Connor stared at Jared. Was he insane? He had just told him that morning. Connor watched as the realization and devastation crept over Jared’s features. He cleared his throat. “We can… We can skip it back for the song, if you want, Evan.”

Evan’s hand reflexively went to pick at his cast. “N-No, it’s fine. I’ve heard it a million times.”

Jared's limbs felt numb, his heart ached. When he spoke again his voice was a hoarse whisper. “I-I’m sorry.”

Evan stared straight ahead. “It’s fine, Jared. Falling out of a tree, um, it is a pretty sad way to break an arm, huh?” His voice sounded forced. 

Jared winced. “I-” He stopped, climbing out from in between the boys and off of the bed. He looked down at the floor, not meeting their eyes. “I, Uh- I'm gonna… go get us drinks.” He cleared his throat, shuffling towards the door.

Connor watched Jared leave the room silently. While he was worried about Jared’s obvious inner turmoil over his mistake, he was also a bit ticked that Jared would bring that up so insensitively just after their conversation. Connor looked down at Evan, whose head had fallen into his lap after Jared’s not so graceful exit. Connor swallowed nervously, “I was a jerk, you know. For saying you breaking your arm was sad.” He glanced down at Evan’s cast. Though it looked happy, covered in signatures and drawings, it made him a bit sick to look at.

Evan was quiet for a moment. “No, it was sad.” He looked up at Connor, not moving his head from its place in his lap. “Thanks for the thought though.”

Connor frowned. “It was sad, but I didn’t mean it like-“ he sighed. “It’s sad, but it’s not _sad_ , as in, like, pathetic. It’s not.”

“Oh,” Evan said. “It was pretty pathetic. Kinda funny, actually. There was a solid ten minutes where I just lay on the ground waiting for someone to come get me, y’know? N-No one did. That’s– That’s what’s funny.” He’d said the same thing to Jared on the first day of school, but Connor didn’t have to know that. 

Connor felt like something heavy was on his chest. “That isn’t funny, Evan.” He hated that Evan felt so alone. He couldn’t imagine how lonely and empty he must have felt under that tree, with a broken arm and no one even looking for him. Or, well, he could, but he still hated the fact that Evan ever had to feel like that. He stared down at Evan, trying to convey the intensity of what he felt with his eyes. “It isn’t funny, and you should never have had to feel that alone.”

“I-It’s okay to think it’s funny.” Evan didn’t acknowledge what Connor said about feeling alone. 

“I don’t.” Connor insisted. “And neither does Jared. Not really.”

“I know he makes distasteful jokes sometimes. I’m not stupid. I’m fine though. It was pathetic.”

Connor was beginning to get frustrated, but kept his calm demeanor. “Evan. I’m serious. You injured yourself and that’s not pathetic. Jared loves you so much he can’t stop himself from saying it every hour. He doesn’t think it’s pathetic either. And I know you aren’t stupid. No one ever said you were.”

Evan sat up. “S-Sorry, I just get kinda paranoid. I get what you’re saying.” He planned on telling them the truth soon. Someday.

Connor softened. “It’s fine.” He just wanted Evan to believe him.

“It’s not, but thanks.” Evan awkwardly stared at the door. Jared should have been back by then. 

Connor chose not to comment on Evan’s denial, and instead watched the door with him. It was obvious that Jared was doing more than just getting drinks, but he didn’t know what to do about it. He certainly didn’t want to have Evan catch on to the fact that they knew.

After a couple minutes, a loud crashing sound resounded throughout the house, accompanied by a harsh shattering of something fragile. 

Evan shot up. “Jared?!” He looked at Connor. “We need to check on him!”

“Shit.” Connor was already getting off the bed and heading towards the door. He only paused to make sure that Evan was behind him before hurrying down the stairs.

When they found him, Jared was on his knees in the middle of the kitchen, picking up shards of glass with him bare hands. One of his hands was bleeding, but he didn't seem to notice. 

Evan was by his side in an instant. “What happened?!” He saw the blood on Jared’s hand. “Oh my god– Stop picking it up!”

Jared didn't look up. His hands were shaking, and his face was blank. “I- I dropped–” he didn't finish his sentence.

Evan tried to grab his hands. “Stop touching it! Do you have a broom somewhere?” He hoped Connor knew where Jared’s parents kept the medical supplies. 

Jared dropped the glass he had been holding, revealing multiple cuts on his hand. He had been holding it far tighter than he should've, causing it the cut into his palm. He nodded, pointing in the direction of a closet on the far wall. “Sorry.”

Evan’s eyes lingered on Jared’s cut hand, but he stood up quickly and scrambled to the closet. 

Connor stepped over the shards of glass and knelt beside Jared. Placing a hand gently on his elbow, he helped the other boy to his feet. He led him to the kitchen sink and turned the cool water on low. Connor had never been one to be squeamish about blood, but as he watched the red trickle down Jared’s palm he felt his stomach turn. “You need to clean them.”

Jared nodded, eyes locked on his hand. “Okay.” He hadn’t looked at either boy yet. 

Connor bit his tongue against asking Jared his numerous questions about what the hell he was even thinking, picking up broken glass. He gently moved Jared’s hand under the steady stream of water. “Where do you keep bandages?”

“Bathroom.” 

Connor nodded. Jared still wouldn’t look up at him, at either of them, and he felt bad even leaving for a moment to go get bandages. He shot a concerned look over to where Evan was sweeping up the broken glass. “I’ll be right back,” he murmured, “make sure there’s no more glass in your hand.” He squeezed Jared’s shoulder in what he hoped was a supportive gesture and left to go find the bandages.

Jared picked out some glass that had remained splintered in his palm, setting it on the side of the sink. He stared down at his hand idly, watching the water mix with his blood as it swirled down the drain. 

Evan managed to throw away the rest of the glass. “J-Jared, are you okay?” he asked from the other side of the room, putting the broom away. He was worried. Beyond worried. 

Jared cleared his throat. “Yeah,” he muttered. “I'm– I'm okay.”

“Are you sure? That– That looks pretty bad.” Evan had seen blood before. It didn’t faze him. But Jared in pain did. 

Jared shrugged, pushing his glasses up his nose. He opened his mouth to say something, but quickly thought better of it. Was he shaking? He couldn't tell. He felt pathetic.

Evan cautiously approached him. “Y-You can talk, you know.”

Jared huffed out a bitter laugh. “Yeah, I can talk. I can talk until I fuck everything up, just like always.” 

Evan took a step back. “Wh-What? No, Jared, you don’t do that. We just talked about this yesterday, remember? I-I like you, I want to hear what you have to say.” Had Connor been in the room, Evan might have felt a little pressured, but he spoke freely. 

Jared's breath caught in his throat, and he bit back an unintelligible noise that was climbing up his throat. “You said it,” he whispered, cradling his hand to his chest. His shirt was probably bloody now. “You- god, I’m-” he huffed at himself. “Thanks.” He finally turned slightly, glancing at Evan from the corner of his eyes.

Evan was still concerned. “Wh-What did I say? I don’t understand.” Confusion was a constant state of being for him. 

Jared bit his lip, gaze dropping to the floor in shame. “Nothing, it's stupid. Don't worry about it. I'm sorry I made you guys worry.”

“‘S not your fault. Worrying’s what we do. We like you.” Evan knelt down beside him in comfort. 

Jared gave a shaky smile, sniffling slightly. He'd said it again. “Yeah,” he whispered. “Thanks.”

Evan sat fully on the floor next to him. “Are you okay?” He looked at the door. Connor should be back by now. 

Jared breathed out a laugh. “Yeah,” he sounded more sure this time. “Just, um,” he took a shaky breath. “That's the first time you've, um, said it?” He grimaced. “It's nothing.”

“Said what?” Evan was still perplexed. “That I like you?” That must be it. “Jared, of course I like you. I really haven’t said that yet?”

Jared blushed, shaking his head. “No. You said you wouldn't leave me, and that you like Connor, but not that you liked me.” He still felt ridiculous for being worried over it to begin with. 

Evan felt awful. He really had thought he’d said that already. “Of course I like you,” he repeated. “I do.” 

Jared gave a bashful laugh. “I kn-know. I don't know why I was- I should've- I know, Ev.”

“It’s okay to want to hear it, J.”

Just then, Connor came back into the room, a roll of clean bandages in one hand and a packet of alcohol wipes in the other. He noted that Jared was now at least looking at Evan, which was good. They both went quiet at his entrance. He chose to ignore it and sat down on Jared’s other side. “Hand.”

Jared obediently held out his hand, giving Connor a sheepish smile. “Sorry I made you worry.”

Connor shrugged, pulling out one of the wipes. “Just don't maim yourself again.” He carefully cleaned the cuts a second time.

Jared laughed. “I didn't _maim_ myself! It's just a couple cuts.”

Connor smiled slightly, glad that Jared was back to talking like normal. “You would have if Evan didn’t stop you.” He dropped the wipe onto the ground and started to unwrap the bandages.

Jared hummed softly. “My knights in shining armor.”

Connor snorted, quickly wrapping Jared’s hand with almost a practiced ease. “There.” He quickly pressed a kiss to Jared’s cheek and let his hand go.

Jared smiled, blushing at the unexpected kiss. He looked down at the bandages. “Thanks, guys. Love you.”

Evan looked from Connor to Jared’s bandages and then up at Jared. He wanted to do this. He leaned over placed his lips stiffly on Jared’s, inexperienced in leading kisses. 

Jared blinked in surprise, but quickly melted into the kiss, his uninjured hand automatically coming up to rest on Evan's cheek.

Jared’s enthusiasm made it easier for Evan to press a little harder, kissing him deeper. He hoped Connor wasn’t too jealous. 

Jared's heart was pounding and his hand crept from Evan's cheek around to the back of his neck to play with the ends of his hair. He pushed any worry he had out of his mind for now, instead allowing himself to be enveloped by the warmth emanating from Evan's body and his soft lips on Jared's.

Evan, like before, decided he liked this. His body definitely did, and he was certain his heart did as well. He put his own hand on Jared’s cheek as Jared had done on his. The whole thing was miraculously calm. 

Jared ended up being the one to pull away first, the lack of air finally getting to him. He grinned at Evan, the blush that tinted his cheeks darkening. “What was that for?”

Evan gulped. “I dunno, just felt right?” His eyes glanced at Connor for a moment.

Jared chuckled, looking back down at his bandaged hand again. “If I get kisses like that every time I say I love you then I might have to start saying it even more often.”

Evan bit his lip. “Maybe so.”

When Connor had first started dating Jared, he had worried that Jared would always love Evan more, but seeing the two of them so happy and comfortable with this, he thought that maybe he wouldn’t mind if Jared did. Connor thought about kissing Jared again as well but decided that that would seem too competitive. “I’m certainly not going to complain if you two do that every time.”

Evan only rolled his eyes, slightly flustered. 

Connor grinned, suddenly leaning over and kissing Evan’s cheek as well. “We can get off the floor now, you know.”

“Dunno, it’s kinda comfy,” Evan joked. 

Jared snorted, moving to stand. However, he seemed to forget about his hand, because he tried to use it to push himself up, causing him to wince and hiss in pain as he put his weight on the cuts. “Ow.”

Evan sucked his teeth. “Don’t do that. It’ll hurt for a while.” He stated the obvious, and stood up to demonstrate a healthy way. He pushed himself up with his right hand, not putting pressure on his broken arm. “Like that.” 

Jared pouted, but did as instructed. “Damn. Looks like Connor has to deal with two injuries now. Handjob opportunities are becoming severely limited, here.”

Evan had an idea. “How does it feel to be the first person in history to cut your hand jerking off too much?”

Jared hummed thoughtfully, pretending to ponder the question. “It's interesting, actually, Here I was, you guys’ Instagrams pulled up on my phone–”

“Okay, stop,” Evan said, red faced. “I was just– No.” He didn’t even think he had selfies on his Instagram.

Connor, who knew for a fact that his Instagram hadn’t been updated since 2015, chuckled at Evan’s red face, but took mercy on him and changed the subject. “If this is some sort of trend, I’m going to have an injured limb by the end of the week.”

“Maybe you'll suffer from the Jerking off too hard epidemic.” Jared snickered to himself.

“I don’t know,” Connor mused, looking up to avoid eye contact. “I prefer to drag it out and take my time, so shouldn’t really be a problem.”

Jared sucked in a strained breath through his teeth. “Damn, Con. Not to be crude, but that's pretty hot.”

When Connor looked back down at Jared, he knew he had a slight flush to his cheeks, but made eye contact and winked anyway. “Thanks, I try.”

Jared was not one to back down from a challenge. So, instead of looking away or getting flustered, he stared right back, a smirk curling his lips. “I’ll be sure to think about it the next time I'm alone.”

Connor’s breath hitched. Determined not to lose whatever sort of game this was, Connor straightened to his full height and tilted Jared’s chin up. The smug grin on the shorter boy’s face almost faltered, and Connor counted that as a win. “Only when you’re alone? Shame.”

Jared's breathing was shallow as he looked up at Connor. “Oh? Would you prefer me taking advantage of this information at a different time?” He stepped closer, chest to chest with Connor. “Perhaps with you?”

Connor’s heart was beating too fast. He was positive that Jared could feel it. “That’s exactly what I’m suggesting, yes.”

Jared's smirk widened. “Hm, maybe I'll do it with Evan, instead. Or maybe both of you? You're always welcome to _watch_.”

Just the thought of that broke Connor. He felt like he was on fire. “Both. That. Yes.” His voice shook slightly. He knew that he had lost this challenge, but he couldn’t find it in himself to mind.

Jared leaned up until he was only a breath away from connecting their lips. “Good boy.” He pulled away, turning to Evan. He boldly grabbed him by the hips, pulling him close until their bodies were pressed together. He smashed their lips together, kissing him hard but still making sure he could pull away if he wanted.

Evan had been beet red, but trying to tune out what Connor and Jared had been saying. It wasn’t working anyway. He squeaked when Jared grabbed him, but kissed him back, deciding to follow his heart instead of his mind. 

Connor took a gasping breath as soon as Jared detached from him, but it was knocked right out of him again as soon as Jared grabbed Evan. Watching as Jared pulled Evan to him, and seeing them both leaning into it like it was a lifeline made Connor almost growl in frustration. Honestly, the nerve of Jared. Connor leaned back against the cool kitchen bar and watched with crossed arms.

Jared put his experience to use, slipping his tongue past Evan's lips to run over the roof of his mouth and the backs of his teeth, trying to draw some sort of noise from him.

Jared’s tactic succeeded. A small whimper came from Evan’s throat as the kiss was exponentially deepened, his hand gripping Jared’s shirt tightly. 

Connor’s eyes widened at Evan’s small noise. He could _see_ Jared’s tongue invading Evan’s mouth. He wanted to speak up and end this before it went too far for one or all of them, but his voice wouldn’t work.

Jared pulled out his dirtiest trick, doing something absolutely _sinful_ with his tongue. If that didn't do it, nothing would.

Evan couldn’t stop it from happening. He was beyond whimpers now. Jared had done him in. He moaned pathetically against Jared’s lips. 

“O-Okay.” Dammit, he stuttered. Connor’s voice felt unnatural in his mouth. Too high and far too shaky. “Okay, Jared, I get it.” He shifted uncomfortably. Why the hell did he wear skinny jeans again? What the fuck was wrong with him?

Jared wanted to listen. He knew he should probably stop now, but he just couldn't help himself. He bit down on Evan's lower lip, shifting against him. Shit, all three of them were probably fucked at this point.

Evan made another sound, halfway between a moan and a whine. His eyes were screwed shut. His hand moved up into Jared’s hair and gripped at it tightly like he had with his shirt. 

Connor cleared his throat, trying to regain his composure. It was extremely difficult with Jared essentially tongue fucking Evan’s mouth right in front of him. “Can you actually hear me?”

Jared could definitely hear him. As a matter of fact, his voice calling to them gave him an idea. He slipped his hands under Evan's shirt, holding him close as he stumbled backwards. The pair continued to stumble backwards until Jared's back came into contact with Connor’s chest. Jared repeated his earlier actions with his tongue.

Evan was just along for the ride. His previous sounds were amplified, louder than before. He knew without a doubt that this was what he wanted. 

Connor’s breaths were coming in shallow pants. His hands stuttered down to Jared’s waist, gripping tightly. He choked back a small noise not unlike Evan’s. He wouldn’t let Jared have that satisfaction. His head would get far too big.

Jared automatically gasped into the kiss as he felt Connor's hands on him. He probably should have stopped. Instead, he pulled Evan closer, their hips pressing together. Which also made Jared press back into Connor.

Evan whined against Jared’s lips. He wasn’t quite sure what was going on, but he was glad to be a part of it. His grip in Jared’s hair tightened and his other hand traveled absently to Jared’s waist. 

As Jared pressed back into Connor, and Evan made that noise again, Connor decided that he couldn’t be a passive player in this. His hands were gripping Jared’s hips so tightly he was pretty sure it would bruise. He pressed forward, almost involuntarily seeking pressure.

Jared couldn't stop the soft moan that poured from his lips, vaguely smothered by the kiss. He would've pressed back into Connor harder, except that was the exact moment when they were interrupted by a scandalized screech of “ _Jared?!_ ” 

Jared froze instantly, blood running cold. Shit. Shit, shit, shit. This couldn't possibly be a _worse_ situation.


	29. Chapter 29

Connor was the first of the three to truly react. He pushed Jared away from him, almost knocking Evan over in the process. His immediate reaction was to go on the offensive, as it was with most adults, but these were not his parents, so he kept his mouth shut, trying to keep his face neutral. Maybe if he pretended nothing happened, they would just go away.

Jared gasped, detaching himself from Evan and spinning around. “Mom!” His stomach turned and he felt himself pale. “Um.”

Evan backed himself into the corner. He tried with all his strength to keep quiet, but a meek, “Hi, Mrs. Kleinman,” managed to sneak its way through his lips. He’d have to apologize to Jared later. 

Jared gulped, eyes wide. “Um. Maybe you two should, uh, go. S-Sorry, I don't think we can finish the movie today.”

That was all Evan needed. He wordlessly grabbed Connor’s arm tightly and yanked him all the way out of the house, as fast as he could. 

Connor sputtered indignantly as Evan pulled him down the driveway to his car. He looked back at the house desperately. He couldn’t help but feel that this was partially his fault, he had been the one to push Jared to the challenge. He barely registered what was happening until Evan had pushed him into the driver’s seat. “Wh- Evan, we can’t just _leave_ , what if-“ He honestly didn’t know what could happen, but Jared wasn’t out for a reason.

Evan’s eyes were wide with panic. “W-We’ll just pull down a couple houses. If he needs us, w-we’ll still be here. But his parents– They need to think we’re gone. And so we’re doing what Jared said.” He reached into Connor’s car and buckled his seatbelt for him. 

Connor stared helplessly at the house that had just a moment ago been a safe haven. It made sense, what Evan was saying, and it probably was better if they weren’t there to escalate the situation. Connor didn’t like it, though. He waited silently for Evan to make his way around the car and scramble into the passenger's seat. As soon as Evan was buckled, Connor reluctantly backed out of the driveway, unable to stop the feeling that he was leaving Jared alone.

“J-Jared knows how to handle them. If we stayed, they might have made it a bigger deal.” Evan watched his own car disappear as they pulled away. Mr. Kleinman had said he wanted to keep it overnight to fix the lock. Evan wasn’t sure if he wanted to fix it anymore. 

“Yeah, I get it,” Connor grumbled, taking them to the end of the street. “I just hate it.”

“I know,” Evan whispered. “Me too.”

Connor pulled the car into park at the end of the block. He could only see the roof of Jared’s house when he turned back to look. He started drumming his fingers nervously on the steering wheel. “You know his parents, he’ll be fine, right?”

Evan exhaled slowly. “I know his parents. They’re unpredictable. It’s Texas.”

Connor frowned, glancing back at the house again. “Fuck Texas.” He grumbled, turning away again. He guessed that all they could do now was wait.

Evan stared at his lap. “I’m worried about him. He’s a klutz sometimes, but he doesn’t just pick up broken glass like that.” He decided not mentioning whatever it was that happened after that was a good idea for now. 

Connor nodded, his tapping picking up pace. “I am too. I thought he’d be happy that you liked him back but he just seems off.” Connor decided not to mention that he might have sliced his hand open because he was mad of himself for making that joke about Evan.

Evan looked up. “You heard that?”

Connor shrugged, “A bit. I wasn’t trying to listen or anything, but…” He didn’t want it to seem like he distrusted the other two. He just happened to overhear the last bit of their conversation.

Evan shrugged. “You can listen. You’re just as much a part of this relationship as we are.”

“Maybe,” Connor conceded, “but you two have known each other all your life. There are going to be things you want to do without me. You’re allowed privacy and space.” Connor really didn’t want to make this about him, so he brought the conversation back to Jared. “It’s been a while, do you think we can text him yet?”

Evan would remember to talk to Connor about privacy later. “I dunno, you can if you think he’ll answer.” He really had no idea what they could do to help Jared. It was their fault he was in this situation. 

It had really only been fifteen minutes, but Connor was impatient, so he pulled his phone out. “One text can’t hurt anything, right? Just to tell him we’re waiting.”

“Maybe don’t make it sound like we’re _waiting_. Just worried. Don’t make it feel like his fault.”

“Right,” Connor said, tapping out the message.

C: _Jared? Can you tell us what happened? Soon?_

It probably sounded too demanding, but it was already sent.

Jared didn't respond for a couple minutes. But, eventually, Connor's phone dinged with an incoming message. 

J: _Maybe_

Evan leaned over. “What’d he say?”

Connor frowned down at his phone but tilted it so Evan could read the text. “Maybe? What does that mean?”

Evan felt his hands start getting clammy. “Maybe he’s not ready to talk about it.”

Or maybe something much worse than that had happened. Connor didn’t voice that concern, however. “That’s probably it. I guess we should just leave him alone for now, then.”

“We’re leaving?”

Connor shook his head quickly. “No, of course not. We just wait until he can talk about it. Or he says that we can go.”

“A-At least tell him we’re only a few hundred feet away. If he needs us.” Evan was getting more worried by the second. 

Connor nodded. He could tell that Evan was getting worked up. He hoped that Jared would respond soon to ease his anxieties one way or the other.

C: _We’re at the end of the street if you need us._

Jared's reply was much faster that time. 

J: _I’m about halfway there_

Connor immediately reached over and unlocked the car doors. “He’s on his way,” he said to Evan. He kept his eyes on his phone, not wanting Evan to see his worried expression.

“He’s coming?” Evan squeaked. He hadn’t expected it to be so quick. 

“Yes.” Connor turned around in his seat. He could see a figure approaching the car, head down and walking quickly.

Jared slid into the back seat, sighing heavily. “H-hey.”

Evan whipped around. “J, a-are you all right?”

Jared took a shaky breath, not looking up. “Um. C-Can I crash with one of you guys tonight? Please.”

“Come to my house,” Evan found himself saying almost immediately. 

Jared nodded. “Thanks.” He sniffled slightly, taking a deep breath.

Evan gave him a reassuring smile. “How’s your hand?”

“It's fine.” 

Connor’s eyes scanned over Jared, but luckily the only indicators that anything had happened at all were his bandaged hand and downcast expression. He didn’t want to be the one to push Jared right now, but he had to know. “Are _you_ fine?” It was obvious that he wasn’t, but he just wanted to make sure that there wasn’t anything he could do to help.

He looked up at Connor, giving him a weak smile. “Um. They kicked me out. For tonight.”

“J-Just tonight?” Evan asked. It was better than forever. 

“They _kicked you out_?” Connor had expected for them not to react well, but kicking Jared out was a bit harsh. “For just making out with someone?” Connor could feel his anger level rising.

Jared sniffled again. “Um, not exactly? They, uh, got… upset? And I left. Before things got too… intense? They didn't stop me. I think they just, uh, need some time.”

“Okay,” Evan said softly. “You can stay at my place,” he reassured. He smiled at him. 

For a moment, Connor seriously considered driving back to Jared’s house and yelling at his parents. Only for a moment, though. Instead of acting on his first impulse, Connor took a deep breath. “I can drop you off there now, if you want.” Connor knew that after he got into fights with his parents, he never wanted to talk to people.

Jared paused. “Um, actually.. I’m sorry to ask this, especially after what just happened, but, do you think we could just… stay together? We can like, cuddle maybe? Or just nap?” He felt shitty for asking.

“We can at my house,” Evan promised. “Even if my mom comes home, she– she won’t get mad.”

“I don’t mind, if that’s what you want,” Connor added. Anything to fix this mess. Not that cuddling was ever a bad thing.

Evan nodded. “Can you take us there?”

Connor nodded in return. He turned back to the front of the car and started it up. He thought he remembered the way to Evan’s house, so he pulled out into the street and started off.

Jared laid down across the back seat, curling in on himself much like he had done in his own car hours before. This time he wasn't alone when he cried.

Evan hesitated. “D-Do you want me to climb back there with you?”

Jared only hesitated for a minute before nodding silently.

Evan nervously unbuckled his seatbelt and started the journey over the center console and into the back seat. He struggled for a moment, but eventually got himself back there. He took a seat by Jared’s head. “Hi.”

“Hey,” Jared mumbled, shifting closer.

“Uh, gimmie your glasses. I’ll clean them for you.” Evan didn’t know how to help. Was that a start?

Jared did take his glasses off, but he tossed them into the front seat blindly. He grabbed one of Evan's hands, gripping it tightly as he buried his face into Evan's stomach. “Just- just be with me, please.” His eyes were closed as he let the smell of Evan wash over him.

“O-Oh,” Evan uttered. “Yeah, of course.” He let his thumb rub circles on the back of Jared’s hand as his other fingers found their way into his hair, carding gently through it for comfort. 

Jared felt himself relax slightly, comforted by the other boys’ presence. ‘'I love you. Both of you. And I won't let you go, no matter what. I promise.” His voice was soft but strong.

Evan nodded. “Ditto, just– just try and relax. We’re almost there.”

Jared just sniffled, curling up in Evan's lap. He was asleep in minutes.

Evan kept his fingers running through Jared’s hair. “I think he’s asleep,” he said quietly. 

Connor sighed, glancing up at the rear view mirror and the two figures in the backseat. “I’m really worried about him,” he whispered, trying not to wake Jared.

Evan nodded. “Me too,” he whispered back. “His mom can be intense. His dad’s scary. He’s really brave just living with them.”

Connor frowned, turning back to the road. They were almost to Evan’s street. “Yeah.. he is.” Connor just wished that he hadn’t instigated that make out session in the kitchen. No matter how good it was.

Evan brushed some stray hair out of Jared’s eyes. “We don’t get, um, guests very often, so I-I’m sorry that the house is a little...disorganized.”

Connor pulled onto Evan’s street. “It’s fine. I don’t care about that stuff, Evan. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“A-And our house is kinda small.” Evan didn’t seem to notice Connor’s reassurance. “And there’s a leak in the kitchen.”

Connor cut Evan off before he could start rambling. “Evan. I don’t care about that. It’s just the three of us, I don’t care what your house looks like.”

Evan looked up from Jared’s sleeping face to look at Connor’s in the mirror. “You don’t?”

Connor shook his head, parking in front of Evan’s house. “No, of course not.” He turned around in his seat. “I only care that it’s your house, that we’re together, and that Jared feels better. Okay?” This was probably the most open and direct that Connor had been about their relationship so far.

Evan nodded, smiling a little. “Okay. Th-Thanks.” He was proud of Connor for accepting his challenge of being more honest. 

Connor nodded his head in the direction of the sleeping boy. “Now, should we wake him up, or try to carry him in?”

Evan looked back down. “Let’s carry him in. I can do it.”

Connor blinked. “You sure?” He couldn’t really picture Evan carrying anyone. Especially with a broken arm.

Evan gulped. “Yeah,” he said anyway. “I can do it. It’s just a few feet.”

“Okay,” Connor shrugged. “Give me your house key, then?”

“Don’t have one. Door’s unlocked.”

Connor was a bit shocked at that statement. He didn’t comment, however; he just got out of the car and went to Evan’s front door. It was, in fact, unlocked, so he opened it and waited for Evan and Jared.

Evan could have lifted Jared with ease if he had two healthy arms. Therefore, it was a struggle trying to carry him through the door. He succeeded, though, and Jared remained sound asleep. He passed Connor and made a beeline for his room. 

Connor followed Evan in, shutting the door behind them. He trailed behind Evan, trying to look around as discreetly as possible.

Evan went straight into his room, laying Jared gently on his twin bed. “We should let him sleep,” he said, holding his cast like his arm hurt. 

Connor nodded. “We should.” He let his eyes travel over Evan’s room, smiling slightly when he saw Bingo sitting on the window sill. He looked back at Jared. “I don’t want to leave him alone though.”

“Then we’ll stay in here.” Evan’s cheeks were dusted a light pink as he noticed Connor glance at his windowsill. He had a lot of plants like Bingo scattered around. 

Connor hummed softly in agreement. He continued to look around Evan’s room. It was nice, very.. Evan. He noticed that there were at least ten tiny plants that he could see, including Bingo, the pot that Jared had given Evan with the strawberry seeds, and one or two cacti. Looking at the little pot that Jared picked out, Connor felt like he had to come clean. Keeping his voice quiet so as not to wake Jared, Connor gestured towards the succulent and said, “You know, Jared was the one who actually bought that. I’ve never really been good at gifts, and he told me to give it to you so you wouldn’t think I was mad at you for Zoe.”

“I know,” Evan whispered. “I mean, I know it was Jared. He used to get me little plants every time he went to the store. All of those are from him.” He pointed in the direction of the others. “But you’re the one who gave it to me. So that counts.” He paused. “You really weren’t mad about my thing for Zoe?”

“Oh.” Connor really hadn’t expected Evan to know. He shook his head in response to Evan’s question. “No. Not really. Not at you, anyway.” He may have thought that he was mad at Evan at first, but he knew enough now to see that that fight was purely fueled by his own stupid jealousy.

Evan shifted a little, awkwardly. “Well, um, don’t be mad at Zoe either, b-because I still want to be her friend.” Connor should be fine with that, right?

Connor stepped closer to Evan, his expression softening slightly. “I’ll _try_.”

Evan gave him a gentle smile. “Thanks. She’s really cool. Maybe she can help me make you happy! She knows what you like, right?” Then again, so did Jared, most likely. 

Connor’s face contorted. Zoe didn’t know him at all, beyond manic fits and too much pot. Which was probably fair, because that’s all she’d seen for the past few years. “Maybe. But you really don’t have to get me anything in the first place, so it’s really not-“ Connor cut himself off. Evan only wanted to make him happy. “Thanks, Evan.”

Evan’s smile grew. “And then we can do something for Jared, to say– Well, to say a lot. He’s done enough for us.” He looked down at Jared asleep on his bed. “Too much, really.”

Connor followed Evan’s gaze, watching Jared as well. “He’s given me- us- so much,” and Connor couldn’t even get out the words to reciprocate his feelings, “and all I’ve given him is a shitty old t-shirt.”

“I haven’t really given him anything,” Evan said sadly. “And I know he’d say that’s fine because he doesn’t deserve anything, but he really does. He’s made a ton of progress since the first day of school. It’s like the old Jared is back again. He used to laugh when he had to get me down from trees when we were little. But it wasn’t out of spite like recently. He’s made a full 180. I’m proud of him. I missed his laugh.” He nodded for emphasis. “His real laugh.”

Connor watched Evan tell his story. He was so glad that these two could finally get to a place where they could be together. “It’s like he doesn’t think he deserves this. I mean, you saw his face, he didn’t think you could like him. He’s grown faster than either of us can, but he still doesn’t expect anything.” It was infuriating and amazing.

Evan looked up at Connor. “You think that’s true love?”

True love or deep rooted insecurities. “I don’t know. But I think he means it when he says it.”

Evan nodded, eyes glancing toward the small succulents Jared had given him over the years. He was tired, worried, and didn’t really care what he said to Connor in the privacy of his room. “I think I love him too.” He looked back at Connor. “And I’m glad you can be a part of it.” He’d expected himself to take a while to adjust, to accept who he was discovering he really was. But it didn’t happen like that. It came in the form of love, immediately, and he didn’t want it another way. 

“Yeah, me too,” Connor said, his eyes never leaving Evan.

Evan smiled again. “He’d be glad we’re talking.”

Connor smiled back, “He would.” Connor leaned in closer, giving Evan a single soft kiss. He himself was glad that they were talking. He pulled away after a moment, not wanting to get caught up again.


	30. Chapter 30

Jared woke up only slightly confused. His head hurt from the crying earlier, and he blearily looked around the room he was in. “Ev?”

Evan jolted, spilling a bit of water from his watering can on the floor. “Jared?” He turned around. 

Jared yawned, blinking lazily. “Sup?”

Evan didn’t answer. “How are you feeling?”

Jared hummed. “I’d be a whole lot better if I had some kisses.”

Connor looked up from his seat at Evan’s desk. He smiled at Jared with his messy hair and crooked glasses, getting up and moving to sit on the edge of the bed. He complied immediately, giving Jared a quick kiss. “Good morning.”

Jared smiled, pulling Connor closer. “Morning.” 

Evan smiled at the sight of them. “It’s six in the evening.”

Connor snorted, wrapping his arms around Jared, “It’s morning to Sleeping Beauty, here.”

Jared chuckled, holding a hand out to Evan. “Kiss.”

Evan rolled his eyes, but gently grabbed Jared’s hand and kissed the back of it. “My mom texted me earlier,” he said, believing it would be best to tell Jared right away. “Her class was canceled, so she’ll be here soon. Is that a problem?”

Jared worried his lip. “No. It's fine. But I wanted a kiss on the lips, not my hand, dummy.”

Evan’s eyebrows furrowed. “Then why’d you give me your hand?”

Jared laughed. “Because I wanted you to come over here!”

“All you said was kiss!”

Jared pulled him down into a kiss.

Evan melted. Jared must really be feeling better. He was glad. 

Jared pulled away with a sigh and a soft smile. “I love you.”

Evan smiled, his eyes relaxed. “You too.”

Jared's breath caught slightly. “Y-Yeah?”

Evan didn’t hesitate. “Yeah.” His voice was strong and sure. Talking it out with Connor listening had helped. 

Jared grinned, pulling him into another kiss. “Cool.”

“Cool?”

“Really cool.”

“Guess it is.” Evan looked over at Connor holding onto Jared tightly. “Cute.”

Connor huffed, not loosening his grip on Jared. “You’re one to talk.”

A familiar pink rose on Evan’s cheeks. “I– Uh, thanks.” Accepting compliments builds confidence, right?

Connor adjusted so that he could see Evan better, and half smiled at his blush. “You’re welcome.”

“Sorry there’s not much to do here,” Evan apologized, breaking the mood. 

“There’s not much that I want to do,” Connor said, turning his head to look out the window. “Hey, how soon will your mom be home?” He didn’t want to admit it, but he was slightly nervous about another parental encounter today.

“About an hour. Maybe less.” Evan shifted awkwardly. “Why?”

“No reason. Just wanted to know.”

“She’s not gonna hurt you.”

Jared grabbed one of Connor's hands, linking their fingers. “Ms. Hansen is really nice.”

Connor watched their linked hands for a moment before nodding. Anyone who raised Evan had to be nice, he was worrying too much. “I’m sure she is.” He took a deep breath. “I’m fine. Stop worrying about me, Jared.”

Jared laughed, kissing Connor's hand. “I can't.”

Evan smiled softly. “Me neither.”

Connor rolled his eyes but couldn’t keep the smile from his face. “Well, I promise, I’ll be okay. Okay?”

Jared hummed. “Okay. We're all in this together, just like high school musical.”

Evan’s smile turned into a grin. “I love High School Musical!”

“Who doesn’t?” Connor pressed a kiss to Jared’s shoulder, a thanks for his concern. “It’s a cinematic masterpiece.”

Jared's eyebrow quirked. “I’ll pay you ten bucks to sing a high school musical song right now.”

Evan shook his head. “I don’t sing.”

Connor turned to Jared, a challenge in his eyes. “I’ll pay you twenty to serenade Evan with Breaking Free.”

“Hell yeah. Only if you sing it with me, though.”

Connor thought for a moment, before untangling his hand from Jared’s and holding it out for a handshake. “Deal, but if you want the money, you’re Gabriella.”

Jared didn't even have to think before he shook Connor's hand. And _that_ is how Heidi Hansen got home to find two boys serenading her son.

Heidi stood in the doorway of Evan’s room, watching her son bury his obviously red face in his hands. The first thing she noticed—after the singing and Evan—was Connor. He was tall, easily noticeable. A new face. The shock of a stranger in their home was overcome by the shock of Jared in their home. She interrupted their performance. “Jared?”

Jared didn't seem to be upset or embarrassed by Heidi's appearance. In fact, he was probably just singing to her now.

Evan buried his face even deeper into his hands. 

Heidi stepped in. “Jared, honey, what are you doing?”

Connor stopped singing automatically, his face reddening. He tapped Jared on the arm, motioning for him to shut the hell up.

Jared stopped singing, smiling at her widely. “Hey, Ms. H! How have you been?”

Heidi put a hand on her hip. “I’ve been fine. I didn’t know you and Evan were hanging out again, what happened?” She shot her son a look, but he wasn’t looking at her. 

Jared's smile turned bashful. “I realized how dumb I was being.”

“So you asked him out then?”

That got Evan’s attention. “Mom!”

Jared blushed. “Uh, maybe?”

Heidi spoke before Evan could get a word in. “Perfect! I’ve been waiting for this, you know. How long’s it been? Ten years? More? Whatever, I’m proud of you two!” She grabbed Evan with one arm and Jared with the other, pulling them both into a hug only she could perfect. 

“Mom,” Evan whined, trying to break away. “Stop.”

Jared laughed nervously. “Uh, yeah, well… Evan? Do you maybe.. want to say something? Please?”

Evan wasn’t good at subtlety. “About Connor?”

“Yes!”

Heidi let go of the boys. “Is this Connor?” She looked at him. 

Evan nodded. “Yeah. Mom, this is Connor Murphy.”

Connor stood up from the bed awkwardly. He felt the urge to start picking at his nail polish, but he kept his hands at his sides. “Hi.” He cleared his throat, stepping forward. “Hello,” he corrected, holding his hand out for a handshake, determined to make a good impression.

Heidi smiled immediately and shook Connor’s hand enthusiastically. “You can call me Heidi, dear. Gosh, Ev, you really have been trying to make friends! I’m so proud of you!”

Evan watched Connor nervously. He knew the taller boy was wary of meeting parents. Was it a good idea to just out him without asking? “Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, I have.”

Jared cleared his throat softly. “Been doing better than that.”

“Actually, I’m his boyfriend. Too.” Connor would rather just get it out of the way, Evan had said that he was okay with this all being out in the open anyway. If Heidi hated him for it, then it would be better for her to hate him now than hate him more later for lying.

Heidi was quiet for a while. She looked Connor up and down. Finally, she stepped toward him. “Fine,” she said simply. “But if you hurt my son or Jared, you’re gone.”

Connor blinked. She just.. accepted it? Connor could barely believe it. He met her eyes. “Agreed. I’ll- I won’t if I can help it.”

Jared stepped in slightly. “Hey, uh, is it okay if I crash here for the night?”

Heidi smiled at Connor before looking back at Jared. “Of course, dear, you’re always welcome here.”

Jared smiled. “Thank you. I promise not to hurt either of them either.”

Heidi nodded. “Well, nice to see you, Jared. And to meet you, Connor. I’ll get out of your hair, now.”

Evan started pushing her out. “Good idea, thanks, love you!” He shut the door behind her. 

“I like your mom,” Connor decided.

“She’s great, huh?” Evan sighed as he stepped away from the door. 

Connor nodded. “Very understanding. Though I’m pretty sure she would kill me if necessary.”

Jared nodded. “Oh, definitely.”

Evan showed no signs of joking. “She would.” He nodded. “In a heartbeat.”

Connor paused. “If she did, I’d deserve it.”

Evan nodded again. “You would.”

Jared nodded solemnly. “Definitely.”

“Thanks guys,” Connor said, his posture relaxing now that Evan’s mother was gone. “I should probably be going soon, though.”

Jared grimaced, pulling Connor into a hug. “So soon?”

“You’re leaving?” Evan asked sadly. 

Connor wrapped his arms around Jared, kissing the top of his head. “It’s almost seven, Ev. I haven’t been home in almost two days now, so I probably should go.”

Evan pouted. “Fine. We’ll miss you.”

Jared nodded in agreement. “Miss you lots.”

“I’ll miss you too.” He detached himself from Jared just enough to give him a proper kiss before pulling away and doing the same to Evan. “Don’t have too much fun without me.”

Jared laughed. “Wouldn't dream of it.”

Connor smiled, opening the door. “I’ll see you Monday, I guess.”

Jared kissed him one last time. “I love you, have a good night.”

“You too.” Connor smiled at the two one last time before turning and leaving.

Once Connor was gone, Evan frowned. “I already miss him.”

Jared nodded with a sigh. “Yeah. It won't get easier. More you care, worse it gets.”

“Great. Um, very reassuring, Jared.”

“Just stating the facts.” Jared shrugged. “I, uh… I have experience.”

Evan looked at him sadly. “Of course you do.” He finally took a seat on his bed. “Sorry, Jared. If I’d noticed, or- or something, maybe this could have happened a lot sooner.”

Jared gave him a small smile, moving over to take a seat next to him. “It's okay. I'm just happy that we can be together now.”

Evan nodded. “Me too. E-Even if it seems a little fast.”

Jared smiled, gently placing a hand on top of Evan's. “Yeah.”

Evan’s smile faltered. “Your parents,” he said. “They’re not gonna hurt you, right?” The thought had been bothering him since that afternoon. 

Jared's smile faltered slightly. “I don't think so. They still love me. They just… need time.”

“If– If you need somewhere to stay, um, indefinitely, you can stay here. However long you need. My mom would love it, honestly.” Evan tried to smile again. 

Jared nodded, pressing a kiss to Evan's cheek. “Thanks.”

“Of course,” Evan said, almost a whisper. It felt as if speaking louder would rupture the tenderness of the moment. 

Jared smiled, pulling Evan closer. “I love you.”

Evan’s smile finally returned. “You too. Um, by the way, do you need clothes for school tomorrow?”

Jared shrugged. “I can always wear these clothes again. For the third day in a row.”

“Um, no, you need to change. That’s not healthy.”

Jared pouted. “Fine. Then I guess I do need clothes.”

“What color polo do you want?” Evan stood up and walked over to his closet. “I’ve got flannel, too.”

Jared laughed. “I’ll take the flannel for 300, Alex.”

Evan laughed too. It was nice when Jared made real jokes. “Great. Remember that for the morning. I’m tired.”

Jared nodded, holding his arms open in offering. 

Evan blinked. He wasn’t sure what Jared wanted, but he hoped he chose correctly. He walked over and melted into his arms. 

Jared grinned, pulling Evan down into the bed. 

Evan offered a smile. “Is that what you wanted?”

Jared nodded without hesitation. “Absolutely.”

Evan’s smile widened. “I’m getting better at guessing then!”

Jared nuzzled into Evan's neck. “Mhm.”

“I guess it’s a moot point trying to get you to sleep on the couch, huh?”

Jared hummed. “Did you want me to?”

“Would it be weird if I said no?”

Jared's arms tightened around him. “No way.”

Evan grinned. “My bed’s sorta small, but…”

Jared shrugged. “It's okay. I don't mind the close quarters.”

“Great. You want anything to sleep in?” Evan had changed clothes before Jared had woken up. 

“Your arms.”

“Never took you for a little spoon kind of guy,” Evan joked. 

Jared laughed. “I’ll be whatever spoon you want me to be, babe.”

Evan sighed. “We’ll figure it out in our sleep.”


	31. Chapter 31

Connor got home in a good mood. As he walked in the door, he thought about how he couldn’t remember a time that he was ever in this good of a mood at home without being high. He hoped that it could last. Which meant that he hoped that his luck wouldn’t run out and he could stay away from Larry long enough to get to his room and lock the door for the night. But, of course, luck was never on Connor’s side.

Zoe was sitting on the couch in the front room when Connor came in. She looked up, half expecting to see her brother, high and out of his mind, with dark bags under his eyes and maybe even a few bruises. It wouldn’t have been the first time. However, that was not the Connor she saw. Connor was standing up straight, he had his hair pulled back, and even though he was wearing the same clothes he had left in Friday night, he looked well rested. He was even- “Oh my God, are you _smiling_?”

Connor looked over at his sister, his good mood not faltering. “Yes.” He usually would have made some sort of angry comment about how he did smile from time to time, but he wasn’t really feeling it.

Zoe watched Connor skeptically. He didn’t look high, and anyway, highs didn’t make Connor happy, they just made him mellow. Remembering her conversation with Evan, Zoe told herself not to assume the worst in her brother. Connor probably didn’t commit murder. She stood up from the couch and met Connor halfway from the door. Her voice came out in a whisper, “Did you get laid?” Somehow, Connor’s smile actually grew. “Oh my God, Connor, you got laid!” Zoe, in her excitement and disbelief, miscalculated the volume of her voice.

“Connor?” Cynthia poked her head into the room. Connor’s smile deflated a bit, but he nodded to his mother. “Oh, Connor, you really should text us before you stay the night out. Your father and I were so worried-“

“Connor Murphy, where have you been?” Connor tensed, his smile disappearing altogether as his father came into the room. He really had wanted to avoid this. “Don’t tell me you’re high again. You left us with no explanation, on our _family night_ , just so you could go and get high!” Even Zoe flinched at Larry’s raised voice. 

Cynthia placed a hand on her husband’s arm in an attempt to calm him down, but he only shrugged it off. “You need to apologize to your mother, young man. She put together a dinner that you didn’t even bother to eat because _you_ decided to leave and get high!”

Connor’s gut reaction was to fight. He wanted to scream at Larry for assuming that he was high, he wanted to yell at Zoe and Cynthia for letting Larry be a tyrant like this. He wanted to lose all of his progress, get into a fight and then proceed to make Larry’s assumptions true, and smoke until he couldn’t feel it anymore. Just as he was about to say his piece, he met Zoe’s eyes. She shook her head silently, her eyes pleading for Connor not to do this. Connor thought about Evan and Jared and their smiles as he left earlier, about Evan’s sincere expression when he said that he forgave Connor, and about Jared’s soft eyes when he said he loved them.

Connor took a deep breath and looked at Cynthia. “I’m sorry, I should have texted. I had to be somewhere for my friends.” Cynthia blinked up at him with pure surprise.

Larry was silent for a moment, shocked. Connor took his silence as an opportunity to turn and start up the stairs. He barely made it up two steps before Larry called after him. “Your _friends_?”

Connor bristled, but didn’t turn around. Luckily, he didn’t have to respond, because Zoe spoke up. “He has friends, dad. He’s not high. Let him go.”

Connor didn’t wait to hear Larry’s response. He took the rest of the steps two at a time and locked himself in his room.

————

Jared woke up with a sigh. Monday. It took him a moment to realize that he wasn't in his own house.

Evan was still asleep, his alarm muffled by his phone being under several layers of blankets and arms. He hugged Jared closely.

Jared looked up at Evan's sleepy face with a smile. He gently brought his hand up, ghosting his fingers over Evan's cheek. “Pretty.”

Evan stirred, reflexively moving his head so Jared’s fingers were in undeniable contact with his cheek. That woke him up. “Jared?” he slurred. 

Jared hummed, pressing into Evan's cheek firmly. “Hey. Morning.”

Evan blinked. “Morning?” He blinked again, remembering everything that had happened. “It’s Monday!”

Jared chuckled. “It's Monday.”

“I get off early on Mondays!”

“Oh! So do I!”

“Really?” Evan was prone to excitement, and this was no exception. 

“Yeah!” Jared beamed, fingers trailing up from Evan's cheek to his hair.

Evan grinned, but stopped. “Connor doesn’t. He told me last week. Or, I guess two weeks ago.”

Jared hummed. “We can wait for him.”

“And do what?”

“Make out in my car?”

Evan didn’t even think about it. “Okay.”

Jared paused, blushing. “Wait, really?”

Evan was sure his own blush could be seen even in the dim lighting of his room. “Sure,” he said. 

Jared smiled, pressing a soft kiss to Evan's lips. “Okay.”

Evan smiled again. If he didn’t like the pacing, he could always ask to slow down, right? He sat up. “Did you pick out a flannel for school?”

“Nah, just give me whatever. Doesn't matter.”

Evan shrugged. “Alright.” He stood up, pushing the blankets aside, and walked to his closet. He threw a shirt and pair of pants at Jared. “These might fit.”

Jared looked down at the clothes in his hand, laughing slightly. “Do you only own khakis? That's pretty cute.”

“Not only!” Evan blushed at the compliment anyway. 

Jared smiled softly. “Can I have a kiss?”

“Yeah,” Evan said, defeated. He slowly and gingerly kissed Jared. 

Jared gave him a weak smile as he pulled away. “Thanks. I'm gonna… go change.”

“Y-Yeah, you do that.”

Jared stood, shuffling off to the bathroom.

Evan took the time to make his bed. He fished his phone out from where it was tangled in the blankets. His mother had texted him. She probably didn’t want to bother the two of them. She said she was leaving, which meant Evan and Jared had no vehicle. 

Jared emerged with a bashful grin. “How do I look?”

Evan looked up. His eyes grew wide. “Like...me?”

Jared quirked an eyebrow. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

Evan thought for a moment. “Well, um, honestly, it doesn’t look bad on you.” But it did on him.

Jared snorted. “No one can look as good as you in these clothes, Ev.”

Evan shook his head. “No, I think you’re pulling it off pretty well.”

“Thanks,” Jared smiled. “I'll try to live up to their image.”

Evan blinked. “You didn’t make a single innuendo? I walked right into it! You really have changed.”

Jared blinked back in surprise. “Huh? Oh, shit, you're right!”

“You didn’t even realize?”

Jared shook his head. “I was just thinking about… you.”

“And not sex?”

“No, just you. And how pretty you are.”

“I’m not pretty.”

Jared scoffed. “Evan, you're beautiful.”

“I am not!”

Jared frowned. “You are!”

“If you say so.” Evan gave him a small smile. “You can go on to the kitchen, I’m gonna change.”

“Hold on a second,” Jared grabbed Evan's wrist, pulling him to stand in front of a mirror that was hung on the wall. Jared stood behind him, hands on his shoulders. “What do you see?”

Evan gulped, but played along. “Me?”

Jared shook his head. “What do you _see_?”

Evan scoffed. “I have nice...eyebrows?” He sighed. “And baby fat.”

Jared brought a hand up to Evan's cheek, resting his chin on his shoulder. “I see the face of an amazing guy. Soft and kind and beautiful.”

Evan narrowed his eyes. “I see a pimple.”

Jared pulled Evan back into his chest. “I see one of the men I love.”

“You really are a sap, you know?” Evan let himself smile again. 

Jared shrugged. “You really are beautiful.”

“ _Jared_.”

“Evan?”

“What?”

“I love you and you're beautiful.” Jared kissed Evan's cheek again.

Evan finally smiled wider. “You too, nerd.” That was endearing, right?

Jared hummed, smiling. “Sorry, can't hear you over the beautiful man in front of me.”

Evan actually laughed. “Jared, I need to change.”

Jared blew a raspberry into the crook of Evan's neck. “Never change.” He released him, grinning dopily. “I’ll be downstairs.” 

Evan rolled his eyes. “Yeah, don’t break anything.”

“Never!” Jared made his way down to the kitchen with a smile on his face.

Evan sighed affectionately and picked out some clothes. Maybe this would be a good day. He had a lot to write about in his letter this time. After getting dressed, he rejoined Jared in the kitchen. “Oh,” he said, sitting at the table. “We don’t have a ride to school, forgot to tell you.”

Jared hummed. “Do you think Con would be able to pick us up?”

Evan’s face lit up. “Maybe! Text him.”

Jared pulled out his phone quickly. 

J: _yo, conman, could you maybe hit us up with a ride to school?_

The response came quickly.

C: _I think so. You’re lucky I don’t have to give Zoe a ride today._

J: _thnx babe xoxo ;p_

Jared looked up at Evan. “He's on his way. Do you usually eat breakfast?”

Evan met his eyes. “I, uh, I eat a granola bar sometimes.” Was that even true? It was more like twice a month. 

Jared frowned. “Toast and eggs.” Jared was on his feet in a second, swiftly pulling out ingredients. “It’ll only take a minute, I’ll make some for Con too.”

“Oh, Jared, you don’t have to do that.” Evan wasn’t even sure there was bread in the cabinet, but Jared found some anyway. 

“Too late.” Jared was already cooking.

“Jared!”

“Evan!” Jared slid him a piece of buttered toast.

Evan stared at it and hesitated. “Thanks,” he muttered. Maybe he could start eating breakfast regularly. 

Ten minutes later there was a plate of scrambled eggs in front of him as well.

Evan ate the food, but felt guilty about it. He shouldn’t have let Jared do this. It wasn’t fair. Jared had done enough for him lately. It was time to repay him, but he didn’t know how. He’d have to brainstorm. “Where’s Connor?” he asked around his final bite of eggs. 

Jared hummed, checking his phone. “Should be here soon.”

Evan nodded. “By the way, um,” he started nervously. “How are you feeling?”

Jared pretended like he didn't wince at the words. “Fine. How do you feel?”

“I’d feel better knowing how you really felt.”

Jared sighed. “Not great.”

“I’m so sorry, Jared,” Evan said softly. “I-I know it’s kinda partly my fault.”

Jared shook his head adamantly. “No, It was gonna come out eventually. I'm sorry you had to be involved.”

Evan looked down. “You know, I’m here for you. So’s my mom, and Connor, most likely. Whatever you need.”

Jared nodded. “I know. That's what's keeping me together.”

“It’ll turn out okay,” Evan promised. “F-Family stuff, it’s really hard. Trust me, I know. But it turns out okay.”

Jared nodded again. “Oh, I think Connor is here!”

“He is?” Evan stood up, ready to go.

Just then a car honked outside, indicating that Connor was there. He didn’t feel like fishing through his bag for his phone.

Jared grabbed the paper plate of food, scurrying outside to tap on the driver's window. “I made food!”

Connor rolled down the window, having to cross his eyes to look at the plate when Jared shoved it in his face. “Oh. Thanks.” He quirked his lips in a half smile, not bothering to mention that he didn’t like eggs.

Jared pulled the plate away to quickly press a kiss to Connor's lips. “Morning.”

“Good morning,” Connor took the plate from Jared’s hands and put it on the dashboard. He turned back to the window and waved to Evan.

Evan came half running down the driveway, waving back. “Hi, Connor!” he called. 

Connor grinned. “Hi, Ev.”

Evan grinned too; Connor’s smile was contagious. “Good morning!”

Connor unlocked the car doors, “Good morning. Sleep well?” He wished he could have been a part of a cuddle pile last night like they had the other night.

Evan slid into the back seat. “I think so.”

Jared wandered around to the other side, slipping into the passenger side easily. “We missed you.”

Connor hummed, locking the doors and backing out of the driveway. “Missed you too.”

Evan leaned forward in his seat. “Me included?”

Connor glanced up into the rear view mirror. “Of course.”

Evan smiled. “Cool.”

Jared smiled at both of them. “You guys are nerds.”

“We’re not the ones with computer lab access, nerd,” Evan joked. 

“You're dating the nerd.”

“Wow, you’re right.”

Connor snorted. “I’m dating two nerds. A computer nerd and a tree nerd.”

“Tree _expert_.”

Jared snorted. “Expert tree nerd.”

“That’s better,” Evan said, smiling. 

Jared twisted around in his seat, leaning back to kiss Evan. 

Evan was pleasantly surprised. He happily kissed Jared back. 

Jared pulled back, settling into his seat again. “What a morning.”

“Right?” Evan was in awe of it himself.


	32. Chapter 32

Jared hummed as they pulled into the school parking lot. “So,” he drawled. “How are we playing this, anyway?”

Connor turned into his parking spot. He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. “You both said you were fine with being out about it.”

Jared nodded. “Yeah, but are you?”

Connor shrugged. “I’m not against telling people if they ask, but I don’t really like PDA in the first place.” Connor was pretty sure that he could like PDA if he weren’t so worried that it could get back to his parents or hurt Jared or Evan.

Evan shrugged too. “So no PDA, yeah?” 

Connor turned the car off and looked at the other two. “You guys can do whatever you want.”

Evan was a little confused. “So just no PDA with you?”

“Well, when you say it like that it sounds bad.” Connor turned back to the front. “I just mean that I’m not going to stop you two because I don’t want it.”

Evan blinked. “If you don’t want it, we’re not gonna do it.”

Jared nodded. “Of course.”

Connor frowned, biting his lip. He knew that Jared, at least, was a very demonstrative person when it came to affection. He didn’t want to be the one to completely table it for the other two. “I don’t- We’ll see how it goes, I guess?”

“Alright,” Evan said quietly. He sat back in his seat. 

Jared nodded in agreement. “Final kiss for the road?”

“Please?” Evan was beginning to get addicted. 

Connor softened and leaned over to give Jared his kiss first, as he was closest.

Jared smiled, sighing into the kiss before Connor pulled away. “Nice.”

Connor smirked, turning around to give Evan his kiss as well. Spending the last of the weekend without the two was unnecessarily hard.

Evan’s lips were soft as always, as was his kiss. He pulled away to let Connor drive, but poked his nose before Connor sat back in his seat. 

Connor grinned, a bit pink in the cheeks. “School here we come.”

“Yay,” came the sarcastic response from Evan. 

Jared sighed, stretching his arms out over his head. “Fuckin’ Mondays.”

“You got that right,” Connor said, watching the other two. He didn’t want to be the first one to open the car door and enter reality.

Evan couldn’t seem to get his seatbelt unlatched. 

Jared heard Evan's struggling, twisting around to see what he was doing. He smiled, shaking his head as he reached back and swiftly undid the seatbelt. He took the opportunity to kiss Evan one last time before they had to depart for classes. What he wasn't expecting, however, was the excited tapping on the window. He pulled away, whipping around to see who had seen them. “Alana!?” Shit! Already?

Evan squeaked. “Alana!” he echoed. He tried to think of an explanation in case Jared’s didn’t work, but then again, why would they need an explanation? Weren’t they supposed to be out and proud?

“Alana?” Connor tried to look around Jared and Evan. Was that the girl who sat with his sister at lunch? Shit.

Jared popped the door open, looking up at her. “We were kind of in the middle of something,” he pouted, crossing his arms. 

Alana beamed. “Oh my god! You and Evan finally got together?! I told you, Evan! Wait, what about Connor?”

Evan was beet red. “Um, he’s– We’re actually–” He cut himself off with a harsh cough. 

Connor, who was relatively sure that he’d never spoken to Alana in his life, met her eye with a serious expression. “Are you going to tell people?” He was willing to be out for the other two, but he didn’t want it being spread before they even got inside.

Alana blinked at him. “No? Unless you want me to! Then I definitely will? Wait, Don't Tell me– Evan! You took my advice and got with both of them?! I'm so proud!”

“Uh.” Evan looked from Alana to Connor. He knew Connor wasn’t comfortable with PDA and things of that nature, but he didn’t really know what he was supposed to say in situations like this. It seemed his anxiety didn’t like the awkward silence, so he found himself stuttering a, “Y-Yeah.”

Connor relaxed slightly. It didn’t seem like Alana would be against them dating. In fact, she seemed supportive of Evan having two boyfriends.

Alana squealed. “Oh my god! Evan!”

Evan laughed nervously. “Y-Yeah, you called it, huh?”

Alana pulled open the back door, leaning down to whisper something in Evan's ear. Jared couldn't hear what she was saying, but he could see how bright red Evan's cheeks turned at her words.

Evan tried to stutter out some kind of response, but it was clear she wasn’t listening. He looked toward Connor and Jared for help. 

“Hey.” Connor sent Alana his best glare. He loved seeing Evan blush, but he did not love seeing other people make Evan blush.

Alana pulled away with a grin. “Think about it.” She shot him a wink before prancing off to the school entrance.

Jared blinked. “What?”

Evan cleared his throat. “Nothing!” he squeaked. “Nothing. She didn’t say anything. What? Nothing.”

Connor glared after Alana. “I don’t like her.”

Jared snickered. “Are you jealous of _that_ , Con?”

Evan looked at Connor. “Y-You’re jealous of Alana?” 

Connor sputtered, gesturing at where Alana had been standing. “She _whispered in his ear_ and _winked_ at him! If that isn’t code for ‘leave your boyfriends and I’ll ride your dick’ then I don’t know what is!”

Jared laughed loudly. “Con, no offense, but I'm pretty sure Evan. Would be the one riding a dick. He is definitely a bottom.”

Connor huffed, crossing his arms. “She doesn’t know that.”

Evan turned even redder than he had been when Alana was there. “E-Excuse me?”

Jared grinned at him. “What, would you want to top us?”

“T-Top? What does that mean?” Evan had heard ‘dick’ and assumed it was an insult. 

Connor sent Jared a pointed look. “Don’t.”

Jared's grin widened. He began rifling through his bag.

Evan watched nervously. “W-What are you doing?”

Jared pulled out a small bundle of cloth, holding it in his hand as he used his other one to text Evan. Once it was sent, he tossed the thing in his hand back into the seat next to Evan. 

Evan fumbled with the object, but caught it. He looked closer. It had words on it, and it felt like a normal sort of shampoo bottle hotels use. “Huh? What is this?” He didn’t wait for an answer before he started reading the print aloud. “‘Pine Grove Pleasure Gel’?” 

Connor groaned and buried his face in his hands. “Jared, _no_.”

Jared winked at Connor. “Read the text I sent you, Ev.”

Evan gave him a look, but unlocked his phone anyway, opening the message from Jared. 

J: _Homework! Figure out how to use this on yourself when you're alone. Google helps! Try incognito ;)))_

Evan read the text out loud twice trying to understand. “Jared, really, I-I don’t think I get it. What is this stuff? And why has it been used?”

Connor was practically crying with silent laughter by the second time Evan started to read the text.

Jared shrugged. “I have needs, Ev. Sometimes they arise at inopportune times. It's lube.”

“Lube,” Evan echoed. “Like, hair conditioner?”

“Dick conditioner.”

Connor rested his forehead on the steering wheel and took a few deep breaths before speaking. “It’s for masturbation, Evan.”

Evan immediately yelped and dropped the bottle on the floorboard. “What?!”

Jared held up a hand. “Don't worry, it's not _just_ for your dick.”

“What does that _mean_?!” 

Jared snorted. “Anal, Evan. You put your fingers or a dick up your ass, pain free. It feels great, trust me.”

Connor sat up and turned around. “You don’t have to worry about it, Evan.” He turned back to Jared. “Seriously?”

Jared shrugged. “It's just in case he ever gets curious. You're cute when you blush, by the way.”

Evan caught his breath. “Why’s a third of it gone?!”

“The tree smell makes me think of you.”

Evan lost his breath again. 

“Dark cherry makes me think of Connor.” Jared was not ashamed.

Connor made a choked noise. “God, Jare. Just-“ Connor covered his face with his hands again. It was too early for this.

Jared bit back his grin. “Sometimes I mix them. It helps my imagination.”

Connor huffed out a laugh and looked back up at Jared. “If you keep it up, you’re not going to need imagination.”

Jared smirked back at him. “Maybe not.”

Connor’s lips quirked and he leaned forward, fully intending to make out with Jared in front of the school. Just as he was about to land the kiss, the bell rang, startling him.

Jared hummed, kissing him quickly. “Class!”

Connor practically growled in frustration as Jared hopped out of the car.

Jared winked at him from the open door. ”Maybe I’ll skip first period in favour of some more enjoyable activities.” He reached into his bag easily, pulling out another small bottle. This one had cherries printed across the label. “Catch me jacking off on the roof, right, Ev?” he teased, snickering.

Evan made no effort to get up, staring at the back of the carseat in front of him. “What is going on?” he whispered to himself. 

Connor rolled his eyes. “As tempting as that sounds, I’m not having sex with you at school or encouraging your activities.”

Jared laughed. “That’s probably for the best. I think Evan might be traumatized by the lube.”

The boy in question coughed. “I-I think Evan is traumatized, yes.”

“If I expected any more of you, I would have been traumatized too.” Connor opened the door of the car and got out, hoping that the others would follow.

Evan gulped, but stepped outside with his backpack. “J-Jared, I hope you’re joking about going to the roof.”

Jared shrugged noncommittally. 

Connor shook his head as he started towards the building. “Wow.”

Evan made eye contact with Jared. “Don’t make me regret agreeing to make out with you in the car this afternoon.”

Connor turned and looked between the two. “Agreeing to _what_?”

Jared winked again.

Connor pulled out his keys and tossed them at Jared’s chest. They did get out two periods before him. “Have fun, then.”

Evan squeaked. “What? Really?”

Connor shrugged. “Well, yeah. You don’t have his car, so you’ll need somewhere to wait for me. And, apparently, make out.”

Evan sputtered. “Th-That’s just, um, a bonus?”

Jared hummed happily. “We were gonna do it to pass time while we waited for you. Maybe you can join in, huh?”

“Maybe. But lately I haven’t been feeling like skipping. You two are terrible influences.”

Jared rolled his eyes. “I meant after, dummy.”

Connor made a face at Jared. “Fine. After class. I’ll see you two at lunch?” Unless Evan decided to sit with Zoe again.

Jared nodded. “See you then, hot stuff.”

Evan smiled and waved to Connor.


	33. Chapter 33

Jared waited by the doors of the school for Evan. They had just gotten out, and he figured this was as good a place as any to meet up.

Evan parted ways with Alana, who had been talking his ear off about her volunteer hours. He was just glad she wasn’t talking about he and his boyfriends again. Finally rid of her—but he didn’t see that as a necessarily fantastic thing—he made his way through the front doors and toward the senior parking lot. He looked to his left and saw Jared. “Hi!”

Jared grinned, waving at him. “Heya,” he called, stepping over to him. “I have the keys.”

Evan blushed, knowing what Jared was implying. Were they really doing this? He felt nervous. “R-Right, we should go.”

Jared laughed lightly. “We don't really have to make out if you don't want to, Evan. We can just talk or something, if you're not interested.”

Evan looked at Jared. His eyes glanced down at his lips. “Nnno, I definitely want to.”

Jared bit back a smile, taking Evan’s hand. “I see. Well alright, then.” He swiftly pulled Evan away and towards the car.

Evan let Jared pull him. Sure, he was nervous, but he was also excited. He remembered that morning when– “Uh, wait, that whole, um, lube thing, was that a joke? Yeah?”

Jared hummed. “Kinda. You can really have it. I dunno if you’ll use it or not, but, like, just in case, y’know? You never know. Is that what you meant?”

Evan hadn’t really known what he’d meant. “Yeah, sure. Okay.” He was positive he’d never use it. 

Jared unlocked the doors, pulling the back one open and slipping in, Evan close behind. He leaned forward over the console, carefully putting the key into the ignition and starting the car enough to get the air going.

Evan sat stiffly. “How does this, uh, work?” Was he supposed to kiss him? Was Jared going to kiss him first?

Jared pounced, one hand falling onto Evan's shoulder to hold him in place and the other landing on the car seat between them as he leaned forward, pressing their lips together none too gently.

Oh, so that’s how it worked. Evan squeaked, but his increasing experience helped him keep it up. His eyes flickered shut, a gentle hand on Jared’s cheek, though the kiss was anything but gentle. 

Jared pulled away with a soft gasp, looking at Evan with sincere eyes. “If I do something you don't like, or if you want to stop at any point, just tell me, okay? I won't be upset. I don't want you to feel pressured to do something that you don't want.”

Evan nodded hesitantly, but then something clicked, and he nodded again, urgently. “Yeah,” he whispered. He pulled Jared back into a kiss. 

Jared was mildly surprised by Evan's sudden… enthusiasm. He had seemed nervous seconds before. Nevertheless, Jared allowed his eyes to fall closed and the hand on Evan's shoulder to slip up to rest lightly at the base of Evan's jaw.

Evan had decided being nervous wasn’t necessary when he was with Jared. It was a decision he’d never been able to make before now, but he was glad he could. He let Jared lead the kiss and melted into his touch.

Jared made sure to keep things tame, he knew that all of this was new to Evan and he wanted to make sure he didn't try to rush things any more than he already had. Eventually, though, he did allow his tongue to swipe across Evan's bottom lip questioningly.

That caused Evan to whimper softly, like he had at Jared’s house before his parents had gotten home. When they were carefree. 

Jared slipped his tongue past his lips, cautiously sliding against Evan's in an encouragement to reciprocate.

Evan did. He reluctantly moved his tongue in a way so that it was sort of under Jared’s, but a little to the side, allowing him to push it further into Jared’s mouth. 

Jared hummed encouragingly, his fingers slipping into Evan's hair. He really should've taken his glasses off. Damn. Whatever. He ran his tongue across the roof of Evan's mouth like he had last time.

Evan made noise again. He shifted so he had access to both Jared’s hips, and put his hands on them. As Jared deepened their kiss, Evan’s hands slowly traveled upwards along the shorter boy’s sides. 

Jared shuddered under Evan's fingers, his grip in his hair tightening slightly. As it turned out, Connor wasn't the only one who enjoyed the noises Evan made. Jared eased off, allowing Evan to take more of a lead in the kiss.

Evan tried his hardest to lead Jared in a soft continuation of their kiss. He smiled against Jared’s lips and around their tongues. Evan noted that when he was vocal, Jared had more of a reaction. He made sure to make a few more little noises for him. 

Jared pulled back so that he could press soft kisses down Evan's cheekbone to his jaw. He chuckled softly. “I'm starting to get the feeling that you aren't quite as innocently naïve as you want people to think,” he teased, his fingers releasing Evan's hair to instead thread through it soothingly.

Evan scoffed. “Naïve? Maybe. Innocent? I thought I wasn’t until I didn’t know what lube was.” He smiled softly at him. 

Jared laughed again. “Well, now you know, at least.” He used his free hand to gently pull the collar of Evan's shirt away from his neck, revealing soft skin. He leaned down, pressing a series of increasingly intense kisses on the skin where Evan's neck met his shoulders until he was inevitably latched onto him with his mouth as he sucked a dark mark.

Evan’s eyes were closed again. He couldn’t help but let out another whimper, louder and longer, as Jared made his mark on his skin. His mother wouldn’t be angry. She knew he had boyfriends now. Well, she might be a little mad that he had a hickey. 

Jared pulled away, breath shallow as he observed his work. Evan could probably cover that up. Probably. Jared bit back a noise as he took in how Evan looked, eyes closed, face unguarded, baring his neck to Jared willingly. Jesus. He moved back to Evan's lips, kissing him languidly.

Evan sighed breathlessly as Jared’s lips met his again. He let his hands resume their journey upwards along Jared’s sides until they were both in his hair. He kept the kiss soft this time; he wasn’t sure if he could handle much more of Jared’s tongue while they were still in the parking lot. 

Jared gently pulled Evan into his lap, leaning the pair of them back against the door. He broke the kiss with a soft sigh and a smile, holding Evan to him. “Hey.”

Evan tilted his head. “Hey?” He laughed nervously. “Is something wrong?” Had he screwed it up?

Jared shook his head quickly. “No, nothing's wrong! I just wanted to, uh…” he paused for a second. “I make a lot of jokes. And I know I can be kind of… forward, I guess. But I feel like it's really important that you know that we aren't… _expecting_ anything.” He gave a bashful smile. “I know this must be hard for you. After all, you only just realized you're bi. So, like, it's okay if you don't want to get into anything too intimate for a while. We understand.”

Evan studied his face for a while. “T-Thanks, Jared.” He was right. Evan had been afraid of that, even though he thought they probably wouldn’t pressure him into anything. He took a deep breath. “But, um, it’s- it’s fine if you and Connor, uh, do that. T-Together. Without me.”

Jared's face lit up as he remembered the previous week. “Maybe.”

“If you want.”

Jared shrugged. “If it happens, it happens. Wanna make out some more?”

Evan’s face went red. “A little bit.”

Jared chuckled, angling Evan in his lap slightly so that he could face him better. “Well? I'm right here.”

“You’re gonna make me do it?” Evan asked in faux annoyance, putting a hand on Jared’s cheek. 

Jared just hummed, closing his eyes and tilting his head up to Evan as he remained patiently in place.

Evan rolled his eyes and crashed his lips into Jared’s. 

\-------

Connor was practically dying to get outside by the end of his final period. He could barely pay attention to his class, thinking about getting outside finally and meeting his boyfriends. It wasn’t even so much that he knew that they were making out right then, probably in the back seat of his car, Jared finding whole new ways to make Evan whimper. Or, maybe it was exactly that. Either way, Connor bolted out of his seat as soon as the final bell rang. Feeling especially grateful for people avoiding him in the hallways, Connor made it outside in record time, making a beeline straight for his car.

Through the back window, Connor could see Evan in Jared’s lap, hands in Jared’s hair, lips working against the other boys’ desperately. Jared’s own hands were fairly obviously inside Evan’s shirt, which was pushed up by Jared’s arms. There was a fresh bruise on Evan’s neck, visible by his collar being stretched a little. 

Connor sucked in a breath. Fuck, that was hot. He almost didn’t want to interrupt. He walked around the car to the side without two boys pressed up against the window desperately. He knocked softly on the window for one of them to unlock the doors, hating that he had to break them apart for even a moment.

Luckily, Jared happened to be skilled in not doing things as expected. He removed one hand from Evan's shirt- much to Evan's chagrin- and blindly grabbed at the car door until he found the lock, easily opening it.

Connor quickly pulled open the door and slid into the empty seat. He didn’t say anything- neither could really respond if he did- just locked the doors once again and sat back to enjoy the show.

Evan grunted, but didn’t separate his lips from Jared’s. He grabbed the other boy’s arm and stuck his hand back where it had been before, under his shirt. He opened his eyes and sent a wink to Connor. 

Jared hummed softly, seamlessly resuming his previous actions of attempting to trace his fingers over every single inch of Evan's bare torso. It had taken a little bit, but Evan was starting to get pretty confident in his actions, and Jared was thoroughly pleased. He angled his head slightly more, sucking lightly on Evan's tongue which had found its way into his mouth.

Connor couldn’t help himself. As Jared deepened the kiss further, Connor found himself moving closer to the other two, gravitating towards Evan’s small whimpers. It was like he was making the noises purposefully. Carefully, Connor reached out and put his own hand on Evan’s hip. He didn’t move much otherwise, simply a silent presence in the acts.

Evan smiled against Jared’s lips and made sure to make a few more of those noises he knew Connor liked. The hand on his hip was gentle. Once he ran out of breath, he pulled his tongue out of Jared’s mouth, but didn’t look away from him. “How was class, Connor?”

Jared moved down to Evan's neck easily, his head dipped so that Connor now had an unrestricted view of Evan's face as he sucked another hickey onto his collarbone.

Connor eyed Jared as he pressed kisses to the forming bruise. He suppressed a shudder. “Not nearly as fun as being out here, apparently.”

Evan did shudder as Jared’s lips brought the blood toward the surface of his skin. “Can’t argue with that,” he said around another involuntary whimper. 

Jared smirked. He wondered just how much noise he could get out of Evan. And how Connor would react. So, making an executive decision, Jared brought one hand up and pinched Evan's nipple, simultaneously moving to bite down on a sensitive area at the base of his neck that he had recently discovered.

Jared’s experiment was a success. The sound Evan made was absolutely obscene and accidental, his hand shooting up to grab Jared’s in shock. His face was redder than before. He gulped. 

Connor felt a flush make its way up his neck. Even though he wasn’t the one being touched, he made a soft noise in the back of his throat. “ _Fuck_ , Jare.” He squeezed his hand softly on Evan’s hip.

Jared dragged his nails down Evan's chest as he finally started pulling away, a breathless laugh on his lips. “Sorry. Couldn't help it.”

Evan bit his lip hard. This was a lot of stimulation. He wasn’t sure if he could handle much more of it. But he could try. He was in a love-fueled daze, so when he grabbed Connor’s hoodie strings and pulled him into a harsh kiss, he wasn’t really thinking about consequences. Not that there’d be many. Connor didn’t deserve to be left out, after all. 

Connor made a surprised noise but melted into the kiss quickly. He moved closer, turning and moving his legs onto the seat so that he could better reach Evan. He slowly moved his hands up to Evan’s neck, tracing where he knew Jared’s marks were.

Jared blinked in surprise. He had thought they were done for now, but apparently Evan had other plans. Jared was definitely not upset by this change in plans. He hesitated for a moment, unsure what to do. Then he realized that Connor's hands and arms were easily within kissing distance. Good enough. With a devious grin, Jared leaned down to kiss at the sensitive skin on the inside of Connor's wrist.

Connor smiled into the kiss. He pulled Evan ever so closer and pulled his lower lip into his mouth to suck on it lightly. He moved his arm slightly at Jared’s kisses. They were far more light and tender than he was used to with Jared.

Evan decided one more whimper was in order, just for Connor. He let it out against his lips, his own still in between Connor’s. His left hand felt it easier to tug at Connor’s hair with the cast than it had been with Jared’s shorter hair. 

Connor gasped against Evan’s lips and pulled him into his own lap. He moved his right hand up Evan’s back to settle at the base of his neck, running his fingers along the ends of his hair.

Connor’s lap was smaller than Jared’s, but Evan felt smaller in it, anyway. He tugged Connor’s hair again, trying to get a final reaction before they needed to head home. He still needed to get his car from Jared’s house before his parents got off work. 

These two would be the death of Connor. He just knew it. He couldn’t help it, he groaned into the kiss, sounding almost desperate. He bit down on Evan’s lip to cut the noise off.

Jared took note of these reactions, storing the information away. Jared contemplated what else Connor would enjoy. He reckoned Connor to be “pleasure in pain” type. He could always test his theory out. He grabbed Connor's free arm that he had peppered with gentle kisses, pushing the sleeve of his hoodie up as far as it would go. This would either end up really weird or his experiment would be a success. He was willing to risk it. 

Jared twisted Connor’s wrist until the pale skin of his inner arm was exposed, leaning down until his mouth reached the skin a few inches below the crook of Connor's elbow. He took a moment to suck on the soft skin, lathing his tongue over it as he had done with the love bites on Evan. Then, after a second, Jared bit down harshly. Hard enough that Connor would _definitely_ feel it, but not enough to actually hurt him.

Connor jolted, pulling his lips from Evan’s with a pop. He _definitely_ hadn’t been expecting that. It wasn’t bad, it wasn’t bad at all, but he wasn’t sure he could keep himself together if Jared did that again. He gently pulled his arm away from the other boy and quickly rolled his sleeve down. He shook his head, breathing a bit unevenly, face red.

Evan looked up at Connor. “What happened?” 

Connor pushed Evan off his lap and onto the seat carefully. He was getting a bit uncomfortable, but he wasn’t going to say that. “Nothing, just need a breather.” He knew that Jared was probably grinning like an idiot, so he purposefully didn’t look at him.

Evan hummed. “We should probably get going, anyway. I need my car from Jared’s.” He was nervous about doing that, because he wasn’t sure when his parents got home usually. 

Jared responded with a nonchalant tone. “Yeah, you probably shouldn't leave it out in the driveway for too long. Sometimes they egg the cars if they aren't in the garage.”

“My car’s gonna get egged?!”

Jared shrugged. “Probably not.”

“Don’t scare me like that!”

Jared grinned, lazily grabbing Evan's hand and bringing it up to his lips to kiss his knuckles. “My bad.” His eyes flickered over to Connor, eyebrow quirked.

Connor’s eyes narrowed. So that was the game Jared was playing. “We can go get your car, Ev.” Connor leaned over and pressed a sweet kiss to Evan’s cheek.

Evan was blushing again. “Great! I can sit back here if you want me to.”

Jared's grin shifted into a smirk. He hummed, threading their fingers together and lightly tugging Evan to rest against his side. “I can stay back here with you.”

Evan leaned against Jared gently. “You don’t want to sit up front with Connor?”

Jared's smirk didn't let up as he snaked an arm around Evan's shoulders. “Con is a big boy, he’ll be fine, right?”

Connor rolled his eyes but let it go. It would be better if they both set in the back, anyway. “I’m not your chauffeur, but as long as you don’t make out while I’m driving, it’s whatever.”

Jared pouted, huffing his cheeks out. “Damn.”


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spicy !

As they pulled into the driveway, Jared’s demeanor turned slightly more serious. “Hey, uh, guys? I think I’m gonna stay.” 

Connor pushed the car into park and turned around in his seat. “You are? It’s only been two days, Jared. There’s nothing wrong with staying away.”

Evan looked at the boy beside him. “Are you sure that’s the best option?”

Jared bit his lip, but smiled at them reassuringly. “I don't want to run away from my problems anymore. I need to just.. get it over with.”

Evan nodded. “I’ll be at my house if you need me. Y’know, ever.”

Connor nodded quickly in affirmation. “You can call at any time.” He paused for a moment before tacking on. “Or stay at my place if you need.”

Jared had to take a second to stop his heart from doing flips in his chest. He smiled at the other two, bringing a hand up to shield the bottom half of his face so that they couldn't see how much he was blushing. “You guys are big dorks, you know that? Big soft dorks that I love too damn much.”

Connor softened, slightly, letting some of his worry go. If Jared was sure that he could handle this, then Connor trusted him with the decision. He decided to lighten the mood. “You getting flustered, Kleinman?”

Jared's face reddened further. “Who, me? Never.” He was very flustered.

Connor grinned. Jared was just too cute when he was receiving affection. “You’re all red. Adorable.”

Jared pouted, casting him a faux glare. “Shut up, dork.” His smile was soft.

“It is cute,” Evan added quietly. 

Jared's face burned impossibly brighter.

Connor leaned back as far as he could and kissed the corner of Jared’s mouth. “You’re cute, Jare.” He sat back in his seat and said, more seriously, “But you can call us if you need. You don’t have to do this.”

Jared smiled sadly. “I do,” he reiterated. “I need to. I want to be with the two of you, and I’m not going to let some stupid thing like this get in the way. I’ll call if anything happens. I promise.”

Evan nodded solemnly. “Be careful,” he suggested. He wasn’t sure how rocky things would get for Jared. 

Jared nodded. “I will. I can’t afford anymore setbacks in our physical relationship, right?” He laughed, winking jokingly.

Evan looked at Jared’s bandaged hand and then at his own broken arm. “Right.”

Jared smiled again, looking down at his lap in a way that was almost shy. “Goodbye kisses?”

Evan sighed longingly and used a finger to turn Jared’s head back up toward him, stealing a chaste kiss to the lips. 

Jared chased Evan’s lips, stealing another slightly longer kiss. “Goodbyes suck. It’s not even that deep, I’m gonna see you guys tomorrow. So why the hell does it feel so shitty?”

Evan shrugged. “Maybe making out in the car wasn’t a good idea. You need closure.”

Jared scoffed. “Making out in the car was a _fantastic_ idea.”

Connor hummed thoughtfully. “I don’t know. You seem to be having withdrawals.”

Jared laughed. “Oh? Maybe I need another fix, then.”

Connor shook his head at Jared’s complete shamelessness. “As tempting as that sounds, babe, you have somewhere to be, and I don’t really want to be caught again.”

Jared flushed bright red, caught off guard by the pet name. “Yeah, that's fair,” he coughed slightly. “You still owe me a goodbye kiss, though.” He hoped they wouldn't say anything about his once again flustered state.

“Of course.” Connor turned some more to meet Jared halfway for a quick kiss. After pulling away, he placed his hand on Jared’s overly warm and reddened cheek and smirked, but didn’t comment.

Jared cleared his throat, reluctantly popping open the door. He stuck a leg out, pausing before getting out of the car completely. He leaned forward quickly one more time, stealing a final kiss. “I’ll tell you guys if anything happens,” He promised, a timid smile of reassurance. “Ev, you have your keys, right? You two should probably get out of here, they'll be back soon.”

Evan dug into his pocket to produce a single key. It wasn’t even on a ring. “Go. We’ll be fine.”

Jared nodded, lingering for a second longer before grabbing his backpack and getting out. He made a beeline for the front door, only looking back to wave goodbye before pulling the door shut behind him.

Evan sighed. “Bye, I guess,” he said to Connor, scooting over so he could get out of the car. 

“Bye.” Connor was still a bit worried about Jared, about Evan too, but he knew that if he said anything, it would only worry Evan. He just hoped that Jared would keep his promise to call if anything went wrong.

Evan stopped and leaned forward, kissing Connor on the cheek. “See you tomorrow.” He hopped out with his backpack and scurried to his own car.

Connor relaxed a bit at the kiss. Things would be fine. Or at least, they wouldn’t be terrible. Driving away from the Kleinman house, Connor told himself that they’d at least be okay. They’d see each other tomorrow morning.

———

It was pretty obvious, when Jared found himself tumbling through Connor's bedroom window at 2 in the morning, that things hadn't gone amazing with his parents. It hadn't gone bad, but it also hadn't gone well. He had tried calling Evan, and going over to his house, but when he got there he found Evan asleep. He didn't want to wake him up with his problems, so he left. He knew Connor hadn't actually intended for Jared to come over when he offered his house, but Jared was on a mission.

When Jared fell into Connor’s room, he was shocked to say the least. Thankfully, he hadn’t been asleep, the book that Jared had gotten him the previous week still open in his lap, but he certainly hadn’t been expecting a 2AM visitor. He scrambled for his phone to check for any calls that he missed, cursing himself silently for not turning on the sound. “Jared? What happened?”

Jared huffed, sitting up and straightening himself out. He looked up at Connor, face set in a serious expression and eyes desperate. “I need you to fuck me.”

Connor froze, staring at Jared, his phone still in his hand. Jared looked serious. Or as serious as someone who looked like they had been crying and then pushed down a flight of stairs could look. Connor silently thanked his dad for never making good on his promise to cut down the tree outside his window. Connor consciously closed his mouth, realizing that he’d been gaping like a goddamn fish. He tried to speak. “I- you- what?”

Jared's body was tense, he flicked his eyes over to glare at the wall. “They don't _believe_ me.”

Connor blinked in confusion. “They don’t believe you? About what?”

Jared grimaced fiercely. “They don't _believe_ that I'm gay. They said there was no way I could really be sure. They asked how I knew it wasn't- wasn't a fucking _phase_.”

Connor frowned. “That’s fucking bullshit.” He moved his book to the side table and slid to one side of the bed so that Jared could sit if he felt like it. Connor decided that he really fucking hated Jared’s parents.

“Right?! So that's why- I want you to fuck me.” He paused, cheeks reddening and voice growing quieter. “Please.”

Connor felt his mouth dry up. Jared saying that, looking so _needy_ really turned him on. His instant reaction was to say yes, but he hesitated. “I don’t-“ He cleared his throat quickly. “I don’t really think those are the right reasons to..” he trailed off. Jared obviously needed this, but he was also obviously emotional.

Jared's eyes turned desperate as he pulled his knees to his chest. “I mean, I want to anyway, but… I need to do this, Connor. I have to- to _prove_ to them that I know who I am. Even if they won't know, _I_ will. And I love you, so I want to.” He shrugged pitifully, knowing his reasoning wasn't the strongest. “But I'm not going to force you into anything.”

“I-“ Connor paused again. Fuck, could he not even get a sentence out? Connor searched Jared for any signs that he didn’t mean what he said. Connor had just begun to believe that Jared did love him, and him walking to his house in the middle of the night pretty much cemented that fact, so why the hell shouldn't they? Jared obviously needed the comfort. Connor cleared his throat again. It was way too dry. “Okay.”

Jared perked up, crawling closer to Connor. “Okay? Okay as in okay?”

“Okay.” Connor confirmed, before leaning forward and capturing Jared’s lips in a kiss.

Jared's eyes instantly fluttered closed, hands moving up to wind in Connor's hair. He pulled away to smile sincerely at him. “I love you,” he reiterated. “Thank you. For doing this.”

Connor smiled back, placing his hands on Jared’s hips. He tilted his head and began to press quick kisses to Jared’s jaw. “You don’t have to thank me.”

Jared let out a pleased sigh at the kisses. “Still.” His breathing was speeding up and he could feel himself flushing. He pulled Connor back up into another kiss, this time gently urging his back until he fell against the bed. Jared climbed on top of him, straddling his hips. “Thank you.”

Connor grunted softly as his back hit the mattress. He kept his hands on Jared’s hips, squeezing softly. “You’re welcome,” he whispered, not knowing what else to say without pouring his heart out and ruining the mood Jared was trying to set.

Jared smiled, leaning down to connect their lips in a slow, hot kiss. One of his hands moved to Connor's hair, the other pressed into the bed by his head so that Jared could hold himself up. “You had a really nice reaction in the car earlier,” he teased when he finally pulled away, his fingers lightly trailing down Connor's inner arm.

Connor huffed out a quiet laugh, hoping that Jared couldn’t see his blush in the dim lighting. “I can’t believe you can read what I like so easily.”

Jared smiled, lacing their fingers together. “Just took a guess, really. Turned out to be a good one.”

Connor ran his thumb up and down the back of Jared’s hand for a moment. “Seems like it’s my turn to guess, then.” He grinned and pushed up against Jared with his hips, turning them over so that Jared was underneath, his head against the pillow.

Jared gasped, a whimper escaping his throat. “Connor,” he breathed, looking up at him with hooded eyes. Jared tried to roll his hips back up into Connor's again.

Connor pushed his hips down in turn, giving Jared some relief. He began to pepper kisses down the side of Jared’s neck. He spoke softly between kisses, “You’ve got to be quiet, if we’re going to do this.”

Jared panted, biting back another whimper. He nodded, hands coming up to tug at Connor's shirt.

Connor pulled his head up and let Jared tug his shirt off before leaning down again and beginning to suck a mark right behind Jared’s ear. It wouldn’t be easy to cover up, but that was the point.

Jared let out a quiet moan before he could stop it. One of his hands returned to Connor's hair, tugging it. Then he did it again, harder, as he remembered his discovery that morning.

Connor shuddered. “Fuck,” he whispered. He rolled his hips against Jared’s in retaliation and snuck his hands up and under Jared’s t-shirt.

Jared quickly pulled his shirt off, trying to push away his insecurities as best he could. Then, trying to keep Connor from looking at his body too closely, he brought his legs up, wrapping them around Connor's hips. Jared sucked in a hiss at the pressure created by the action.

Connor gave a muffled groan. He wanted nothing more to grind into Jared and turn him into a whimpering mess, but he wanted to make sure that Jared knew that this was more than that, even if he couldn’t voice it. Connor forced his eyes open and ran his hands up and down Jared’s sides. He kissed his boyfriend sweetly, using one hand to pull Jared’s glasses off and put them on the bedside table, out of the way. He pulled away, less than an inch, and murmured against Jared’s lips. “You’re beautiful.”

Jared let out a choked sigh, looking back at Connor with pure adoration. He'd never been called beautiful before. Jared brought the hand that wasn't tangled in Connor's hair up to his cheek, leaning up to press a sweet, loving kiss on his lips. “God, I love you so much,” he breathed, slightly winded by the sheer volume of emotion. “I'm glad you agreed to go out with me that night.”

“So am I.” Connor didn’t know what else to say. He felt so full of emotion at the moment that he didn’t know what to do with it all. He kissed Jared again, this time coaxing his mouth open slowly while he pressed him down onto the bed. He found one of his hands moving from Jared’s soft skin to clasp at his thigh wrapped around Connor’s hips.

Jared's breath stuttered at the hand on his leg, a shudder running down his spine. He could really do without the pants right now. Jared opened his mouth under Connor's, allowing him to lead the kiss. His hand tugged at Connor's hair again, whining quietly. He felt like he was practically shaking with these sensations. It was like Connor was somehow making him drunk off of emotions. The whole thing felt… sweetly sensitive.

Connor shuddered at the hand in his hair combined with Jared’s soft noises. God, he wished his entire family wasn’t home so that his boyfriend could be a bit more vocal. Connor’s hand moved up Jared’s thigh with a purpose, while his other explored Jared’s chest. He wanted to learn everything that would get noises out of him, but Jared really needed this, and for them to get the hell on with it. He popped the button on Jared’s jeans.

\-------

Jared woke up to Connor's alarm the next morning, grumbling tiredly and rolling over to try and get away from the sound so that he could go back to sleep. Instead, he ended up rolling into Connor's side. He didn't bother moving off of him.

Connor blinked awake as Jared buried his head in Connor’s side like it would mute the alarm. He felt his face break into a soft smile. Something he wasn’t sure he could define bubbled up in his chest. “Jared,” he said softly, his voice cracking and throat a bit raw with sleep.

Jared just whined pitifully, already pouting at the idea of getting up. “Don't wanna,” he grumbled, tossing an arm over Connor's middle lazily.

Connor chuckled lightly and placed a kiss to Jared’s forehead. “You have to at least get off of me so that I can turn the alarm off.”

Jared probably whined more at that than he did getting up. “Don’t _wanna_.”

Connor sighed and pulled his arm out from under Jared, reaching around him as far as he could and thankfully turning off the blaring alarm. “There. You still have to get up, though.”

Jared huffed, eyes still closed and mouth fixed in an exaggerated pout. “Why must you hurt me so, Connard.”

It was probably the worst timing ever, but then again, Connor had never had good timing. Or been good with social cues at all. You probably weren’t supposed to realize that you were in love with someone when you were naked in bed on a Tuesday morning. He poked Jared’s cheek. “Get up.”

Jared sighed dramatically, rolling over onto his back and throwing an arm over his forehead dramatically. “Oh but I can’t! Not until a beautiful prince kisses me awake.”

Connor grinned. If he kept this up, he’d get smile lines. He turned on his side and leaned in to kiss Jared slowly.

Jared sighed softly into the kiss, lazily blinking open his eyes with a smile as Connor pulled away. “Well good morning, beautiful prince.”

Connor smiled back. “Morning.” He gently pushed his hand through Jared’s short hair, admiring his bedhead.

Jared smiled back, allowing himself a moment to relish in the soft calmness enveloping the pair of them. “Connor Murphy,” he mused, voice light. “One of the two softest boys I’ve ever met. You work that facade of yours really well, you know? No one would figure that you’d be so… gentle. I’m so glad I get to know.”

Connor felt his cheeks heat up slightly. He was quick to defend himself. “Yeah, well, it’s only because I lo-“

Suddenly there was a pounding at the door. “ _Connor!_ Get up, we’re going to be late!”

Jared's eyes widened, his head snapping to the door. He felt himself somehow pale and blush at the same time. What if they had actually come in?! God, that would certainly be an interesting encounter. Jared whipped back around to look at Connor again. “Shit, Con!” Jared whispered urgently. “How the hell is this gonna happen?! I can't exactly climb out of the window in broad daylight.”

Connor’s expression darkened. He called out to the door. “I’ll be out in a minute!” He buried his face in his hands. “Shit.” He scoured his mind for an easy way out of this. “Well, I can give you some of my clothes but..” He couldn’t think of anything that would get Jared out of the house without being seen. “I guess you’re meeting my parents.”

Jared took a second to process what Connor said. When he did, however, he nearly shrieked in alarm. “This is, like, the _worst_ possible way to be introduced! ‘Hi Mom, Hi Dad, this is the nerd I fucked last night, he's still here, how's breakfast?!’”

Connor groaned, running his hands through his hair. “I don’t know what else to do. I can try to sneak you out, but there’s no way in hell Zoe wouldn’t say something. And my mom is always nosy in the mornings. We’ll just have to try our luck.”

Jared took a deep breath, getting ready to steel himself for the encounters they would be inevitably having. He paused to look back at Connor with big eyes and the expression of a worried child. “Do you think they'll like me?”

“If I’m being honest, probably not.”

Jared winced. “Great.”

Connor sighed. “It’s not you. They won’t like you just because you’re associated with me.” He got up and began rummaging through his drawers for a clean shirt.

Jared's wince morphed into a grimace. “That seems kinda not cool.” He paused, grimace faltering slightly as his lips twitched up into a smile. “Nice ass.”

Connor rolled his eyes, pulling on a shirt. “I know. You said so last night.” He tossed a dark gray shirt at Jared’s head.

Jared grabbed it, slipping it on without hesitation. “You seemed to enjoy my ass quite a bit last night, too,” he teased lightly, eyes glues to Connor's body. He suddenly let out a soft sigh that was tinged with longing. “If Evan were here this would be totally perfect.” He pouted to himself.

Connor paused, where he had been putting on a pair of jeans. “Yeah. It really would.” He couldn’t help but feel like they had left Evan out of something. He shook the thought from his head and continued getting dressed. It wasn’t like they were cheating on him.

Jared sighed again. “It doesn't feel complete without him here. But I talked to him yesterday when we were in the car and he said he wasn't ready to do anything quite this intimate yet, and that he was fine with us doing it without him. I told him that we understood, obviously, but I still feel bad about not having him here with us.” Jared grimaced. “But then if he _was_ here, I would feel bad about making him be involved in something he isn't comfortable with.”

Connor nodded sympathetically. “Me too.” He bit his lip. “We can hang out with him after school.” Connor stood up. “Come on. We have to get going, or Zoe will burst in here.”

Jared snorted. “Well that would definitely be quite a sight, considering you never gave me any pants.”

Connor huffed. “I can’t do everything. Besides, none of mine will fit you. Except-“ Connor turned and pulled open his bottommost drawer and digging for a moment before pulling out a pair of black sweatpants with little stars all over them. “Here.” He threw them to Jared.

Jared quirked an eyebrow, pulling them on anyway. “Cute,” he declared. “Who knew you have a cute side? I'm learning all kinds on things.”

“They aren’t cute. This is exactly why I didn’t invite you over here before this.”

Jared scoffed indignantly. “Wow, rude. Don't bully them, they're super cute! And if I get to see you in your comfort zone like this, maybe I should climb in your window at night more often.”

Connor rolled his eyes and pulled Jared off the bed and to his feet. “Maybe. Next time bring Evan, though. He won’t make fun of my old clothes.”

Jared smiled fondly. “He'd look adorable in them, is what he'd do.”

“So do you.” Connor kissed Jared’s forehead quickly. “Okay, heads up, my mom, Cynthia, is overbearing and thinks that if I did yoga, it would cure my depression. My father, who should be gone by now anyway, is a massive fucking jerk, and Zoe is just Zoe, but not the happy school version.”

Jared's expression once again turned anxious as he nodded. “Got it. Anything I could do or say to lessen what's about to happen when we go out there?”

Connor shrugged, trying to hide his own nerves. “Just stay quiet. I’ll deflect questions. And we’ll be out of here as fast as possible.”

Jared gulped, slipping on his shoes. “Okay, well, I guess I’m ready whenever you are.”

Connor took a deep breath, steeling himself for what was to come, and opened the door. Things were quiet as they made their way downstairs. Connor was beginning to think that they’d make it out of the house without any problem at all when Zoe’s voice rang out from around the corner.

“Connor? Get your food and hurry up, because I’m not being tardy aga-“ She stopped short as she came into the hallway and saw Jared. She blinked in confusion, looking to Connor for some sort of explanation. He opened his mouth to answer, but she had already turned back to Jared, her eyes on the borrowed sweatpants. “Oh my god.”

Jared had the decency to blush, raising a hand to wave awkwardly.

Zoe turned to Connor. “What is Jared Kleinman doing in our house? In your clothes?”

Connor crossed his arms. “Keep your voice down. He needed a place to stay for the night.” That was not a direct lie, so he was not breaking his promise to Evan.

Zoe gave Jared one more once over out of the corner of her eye. “Whatever. Mom’s been asking about you, so don’t think you can just sneak out.”

Jared winced at the words unconsciously stepping closer to Connor.

Connor huffed angrily. “Is Larry-“

Zoe cut him off. “Already left, like ten minutes ago. Just go tell mom that you’re alive and not skipping.” She wanted to tack something on about how Connor had obviously gotten laid last night, but just thinking about it sort of made her sick.

Connor rolled his eyes but started in the direction of the kitchen, motioning for Jared to follow. He wouldn’t dare leave him at the mercy of his little sister. That would go terribly. When they got to the kitchen, Cynthia was bustling about, not really doing much of anything. She didn’t usually bother to make breakfast on weekdays, for which Connor was grateful. He cleared his throat, ready to get this out of the way. “Mom. I’m leaving.”

Cynthia turned, a bright smile on her face. “Oh, Connor, I’m so proud of you, I thought that you were going to skip again, you know, I-“ she swallowed her words when she saw Jared. “Who’s this…?”

Jared lifted his hand for another awkward wave. “Uh… Jared,” he offered lamely, unsure what to do.

Cynthia turned to Connor for further explanation.

Connor shifted awkwardly. “This is Jared, my… This is Jared. I’m driving him to school.” He really hoped that she didn’t recognize or mention the clothes Jared had on.

Cynthia broke into a bright smile. “Oh! You must be one of the friends that Connor mentioned. I’ve heard so much about you.” She really hadn’t heard much of anything about him. She grabbed Jared’s hand and shook it eagerly. “Were you the one Connor ran off to help last Friday? That was so sweet of him.”

Connor rolled his eyes, pressing his nails into his palm. This was so goddamn fake it almost hurt. Almost. It would have if he had expected anymore. “We’re going to be late.”

Jared smiled at Connor's mother politely, looking over his shoulder to shook Connor a pleading look. Jared was, honestly, too terrified to open his mouth.

Connor met Jared’s eyes with complete understanding and sympathy. He wished he could just stay quiet through the entire encounter. “We’re going now.”

“Wh- So soon? But you haven’t even had breakfast. That’s a terrible way to treat a guest, Connor,” Cynthia scolded.

Connor grabbed Jared by the arm and turned to leave. “We’ll get something at school.” He pulled Jared out of the room as quickly as he could, barely making it out the door before she called after him again.

“Well, we’d love to have you over for dinner sometime, Jared!” Connor didn’t bother to respond as he pulled Jared the rest of the way out of the house and all the way to his car.

Jared slipped into the passenger seat easily, biting back a laugh. “There's no way she didn't see the hickeys, right?”

Connor groaned and got in the car as well, dropping his head to the steering wheel. “I hate my family.”

Jared grinned, laughing lightly. “Well, don't worry about it. One day your family will just be me and Evan.” Jared felt a spike of anxiety as he realized what he was implying, but he didn't try to contradict himself.

Connor felt himself relax, his muscles untensing. “I’d like that. I’d like that a lot.” He reached down and started the car.


	35. Intermission (Chapter 35)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan reflects.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little secret mini chapter I decided to write because Connor fucked Jared and Evan needed some screentime

_Dear Evan Hansen,_

_Today_ is _going to be a good day, and here’s why—_

 _For the first time since middle school, I feel like people care about what I have to say. People_ listen _to me. I’m a little behind on these letters, but I think that’s fine. I think it’s excused._

_A lot’s been going on. This already feels a little out of order, but I’m excited. I have friends. Zoe Murphy lets me sit with her at lunch sometimes, and Alana Beck has started to let me talk instead of interrupting. That’s a big step. Jared’s talking to me again._

Actually _talking to me. I think I should start at the beginning._

_I didn’t put any of this in my last two letters. I think it’s time._

_Connor Murphy signed my cast on the first day of senior year. Connor Murphy who had no friends, and who everyone seemed to hate signed my cast in the hallway after I had a near-panic-attack experience. Maybe it was because he felt bad for me, or maybe because I tried to defend him from Jared. I don’t know. But he read my letter that afternoon. I lied to him about it. I said it was for psychology._

_We don’t have a psychology class. I’m a bad liar._

_We talked for a while. Mostly about Jared. He said we could be friends, though, maybe. I wanted to be. I really wanted that._

_I got a weird email that night. Someone emailed me using an anonymous account. They told me they wished they could be better for me. They told me I was beautiful._

_They told me they loved me._

_I didn’t know who it was. I thought it was Connor, or maybe Jared, but then I got another email, from Connor’s school account._

_He found out I lied about a psychology class. But despite my every fear, he wasn’t mad. He said he wanted to make this friend thing work out. He was also the first person to tell me he’d notice if I disappeared._

_Jared signed my cast the next day. I didn’t think he would. It was nice until he drew an obscene picture. He turned it into a cactus, though. He remembered I have an affinity toward flora. More like an obsession. Anyway–_

_That was the day Jared started apologizing._

_Connor gave me a tree shaped air freshener. The gesture was sweet, but it was meant to get the smell of his pot off my clothes. I thought I’d ruined our chance at friendship when I rambled to him about cacti at lunch that day. It didn’t seem to anger him, though. He even asked me more questions. That was a first._

_It didn’t last. He left angrily. I don’t remember why._

_I started getting notes in my locker. Numbered, with compliments. One each day. I keep them in my pocket. They make me feel like I’m a part of something._

_Connor and I went to Jared’s house that weekend. His parents were out of town. I should have seen the signs when Jared kept calling me hot, but I guess I didn’t want to. He complimented me on the stubble I’d forgotten to shave. Many times. Things escalated. I got tipsy. Don’t call the cops. We played Spin the Bottle, which was kinda weird. I was a straight guy playing a kissing game with two other guys._

_Needless to say, my first kiss was Jared._

_Connor and Jared started dating that weekend. I felt happy for them. They were cute together._

_Connor and I had a falling out due to a little miscommunication. Meaning, I panicked and lied to him again. He gave me a plant as an apology. He shouldn’t have. I named it Bingo anyway._

_Zoe signed my cast, too. Her handwriting is way too pretty to be real. I wondered how long it took for her to master it._

_Anyway, back on track. Things changed that day. Connor took Jared and I to a special place. An orchard. His secret getaway. It was astonishingly beautiful. It really was a picture perfect afternoon. The field was overgrown, but it looked so natural. I liked the wildflowers. Jared and Connor had their first fight at that orchard, but I think I helped, because they made up and we went out for ice cream on the way home._

_I had another panic in the car, though. Jared tried to help, but tickling really isn’t as fun as people think. We made up afterward, so it was fine._

_I like making up with Jared. It sure beats thinking he’s always mad at me._

_That was only after I made a mistake, though. I wrote another of these letters that night. It was...not good. I meant to send it to my email so I could print it at school._

_I sent it to Connor instead._

_I hid in my car the next day during lunch. I didn’t want to know he read it. Zoe found me. We talked, and it was refreshing. Then mistake number two happened. I sent Connor my location on accident._

_But it turned out okay. I think that was the beginning of it all, for real. Connor took me back to the orchard. We had a heart to heart._

_Then he kissed me. And then I kissed him. And like that dumb book every nerd reads in middle school, in that moment, I swear we were infinite._

_Until he pushed me. My fault. I shouldn’t have kissed him again. I panicked. But then Jared texted us both, and we left. Connor told me he’d tell Jared the truth. He and I both didn’t want Connor to feel like he was cheating on him._

_Jared gave each of us a bag of gifts. Mine were sweet. I think I cried. He had a letter, too. It said his camp friends were fake. It said he was trying to be nicer. For_ me. 

_I keep that letter in my pocket with the notes from my locker._

_I ended up spilling the beans about Connor and I. It was a mistake. An accident. Neither of them were mad. I think about that sometimes. They told me about a thing called bisexuality._

_I am a raging bisexual. It means I like girls and boys just the same. I questioned my crush on Zoe Murphy. I don’t think it was real._

_Alana Beck signed my cast. The fourth person to. She also told me to date Jared and Connor both. I ignored her. Not a good idea._

_Jared took me to his special place. A tower in the woods. It was different from Connor’s, but still more beautiful than anything. He had a fridge and blankets and candles and everything up there. I wish I had somewhere special I could take him and Connor. I just don’t. Anyway. Jared had glass positioned so the whole place lit up with the sunset. I kissed him._

_He told me he loved me and I kissed him._

_Everything moved so fast since then. We invited Connor to the tower. I started dating them both. Alana was right. And I really like kissing boys. That sort of turned into a predicament. Jared’s parents caught us. He stayed with me that night. That was two nights ago. Last night, I assume he stayed home. I don’t think his parents are happy. I hope he’s okay. I think he needs time._

_Going back over this, I realize I say ‘I think’ a lot. Maybe it’s time to know instead._

_I know today is going to be a good day. I know I matter to people now. I know someone’s there to listen. I know they’d notice if I disappeared. Things did change._

_I also know something different. I know I love Jared Kleinman. I just don’t know when to tell him. Or how. I just can’t find the words. But now I know we’re not a million worlds apart like we used to be. That’s a miracle._

_I know I’m getting there with Connor. He’s softer than people think. If they could see him like I do, they’d like him. I know that, too._

_I know I want to be alive. I hope you do, too. It’s a roundabout way of writing this letter, but you’re me, so you won’t mind._

_Have a great day. I know it will be._

_Sincerely,_  
_Your best and most dearest friend,_  
_Me_

Evan shut his laptop and stepped out of his car, into the sun-lit parking lot of the school.


	36. Chapter 36

Jared sat in the passenger seat, staring out the window. The night before had been good. Incredibly good. But not what Jared had been expecting. “I always imagined you'd be the type to only be able to fuck, but I was wrong.” They had had sex, but they had _not_ fucked.

Connor frowned slightly, furrowing his brow. He kept his eyes on the road. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Personally, he had thought last night went well. Jared hadn’t been complaining then.

Jared blushed, smiling slightly. “It was too emotional to be 'fucking’. It was more like–” He blushed harder. “It was really good, anyway.”

Connor felt his cheeks warming as well. He hadn’t mean to get so caught up last night, looking back on it, it was pretty stupid how emotional he’d gotten. He cleared his throat. “Yeah.” He glanced at Jared out of the corner of his eye before looking back at the road. “Promise it won’t be like that next time.”

Jared laughed slightly, shaking his head. “It's not a bad thing, Con. I wasn't complaining. Just making an observation.”

Connor avoided the reassurance. “Shouldn’t this conversation be going the other way? You were the virgin, not me.”

Jared's eyebrows shot up. “Oh? And what does that have to do with it? I feel like someone might be deflecting.” Jared bit his lip. “You weren't a virgin, huh? Tell me about that,” he coaxed. “Who else's pants have you gotten into?”

Connor rolled his eyes. “It’s none of your-“ He cut himself off, biting the inside of his cheek. It sort of was Jared’s business. “No one important.” He decided to leave it at that, they were pulling into the school anyway.

Jared hummed. “I’ll get a name out of you one day, Murphy.”

Connor pulled into a parking spot. “Sure you will.” He began to scan the crowd of students for Evan.

Jared shrugged. “Text him,” he said, already knowing what Connor was doing. 

Connor pulled his phone out of his pocket and typed out a message to Evan.

C: _Where are you?_

The reply was immediate. 

E: _Sitting outside my car, where are you?_

C: _Sitting in my car. We’ll be over in a second._

Connor turned to Jared. “He’s by his car.”

Jared nodded. “Well what are we waiting for, then? Let's go find our boy.”

Connor shoved his phone back into his pocket and turned off the car. He got out and waited for Jared before walking in the direction that he knew Evan parked his car.

Eventually, Evan saw them coming. He waved from his spot seated against his tire. “Hi!”

Connor smiled slightly at Evan’s enthusiasm. He dropped his bag onto the ground and sat to Evan’s right. “Hey.”

“Wow, you both got here at the same time! That’s crazy!”

“Well, actually..” Connor cleared his throat. “Jared stayed at my house last night.”

“Oh!” Evan’s smile faltered slightly as he glanced at Jared and then back at Connor. “C-Cool, like a sleepover?”

Jared frowned in confusion. “Evan, did you not read the note I left? It was on your bedside table.”

“You broke into my house?”

Jared scoffed. “Heidi gave me a spare key when we were in middle school.”

“I didn’t know about that! And I didn’t see anything, I was distracted this morning.” Evan didn’t want to think about someone watching him in his sleep. 

Jared frowned slightly. “I.. tried to call. And when I came over you were already asleep. I didn't want to bother you. Especially with what I was thinking at that point. I didn't want to pressure you or scare you, so I went to Connor's. Um.. my parents… they- they didn't.. _believe_ that I’m gay. They said I was probably confused and had no real way of knowing. So, uh, I- Well… I proved it? We had sex, Evan.”

Evan’s eyes widened and he was already blushing like he’d been told something he shouldn’t know. “O-Oh…! Good for you!” Right? He really hadn’t been expecting that. 

Connor tried to meet Evan’s eyes. “That’s.. that’s okay, right? Jared said you said-“ he cut himself off. No need to ramble, really. “We did miss you, though.”

Jared nodded in agreement. “We missed you a lot. But, I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable or-” Jared sighed. “We really missed you.”

Evan blinked. “You did?”

“Of course.” Connor smirked slightly. “Jared almost cried this morning because you weren’t there to give him a good morning kiss.”

Evan’s smile slowly returned. “Really?” He looked back at Jared. 

Jared pouted, puffing his cheeks out. “ _Maybe_ ,” he mumbled, dropping down to finally sit with the other two.

Evan was finally grinning again. “Aw,” he cooed. “I missed you too.”

Jared's pout cracked into a small smile. “Kiss?”

Evan snickered. “From me?”

Jared smacked his shoulder lightly. “Evan, come on! Kiss.”

“Fine,” Evan said in mock annoyance, confident enough to pull Jared closer by his shoulder and nearly smash their lips together.

Jared's eyes fell closed instantly, his cheeks warming slightly. He pressed back equally as hard, eventually pulling away with a soft sigh. “I'm not the only one who missed your kisses, you know.”

Evan smiled softly and whipped around toward Connor. “You too?”

Connor looked up, pretending to consider it for a moment. “Maybe a little.”

“Just a little?” Evan pouted. 

“Okay, a lot,” Connor amended before leaning in to kiss Evan softly.

Evan kissed Connor with the same softness as Connor had initiated with. He didn’t know what to do with his hands, so this time they sort of twitched out by his sides. 

Jared smiled, reaching out to take Evan's hands in his own. This felt right.

Evan felt his heart skip a beat. Perfect. He hardly felt left out, now. Though, he knew he’d told Jared it was fine to leave him out of certain things. 

Connor pulled back slowly and smiled. “That’s better.”

Evan nodded in agreement. “Totally.” 

Jared smiled at the pair of them. “Now _this_ is perfect.”

“Too bad we have class in a few minutes,” Evan mumbled, ruining the moment. 

Connor’s smile faltered. “We could always skip, you know.” He’d had an extremely good streak of coming to class lately. If he kept it up, people would start expecting it.

“Skip _again_? I dunno.” Evan had enjoyed their time together at the orchard, but he didn’t want to get into trouble with his mother. 

Jared hummed. “I wouldn't mind. I don't have my backpack, anyway.”

“Jared!” Evan exclaimed. He couldn’t understand how someone could be so unprepared for school. It was like Jared _didn’t_ have the constant mental reminder to make sure he was ready every ten minutes.

Jared held up his hands in surrender. “Hey, I wasn't exactly in my house when I woke up. I didn't really have much of anything on, actually.”

“God, Jared.” Evan sighed. “What would we even do? You guys are probably tired from...You guys are probably tired.”

Connor shook his head. “Nah, we got like.. four straight hours of sleep.”

“Only four?!”

“He climbed in my window at like 2AM.”

“Jeez.”

Jared smiled unapologetically, shrugging.

Connor sighed. “I guess we can stay. You guys are probably getting bored of just going to the Orchard every three days.” He knew that he would. Jared must be, at least.

“I–I was actually kind of getting on board,” Evan admitted. 

Connor blinked. “Oh. Well, in that case, Jared’s driving.”

Evan beamed. “You can sit in the back with me!” He was trying to make it seem like he hadn’t just made a horrible decision. 

Jared smiled, nodding. “Fine with me.”

Connor pushed himself to his feet and held his hands out for the other two. “Come on, then. Before the bell rings.”

Jared took his hand, pulling himself up easily. “Hell yeah, gay day!”

Evan smiled nervously. He really couldn’t believe he’d just agreed to this. Nonetheless, he took Connor’s other hand and stood up. 

Connor gently released their hands, all too aware of the other students nearby. “We can take my car?”

Jared nodded. “Fine with me.”

Evan smiled. “Yeah, that’s fine.”

“Good.” Connor really hadn’t wanted to have the ‘I brought up skipping so I’m paying gas money’ conversation. He grabbed his things and led the way back over to his car.

Evan wished he had a place he could bring Jared and Connor instead of relying on them to share their special areas, but it just wasn’t realistic. So, when they got to Connor’s car, he asked, “What exactly are we doing?”

Connor shrugged, pulling out his keys and handing them to Jared. “We can go anywhere you want, I guess.” He wanted to leave options open for the other two so that they wouldn’t get bored with the Orchard and Á La Mode. They had only been once all together so far, but those were usually the only places he went when skipping.

Jared smiled, slipping into the driver's seat. “I'm down with anything.”

“That really doesn’t answer my question at all.” Evan slid into the back seat. 

Connor followed Evan into the back seat. “I don’t know where you want to go, and I’m not driving, so it’s really not up to me.”

Evan looked ahead at Jared. “Guess he’s picking.”

Jared scoffed, pouting. “I dunno! I'm fine with the orchard!”

“So am I!” came Evan’s voice. 

“Then we’ll go to the Orchard.”

Jared nodded. “Orchard it is, then.” He started up the car, easily pulling out of the parking lot.

“The Orchard is nice,” Evan said to fill the growing silence. 

Jared nodded in agreement. “I’m glad Connor showed it to us.”

Connor felt pride swell in his chest. They liked his place, even if it was overgrown and abandoned. Even though the Orchard wasn’t much, it sort of felt like a part of him. Somewhere he’d known his whole life, and they liked it. He moved his hand to cover Evan’s in the seat between them. “I’m glad you like it.”

Evan looked up at Connor. He smiled. “Top 3 Evan’s Favorite Places.”

Connor snorted, adjusting his hand so that he could hold Evan’s properly. “Oh yeah? What are the other two?”

“Jared’s place and–” Evan cut himself off. “Maybe just top two.”

Connor watched Evan for a moment. “Sounds like there’s three to me.” He didn’t press for Evan to tell him. If he didn’t want to share it, Connor really shouldn’t push.

“Two,” Evan reiterated. “Just two.”

Connor dropped it, turning to look out the window. He tried not to focus on the fact that Evan didn’t want to open up to him, or that Jared probably knew exactly what the place was, instead he focused on Evan’s hand and pushed the rest out of his mind.

Evan didn’t want to think about Ellison State Park. The memories had all been corrupted by his own inability to make the right decisions. He stared at Connor’s hand and let the sounds of the road calm his irritated heartbeat.


	37. Chapter 37

They arrived at the orchard with minimal time lost from Jared getting lost. They had only had to take two small detours, which Jared counted as a win.

Evan grinned as he saw the trees from the window. “Finally!”

Connor watched out the window as Jared pulled to a stop. His hand was still in Evan’s, neither of them having moved much during the entire ride. It was nearly ten now, and Connor turned to look at the back of the seat that Jared sat in. “Maybe Jared shouldn’t drive us places anymore.”

“I think he did fine,” Evan said. 

Jared pouted. “I did fine!”

“Right, okay, Jared.” Connor dropped the sarcastic tone after a second thought. “I don’t really mean that.” That had sounded too harsh. “Thanks for driving.” He cleared his throat. Yeah that was enough talking for now.

Jared snorted. “Thank me with your lips instead and we'll call it even.”

Connor pulled his hand from Evan’s and leaned forward to give Jared a quick kiss. “We good?”

Jared grinned. “Absolutely.”

“Then let’s go.” Connor kissed Jared on the cheek one more time before leaning back and opening the door.

Evan had hopped out immediately after Connor let go of his hand. “I hope there’s still flowers left over from last time.”

Jared shrugged as he stepped out as well. “Probably.”

Connor’s mind immediately snapped back to the last time they were at the Orchard, Evan’s lips warm and sure against his under that tree. “I’m sure there are plenty.”

Evan smiled. “No one’s leaving until they have a flower crown.”

Jared snickered. “Evan, you're the human equivalent of a flower crown.”

“Thanks!” Evan scurried ahead. 

Connor didn’t think he’d ever get tired of how carefree Evan became here. He followed close behind. “Does that mean we’re finally getting Jared into a flower crown?”

Jared's eyebrows shot up. “We're doing what now?”

“You heard me.” Connor shot Jared a look. “I’ve had two already, it’s your turn.”

Jared snorted. “Someone sounds demanding. A fantasy of yours?”

Connor rolled his eyes. “No. And I don’t know what place you have calling me demanding when you literally climbed in my window at 2AM to get me to fuck you.”

Jared scoffed. “You say that like you didn't enjoy it. You weren't complaining when your dick was in my ass.”

Connor crossed his arms, defensively. “Never said I didn’t like it.”

Jared smirked, pulling Connor down with a hand in his shirt collar to kiss him. “Love you, nerd.”

Connor hummed, pressing another kiss to Jared’s lips before leaning back. “We have to catch up with Evan sometime, you know.”

Jared grinned, pulling Connor off to go find Evan.

Evan had found a nice sunny patch of soft grass against a tree whose branches had grown weird, leaving gaps in its shade. He sat cross legged on the ground, waiting patiently for his boyfriends to join him. 

Connor let himself be pulled across the field to where Evan sat. During the quick walk over, Connor marveled at the warm feeling of Jared’s hands and how insanely beautiful Evan looked sitting under the dappled light. Fuck, he was gay for these boys. He shook himself free from the thoughts and sat down with Jared and Evan.

“So, Ev, how did you sleep last night? You were conked out pretty hard when I saw you.” Jared leaned back on his palms, stretching his legs out in front of him.

Evan picked at the grass around him. “Pretty well. Um, I’m a heavy sleeper sometimes. Sorry. I, um, I had a dream about– about you two.”

Jared perked up. “Oh, you did? What happened?”

Connor rested his head on his hands, facing Evan with his legs tucked under him. “Was it good or bad?”

Evan tsked. “Pretty good,” he said sweetly. “You both, um, paid a lot of attention to me, so, yeah, it was good.” He blushed at how selfish he sounded. 

Jared shifted closer to Evan, bumping their shoulders together. “What kind of attention? We'd be glad to perform a reenactment, I'm sure.”

“Nothing special,” Evan muttered. “J-Just kisses, you know? L– Um, love.” He blushed deeper. 

Jared's smile widened. “That can definitely be arranged.” He leaned over, pressing a kiss to Evan's cheek.

Connor slid ever so closer to Evan. “We can do that.” He followed Jared’s lead and kissed Evan’s other cheek.

Evan felt his face grow even warmer. “I-I don’t want to take all the attention,” he said quietly. He couldn’t say he didn’t like it, though. 

Jared snorted. “Well that's a shame, because we want to give you all the attention.” He kissed him again, managing to hit the corner of his lips this time.

Evan was starting to feel really good. Happy. “I-I mean, if you want to…”

Connor tilted his chin up to kiss Evan’s temple. “We do.”

Jared nodded in agreement. “Absolutely we do.” He hooked a finger under Evan's chin, temporarily pulling him away from his flowers in favour of a soft kiss on the lips.

Evan smiled against Jared’s lips. He could really get used to this. He dropped a flower and reached to grab Connor’s hand. 

Connor smiled slightly and interlaced his fingers with Evan’s. He rubbed his thumb in circles on the back of Evan’s hand, making his presence known, but not interrupting the kiss.

Jared pulled away slowly, pausing to press another peck to his lips before pulling away properly.

Evan’s grip on Connor’s hand tightened. His face was incredibly red. “Y-You know I haven’t really earned this, right?”

Jared scoffed, pecking his lips again. “You're right. You've earned way more than this.”

Connor kissed along Evan’s jaw. “Evan, you deserve all of this and more.”

Evan bit his lip, half from anxiety and half from Connor’s path on his jaw. “I haven’t– If anyone does, it’s Jared. H-His parents are mean.”

Jared trailed his fingers down Evan's chest, pressing gentle kisses to his shoulder. “Jared wants to give Evan kisses and attention.”

Connor detached from Evan’s jawline to press a quick kiss to his lips. “Jared can have his turn at endless affection later.”

Jared hummed. “Anyway, you know you don't have to 'earn’ our affection, right? I love you, Ev, that means that attention is not some sort of privilege that you have to work to deserve. It's more like… a commodity.” 

“Don’t you buy commodities?” Evan was confused. 

Jared grinned. “Yeah. You buy affection with more affection.”

“I’m in affection debt now, aren’t I?” Evan pretended to pout. 

Jared kissed Evan again. “Mhm,” he hummed, winking. “One day you'll just have to pay up.”

Evan smiled softly. “I guess I will, huh?” He felt nice. 

Connor pulled his hand gently out of Evan’s grip and wrapped his arm around his waist. “Can’t speak for Jared, but I’m quite alright with giving out affection loans.”

Evan melted into Connor’s touch. “Can I take one out now?”

Connor didn’t respond verbally, but he slowly turned Evan’s face toward him with a finger on his chin. He kissed Evan soft and slow, reminding himself that Evan wanted affection, not for Connor to follow his instincts and push him back against the tree.

Jared watched them with a soft smile, reaching over to brush Connor's hair behind his ear. God, they were both so pretty. 

Connor smiled against Evan’s lips at the gentle touch. They were both too good for him.

Evan softly kissed Connor back. He was cemented in his belief that what he’d written in his most recent letter was completely true. This was what he really wanted. His hand found Jared’s, squeezing gently. 

Connor slowly separated from his boyfriend’s warm lips. “We should reenact your dreams all the time.”

Jared nodded, smiling dopily. “Absolutely. Also, I love you two. Very much. You're both perfect.” Jared was a fucking sap. 

Connor felt his heart melt but he covered it by giving a small laugh and quickly pecking Jared on the lips. “No one’s perfect.”

Jared hummed. “Guess both of you must be no one, then.”

Evan let out a single breathy laugh. “If we’re no one, who are you?”

Jared scrunched up his nose. “I’m gay.”

Evan smiled. “Makes sense.”

Connor leaned back, putting his weight on his arm. “We know, Jare. You’re a big gay sap.” He wasn’t exactly sure how he felt about Jared saying that he was perfect.

“So are you, Connor,” Evan said, grinning. 

Connor knocked his shoulder against Evan’s lightly, his mouth quirked in a half smile. “Guilty to the first part, but I am not a sap.”

Jared snorted. “Yeah, right, and I have 20/20 vision.”

“I bet we can get you to be sappy,” Evan said, a challenge in his eyes. 

Connor blinked in surprise. He quickly schooled his expression back into a smirk. “Oh, you can?”

Jared didn't even hesitate. “Absolutely. Easily.”

Evan nodded. “Effortlessly.”

Connor sat up and crossed his arms in defense. “I am not that easy.”

Jared's lips curled into a wicked smirk. “Wanna bet?”

Connor thought for a split second before nodding. “I bet you and Evan can’t make me act sappy. Because I’m not.”

Evan smiled softly. He brought his hand from Jared’s down to Connor’s, covering it gently. He looked him in the eyes. “You know,” he started, “we like you, like, a lot.” He nodded for emphasis. “Like a whole lot. I’m really glad you’re here with us.” He kept his smile warm and his voice quiet. 

Jared shifted around to Connor's other side, taking his other free hand. He leaned in close, speaking softly in between soft kisses down his cheekbone. “You're so pretty. And so sweet. Last night, you looked so beautiful.”

Connor tried to keep his composure. He really did, but he felt his expression softening as soon as Evan took his hand. He instantly flushed at Jared’s compliments and officially gave up. He squeezed their hands, and his voice came out a bit too high. “You, um- you too. And-“ he cleared his throat, trying to get his voice back to normal. “Me too, Ev.”

Evan shifted in the grass, his expression turning a little more serious. “I mean it,” he whispered. “You told me you knew what it felt like to want to– to disappear. I– I’m glad you’re still here, Connie.” He took a risk with the nickname, but hoped Connor wouldn’t be mad. He’d been holding that in for a while. 

Jared stayed quiet, squeezing Connor's hand.

Connor felt his throat start to close up. He looked away for a second, trying to keep his emotions under check. He was not going to think about that, not right now. He only really told Evan because he needed that reassurance. Connor bit his lip, focusing on other things. “Connie?” He has never really liked that nickname, he had always found it patronizing. But somehow it sounded a bit better when Evan said it.

Evan’s face fell further. “Uh- Sorry, I– I won’t say it again.” He picked at a blade of grass by Jared’s knee. 

Jared nudged him. “He likes it, Ev.”

Connor nodded slightly. “Yeah, no, it’s fine. I don’t mind.”

“Yeah?” Evan’s eyes brightened. 

Connor turned back to face Evan again and the last of his tension left him. “Yeah. You can call me whatever you want, Ev.”

Evan smiled. “Well, same to you. And Jared of course.”

Jared bit his lip. “.... Anything?”

Evan narrowed his eyes. “Anything positive.”

“.....Kinkdaddy420 isn't necessarily _negative_.”

“Jared!”

Connor snorted, “Please, Evan would never be anyone’s daddy.”

Jared snorted. “Right, my bad, Connor is definitely the daddy in this equation.”

“That’s true,” Evan said without thinking. 

Connor wrinkled up his nose, “I w-“ he paused, “Evan, have you been thinking about this or something?”

Evan thought it was a bad time to remember his promise to Connor about staying open and honest in this relationship. “Maybe,” he admitted, his voice small. Surely they wouldn’t judge him, right?

Jared eyed Evan with a smile. “Say it.”

Evan—red as ever—looked at Jared intensely. “Say what?”

Jared jerked his chin in Connor's direction. “Call him daddy.”

Evan squeaked. “Right now?!”

Jared leaned closer, eyes lidded slightly. “I want to see it.” his voice was low.

Connor leaned in a bit too, placing a calming hand on Evan’s leg. “You can do it. It’s fine, baby.”

Evan felt sweaty. He hadn’t expected to be exposed like this. Ever. He didn’t know what to do. It was unbelievably tempting. He didn’t think about consequences. He felt his heart beating hard as he looked Connor in the eyes, his own sparkling. “D-Daddy?”

Jared almost died.

Connor’s eyes darkened, and he squeezed Evan’s thigh lightly. He wasn’t going to lie to himself, that was really fucking hot. “Good boy, Ev,” he said, breathily.

Jared shuddered, letting out a stuttered breath. “Fuck.”

Evan could live with this. There was no room for turning back at this point, so he turned to Jared, making sure Connor’s hand never left his thigh. He looked the shorter boy in the eyes as he had Connor. Was he really about to– Yeah, he was. “Papa?”

Jared thought he might pass out. “ _Fuck_ ,” he breathed, eyes wide. He didn't know he was into this shit.

Connor almost felt like laughing at Jared’s pale expression. Almost, but not quite. He ran his thumb in slow circles on Evan’s thigh.

Evan reflexively leaned back onto Connor’s shoulder. A little noise escaped his throat. It was too quiet. Why wasn’t Connor saying anything? “Daddy?” he prompted. 

Connor hummed softly. “Yes, baby?” He kissed Evan’s neck, making eye contact with Jared over Evan’s shoulder.

Evan shuddered. It was just like that dream he had that made him realize he _really_ liked boys. He felt himself relax. “Is Papa okay?” he found himself asking. 

“I don’t know,” Connor kept his eyes on Jared’s. “Are you okay, sweetheart?” The endearment fell out of his mouth easily, even though he had never expected to call anyone something like that. Especially not Jared.

Jared was bright red. He gulped, shifting to prop his knees up in front of him. “O-Okay, guys, I g-get it, you got m-me.” He pulled his knees to his chest. “I'm so gay.” He was a bit out of his mind at the moment. He wasn't sure what he was saying.

Connor’s eyes flicked down to Jared’s knees pulled protectively towards him. A smirk grew on his face, “Got a little problem there, Papa?”

Jared nearly screeched. “Guys, look, I obviously have a boner right now so either something is about to happen or you gotta stop because I'm about to pass out.”

Evan looked down. “Sorry,” he muttered. 

Jared shook his head rapidly. “ _God_ , don't be! This fuckin– way hotter than I expected.”

Connor removed his hand from Evan’s thigh and leaned back. “We can stop.”

Evan scooted back from Connor. “It’s your fault, Jared,” he said quietly. 

Jared cracked a grin. “Yeah,” he whispered. “It is.”


	38. Chapter 38

Jared yawned, his head was in Connor's lap and his legs thrown over Evan's. “I'm getting sleepy,” he whined, pouting. He didn't want to sleep, because that would mean missing out of time with his boyfriends.

Evan caught the yawn. “Jus’ a nap,” he rationalized, giving in quickly. He leaned back on the tree. 

Connor lightly ran his fingers over Jared’s hair. “A quick nap won’t hurt,” he said softly, relaxing into the tree and leaning a bit of his weight onto Evan.

Jared smiled, snuggling closer to the two of them. He was definitely down for a nap.

Evan closed his eyes. “Wake me up if I start sleep talking.”

Jared snorted. “Absolutely not.”

Connor turned to Evan with a questioning look. ¨You sleep talk?¨

Evan reddened. “Only when I’m outside. It’s– It’s weird, I’m sorry.”

Connor shook his head. “It’s not weird.” He wondered how Evan even knew that he did, but he was obviously embarrassed about it, so Connor dropped the subject.

“It’s pretty weird,” Evan muttered. There had been too many times he’d said something compromising and Jared had mentioned it later. Camping wasn’t the best for him. 

Jared hummed, eyes already closed. “I think it's endearing.”

Connor snorted softly. “Everything that Evan does is endearing.”

Evan cracked an eye open. “Huh?”

Jared spoke up. “He said we think you're cute, Evan.”

Connor nodded, running his fingers through Jared’s hair again. “You are.”

Jared practically purred at his touch.

Evan finger-walked up Jared’s leg from his ankle to his knee. “Liars.”

Jared shivered at the double contact. “We never lie, sweetie.”

“Sure you don’t, _papa_ ,” Evan teased. 

Jared squeaked slightly, kicking at Evan lightly. “Go to _sleep_.”

“Fine,” Evan said, exasperated. 

———

Connor hadn’t planned on falling asleep with the other two, but it was hard not to when he was trying to be so still with one boy passed out in his lap and another on his shoulder. He woke up slowly to Evan murmuring unintelligibly in his ear. Apparently he really did sleeptalk.

Evan was having a dream. Not unlike the one that he’d had the night the three of them had spent in Jared’s tower, except this one stayed sweet and innocent and didn’t turn into a horrifying night terror. He was lying under the tree with Jared, while Connor had gone to fetch some apples for the shorter boys. He had parted with a kiss on the cheek to both his boyfriends. Evan felt floaty. Everything was perfect. He leaned into Jared’s side, resting his head on Jared’s shoulder. “I love you, J,” he whispered. The scene kept playing over and over in the dream. 

Connor’s eyes widened as Evan’s words became more clear. He looked down at Jared’s peaceful expression. Should he? Connor moved his arm to shake Jared lightly, being careful not to jostle Evan and wake him up.

Jared hummed quietly as he blinked his eyes open, yawning. “Con?”

Connor pressed one finger against Jared’s lips to shush him and nodded as gently as possible in Evan’s direction.

Jared's eyebrows furrowed as he sat up a bit, trying to figure out what Evan was saying. Once he did figure it out, however, he was wide awake. In fact, he was crying. His hand had immediately been slapped over his face to hide his astounded expression, his watery eyes the only thing not covered by his fingers.

Connor’s eyes softened as he watched the realization dawn on Jared’s face. Despite the fact that his boyfriend was crying, Connor was beyond glad to see Jared like this. He really did deserve to be told what Evan was mumbling. However, Connor was not sure that he was really the one who should comfort Jared right now. Connor cleared his throat softly, “Evan?” He moved the arm that Evan had been leaning on in an attempt to rouse him.

Evan shifted, but only repeated his sleepy mantra again. 

Connor adjusted so that he could wrap his arm around Evan. He shook Evan’s shoulder lightly. He was a lot more of a deep sleeper than Connor had expected. “Evan, baby, wake up.”

Evan’s eyes fluttered, eventually cracking open. “Huh?” He looked around. It was a lot like his dream, but Connor was there again and Jared was laying on them. It was a little disorienting until he remembered how they’d fallen asleep. He looked up at Connor for an explanation for being woken up. 

Connor untangled himself from Evan and leaned back. It wasn’t that he minded the touch, just that Evan would need to be free to talk with Jared. “You were sleep talking.” He was surprised Evan hadn’t yet noticed Jared’s uneven breathing.

Evan gulped. What had he been saying again? He looked at Jared only to find that he was– ”Are you crying?” He crawled a little closer to him, moving his legs off his lap. 

Jared allowed it, throwing his arms around Evan's neck and pulling him close. He buried his face in Evan's shoulder, shaking with his tears.

Evan forgot his dream for a moment. He hugged Jared in confusion. “Who died?”

Jared just gave a watery laugh, holding Evan as tightly as he could.

Connor felt almost as if he were intruding on something far too intimate for him. Jared and Evan had been Jared and Evan since elementary school, and this was an enormous step for the two of them that he didn’t feel like he should be seeing. He looked away, towards the other end of the field, trying to give them some semblance of privacy.

Evan didn’t notice Connor’s movement. He was focused on Jared. “Please tell me what’s wrong, because if you cry, I’m gonna cry, and I really don’t want to cry.”

Jared sniffled, grinning stupidly. “I-Is it true? Do you really l-love me?”

Evan froze. 

Jared's smile faltered slightly at the reaction. “Ev? I-Is it?”

Evan felt his hands getting clammy. “I–” He hadn’t planned on telling Jared this way. He had already drafted a speech, for god’s sake. He couldn’t just say no, though. That was wrong on about fifteen levels. “Yes,” he heard his voice say. 

Jared let out a breath he hadn't know he was holding, pressing a hand to his chest. “Jesus, don't scare me like that!” Jared was back to beaming. “Evan!” Jared tackled him to the ground, peppering his face with kisses.

Evan felt his back hit the grass. He smiled. “Surprise?”

Jared laughed, kissing him purposefully on the lips. 

Evan let the kiss capture him, living in the moment. At least Jared was happy. 

Jared eventually pulled away, sitting up. “Connor, come over here I miss you.” He pouted childishly.

Connor turned back towards his boyfriends with a raised eyebrow. “I was trying to let you have your moment.”

Jared puffed his cheeks out. “I want the moment to involve both of you.”

Evan pouted in Connor’s direction to sway his response. 

“You-“ Connor sighed and relented before he even got to his protests. He inched closer to the other two. “There.”

Evan’s pout didn’t go away. “Closer.”

Connor moved closer, stopping just a couple inches from the other two. “Okay, but if I get any closer than this, I’ll be on top of Jared.”

Jared snickered. “I'm not stopping ya, hot stuff.”

Connor rolled his eyes. “Only you could turn a love confession into an innuendo that quickly.”

Jared leaned over to give him a quick kiss. “It's a talent.”

Evan reached a hand out for Connor to hold. 

Connor took Evan’s hand and interlaced their fingers. He leaned back over to Jared and gave him a quick kiss in return, almost as if to get the last word. “Dork.”

Jared scrunched up his nose as he smiled at him, bring up a hand to lightly tug on the end of a strand of hair. “Hippie.”

Evan watched the two of them happily. This was worth skipping school for. 

Connor snorted and brushed his hair back, out of Jared’s reach. “So, lovebirds, what do you want to do?”

“You both are getting flower crowns before we leave,” Evan said. 

Jared laughed. “Me and Connor can make out in the meantime, right Con?” Jared sent him a teasing wink.

“We could,” Connor pretended to give the suggestion some thought, “but it’d be a shame to distract Evan from his flowers.”

Evan pouted. “I wanna watch.”

Jared giggled. “I thought watching was Connor's thing?”

Connor frowned. “Watching is not my _thing_ , you make me sound like a pervert.”

Jared hummed, kissing Evan one more time before moving over to climb into Connor's lap, winding his arms around his neck and legs around his waist as he pressed their chests together. “Connor Murphy, professional cuck and voyeur.” 

Connor huffed indignantly but wrapped his arms around Jared’s waist. “I just have a healthy appreciation of my two boyfriends’ love for one another.”

“Mhm, sure,” Jared smirks, running his fingers through Connor's hair.

“Oh, shut up,” Connor said, gruffly, before leaning across the few inches and kissing Jared determinedly.

Evan did say he wanted to watch, but he still felt awkward. He turned away, understanding what Connor had meant when he’d done the same moments ago. He decided he should go and collect some flowers, anyway, so he scampered off. 

Jared smiled against Connor's lips, pulling away before either of them could deepen it. “Nerd.” He turned to look at where Evan was collecting flowers. “Hm, I’m..” he paused, laying his head on Connor's shoulder while still watching Evan. “I'm happy.”

Connor followed Jared’s gaze and wound his arms more tightly around the shorter boy. He watched Evan in silence for a moment, thinking. “I think I am too,” he said, quietly, a bit shocked to hear the words aloud.

Jared smiled, rubbing soothing circles into Connor's back. “I'm glad. You deserve to be happy.”

Connor was silent. He held Jared close and watched Evan carefully selecting flowers. He found that his eyes kept traveling to Evan’s cast. After a moment he cleared his throat and pulled back from Jared slightly. “Do you think we should tell him we know?”

Jared hesitated, thinking. “Not today. He needs a good day to just be happy here.”

Connor frowned, but he didn’t see a reason to tell Evan today other than to clear his own guilty conscience. “If you’re sure.”

Evan started the journey back over to his boyfriends, arms full of the most colorful flowers he could find. 

Connor called out to Evan. “Nice flowers, Ev.”

Evan smiled as he approached them. “Thanks! I think they’re gonna look great in you guys’ hair.”

Jared smiled dopily at him. “You're so cute.”

“Me?” Evan asked, sitting in the grass again. 

“Who else would he be talking about?”

“A...squirrel?”

Jared rolled his eyes. “You're adorable, Evan Hansen.”

Evan felt a pang of...confidence? “Not so bad yourself, Jared Kleinman.”

Jared grinned, blushing slightly. He leaned over, pecking Evan on the lips.

Evan smiled, using the last of his confidence to wink at Connor behind Jared.

Connor let out a breathy laugh, his face heating slightly. He brushed his hair out of his eyes. “Getting bold there, flower boy.”

Evan blushed. “Sorry.”

“It’s not a bad thing.”

“Is it not?”

Connor shook his head quickly. “Definitely not. In fact, you should compliment Jared more often. He may just explode.”

Evan blinked, looking Jared in the eyes again. “You’re cute when you blush like that.”

Jared blushed harder. He smacked Connor's shoulder. “Don't bully me,” he pouted. He turned back to Evan, kissing him again in thanks. “You're cuter.”

Connor snorted at the comment and leaned back into his elbows. Jared really had no business being that adorable when blushing.

Evan smiled. “You’re _both_ cute when you blush.”

Connor’s smirk faltered and he felt his cheeks warm slightly. He shifted uncomfortably and grabbed one of the larger yellow flowers that Evan had brought over. He looked at it for a moment before reaching over and sticking it behind Evan’s ear. “Now, that’s cute.”

Evan’s eyes sparkled at Connor. He knew he was blushing now too. Leaning forward, he placed a gentle, soft kiss to Connor’s lips. 

Jared beamed. “My crops? Thriving.”

Connor pulled back from Evan slowly, warmth blooming in his chest.

Evan smiled sweetly. “I’m glad your crops are doing well, Jared.”

Jared nodded. “God, me fucking too.”


	39. Chapter 39

Jared sighed, looking at the time. “It's getting late,” he pouted.

Connor looked up from where his fingers were clumsily fumbling with flower stems, trying to loop them together like Evan did. He was surprised to see that the sun was beginning to set. “Shit, I didn’t think we’d been here that long.”

Evan shrugged non committedly. “It’s been fun,” he said quietly. He leaned over to fix a mistake Connor was making with his flower crown. 

Jared smiled. “Nerds.”

Connor watched Evan weave the flowers together easily. “It’s too fucking delicate for me.” He had already tore apart numerous flowers while Evan had tried to teach him.

Jared shook his head instantly. “Now I know for a fact you can be delicate.”

Connor waved his fingers in the air. “The flowers are too small, and my fingers are too long.”

Jared smirked. “At least your long fingers come in handy elsewhere.”

“Jared!” Evan chastised.

“No, it’s okay, Evan, he’s right.” Connor winked at Jared.

“Connor!”

Jared giggled. “He really knows what to do with ‘em, Ev.”

“He doesn’t know how to make a flower crown with them.”

Connor felt his lips begin to tug up into a smile, but he shot Evan a faux grumpy look. “Hey, at least I’m trying, Jared hasn’t even touched a flower.”

Evan looked at Jared in disapproval. “Really? I’m not showing you how to do it again.”

“I’ll vore the flowers for you.”

“Hey Jared?” Evan asked sweetly. 

“Hm?”

“Shut up.”

Jared cackled stupidly.

“If you’re not gonna take my crown making class seriously, you can leave,” Evan huffed. 

Jared giggled some more, leaning over to kiss the corner of Evan's mouth apologetically. “I’m sorry, Mr. Hansen, I'm ready to learn, I swear.”

Evan scoffed. “You’d better be.” He knew he couldn’t hide the blush painting his cheekbones from Jared’s kiss, but he kept his expression firm. 

Connor grinned stupidly, looking back down at his sad excuse for a flower crown. Fuck, he was so gay for these two, and their antics.

Before long, Evan had made three tutorial crowns, Connor had constructed one adequate one, and Jared had a sad excuse for a hat made of destroyed flower parts on his head. 

Jared shrugged. “I did my best.”

Connor snorted, looking at Jared’s flower disaster. “Well, looking at that I’m pretty damn proud of myself.”

“You should be!” Evan said, grinning. 

Connor put the flower crown on his head gently, like it would break. “Next time I’m making you one.”

Evan flashed him a soft smile. “I bet it’ll be beautiful.”

Connor’s face heated under Evan’s warm smile. “I had a good teacher.” He looked down, checking his phone again. He frowned at the time. “We really need to go.”

Evan frowned. “I didn’t want to ask this, but it’s too late to go back to school, and– Connor, do you have a printer I can use?” He still needed to print out his letter, and he didn’t want to go anywhere near Jared’s parents at the moment. 

Connor blinked in confusion, looking back up warily. “Uh… not on me?”

Evan stared at him. “At your house.”

Connor shifted uncomfortably. Despite his recent good mood, something was telling him that this conversation was about to take a turn he wouldn’t like. Evan didn’t exactly look suspicious, however, so Connor told his intrusive thoughts to slow the fuck down. “Why?”

“Well, I- I have to print a letter for my therapist appointment tomorrow morning but I don’t- we don’t have a printer.” Evan knew telling the truth would get the best results. 

Connor relaxed slightly. He should have known that Evan wouldn’t be making fun of him for that one incident in second grade. He probably didn’t even remember it. “Oh. Yeah, we have one.”

“C-Can I use it? J-Just really quick?” Evan was starting to feel a little anxious. 

Connor froze up. “Like, come in my house?” No. Not going to happen.

Evan looked at Jared, who didn’t look like he was paying much attention, then back at Connor, but avoided eye contact. “I-I just need to print a letter.”

“But..” Connor glanced at Jared and the marks running down the side of his neck that he was _sure_ Cynthia had seen that morning. He winced. That was not a conversation he wanted to have. He looked back at Evan. “Just one letter?” As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t just say no without giving a reason. And he certainly wasn’t going to explain.

Evan nodded, the slightest bit of fear in his eyes. “Please?” He didn’t know what would happen if he didn’t have a hard copy of that letter for Dr. Sherman. It would probably end with him dying or being rejected by Jared and Connor. That seemed logical. 

Connor hesitated, conflicted. While he really didn’t want Evan to see him in his family environment, it would be worse if he flat out rejected him. He sighed. “Okay. But we’re in and out, alright? Just printing the letter.”

Evan’s eyes widened. “Really?”

Connor shrugged, trying not to show how on edge the very thought of Evan meeting his parents made him. “You need to print it, I have a printer. Cynthia is already freaking out because Jared stayed over.”

Evan’s face fell again. “Cynthia’s your...mom?” And why would she be freaking out over Jared? Surely it hadn’t been that bad. 

Connor nodded, picking at his nail polish. “She’s just not used to people coming over. Unless Zoe invites them. Just… we’ll try to avoid all of that.”

“I-I only need like three minutes anyway,” Evan elaborated. 

Connor pushed himself to his feet, fishing his keys out of his pocket. “It’s fine.”

Evan looked up at him. “A-Are you sure?”

“I said it’s fine.” Connor focused his attention on Jared. “Are you staying with Evan tonight?” It was only after he said it that he realized how rude it must have sounded, but he couldn’t exactly take it back.

Jared hummed. “I’m not sure. I think I’ll try going home and if anything happens I’ll head over to his place, probably.”

“Probably?” Connor raised an eyebrow.

“Probably.”

“Hopefully not in the same fashion you showed up at Connor’s in…?” Evan questioned. 

Jared chuckled. “No, Ev, I won't try to bang you at 2 am.”

“Thank god,” Evan muttered. 

Connor shifted on his feet, waiting for the other two to stand. “Are you sure you shouldn’t just stay with Evan one more night?”

Jared smiled. “It's fine, Con.”

Connor sighed again. Why did Jared have to be so set on doing things his way? “Let’s go then.” Connor was getting a bit impatient. He wanted to just get it all over with. If he didn’t, he feared he would go even more insane with the anticipation and paranoia of it all.

Evan stood up. “Do you want a better flower crown?” he asked, holding one of his up. “Not that yours is bad! I just– Nevermind, let’s go.”

\------

They dropped Jared off at his house first. Though Connor was still a bit worried, Jared had seemed confident that he would be okay for the night. Since their houses weren’t too far apart, Connor didn’t even have time to get over worrying about Jared and start thinking about if his parents were home. Turns out, they were. Connor cursed as soon as he saw his father’s car in the driveway.

Evan looked up from his lap. “Huh? What’s wrong?” He instantly put his hand over Connor’s in an attempt to reassure him. 

Connor jerked the car into park, a dark expression on his face. “My fucking dad is home.”

Evan squeezed Connor’s hand. “Y-You can take me back to my car, Connie, it’s fine.”

Connor almost took the offer. “No. You need to print your letter, and I am not letting him ruin anything.”

“Are you sure?” Evan asked carefully. “You seem a little, um, on edge.”

Connor took a deep breath. “No, we’re doing this, I just-“ He wished he was back in the Orchard, or high, or, hell, even at school. “Just promise me you won’t hate me after this.” He couldn’t manage to shake that idea that Evan or Jared would come too and take the side of everyone else in his life. Like Zoe and his parents.

Evan looked at him in worry. “I-I promise, but you’re kinda scaring me.”

Connor grimaced. “Sorry, I just- they’re a bit much, and they don’t really like me so-“ Connor cut himself off with a shake of his head. “It doesn’t matter, we’re just going in and out.” He was mostly reassuring himself, at this point.

Evan felt a little numb. He nodded and opened his door. He couldn’t help but let his mind wander to dark places. Did the Murphys hurt Connor? Were they abusive?

Connor followed Evan’s lead and got out of the car. He led the way to the front door and fumbled with his keys for a moment before unlocking it. Luckily, the house was silent as he led Evan in.

Evan didn’t dare say a word. He adjusted the extra flower crowns on his head and walked carefully right behind Connor. He pulled his flash drive from his pocket, having it ready to minimize their time in the house. 

Connor took Evan down the hall to the bottom of the staircase. As he looked up, he could see that lights were on in Zoe’s room. He clenched his fists in his pockets. “Hey, um, I’m gonna go upstairs and turn the printer on,” and probably tell Zoe to stay the fuck away from Evan, “I’ll come right back and get you, okay?”

Evan just nodded, still afraid to say anything. He did shoot Connor a smile, though. 

Connor took the stairs two at a time, determined to get back to Evan as quickly as possible.

Evan didn’t move his feet, but he turned his head to look around. The house was nice—big, and decorated expensively. The ceiling was high, as well. 

Connor hadn’t even been gone a minute when a voice came from down the hall. “Connor? Zoe said you weren’t in your classes today, and I really thought we had talked about- oh.” Cynthia stopped in her tracks as soon as she rounded the corner and saw Evan standing there like a lost child. “Hello?”

Evan whipped around at lightspeed and nearly screamed. He’d been found out, and Connor would surely hate him for this. He couldn’t just cause a scene, either, though, no matter how hard his heart was thumping. “H-Hi,” he said, voice cracking. 

Cynthia smiled like Evan’s startled deer in the headlights look was endearing. “Zoe didn’t tell me that she was having a friend over. I would have prepared a snack for you.” Cynthia shook her head, lamenting her lack of snack preparation. “Well, anywho, I’m Cynthia, Zoe’s mom.”

Evan could smell the misunderstanding. “O-Oh, I-I’m not actually- I- Well, I know her, but- I’m not- she isn’t- I’m Connor’s friend.”

Cynthia’s eyes widened slightly. She looked Evan up and down once again, confusion writing across her features. “You’re _Connor’s_ friend?”

Evan felt one of the flower crowns on his head starting to slip, but he didn’t move to fix it. “Y-Yes, actually.”

Cynthia’s eyes caught on Evan’s cast and Connor’s name scrawled across it and she beamed. “Oh! He signed your cast! That was so sweet of him.” She almost looked as if she would tear up. “I’m sorry, dear, I didn’t catch your name?”

Evan was relieved. It seemed to be going okay. “E-Evan Hansen.”

“Well, nice to meet you, Evan. Connor doesn’t bring many friends home, so he must think very highly of you.” Cynthia smiled impossibly wider. “So how did you two meet?”

Evan’s eyes shifted from Cynthia to the top of the stairs, looking for Connor. “U-Um, at school. H-He signed my cast and helped me print something.”

Cynthia pressed a hand to her heart, definitely tearing up now. “Oh, that’s so good. I’m so glad to see Connor reaching out, healing, he-“ Just then there was a thump from upstairs.

Zoe bounded down the stairs, a huge smile on her face, and an angry Connor not far behind her. “Evan! You’re here!”

Evan met Connor’s eyes and immediately looked down. “H-Hi, Zoe,” he mumbled. 

Cynthia gasped. “You’re friends with Zoe too? Oh, this is wonderful! Evan, dear, you have to stay for dinner.”

Connor bristled. “He’s not staying for dinner, mom. He’s about to leave.”

“R-Right, I- My car is at the- I need to go home.” Evan felt sick. 

Cynthia frowned. “Connor, there’s really no need to be so rude in front of your guest, you’re making him uncomfortable.”

“I’m not-“ Connor started, but he was interrupted when Zoe elbowed him in the side. He glared at her but took the hint. “Come on, Evan, we have to print your letter.”

Evan finally looked up at Connor. “A-Are you sure?” he whispered. 

Connor nodded, wishing he could comfort Evan, but knowing that he was far too on edge himself to do so. “It’s what we came here for.” He gestured for Evan to go up the stairs.

Cynthia made a small noise of disappointment, but didn’t stop the boys. “Well, Evan, maybe you can stay another time?”

Evan stiffly nodded. “Y-Yeah, sure, I-I just have to, um, get going pretty quickly tonight, s-so yeah.” He bolted up the unfamiliar staircase. 

Connor followed right behind Evan. He pointed him in the direction of the desktop computer as soon as they were at the top of the stairs. Connor felt a bit bad seeing Evan revert back to a stuttering mess like this, but he couldn’t bring himself to say anything.

Evan didn’t bother trying to catch his breath as he fumbled with his USB stick, trying to plug it in quickly. His hands were shaking, and it took him several flips of the flash drive to get it in, but he finally got his letter printed. He grabbed his USB and the paper, nearly crumpling it in the process, and waited for Connor to lead him back downstairs. 

Connor waited patiently for Evan to print his letter, but as soon as he finished, Connor started back down stairs, determined to get out of the house before anyone else harassed Evan. Connor didn’t speak again until they were safely in the car. “Sorry about them.”

Evan was still breathing heavily. “I-I’m sorry too, I-I didn’t mean to get, um, caught.” His voice was small. 

Connor shook his head slightly. “It isn’t your fault they’re so fucking nosy.”

“B-But I got caught, and I promised we’d only be in and out and I forced you to confront–” Evan bit his tongue. 

Connor’s grip on the steering wheel tightened slightly. “It really wasn’t so bad. Could have been worse.”

Evan stared ahead. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered. 

Connor felt like his stomach was tied up in knots. He had put Evan in that situation that made him so uncomfortable. He had snapped at him, and even if it was far from the worst it could have been, he hated himself for making Evan look this small. “Don’t apologize. You did nothing wrong.”

“But I _talked_ to her,” Evan argued. He knew he wasn’t supposed to, but he had done it anyway. He hadn’t cried, though. That was a surprise. 

“She talked to your first,” Connor paused, “right?” Evan could have spoken to her first. He probably wanted to know what the freak was like at home. Connor couldn’t blame him for being curious.

“Sh-She did! She thought I was you.” Evan gulped. “She was upset you skipped class.”

Connor frowned. “Great. Zoe fucking snitched.”

“Sorry, I– I shouldn’t have even mentioned skipping this morning.” Evan kept his gaze down. He didn’t know how Connor’s parents would react once they knew Evan was gone. Would they yell at him? Hurt him? It scared Evan to death. Both his boyfriends were having parent problems and it felt like he couldn’t help. 

Connor blew out a short breath, a bit frustrated that Evan kept taking on everything as his fault. “ _I_ was the one who suggested skipping.”

“I facilitated–” Evan cut himself off. He really didn’t want Connor to be madder than he already was. “Sorry.”

Connor bit the inside of his cheek. He couldn’t get mad at Evan for just apologizing. Even if it was completely stupid that he even thought he had to. Connor stayed silent for the rest of the ride to the school.

Evan saw his car in the parking lot. “O-Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow?” 

Connor nodded, his mind distant. “Yeah. Tomorrow.” Hopefully tomorrow Evan wouldn’t sound so scared of him. But then again, when did things ever turn out like Connor hoped?

Evan gave him a smile. He hopped out of Connor’s car, leaving his best flower crown behind in the seat for his boyfriend. He closed the door and waved to him before walking over to his own vehicle. 

Connor stared at the flower crown for a moment before pulling the car into reverse and leaving.

———

Late that night, two phones lit up with the same notifications.

C: _Please tell me both of you have something to do Friday. My mom wants you over for dinner._

J: _I do not!_

E: _I’m free!_

C: _Perfect. I guess you’re meeting my whole family on Friday then._

E: _I could jump in front of Jared’s car and break my legs so we don’t have to if you want._

J: _no_

E: _You’re right, I take that back_

C: _I don’t want that_

E: _What’s for dinner?_

C: _Fuck if I know, some GMO-free, gluten free, dairy free, vegan garbage._

E: _I’m not sure what that leaves._

C: _Neither am I_

E: _You don’t want us there, do you?_

C: _I want you there, I don’t want them there_

E: _Jared what’s your opinion?_

J: _What the fuck is GMO?_

E: _That little guy from Adventure Time_

J: _please don't feed him to us_

C: _I don’t actually know what weird diet my mom is doing, but I’ll try to make sure it’s edible or whatever_

E: _So we’re allowed to come?_

C: _I guess. Friday at seven_

Jared sent back an MS paint drawing of Waluigi.

E: _How do I delete a message someone else sent?_

C: _what the fuck, Jared_

J: _;)))) see you guys tmrw papa needs a nap_

E: _Goodnight papa_

C: _Night, Jared_

There was a pause.

C: _You should go to sleep too, Ev_

E: _Why? :(_

C: _because it’s late and there’s school tomorrow_

E: _Are you gonna be okay?_

C: _I’ll see you tomorrow_

E: _Will you be okay?_

C: _I’ll be the same I always am_

E: _That’s not so bad is it? You have me and Jared._

C: _yeah.. I do_

E: _Perfect! Goodnight_

Evan waited before sending another message. 

E: _daddy_

C: _goodnight, baby_

Evan smiled. He hoped Connor really would be okay after the fiasco at his house. He’d be sure to give him a hug tomorrow. Locking his phone, he went to bed.


	40. Chapter 40

Friday night came quickly. Evan had ironed his nicest looking polo shirt, cleaned off his muddy shoes, and washed his face three times. Jared was supposed to pick him up, then the two of them would head over to Connor’s house. He wanted to make a better impression than before. It was incredibly important to him that this dinner went well. He couldn’t afford any slipups. He checked the time; Jared should be there any second. 

Just then, there was a honk from Evan's driveway.

Evan jolted from his thoughts, dashing out of his room and through the kitchen—saying goodbye to his mother as she got ready for class that night—and outside. He waved to Jared as he approached, climbing in the car swiftly. “Hi!” he greeted. 

Jared grinned at him, leaning over to peck his lips in greeting. “Hey, you ready?”

Evan grinned. “Mhm,” he hummed. “You’ll be on your best behavior, right?”

Jared chuckled, rolling his eyes. “Of course.”

“Good,” Evan said, relieved. “I’m sure Connor will appreciate it.”

Jared nodded, pulling out of Evan's driveway. “How do you feel? About meeting his parents?”

Evan looked down. “Kinda scared, if I’m being honest. Connor seemed upset his mother saw me the other day, and I kinda panicked about it, and I– _we_ need to make a good first impression, and–” He took a deep breath. “Yeah, scared.”

Jared smiled, taking Evan's hand. “It'll be okay, Ev. No matter what happens, we all still have each other, and that's all that matters. I promise.”

Evan let out a breath. “Okay. Okay, you’re right.” He paused. “But if it goes badly, Connor will hate me and then you’ll hate me and then you’ll both leave me.”

“Nope, that's not true.” Jared kissed the back of Evan's hand, speaking with a sure confidence. “Nothing you could do could make us leave you or hate you.”

Evan gulped. “Are you sure?”

Jared didn't even have to think. “Positive.”

“Okay,” Evan breathed. “Sorry.”

Jared hummed. “Not sorry, Ev. You don't need to be sorry.”

“Sor–” Silence. 

Jared smiled slightly. “It's okay, Evan. Hey, y’know what?”

Evan shook his head. “What?”

“I love you.”

Evan instantly grinned. “Love you too, Jared.”

\-------------------

Jared knocked on Connor’s front door, bracing himself for whatever might happen.

Evan stayed close behind him, picking at the hem of his shirt. 

Connor had spent the entire afternoon worrying about this dinner, but somehow, despite his agonizing, when the knock at the door came, he wasn’t ready at all. Zoe managed to beat him to the door by a good ten seconds, getting to greet his boyfriends before he could even make it all the way downstairs.

Zoe opened the door with a bright smile. “Hi, Evan!”

Evan had not been expecting Zoe. “O-oh, hi, Zoe,” he said politely. “Connor’s home, right?” He stepped out from behind Jared. He could talk to Zoe. He was afraid of one of Connor’s parents answering. 

Jared stayed quiet. He didn’t know Zoe like Evan did, he had only spoken to the girl a handful of times. He figured waiting for Connor was his best course of action.

Zoe opened the door wider to let the boys in. “Yeah, but he’s been freaking out all day, so I thought I should be the one to let you in.” Just as she finished her sentence, Connor made it downstairs and elbowed his way past his sister.

“Hi guys.” Connor shot Zoe a glare but managed a sort of half smile towards the other two.

Jared smiled back at him. “Hey!”

Evan grinned. “Connor!”

Connor relaxed slightly at Jared and Evan’s matching smiles. He tucked his hair behind his ear and gestured for them to come in. “Dinner won’t be ready for a few more minutes but we can… talk or whatever, I guess.”

Jared perked up. “Can we go to your room?”

Connor glanced at Zoe, who looked quite obviously put out by the fact that not everyone wanted to talk to her, then nodded. “Yeah, come on.” He turned and started back up the stairs, with the other two following.

Once upstairs, Connor led the two past a door decorated with glow in the dark stars to one that looked much less inviting, covered with decal stickers and a bit beat up. Connor swung the door open to reveal a rather bland looking room. Gray walls, black and white furniture, nothing really remarkable. The only touches of personality were the knickknacks in the shelf above the bed and the large bookshelf taking up one half of the room. Connor dropped unceremoniously onto the foot of the bed, trying not to look as nervous as he felt. He tried to look bored as Jared and Evan got a look around.

Evan instantly smiled, pointing to a shelf. “Harmonica!”

Jared grinned, dropping onto the bed beside Connor. “Oh?”

Evan picked it up. “You play the harmonica?”

Connor picked at his nail polish, his eyes on the little instrument. “Uh, no, not really. Just a few songs. Zoe got it for me a while ago because I was upset that she got a guitar and I didn’t.” Not that he had really wanted a guitar, but he was thirteen at the time.

“That’s cute!” Evan said. “Jared tried to play a harmonica once in elementary school but our music teacher said he didn’t have the lung capacity.” 

Jared pouted. “Wow, rude, don't expose me like this.”

“It’s only fair since I exposed Connor’s harmonica,” Evan defended. 

Connor snorted. “Yeah, two seconds in my room and you unlocked my tragic harmonica backstory.”

“Evan used to do theater, y’know.”

Evan shot Jared a look. “No, I _didn’t_.”

Connor perked up. “What kind of theater?”

“Musical–” Evan blurted. “Wait– No kind!”

Connor broke into a grin. “Musical theater? You can sing?”

Jared nodded. “He can sing really well.”

“No,” Evan said. 

“Why didn’t I know about this?”

“Because it’s not true!” Evan was blushing madly. 

Connor raised an eyebrow. “You’re a terrible liar, you know.”

Evan took the change in subject in stride. “I could lie if I needed to.”

“Still an amazing singer.” Jared swooped in to steal a quick kiss before settling back into his place.

Evan made a strange noise. “Stop! I don’t do it anymore, anyway.”

Connor pretended his stomach doesn’t seize up in panic at seeing them kiss in his house. “Why’d you stop?”

Evan looked down. “Anxiety.”

“Oh,” Connor said, simply, “that… sucks.”

“Sorry,” Evan whispered, his eyebrows bunching together as he stared at his shoes. 

Jared quirked an eyebrow. “You guys are terrible at this.”

Evan nearly looked up. “A-At what?”

“Being comfortable around each other.”

“Hey, you didn’t see us under that tree when Connor kissed me!” Evan defended. “It was cute!”

Jared cracked a grin. “I bet it was. Still doesn't make you two any less awkward.”

“I’m an awkward person,” Evan muttered. 

“We aren’t _awkward_ ,” Connor frowned, “I’m perfectly comfortable around Evan.” If he was uncomfortable, it had less to do with Evan and more to do with the upcoming meal.

Jared hummed thoughtfully. “You haven't touched either of us once since we got here. You're obviously nervous about something.”

Connor looked at Evan, then back over to his door, a neutral area. “I don’t have to touch anyone to be okay.”

Evan coughed. “You can touch me, Connie.”

“Uh.. thanks, Ev.” Connor couldn’t exactly bring himself to reach out, though, and luckily, he didn’t have to, because after only a moment of silence, Zoe called up the stairs to announce that dinner was ready.

Evan jolted, straightening his shirt. “H-How’s my hair?” He’d shaved for this dinner as well as tried to cut some split ends off. 

Jared smiled. “Perfect.”

Evan rolled his eyes. “Connor, how’s my hair?”

Connor blinked and looked up at Evan’s head. “It looks great,” he said, and then a bit sarcastically, “my mom’s going to love you.”

Evan took it as a compliment. “You think so?” He smiled. 

Connor nodded, his expression strained. “Definitely.” He pushed himself to his feet.

Evan made sure the hallway was clear and gave Connor a fast kiss. “Great.”

Connor reached over and squeezed Evan’s hand in gratitude. He let go, looked at his boyfriends for a moment, before he squared his shoulders and led the way downstairs.

Everyone was already seated at the table when they reached the dining room. Cynthia was smiling brightly at one end of the table, obviously proud to have guests over. Zoe sat to her left, already spooning out her helping of food. She didn’t even look up. At the other end of the table sat a man with graying hair that neither Jared nor Evan had seen before, obviously Connor’s father. Connor moved into the room soundlessly, his expression sullen as he sat between his sister and father, leaving the two seats adjacent to one another for Jared and Evan.

Cynthia didn’t seem at all phased by Connor’s lack of manners as she motioned for the other two boys to come in and sit. “Hello, Jared, Evan! It’s so wonderful that you could join us tonight!”

Evan had been practicing what to say. “I-It’s really our pleasure, Mrs. Murphy.” He smiled at her and took her offer to sit down at one of the empty seats. 

Jared followed behind, casting a quick glance at Connor. He seemed extremely tense. He was terrible at hiding it. Or maybe it was just Jared being creepy again. Either way, he turned to nod to his mother. “Nice to see you again,” he smiled politely.

Cynthia beamed. “Anyone who is a friend of my children is welcome here any time.” She reached over and pat Evan’s hand gently. “And there’s no need to call me Mrs. Murphy, dear, I’m not that old. You can just call me Cynthia.”

It was easy to miss with how ecstatic Cynthia was, but both Larry and Connor rolled their eyes at that statement.

Evan clasped his hands in his lap. He smiled again. “Jared and I have been looking forward to this,” he said with a practiced ease. 

Connor was perplexed by Evan’s complete lack of stuttering or rambling. He had thought that Evan would have been nervous in a situation like this. Hell, Connor was nervous and he didn’t care what his parents thought of Evan and Jared.

Cynthia was in full hostess mode. “So have we! We’re so glad that Connor is making some good friends at school, aren’t we, Larry?”

Larry looked up from his food, not nearly as excited about having guests, but also not about to rain on his wife’s parade. “Of course,” he said, simply.

Connor felt a bit sick over how smoothly everything was going.

Cynthia seemed pleased by her husband’s response, and she motioned towards the food. “I made pork chops. Connor didn’t say that either of you had any allergies, so I decided to go with something everyone likes! I thought it would be easier to get to know you boys over some comfort food.”

Evan’s scripted demeanor changed. He turned to look at Jared, unsure what to do. He hadn’t expected this; he didn’t have lines to memorize if Connor’s mom cooked pig meat. He was turning red and he knew it. 

Jared blinked, hesitating. Well fuck. “Oh, um, actually- I don't mean to make things awkward but, um… We’re both Jewish.”

Cynthia’s eyes widened and she turned to Connor, distraught. “Connor! Why didn’t you tell me? I would have- I could have-“

Connor sunk low in his seat, not making eye contact with his mother. “I didn’t think about it.”

Evan jumped. “I-It’s not Connor’s fault! W-We’re– Sorry, Mrs. Murphy. We should have t-told Connor beforehand.” He fidgeted in his lap. 

Jared bit his lip. “It's okay, really! It's fine.” Fuck.

Cynthia frowned, but stopped questioning Connor. “I wish I could have known, I wouldn’t have-“

Larry spoke up. “They know, Cynthia. They’ll just eat other things. You made enough food to feed an army. Stop acting so hysterical.” He turned to Evan and Jared. “Women, am I right?”

Evan looked up. “I-I think it’s sweet how M-Mrs. Murphy cares so much. I don’t see how b-being a woman correlates. O-Or why you seem to associate that with negative traits.” Evan thought of his mother, his favorite person. He wouldn’t want anyone chalking her down to ‘hysterical’ because she was worried about a mistake. Much less blaming it on her gender. 

The table fell silent. Cynthia was speechless, glancing from Larry, to Evan, and then down at the food. Across from Evan, Zoe kept her eyes down to her plate, biting her lip as if to hold back a smile. Connor stared at Evan with wide eyes, completely shocked that Evan would be so confrontational, but also managed to sit up straighter, ready to end a fight if one began.

Larry’s joking smile dropped, and he watched Evan for a moment. He looked Evan up and down before seeming to decide something. “You’re right,” he said, shocking the three other Murphy’s. He picked up his fork and began to cut into his food. He looked back up at his wife. “I’m sorry, Cynthia, I didn’t mean it like that.” Cynthia just blinked.

Jared blinked. What just happened?

Evan was shaking. He could barely hear Larry over the blood rushing in his ears. He knew he’d ruined everything. He should have kept quiet. He should have just accepted the pork. He should have told Connor he was busy tonight. 

Jared could tell what was going through Evan's head just from looking at him. He reached out under the table to put a reassuring hand on his knee.

Evan started breathing again. 

No one spoke for a few more moments. Connor was still confused on what the fuck had just happened, and Cynthia sat at her end of the table awkwardly, unsure of what to do with the situation. Eventually, she cleared her throat and looked back up with a smile plastered back onto her face. “Jared, we didn’t get much time to speak the other day. Why don’t you tell me about yourself?”

Jared kept his hand on Evan's knee. “Oh, uh, I don't- I’m not all that interesting. I’m good with computers? And me and Evan are childhood friends.”

Cynthia nodded, smiling like that was the most interesting thing that she’d ever heard. “Are you friends with Zoe too?”

Zoe paused, her fork halfway to her mouth. “Mom, I don’t hang out with all of Connor’s friends.”

Jared laughed politely. “No, I’m afraid I don't know Zoe very well.”

Cynthia nodded. “I understand. She’s a year younger than you and all.”

This time, Larry spoke up with a question. “Computers, huh? You plan on going into a career with that?”

Connor’s eyes narrowed, but he didn’t say anything.

Jared kept his smile. “Maybe. I was thinking coding.”

Larry hummed. “Good choice. What about you, Evan?”

Evan didn’t think speaking again was a good idea. Though, he couldn’t just stay quiet. He was asked a question. He didn’t look Larry in the eyes. “I-I kind of want to be a park ranger.”

“A park ranger?” Larry couldn’t keep the derision fully out of his voice. “Full time?”

Cynthia waved off her husband’s comment quickly. “Oh, don’t listen to him, Evan, our national parks are very important. I think that sounds very nice.”

Evan kept his eyes down again. “I-I’ve been doing apprenticeships. I-I’m kind of a tree expert? N-Not to brag!”

Jared cut in. “He's really good at it. It's super impressive.”

Connor nodded, adding to the conversation for the first time since they sat down. “He’s a genius.”

“I-I’m not,” Evan argued. 

Jared squeezed Evan's knee softly. “You could probably ask him anything about trees, honestly.”

Evan scoffed. “Y-You could ask anyone anything about trees, J-Jared.” He paused. “I-I just know the answers.”

Jared grinned, snorting. 

Zoe and Connor laughed at the exact same time as Jared, cutting themselves off quickly before looking at one another in confusion. It had been a while since they had found enjoyment in the same thing, and to Zoe, it seemed like forever since she had heard Connor laugh at all. His look warned her against saying anything about it, however. If the only thing that they could ever agree on was Evan, that would be fine, they didn’t have to mention it at all.

Cynthia was somehow smiling even wider than before. It had been so long since she had seen any sort of amusement in her son, and the little bit light that it gave her heart almost made her tear up. Almost. She turned her attention back to the guests. “So you know a lot about plants? That’s wonderful, Evan. Maybe you can give me some tips about gardening. I’ve always wanted to have my own.”

Evan gulped. “I could– Yeah, I-I could help. What’s your soil quality?”

Cynthia laughed. “Oh, I don’t know, that’s the sort of stuff I’ll need your help with.”

Blushing, Evan nodded. “R-Right, sometime other than dinner.”

Cynthia nodded back, enthusiastically. “Next time you visit.”

“Next time?” Evan blinked. They—or at least Cynthia—wanted him over again?

Jared squeezed his knee again.

“Of course! You’re obviously very good friends of Connor.”

“Y-Yeah, we are,” Evan added quietly. They were a lot more than friends. 

Connor smiled down at his untouched plate, and Cynthia started up a new conversation, seemingly unable to let silence last for more than a few seconds. “It’s so great that he has you two. Now I can know that he’s taking care of himself, with you two to keep him on track.” Realizing what direction that sort of talking would take her, Cynthia switched topics again, keeping the sweet smile on her face. “And I finally have people to share all of Connor’s adorable childhood stories with.”

Connor’s head snapped up. “ _No._ ” They we’re not playing that game. He was already getting sick off of Cynthia’s happy fumes, he didn’t think he could take some concocted cheesy stories on top of it.

Evan looked at Cynthia with a newfound determination. “Childhood stories?”

Jared shot Connor an amused look. “What kind of childhood stories?”

Connor met Jared’s eyes with a hard stare. “No kind. There are none.”

Cynthia laughed lightly. “Oh no, there are plenty, he was quite the adventurous little boy. But I guess I can tell you next time.”

Connor relaxed slightly, but as soon as he was off the defense, Zoe opened her mouth. “One time he got stuck in the McDonald’s playplace and they had to call the fire department.”

Evan smiled. “Didn’t that happen to you at Chick-fil-a, Jared?”

Jared pursed his lips. “No,” he muttered. He didn't sound very convincing.

Evan was starting to feel more comfortable. “Yeah, it did, it was last fall.”

Connor snorted. “Last fall? At least mine was when I was six.”

Jared pouted. “Look, we can't all be winners, okay.”

“You two really were made for each other,” Zoe said, sarcastically.

Connor kicked Zoe under the table. “Shut up.”

Zoe kicked back, and stuck her tongue out. “You shut up.”

Evan watched the siblings bicker. He had always wanted an older sister, but it just wasn’t possible. He smiled to himself despite the fighting, but he kept quiet. 

Connor crossed his arms. “Don’t test me. I have worse stories about you.”

Zoe rolled her eyes. “Yeah, right. Go ahead, I don’t care what Kleinman thinks of me, and Evan is too sweet to make fun of me. Check mate.”

“Well, fuck.”

Both Murphy parents spoke at the same time, “Connor! Language!”

Somehow, the admonishment didn’t sting quite so much to Connor with his boyfriends right there and Zoe in a relatively good place with him. This dinner didn’t seem all that hopeless anymore.

————


	41. Chapter 41

Evan had eaten half the plate of dinner rolls Cynthia had placed on the table by the time the meal was winding down. It had taken Zoe pushing the plate closer to him for him to try one, but once he did, he didn’t stop. He also found himself with an easy smile on his face. 

Jared and Connor were teasing each other over God knows what, Jared's hand had never left Evan's leg once it had found its place there. “You absolutely snore.”

Connor was leaning forward, his elbows on the table. “I do not snore. I have never snored in my entire life.”

Jared snickered. “Incorrect.”

“You have no proof. I know I don’t snore.”

“You have before,” Evan added. 

“Wow,” Connor said, turning to Evan with an exaggerated frown, “you’ve betrayed me, Hansen.”

“I’m just telling the truth!” 

“Yeah, well, you sleep-talk!”

Jared snorted. “Changing the subject?”

“He’s deflecting,” Evan said, smiling. 

Connor crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair. “I am not.”

Jared snorted. “Blatant deflecting.”

“That’s all it could be,” Evan agreed. 

Connor huffed. “And now you’re teaming up on me? That’s just cruel.”

“No!” Evan said suddenly. 

Jared smirked. “Absolutely.”

“Damn, Kleinman, and in my own house, too. That’s cold.”

Jared shrugged. “That's how it be, Murphy.”

Cynthia smiled fondly at the boys from the doorway. After Larry had gotten a phone call he had to take, Cynthia had asked Zoe to come with her to get desserts and give Connor some time alone with his friends. She wasn’t disappointed as she came back to her son bickering playfully with the other two. It warmed her heart.

Cynthia cleared her throat as she came into the room and placed dishes of strawberry shortcake in front of the boys. “Here you go! I was thinking that you boys could take this up to Connor’s room if you want. You’re both welcome to stay as long as you would like. With your mothers’ permissions, of course.”

Evan looked down. “My mom is, um, in class right now, so I shouldn’t really b-bother her.” He knew it would be fine to stay at the Murphys’ a little longer, but still. 

Cynthia nodded understandingly. “Of course, dear, as long as she knows where you’ll be. I would hate it if she were worried because you didn’t come home.”

Connor winced, thinking of all the times he stayed out without telling his mom where he was.

Jared gave her a thumbs up. “Fine for me, too.” He didn't need to tell them that his parents were currently giving him the silent treatment.

Cynthia smiled at the two. “Well, alright then! I’ll get out of your hair, then. You boys have fun!” She reached down and squeezed Connor’s shoulder quickly before leaving the room. Connor led the other two back up to his room as soon as she was gone.

Evan looked up at Connor once the three of them were alone. “That was nice.”

“It went… bizarrely well,” Connor admitted.

Jared made sure to lock Connor's door behind them. He pecked each boy on the lips before stepping back and smiling. “I think it was good!”

Connor let himself relax as the door was shut. “Yeah. Freaky good.” Almost good enough not to inspire paranoia. It had seemed genuine. Which was alarming, honestly.

Evan smiled. “I like your mom,” he said quietly. 

Jared nodded.

Connor shifted uncomfortably. “Yeah, um.. me too.” He met Evan’s eyes. “Thanks, by the way. For what you said to my dad.”

Evan’s eyes glazed over as he thought back to what he could have said to make Connor remember it. He blinked as he realized. “Oh, that, um, I didn’t really mean to say that,” he admitted. 

“I’m glad you did. I’m the only one who even questions him anymore, Zoe and my mom sort of gave up.”

“I just got a little perturbed, I guess,” Evan said. He shrugged modestly. 

Connor rolled his eyes. “I’m complimenting you, Evan. I’m fucking proud of you, okay?”

Something flickered in Evan’s eyes. “Sorry,” he muttered. 

Jared winced slightly. “Again with the weirdness in you guys’ interactions,” he sighed. “Geez, how would the two of you even manage without me here. You're so awkward.”

Evan didn’t want to do this right now. “Um–I have news,” he said to change the subject. 

Connor began to pick at his nails again. “News?”

Evan nodded. “I wanted to wait until tonight to tell you.”

Connor glanced quickly at Jared, but he seemed to have as much of an idea of what was going on as Connor. He turned back to Evan in anticipation. “Okay?”

Evan’s smile was back. “I’m getting my cast off!”

Jared perked up. “Whoa, really? That’s great, Evan!”

“Yeah! It’s coming off a little early because I was so careful with it!” Evan beamed. 

Connor smiled. “That’s amazing, Ev.”

Evan looked at his feet, still grinning. “There’s something else, too.”

Jared grinned back at him. “Hm?”

Connor dropped his hands to his sides and stepped a bit closer. “Yeah?”

Evan suddenly didn’t feel like he could say it out loud. “A-Actually, can I text it to you?”

Jared blinked in confusion, but nodded anyway. “Course you can, Ev.”

“Okay,” Evan breathed, getting his phone from his pocket. He opened their group chat and shakily typed out a message that sounded much too embarrassing once he’d sent it. 

E: _Do you maybe wanna have sex?_

Connor pulled out his phone as soon as it beeped. For a moment he just stared at the message on the screen, his face heating slightly. He glanced up quickly at Evan’s red face and then back down to the screen. “Now?” His voice cracked a bit.

Jared blinked down at his phone and then back up at Evan. Holy Shit.

Evan startled. “No! N-Not now, I–” He took a breath. “Wh-When I get my cast off.”

Jared softened, breaking out into a grin as he pulled Evan into a hug. “You’re adorable, Evan. And perfect. Of course the answer is yes.”

Evan felt his smile come back a little as Jared hugged him. “J-Just go easy on me, okay?”

Jared chuckled, pulling back enough to grab Connor's hand and pull him into the hug as well. “Of course, Ev. Whatever you want.”

Evan’s cheeks reddened further. “I-I’m not really sure what that would be,” he admitted. 

Jared shook his head, smiling reassuringly. “That's okay, Ev. You can figure things out at your own rate. We aren't going to rush you or get upset.”

Evan smiled, but looked up at Connor. It was better to have his approval too.

Connor got over his initial shock and wrapped his arms around the other two. He felt a small smile growing back as he looked down at Evan. “He’s right. We won’t rush it. No matter how fu-“ Connor cut himself off, remembering how timid Evan had looked when he last cursed, “how excited we may be.”

“You’re excited?” Evan squeaked. 

Connor snorted. “My boyfriend just said he wants to have sex with me. Who wouldn’t be?”

Evan laughed a little. “Really?”

Connor pressed a quick kiss to the top of Evan’s head. “Of course.”

Evan relaxed. “You’re cute.”

Jared laughed. “You're both cute.”

Connor chuckled and bent down to kiss Jared’s cheek. “You’re cuter.”

Jared grinned, eyes shining happily. “You guys are perfect,” he breathed.

Connor pulled back slightly. “We aren’t perfect, Jare.” He paused. “Well, I’m not perfect.”

Jared shook his head. “You're perfect in the ways that matter.”

Connor grew a bit pink, and he pushed his hair out of his eyes, “And you are way too sappy.”

Jared grinned, pecking each boy on the lips. “Can't help it.”

Evan felt a lot better. “So, um, anyway, cast comes off tomorrow.”

Jared jolted. “Oh! Tomorrow!? Holy shit! What time?”

“1:00.”

Connor blinked. He really hadn’t expected it to be that soon. “Do you want us there?”

“Of course I do! My mom’ll be there too, is that okay?” Evan bit his lip. 

Connor nodded and took Evan’s healthy hand. “You know, I don’t think I’ve ever really seen you with both arms functioning.”

Evan laughed a bit. “It’s not that much of a sight, Connie.”

“You sure, Ev?” Connor smirked, “I’m pretty sure you’ll have the hottest left wrist I’ve ever seen.”

Evan gave him a crooked smile. “What does that even mean?”

“Try not to get a wrist boner in front of his mother, Con.”

Connor scoffed. “You say that like you didn’t nearly get a nosebleed from Evan’s text.”

“Joke's on you, Connor, my nose _is_ bleeding.” 

Evan gasped. “Is it?!”

Jared paused. “I apologise for your now bloody shirt.”

“Jared!” Evan exclaimed. “How did that even happen?!”

Jared shrugged. “I get excited.”

Evan was still confused. “You knew my cast would come off eventually!”

Jared pouted, stepping back to wipe his nose on the back of his hand carelessly. “I didn't expect you to ask to bang tomorrow.”

“That made your nose bleed?!”

Jared just shrugged again. “Thought about it too hard, I guess.”

“Don’t you watch twink porn, Jared? You should be used to it.” Evan’s face was beet red. 

“That's different,” Jared pouted.

“Is it?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t think it is!”

Jared pouted harder. “Well it is!”

“Different or not, you’re going to get blood all over my carpet if you don’t stop thinking about Evan in bed,” Connor spoke up as he took a seat on the end of his bed.

Jared snickered. “Oh I'm not _just_ thinking about him in bed, honey.”

Evan coughed. 

Connor couldn’t help but smile a bit. “One, you’re incorrigible, and two, don’t call me _honey_.”

“Sweetie?” Evan challenged. 

Connor grimaced. “No.” He waved his hand in Evan’s direction. “That’s you, anyway.”

Evan pointed to himself. “I’m sweetie?”

“Well, yeah, I mean, of the three of us..” Connor shrugged.

“I’m sweeter than Jared?”

“Wh- no, I didn’t say that.” Connor shifted awkwardly. “You’re both sweet.”

Jared snorted. “No, Evan is definitely sweeter.”

“You said it, not me.” Connor held his hands up in a show of innocence.

Evan was still red. “I don’t think that’s true.”

Jared snorted again. “It really is.”

Connor nodded. “You’re the sweetest person I know, Ev.”

“But Jared got us those gifts! And wrote those notes for my locker!” Evan argued. 

Jared blushed, but waved it off. “You still beat me on the sweet meter.”

“I’m probably the least sweet!”

Connor shook his head quickly. “No, Evan. You’re definitely sweet. You’re naturally sweet.”

Evan sputtered. “B- I- Bu-“

Jared laughed, cutting him off with a kiss before looking around idly. “Damn, Con, can you hit a guy up with a tissue or something? I'm drying bloody over here.”

Connor grumbled and pushed himself to his feet. “One second.” He dropped to a crouch and rummaged around under his bed for a minute. After a while he victoriously held up a pack of alcohol wipes, perfect for cleaning up blood.

Jared blinked. “You keep alcohol wipes under your bed?”

Connor shrugged. “Is that weird or something?”

Jared shrugged back. “How the hell should I know what's normal?”

“I have alcohol wipes in my dresser,” Evan added. 

“Huh. Maybe I should invest in alcohol wipes.”

Connor stood and held the pack of wipes out to Jared. “Don’t make fun of me for being prepared.”

Jared pouted, accepting them gratefully. “I'm not making fun of you, nerd.” he smiled at him lightly. “But can the injured patient get a kiss from nurse Connor?”

Evan watched the two. “J, you’ve been injured twice this week,” he observed, for no particular reason. 

Jared perked up. “Two kisses!”

Connor grinned at Jared’s antics despite himself. “You’re lucky I love you.” He leaned in and kissed Jared softly.

Jared froze, eyes widening. He pulled away, but kept a hand on Connor's shoulder to keep him in place. “Wait, wh- What did you just say?”

Connor frowned, confused. It wasn’t until he went back over what had just happened that his cheeks flared red. “I-“ He really hadn’t meant to say that. He cleared his throat and shifted nervously. “You heard me.”

Jared made an unflattering squeaking noise, burying his face in Connor’s shirt. “You two really choose the strangest times, huh?”

“I-I was asleep, so I don’t think that’s my fault,” Evan added quietly. 

Jared laughed softly, sniffling a bit. “Sorry about your shirt.”

Connor wrapped his arms around his shorter boyfriend and rubbed his back awkwardly. “I’m sorry for my bad timing?”

“I love you too!”

Connor relaxed at the confirmation. He had known, of course, Jared said it often, but it was different now that Connor had said it too. It was almost like a weight was lifted off his shoulders - he didn’t have to worry about it coming out wrong anymore. Connor leaned down and kissed the top of Jared’s head, not knowing what else to say.

Evan ruined the moment. “So we’re having sex tomorrow right?” That sentence took all of his confidence and shoved it in a garbage disposal. 

Jared laughed, pulling away from Connor. He grabbed both his and Evan's arms, pulling them over to the bed. “Yes, but I demand cuddles right now.”

“Fine by me,” Evan replied, smiling again. 

Connor chuckled as Jared pushed him back on the bed. “When have we ever complained about that?”

Jared beamed, settling down in the middle of the two boys as he carefully cleaned up his face.

Connor wrapped an arm around Jared’s waist. “I’m not quite sure my bed is big enough for this.”

Evan’s eye twitched. “I can sit on the floor.”

“Nope,” Jared grabbed Evan's arm, pulling it around his waist from the other side. He maneuvered until the three of them were all pressed close together, Jared sandwiched in between them. “We fit fine!”

Evan felt a smile coming on. “Guess we do, huh?”

Connor hummed in agreement and turned on his side so that he could better see his boyfriends. He wrapped his other arm around Jared, resting his hand on Evan’s cast. As much as he hated that thing and what it meant for Evan, it was sort of surreal that it would be gone in less than a day.

Evan looked at Connor’s hand on his cast. “I’m glad this thing’s coming off.”

“Yeah,” Jared agreed, shooting Connor a look. Should they talk about it?

Connor met Jared’s eyes and bit the inside of his cheek. It probably was best if they told him what they knew before tomorrow. He nodded to Jared and moved his hand down so that he was holding Evan’s.

Jared hesitated slightly. “Evan, I think we should probably talk about your arm.”


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for suicidal thoughts and mentions as Evan talks about his canon attempt

Evan’s smile faded. His chest compressed and his hands felt sweaty almost immediately. His face was pale. “Wh-What do you mean?”

Jared flipped to face Evan, running a hand down Evan's cheek. “Hey, don't freak out, Ev, it's okay. Nothing bad is gonna happen. We just wanna talk.”

“I-I fell out of a tree,” Evan whispered. “That’s it.”

Connor’s grip on Evan’s hand tightened slightly. “Evan,” he kept his voice low, “we know that’s not everything. It’s okay.”

Evan’s throat felt like it would close up. His breathing got faster. “N-No, that’s it, that’s all that happened.” His voice cracked. “It was an accident.”

“Evan,” Jared murmured softly. “Stay with us here, deep breaths. Please try to stay calm. I know this is scary to talk about, but we're right here.” Jared met Evan's gaze as best he could, trying to reassure him and stop him from freaking out too much. “It's okay. You can tell us anything.”

“Wh-Why would you th-think there’s anything to t-talk about?” Evan closed his eyes. He couldn’t look at Jared right now. 

Jared ran a thumb over Evan's cheekbone. “You've never fallen out of a tree before, Evan. Never once in all these years.”

Connor sat up so that he could see Evan better. “I read your letters, Evan. You don’t have to lie.”

Evan sucked in a painful breath. “Accidents happen.”

Connor huffed, “Right, and Evan ‘Tree Expert’ Hansen couldn’t tell when a branch would break?” Connor winced realizing that his voice came out harsher than intended.

Evan’s eyes snapped open. “I know how to climb a tree, Connor,” he spat. 

Connor took a deep breath, trying not to get frustrated with Evan. “Exactly. So you didn’t fall.”

Jared pressed a gentle kiss to Evan's chin.

Evan was silent. 

Jared frowned. “Please talk to us, Evan.”

“There’s nothing to say.” 

Connor sighed. “Look, I’m sorry, that came out… worse than I meant for it to, but we just wanted you to know that it’s okay.” Connor was really bad at this, and beginning to wonder why he thought it was a good idea to even tell Evan they knew.

“It’s okay– Okay that _what_?” Evan was about to panic or throw up. 

Jared ran his fingers through Evan's hair. “Did you really fall, Ev?”

Evan was still. “No,” he said weakly. 

“What happened?” Jared's voice was soft and calming.

“I–” Evan composed himself. “I jumped.”

Connor’s heart hurt. He had known, he had known since Evan sent him that email accidentally, but to hear him confirm it was almost too much. He didn’t know what to say now that he had admitted it.

Evan gulped. “P-Please stop staring and just s-say something already?”

Connor almost asked why, but he dismissed that idea quickly. He knew why. He just didn’t know- “Why didn’t you tell us?” He’d had plenty of opportunities.

“B-Because,” Evan said, voice breaking again. “I don’t want p-pity. I-I climbed that tree to see if things would be different from up there, without me, and they _weren’t_ , so I let go, and it didn’t work. I don’t want pity.” 

Jared pressed a kiss to the corner of Evan's mouth. “Hey, we don't pity you. We're sad, yeah, but not pity.”

Evan’s lips twitched. “I don’t want you to be sad either.”

Connor frowned. “We aren’t going to be happy about it.” He didn’t pity Evan, he knew that he wouldn’t want that, but it wasn’t exactly pleasant.

“I don’t want to talk about this.”

Jared hummed softly, kissing Evan again. “Ev, it’s better to just get it over with, right? That way you don’t have to be stressed and worried over it any more. It’ll be done. Nothing bad is going to happen. Our opinions and feelings for you aren’t going to change, I promise. It’s okay. You can tell us _anything_.”

Evan knew he could trust Jared, but he still felt as tense as before. “There’s nothing else to tell.”

Jared’s fingers moved through Evan’s hair again. “Are you sure? You don’t want to say anything else on it? If that’s the end, then okay. But you need to try and be sure. Don’t let secrets keep you away from being happy.” Jared paused. “Before you answer, can I just say… I’m so happy that you're still here, Evan. Me and Connor both- I don't think we would know what to do without you. You're so, _so_ important.” Jared refused to let himself cry, despite to shakiness of his voice. 

Connor nodded silently in agreement, not trusting himself to say more.

Evan was crying. He sniffled. “I wanted to die,” he finally admitted. “But I– I don’t anymore. I’m f-fairly certain.” His throat hurt with every word. 

Jared hugged Evan close, pulling Connor’s arm tighter around the both of them. “It's okay,” Jared breathed, burying his face in Evan's chest. “Right? You're okay?”

Evan felt like he was comforting Jared and Connor rather than the other way around. “I-I’m fine, the cast comes off tomorrow.”

“Is that why you had an attack in the tower?”

Evan gulped. “W-Why would you bring that up?” He hated to be reminded of panic attacks. 

Jared took a deep breath to keep himself calm. “Because, I worry. I'm sorry.” He shook his thoughts from his head. “You're sure you're feeling better lately?”

It took a while for Evan to answer. “M-Maybe not.”

Connor spoke up, his eyes down. “That’s okay, you know. It’s not like it has to be automatic.”

Jared nodded. “Healing takes time.”

“I-I do feel better, but– I’m still broken.” Evan didn’t look at either boy. “I-I still need pills to work right and m-my mom is still never home and we still can’t afford college. I feel better, but sometimes I just...don’t.”

“You aren't broken, Evan. Just a little rough around the edges.” Jared pulled back to kiss Evan's cheek. “Just like us.”

“J-Just like you?” Evan repeated, a smidge dumbfounded. 

“Just like us,” Jared reaffirmed. “We aren't perfect. We have problems too. But that's okay. We can work through them, together. Right?”

Evan nodded numbly. “I-I guess so.”

Connor squeezed Evan’s hand again. “Just know that no one expects you to be perfect. And you don’t have to work through it all alone.”

Evan sniffled. “You guys won’t leave me, right?”

Connor shook his head immediately. “No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Definitely.” Connor made sure to make eye contact with Evan.

Evan seemed to break a little. “I-I just felt so– I dunno, a-alone? Worthless?”

Jared smiled reassuringly. “You don't have to feel alone anymore, Ev. We’ll always be here, no matter what.”

“I-I get that now. I thought you wanted me to t-talk about it?” Evan was a little confused. 

Jared blushed. “I'm not very good at this. I don't know what I'm doing. Just- ignore me, keep going. Talk it out.”

Evan took a deep breath. “Okay, well, um...I wanted to be, um, a part of something, you know? With other– other people. I wanted what I said to- to matter to someone. But nothing ever changed.”

Connor’s chest felt tight. Every word out of Evan’s mouth sounded so familiar. He couldn’t really stop himself from opening his mouth again. “So you thought it would be better if you disappeared.”

Evan met his eyes again and nodded sadly. “E-Everyone would be better off without me. Especially my– my mom. S-So I gave myself one last chance to see if things could change, a-and though the view was pretty, it all looked the same. T-There I was up forty feet, c-completely set off from the world, but it all just looked the same. S-So I– I let go.” He sniffled. 

Connor carefully wrapped an arm around Jared so that he could place his hand on Evan’s back. “I’m glad you didn’t get hurt any more than you did.” He had no idea what else to say. He had no experience with this.

“Y-You really are?” Evan’s voice broke. 

“I really am.” Connor tried for a smile, but it turned out shaky at best.

Jared buried his face into Evan's chest once again, not saying anything. He wasn't sure he could keep himself from crying if he opened his mouth, and he promised himself that he wouldn't cry.

Evan didn’t smile. “W-Well, thanks.” He really didn’t know what to say to something like that. He held Jared close. 

Connor felt like he had done something wrong. Said the wrong thing, like he thought he would. He cleared his throat quietly and looked away from Evan and Jared’s cuddling. It was silent for a few moments before he spoke again. “Are you staying?”

Evan shrugged. 

Jared whined softly, one hand moving to latch onto Connor's arm. “Can we stay like this for at least a little while?” He asked, speaking into Evan's chest, voice weak.

“You can stay all night if you want.” Connor looked down at Jared’s hand. “My mom would be thrilled.”

“Thank god,” Evan whispered. He really hadn’t wanted to leave. 

Jared hummed in agreement. “I love you guys.”

As soon as the words were out of Jared’s mouth, there was a soft knock at the door. Connor sat up so fast he nearly fell off of the bed. He shot a quick glance at Jared and Evan before glaring at the door. “Who is it?”

Apparently one question was an invitation to Zoe, because the door opened a crack and she poked her head in. Zoe looked troubled, her eyes automatically going to Evan. She didn’t even say anything, just stood in the doorway, staring.

“What do you want?” Connor snapped.

Zoe’s eyes were sad. She looked as if she were about to say something, but seemed to think better of it. She tore her eyes away from Evan and looked down. “Nothing.”

Evan lifted his head in fear. How much had Zoe heard? All of it? None of it? He kept quiet, but his breath was heavy. He held Jared closer. 

Zoe couldn’t help but look at Evan again. She was in shock. Sweet little Evan Hansen? Who was so nice and a bit of a nerd, but cool somehow anyway? She wanted to ask why he had done it, but she had pretty much heard all the explanation he could give. She wanted to ask if he would be okay, she wanted to tell him that she would kill him if he ever tried to kill himself again. She wanted to ask- “Why is Jared’s shirt bloody?”

Something in Evan made him change his mind about staying silent. It was only Zoe, after all, and despite his years of awkwardly trying to talk to her, he’d been doing well. They were friends. “Nosebleed,” he explained simply. 

“Huh.”

Connor crossed his arms. “If you didn’t need anything, why are you in my room?”

Zoe blinked. “Oh, yeah, mom wanted to know if they’re staying so that she can plan breakfast.” She smiled at Evan. “No pork products, guaranteed.”

Evan let himself smile, though it was weak. “Thanks.”

Jared finally spoke. “Didn't I lock that door? How did you get in?”

Connor answered before his sister could. “The lock on my door doesn’t work.”

Zoe nodded. “Yeah, dad took it off after he smoked in here the second time.”

Jared pursed his lips. “Rude. How am I supposed to perform the strip show knowing anyone could walk in?”

Evan’s eyes widened. “Jared!”

“Kidding!”

Connor flushed faintly, but Zoe laughed. “Use protection, guys, I don’t think mom would be able to handle it if you got Connor pregnant.”

Connor glared at Zoe. “Get out.”

Evan cleared his throat. It was time he started initiating things anyway. “H-How much did you hear? B-By the way? Before you go?” 

Zoe shifted awkwardly. “Oh… yeah. Um, a lot?” She hadn’t _meant_ to eavesdrop, but once she started, she couldn’t exactly interrupt their conversation to ask if they were staying.

Evan paled. “Great,” he muttered. 

Zoe frowned. “I’m sorry, Evan. I didn’t mean to!”

Connor scoffed. “How do you not mean to listen to an entire conversation?”

Zoe shrugged. She felt guilty for listening in.

Jared hummed. “You could just make this easy for us and tell us exactly what you know now?”

“I heard about Evan’s, um,” she gestured to her left arm, not knowing how to say it.

Evan gulped. “R-Right, you’re right, Zoe, I-I’m getting my cast off tomorrow.”

Zoe blinked. That wasn’t what she meant. “That’s- That’s great, Evan, congratulations.”

Evan knew it wasn’t what she meant. “Th-Thanks,” he said quietly. “It’s sweaty.”

Jared hummed. “Did you learn anything else through the door?”

“Other than you guys all being gay and in love? No.”

Jared snorted. “Cool so I can make out with your brother now?”

Evan nodded a little. “Please?”

Zoe made a disgusted face. “Gross. Not when I’m around.”

Connor huffed. “It’s not gross. You’re gross.”

“Please Zoe?” Evan gave her a sad look. 

Jared smiled. “Evan wants to watch us and possibly join us in making out, C’mon, Zoe.”

Zoe made a gagging noise. “Ew. Do whatever you want, I don’t care, but don’t tell me about it! I’m gone. I’ll be in my room with headphones on.” With that, she quickly left the room.

Evan sighed. “She heard _all_ of that.”

Connor shut the door and moved a chair in front of it before turning back to the other two. “I can’t believe her.”

“I-I must have been talking too loud,” Evan whispered. 

Connor shook his head. “No, it’s not that, she’s just annoying.”

“She’s nice,” Evan argued. 

Connor disagreed, but he knew Evan liked his sister, so he didn’t push it. “I guess.”

Evan steeled himself. “I-I think Jared promised some, um, k-kissing?”

Jared smiled, leaning up to press a kiss to the corner of Evan's lips. “I did.”


	43. Chapter 43

Saturday morning, Evan woke up with the sunrise. It was pretty, the light beaming in through Connor’s window, shining on his boyfriends’ faces. He smiled to himself. Despite the night’s dark turn, he felt good. He’d slept well, he was getting his cast off soon, and of course...his proposition. He was nervous about that still, but he trusted the two boys. After a while of laying in silence, he decided it wouldn’t be completely rude if he woke Jared and Connor up. He shook them both gently. 

It was only a few seconds before one of Connor’s eyes cracked open. He pulled his face out of Jared’s hair and leaned up “Evan?”

Evan stopped shaking Connor and Jared. “Hey, Connie,” he said softly, smiling brightly at him. 

Connor rubbed at his eyes. “What time is it?”

Evan made no effort to check. “Dunno.”

Connor hummed, and let his head fall back onto the pillow. “Too early.” They had been up pretty late the previous night.

Jared grumbled in agreement.

“Too early for a kiss?” Evan asked sadly. 

Connor’s eyes were instantly open again. “I’m reconsidering.”

“Mm,” Evan hummed, laying back down. “So am I.”

Connor leaned up and over Jared, suddenly wide awake. “Wait, don’t go back to sleep, you said a kiss.”

Evan couldn’t help but smile. “Did I?”

“Yes. I heard it. Very clearly.”

“Did I say that, Jared?” Evan asked teasingly.

“You guys 'r gay.” Jared murmured, eyes still closed.

Connor huffed. “You’re more gay.”

Evan scoffed. “I’m not gay.”

“Just kiss already.”

Evan smiled, pulling Connor down on top of Jared to kiss him sweetly. 

Connor smiled into the kiss. Evan could wake him up at any hour for this.

Pulling away after a while, Evan glanced at Jared. “Does J want a wake up kiss too?” he cooed. 

“Of course I do,” Jared hummed, not moving. 

Evan pursed his lips. “You’re gonna make me work for it?”

Jared pursed his lips but didn't move.

“Seriously?”

“Kiss.”

Evan gave in, pushing himself up and around to face Jared. He gave his boyfriend a faux exasperated glance before leaning down and kissing him. 

Jared hummed happily. “Thank you,” he murmured against Evan's lips.

Again, Evan smiled. As he kissed Jared, he linked his hand with Connor’s under the blanket. 

Connor squeezed Evan’s hand lightly. He propped his head on his hand and waited patiently for the other two to finish their good morning kiss.

Evan’s rare confidence got the better of him. He kept his lips on Jared’s, but opened his eyes to wink at Connor across the bed. 

Connor couldn’t help but chuckle a bit at Evan’s sudden boldness. He winked back and ran his thumb across the back of Evan’s hand.

Evan took that as a justification to deepen his kiss with Jared, closing his eyes again. 

Jared didn't complain, allowing Evan to take control of the kiss.

Evan kept the kiss sweet, yet enhanced it with an added passion. He tightened his grip on Connor’s hand. 

Jared pressed into it a bit more firmly, becoming more awake. “This is much better than what Connor got,” he teased against Evan's lips.

Evan hummed. “He’ll get his.”

Connor nudged Evan with his foot. “This is favoritism.”

Evan pulled his lips away from Jared’s. “It is not,” he argued. 

Connor pulled his hand back. “It is,” he retorted, “I only got one tiny kiss and Jared didn’t even have to move for his.” Connor wasn’t really upset, he knew that Evan didn’t mean anything by it, but he had to make a point to get his fair share of affection.

Evan frowned. He really hadn’t meant to make Connor feel left out. He let out a soft sigh and pushed himself up, crawling over Jared toward Connor. “Kiss, Connie?”

“Ah,” Jared tsked, grabbing Connor's shoulder and pulling him into a kiss. “I needed one from him too, damn.”

Evan gasped. “Hey!”

Jared snorted. “Hi.”

“Stop bullying me!”

Connor blinked. “Was I just used?”

Jared grinned. “Mayhaps.”

Connor paused for a second before speaking again. “You know, I don’t really think I mind.”

“Stop bullying me,” Evan repeated sadly. 

“I'm not bullying, sweetie.” Jared kissed him again to reaffirm his statement. “Only teasing.”

“Bullying.”

Connor shook his head. “He’s not bullying, baby.”

Evan turned a little red, but didn’t argue any further. 

“Kinky bitches.”

Connor redefined a bit and rolled his eyes. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Oh,” Evan whispered.

Connor reconsidered. “Not until tonight, at least.”

“ _Oh,_ ” Evan replied, blushing deeper. 

Connor grinned and gave Evan a quick kiss.

Evan just smiled. 

“What time is it?” Jared asked, yawning.

This time, Connor actually leaned over and checked the time on his cracked alarm clock. “8:22.”

Evan grunted. “I slept in.”

Jared groaned. “Slept in? I haven't slept long enough.”

“You’re awake now, so there’s no turning back,” Evan said firmly. 

“Firmly disagree.”

“You have to stay up if you want to go to Evan’s appointment.”

“Yeah!” Evan added. 

Jared grumbled, sitting up. “Fine.”

Connor snorted. “Good morning, sleeping beauty.”

Evan smiled. “Love you Jared.”

“Love you guys,” Jared replied, yawning.

“Love you too,” Connor grinned.

Evan gave each boy a kiss on the cheek. “Connie, weren’t we promised breakfast?”

Connor’s nose wrinkled in distaste. “Cynthia has probably made enough breakfast pastries to feed the country by now.”

“Oh, pastries!” Jared perked up. “Love that shit.”

\--------------------------

The boys arrived at Evan’s house around 10:00. As they walked in, Evan muttered something about Heidi still being at work, but neither of his boyfriends said anything to question him. 

Evan led them to his room and, once the door was closed for an added sense of privacy, kissed each boy softly on the lips. “I-I’m really glad you guys are coming with me later. It means a lot.”

Connor nodded. “Of course. Wouldn’t miss this for the world.” He smiled. 

Evan felt his face flush a little. “Well, um, I promise you two will get your time’s worth. A-After.”

“That’s not what we’re worried about here, Ev,” Connor started. “We’re happy for you getting that thing off your arm. What comes after is...an added bonus.”

“R-Right, thanks.” Evan went to sit down, but his phone vibrated. “Oh, wait, it’s my mom.” He answered it and held it to his ear. Jared and Connor heard his side of the conversation. 

“Mom?...No, we’re home...Did you–...At work?...Oh...No, sorry...No, it’s just that I thought you’d be off by now…Sorry...I know, but I can’t help it...Okay...That’s fine...Love you too...Bye– No! Mom, it’s ten am, what would we need protection for?!...Fine!...Please stop talking about it...Thanks...Love you...Okay, _bye_.”

He sat down in a huff. He really hated phone calls. 

Jared smiled, sitting down next to him and bumping his arm gently. “Protection, huh?”

Evan scoffed. “Yeah, as if you don’t have your own.” He paused. “You do have some, right? Y-You and Connor...used o-one?”

Connor sat on Evan's other side. “Yeah, Ev. Don't worry. I bought some a while back. Never really had much opportunity to use them, though, until now.”

“Thank god,” Evan breathed. “My mom wanted to take me to goddamn Walgreens.”

Jared laughed. “Walgreens?”

“I know!” Evan groaned. He buried his face in his hands. “This is so embarrassing.”

Connor patted Evan's back in reassurance. “It's okay.” 

Evan looked up. “I know you want to laugh at me.”

Connor shook his head. “I'm not gonna laugh at you, Evan.” 

Jared bumped into Evan's side. “Nothing embarrassing about being safe, sweetie.”

“Yeah, but you guys are all cool and my _mom_ knows we’re gonna–” Evan groaned again. “Can I have a kiss?”

Jared smiled, leaning over to pull Evan into a soft kiss. 

Evan pressed into it and pulled away after a moment. “Thanks, I needed that.”

Connor cleared his throat. “Ahem?” They couldn’t just leave him out. 

Jared snorted. “Aw, is wittle Connow feewing weft out?”

“Maybe,” Connor muttered. 

Evan smiled. “Does he want a kiss?”

“Perhaps.”

Jared grinned, lightly shoving Evan into Connor's side. “Go on, then?”

Evan fell into Connor, giving Jared a look over his shoulder. He let it go, though, and kissed Connor before he could say anything. 

Connor smiled into the kiss, his fingers tracing Evan's jaw.

Evan soon pulled away before he got caught up in the moment. He cleared his throat. “U-Uh, anyway, my mom’ll meet us at the hospital.”

Jared hummed, leaning back casually. “What ever could we do to pass the time, I wonder?”

Connor raised an eyebrow. “Evan was very adamant on fooling around _afterwards_.”

Jared snorted. “I'm not trying to jump on your dick right now, bud, sorry. I was thinking more like soft canoodling or playing with Evan's cactuses. Although if you want to make the cactuses sexual, that's on you.”

“Cacti aren’t really toys,” Evan clarified. “Don’t play with cacti. And please don’t have sex with cacti.”

Connor shrugged. “Jared said it, not me.”

Jared smirked. “But you didn't deny it?”

“I didn’t confirm it!”

Jared laughed. “Yet you _still_ haven't denied it!”

“Can we please not defile my cacti?” Evan complained. 

Jared smiled at him. “That leaves us with soft canoodling?”

Evan nodded. “Please?”

Connor wrapped his arms around Evan's waist, pulling him into his lap. “Or we could and Jared could just watch.”

A sly smile crossed Evan’s face as he leaned back into Connor. “Think he can handle that?”

Connor smirked. “Maybe.”

Jared pouted, eyes narrowing.

Evan turned around and kissed Connor softly. “I bet he can’t last five minutes.”

Jared scoffed. “This is so rude.”

“Actually, I take that back. He can’t last two.” Evan settled back against Connor snugly. Connor’s arms were still tightly secured around his waist. 

Jared's offended look slowly shifted into a smirk as he pointed at the pair of them, putting on a joking voice. “Is this allowed? What the fuck, is this allowed?”

Connor shot him a look. “Dumb Vine references get you zero kisses and negative canoodling time.”

“What?! Negative?!”

“Negative,” Connor repeated, peppering Evan’s hair with kisses. 

Jared whined. “Evan?”

Evan just giggled, his eyes closed and crinkly. Connor looked up at Jared and winked. 

Jared was back to pouting. “I'm suing.”

Connor cooed. “Aw, someone jealous?”

“The police are on their way.”

Evan cracked an eye open. “Love you, Jared.”

“I love you too, but I'm still suing.”

Evan frowned. “Just c’mere.”

Jared instantly fell into them, cuddling up into their sides. 

Evan grinned and pulled Jared closer to himself. “Connor was kidding about the negative canoodling.”

“Was I?” Connor asked, smiling. 

Jared pinched Connor's side. “Better have been.”

“I was!” Connor admitted. “You got me!”

“Good.” Jared pressed kisses to each boy’s cheek. 

Evan laughed and pushed a bit of Jared’s hair out of his eyes. He hadn’t noticed how messy it was.


	44. Chapter 44

Jared jolted when Evan's phone alarm sounded, startling the other two boys in their tangle of limbs. 

Evan nearly had a heart attack. “That’s my alarm! We need to go!” He tried to get up. 

Connor grumbled, releasing Evan from his grasp and sitting up, Jared not far behind. “Time to go to the hospital?”

Evan nodded, getting to his feet. “Yeah!”

Jared grinned. “It's time!”

“This dumb thing is finally coming off!” Evan was excited. “Let’s go!”

Jared got up, tugging Connor with him. “Who’s driving?”

Evan thought about it. “Whose car is it?”

“Dunno, one of 'em.”

“Well, can we take mine?” Evan asked softly. 

Jared grinned. “Yeah!”

Connor shrugged, smiling softly. “I don't see why not.”

Evan nodded. “Thanks. I’ll drive!”

Jared yelped. “Shotgun! Ha, I win!” He stuck his tongue out at Connor childishly.

Connor rolled his eyes. “Me, all alone in the backseat with no one to kiss?”

“I'll kiss you from the front seat. Or we could technically both sit in the front seat if we merged into one via vo–”

“Don’t you dare say–” Connor was interrupted by Evan. 

“Vore?”

“Vore!” Jared repeated, proud of Evan. “Exactly!”

“I’m learning!” Evan said. 

“I'm so proud!” 

Connor groaned. “Jared, you're such a bad influence.”

“But have you considered this?” Evan asked. “I love him.”

Jared laughed, shaking his head. “Come on, boys, that's enough. We don't want to be late, right?”

Evan grabbed each boy’s hand and tugged them out.

————

Evan’s excited demeanor had dropped significantly once the cast was off. He was always sensitive to things like touch and sound, but his left arm was in overload. Jared had offered to drive back to Evan’s house, and Evan readily accepted, Connor sitting in the backseat with him. Evan stared at his arm in disgust. It didn’t even look like his own arm. 

Connor hummed. “You okay, Ev?”

Evan pouted. “I want the cast back.”

Jared laughed. “It's not that bad, sweetie.”

“Connor, break my arm again.” 

Connor blinked. “No?”

“Please.”

“No.”

“Boo.”

Connor rolled his eyes, pressing a kiss to Evan's cheek.

“I need six showers,” Evan muttered. “You two won’t kiss too much without me, right?”

Jared chuckled. “'Course not, honey.”

“Good. I don’t like being left out.”

Connor smiled, pulling him into a kiss. 

Evan let himself smile against Connor’s lips, keeping it soft. 

Jared tsked. “Don't get too excited back there, boys.”

Evan pulled away from Connor. “It’s fine, I don’t think I can get excited at all without a shower.”

Connor smiled. “It's fine, Ev.”

“Love you?” Evan offered. 

“Yeah, Ev, I love you too.”

“That’s all I want.”

“You got it.” Connor hummed, pulling him close.

Evan looked down. “Connor, you’re not wearing a seatbelt.”

Connor grumbled. “Jared, Don't crash."

Jared nodded. “'Kay.”

“You need to put it on!” Evan complained. 

“That would mean less backseat cuddling.”

“You could die!”

“I'm not gonna die!”

“Jared cuts corners and you could fly out the window!”

“I won't.”

“Connor Murphy, you are literally going to die.” Evan was beyond worried. 

Connor laughed, shaking his head. “So worrisome.” He teased, sliding over and pulling on his seatbelt. “Better?”

Evan sighed. “Yes.” He fidgeted with his own seatbelt. 

“So can I have a kiss?”

“Can you reach?”

Connor leaned over, kissing Evan's cheek.

“Aw,” Evan cooed. “Nice.”

“You guys know we're here, right?” Jared smiled, turning around in his seat.

“What?!” Evan facepalmed. “Dammit. Connor, unbuckle yourself.”

Connor snorted, doing as instructed.

“I’m stupid,” Evan muttered. 

Jared laughed. “We're all stupid!”

“Maybe so,” Connor said. 

Jared laughed, getting out of the car. “Evan, I'm sure the first thing you want to do is wash your arm.”

“That’s why I’m taking six showers, dear.” Evan hopped out. 

Connor followed close behind. “Six seems excessive.”

“Fine, one mega shower.”

Jared nodded. “That sounds like a solid plan.”

“Thank you, I just made it up.”

Jared chuckled, grabbing both boys’ hands, leading them inside.

Evan finally separated from Jared when they got to his room, making a beeline for the shower. 

Connor sighed. “You and me, Jared.”

Jared smirked, wiggling his eyebrows. “You and me indeed.”

“Oh no. What’s that face for?” Connor teased. 

Jared pounced on him, pushing him onto the bed and cuddling up to him. “God, I love cuddling.”

Connor laughed, pulling Jared into himself. “It’s nice, huh? Nicer with Evan, though.”

“Evan is like a big mushy marshmallow, he makes everything sweeter.”

Connor nodded. “It’s insane how soft he is.”

“Very good, very pure.”

“And it looks like he keeps forgetting to shave.”

“Very hot.”

“I’ll say.”

Jared turned to shout at the bathroom door. “Evan, you're super hot!”

A voice came back. “Not what?”

Jared tried again, louder. “No, I said you're hot!”

“Oh!” There was a pause. “Thanks!”

Connor laughed. “Nice.”

Jared grinned. 

“As much as I love canoodling, can I ask you something serious?” Connor’s demeanor changed. 

Jared blinked. “Yeah, of course.”

“Do you think Evan’s serious about this?”

Jared paused, biting his lip. “I think that he wants to be serious about it. He does want it, but I'm not sure that he's as ready as he thinks.”

Connor nodded. “Uh, do you think he...knows...how it works?” His face was dark red. 

Jared laughed, kissing Connor's cheek. “Yeah, he knows. He's too nervous to go into anything without lots of research.”

“That’s, uh. Good.” Connor tried not to imagine Evan researching such a thing. “Just so we’re clear, if he looks uncomfortable at all, stop.” 

“Oh yeah, absolutely. What kind of asshole would keep going?” Jared huffed. “I am a man of consent, bitch.”

“Making sure!” 

Jared hummed. “You're weirdly comfortable for a skinny hoe.”

“Thanks?” Connor thought that was probably a compliment. 

Jared smiled. “Any time.”

“I think the water’s off. Evan’ll be out soon.”

Jared nodded. “I hope his arm feels better.”

“Me too.”

Soon the sound of bare feet on the floor echoed until it stopped outside the doorway. Evan knocked. 

Jared snorted. “We're literally just waiting for you, buddy.”

Evan opened the door. “Sorry, I didn’t know what you guys were...doing.”

Jared shrugged, holding a hand out to beckon him over. 

Connor smiled. “How's the arm?”

“I think I lost ten pounds of skin.” Evan kept his arm close to himself and inched over toward the other boys. 

“That's gotta feel better though, right?”

“Not sure yet.”

Jared whined. “Come join us, I'm a needy gay teenager.”

“My arm feels like it just got born.” Evan piled on the bed. 

Connor laughed a little. “What?”

“Evan, don't birth arms.” Jared chastised.

“I didn’t birth it, it got birthed.”

“Why are you like this?” Connor pondered. 

Jared snorted as Connor pulled Evan into the mix. “For real though, does it feel better? I imagine getting to wash it after all these months must feel amazing.”

“I told you how it felt. Like it was being b–”

Connor interrupted Evan. “Please stop saying that.”

Jared gently put a hand on Evan's elbow. “Can I?”

Evan tensed, but didn’t move. “G-Go ahead?”

Jared gingerly took Evan's hand, pulling his arm away from his body. He ghosted his fingers over the skin. “Soft,” he declared. 

Evan shuddered. “It feels...a lot.”

Connor hummed. “It’s probably sensitive. It looks even paler than the rest of you.”

Evan scoffed. “I’m the darkest one here! I go outside!”

Connor shrugged. “You're not wrong.”

Jared hummed, curiously leaning down to press a kiss to the sensitive skin.

Evan jerked his arm back. “Shit, that tingles.”

Connor blinked. “Tingles? Like in shitty romance novels?”

“How many shitty romance novels have you read, Connie?” Evan asked.

Connor scoffed. “Only like five.”

“That’s more than I expected.”

Jared laughed. “He's a hopeless romantic!”

Evan smiled. “That’s cute.”

Connor scoffed. “I'm not the cute one in this relationship.”

“You’re both the cute ones,” Evan explained. 

Jared quirked an eyebrow. “I feel like we've had this conversation before.”

“Didn’t I win?” Evan asked sweetly. 

“That's not how I remember it.”

“I didn’t _lose_.”

Connor blinked. “Yes you did.”

Evan pouted. “Damn.”

“But that's okay!” Jared pressed another kiss to Evan's arm. 

Evan yanked it away again. “Stop violating my newborn arm.”

Connor groaned. “Stop calling it newborn.”

“No.” 

Jared laughed, poking Evan's arm.

“Stop! I have important questions!”

“Alright, alright, fine.” Jared settled back into their pile of limbs. “Questions?”

Evan nodded. “Y-Yeah. Um, first, c-can we drive out to that tower? Your special place?” He poked Jared’s nose. 

Jared paused. “Really? You wanna go back there?”

“I-I want to replace that bad memory with more good ones. Like when I kissed you. I want to remember those times instead of a dumb panic attack.”

Connor and Jared shared a look, Jared turning back to Evan with a soft smile. “Of course we can.”

Evan smiled again. “Great. That’s– That’s where I want to, um...That’s where I want to do it. A-Also, follow up question.”

“Yeah?”

“How do threesomes work?”

Jared grinned, winking at him. “I'll show you some links in the car.”

Connor snorted, almost a scoff. “Not if you’re driving. I’ll drive. You teach Evan your weird porn habits.”

Evan tilted his head. “If it’s so weird, why’d you agree to do it with us?”

“Touché, Hansen.”

“Anyway,” Jared cut in. “Let's go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey the next chapter will be nsfw because a lot of you guys were advocating for that. We’ll try to keep it low in plot in case you skip it so you won’t miss anything. If there’s anything important, it’ll be in the following chapter’s beginning notes! Thanks! Pray for Evan’s newborn arm by giving us a kudos!


	45. Nsfw!!! Warning!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nsfw!! Big smut!! Skip if you don't want to read that! No plot progression happens, don't worry !

Jared closed the door behind them, tossing his keys onto the little table. He stretched out his back, shuffling over to the fold out couch where Evan and Connor sat. Evan's eyes were glued to Jared’s phone, his face bright red. Connor watched over Evan's shoulder, face slightly pink, but otherwise neutral. Jared snorted. “You two seem very invested in that video.”

Evan didn’t look up. “I’m trying to learn, Jared. I feel like I’m cramming for a test the ten minutes before school starts.”

Connor chuckled, dropping his chin onto Evan's shoulder. “You know we don't have to do all of this exactly, right? Just go with what feels good.”

“Is that what you and Jared did a couple days ago?”

Jared nodded, dropping down to sit beside him. “Pretty much. Just go with the flow. But if there's something you don't like, you gotta say so.” He leaned over. “Con is super sensitive on his thighs.”

Evan nodded in understanding. He turned to look at Connor and let his hand fall aimlessly onto his thigh. As an experiment. 

Connor jolted slightly. “Oh!” 

Jared smirked. “You know what else he likes?” He whispered, a hand hooking under Evan's chin.

Evan felt the blood rush to his face as he couldn’t help but stare into Jared’s eyes. “No, what?”

“To watch.” Jared pulled him into a kiss, one hand falling down onto Evan's hip.

Evan gasped a little at the touch, but eagerly pressed back, kissing him hard. He kept his hand on Connor’s leg, but pushed it up farther. 

Connor gulped, taking Jared's phone and tossing it onto the arm of the couch. His hands snaked back over to Evan's sides, trailing up under his shirt.

Jared pulled away slightly, face serious. “If you want to stop, just say it, okay? We won't be upset with you.”

Evan nodded, shivering at the feeling on his skin. “I-I know, I trust you,” he breathed. 

Jared nodded, diving back into the kiss, his fingers trailing down to the waistband of Evan's pants.

Connor continued his soft assault on Evan’s sides as the latter melted against Jared’s lips. Evan knew he’d be anxious the whole time, more or less, so he didn’t let the anxiety of getting undressed make him stop Jared. 

Connor took the opportunity to press soft kisses to the skin behind Evan's ear, his hands moving to reach around Evan to Jared's shirt instead, toying with the hem. 

Jared smirked into the kiss, pulling away to let Connor pull his shirt up over his head. “Someone's impatient.”

Little noises escaped Evan’s mouth, both at Connor’s kisses and at the fact that he was pressed closely to Jared, who was now shirtless. 

Connor ignored Jared’s comment. “Jesus Christ,” he breathed. “You hear that? He sounds like a little kitten.”

Jared hummed in affirmation. “Our sweet Evan makes such pretty sounds, hm?” He moved down to nip at Evan's neck.

Connor nodded, keeping his lips near Evan’s ear. “They can only get better as the time goes on.”

Evan flat out whimpered, one eye closing on its own. “G-Guys, I’m right here, you know.”

Jared's fingers trailed down to ghost over Evan, already half hard from the porn. “Oh, we know.”

Evan inhaled sharply. He already felt needy. 

“What are you gonna do about it, Ev?” Connor asked lowly. 

“I– What am I s-supposed to do?” He’d watched the porn, and it had given him ideas, but those were actors, and it didn’t have this sort of foreplay only people who were emotionally connected could engage in. 

Jared's hand pressed down a bit. “Do what you feel like you want. What feels right.”

Evan let out another noise before using one hand to pull Jared into a kiss and the other to find Connor’s hair and tug on it. He didn’t know if that was acceptable, but it was what his instincts told him to do. 

Connor gasped, a small moan of his own escaping his lips. 

Jared groaned softly into the kiss, his tongue licking at the seam of Evan's lips.

Evan instantly parted his lips and pulled again on Connor’s hair. It had gotten the reaction he wanted. 

Connor moaned again, his hands now finding the hem of Evan's shirt.

In a split second decision, Evan helped Connor remove his shirt, breaking the kiss with Jared. 

Jared paused, eyes roaming Evan's now exposed skin. “Woah, Ev, I never knew you had so much body hair.” He grinned. “Pretty manly.”

Evan looked down. “I have a lot of t-testosterone.”

Connor smacked his lips. “It’s a good look on you.”

Jared nodded in agreement, one hand trailing Evan's chest. His other started palming Evan through his khakis properly.

Evan gasped again, his legs slamming together, though it didn’t change anything. He heard himself let out what could only be a whiny moan. 

Connor chuckled to himself. “Guess I'm on shirt duty,” he mused, pulling off his own shirt.

Gulping, Evan turned to look at Connor. He was lean, and Evan couldn’t help but lower his hand to gently run over Connor’s chest. 

Connor shuddered, smiling at Evan reassuringly. 

Jared smiled as well, his hand moving up to unbutton Evan's khakis. 

Evan’s breathing picked up. He trusted Jared completely, but he was afraid he and Connor wouldn’t like what they saw. He didn’t stop him, though. 

Jared paused, his other hand gently running over Evan's cheek. “Is this okay?”

Evan let himself really think about it, in case he felt differently than he thought. “I-It’s fine,” he decided. “Go on.”

Jared nodded, carefully pulling Evan's pants off. He discarded them, instantly right back to palming him. This time, however, the only thing separating them was the thin fabric of Evan's boxers.

Evan moaned again as Connor scooted closer, wrapping his arms around him and lowering a hand to help Jared. 

Jared hummed as he shifted off of the bed, situating himself between Evan's knees to press kisses to the soft skin of Evan's inner thighs. “You're so pretty.”

“I-” What was he supposed to say to that? “Th-thanks,” he mumbled. His legs felt shaky and sensitive. Seeing Jared down between them did a number on him. It didn’t help that Connor was back to nipping at his ear.

Jared looked up at him, fingers pausing at the elastic of Evan's boxers. “I'm gonna make you feel good, okay?” 

Connor gulped, quickly unbuttoning his own pants and kicking them off.

Evan nodded. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do, but at least Connor was wearing less clothes now. That made him feel less alone. He decided to let Jared give it his all. 

Jared carefully pulled Evan's boxers off, taking him in hand quickly. He stroked him a few times, working him the rest of the way up before leaning in and licking a stripe up the underside of him.

Evan nearly screamed, but suppressed it. He twitched, watching Jared with wide eyes. At least they didn’t comment on what Jared had exposed when he pulled down Evan’s boxers. 

Connor sat running his hands over Evan’s skin, watching the scene unfold with great interest. 

Jared glanced up at Evan, pressing a soft kiss to the tip. He waited until he made eye contact with Connor before taking it into his mouth.

Evan gasped dramatically. “J-Jared–” He dropped his hand from Connor’s chest to Jared’s hair. 

Connor shuddered, moving to suck a hickey into the crook of Evan's neck, eyes never leaving Jared's. 

Jared hummed around Evan, hollowing his cheeks as he moved down, taking in more of Evan painstakingly slowly.

Evan’s hand pulled Jared’s hair a little harder than he meant to, but this sensation was new and shocking and definitely amazing. His head tilted so Connor could reach better and he stifled a moan. 

Connor tsked, humming against Evan’s skin. “Don’t hold it back, baby, we want to hear you.”

Evan instantly whimpered louder than before. 

Jared hummed in approval, sinking down about three fourths of the way. He started bobbing up and down, shifting to watch Evan's expression. 

Connor's hands roamed Evan's body freely. “Does it feel good, baby?”

Evan’s face contorted with a pleasure he’d never felt before, his little sounds coming out again. He nodded, weakly whispering, “ _Yes_.”

Connor grinned, tilting Evan's face towards him. “Good boy,” he praised, pulling him into a kiss. He swallowed all of Evan's noises, his fingers still ghosting Evan's skin in search of sensitive areas.

Meanwhile, Jared was starting to get the hang of things. He sped up, eyes falling closed in concentration. 

Evan’s eyes squeezed closed as the moaning got faster against Connor’s lips. He gasped when Connor’s long fingers ran over the small of his back. 

Connor smirked, pressing down harder onto the patch of skin. 

Reluctantly, Jared pulled off of Evan, panting as he wiped his mouth on the back of his hand.

Evan leaned back into Connor’s touch reflexively and cracked an eye open to look at Jared, breathing hard. “Wh-Why did you stop?”

“Because,” Jared smiled. “We have other things to do.” He climbed back up the bed, tugging Connor's hair. “Share those kisses, would ya?”

Connor groaned, keeping his hands on Evan as he turned to kiss Jared roughly. Evan watched as he caught his breath. 

Jared hummed, smiling against Connor's lips. “Is someone gonna undress me?”

“I think Evan should have the honor. What do you think, Ev?” Connor looked at him with hooded eyes. 

Evan took a deep breath. “I-I can do that.”

Jared smiled reassuringly, running his fingers through Evan's hair.

Connor nodded, taking his hands off the blond boy. 

Evan slipped away, moving to the other side of Jared. He still felt on edge from their previous activities, but tried to stay calm. He placed a shaky hand on Jared’s button. 

Jared smiled in encouragement.

Evan composed himself. This was fine. He was only undressing his childhood best friend-turned boyfriend who had just sucked him off in front of Connor ‘Most Likely To Die In Rehab’ Murphy, their collective boyfriend. This was definitely fine. He undid Jared’s button slowly. 

“You're so pretty, Evan,” Jared hummed, once again running his fingers through his hair.

“A-Am I?” Evan adored the feeling in his hair and sped up his process with Jared’s pants. 

Connor chimed in. “Definitely.”

Evan tried to hide his bashful smile as he tugged Jared’s jeans down. 

Jared helped him get them off, discarding them easily. He took Evan's hand, lacing their fingers together. “I love you.”

Evan nodded, but didn’t say anything, already using his free hand to try and get Jared’s boxers off. 

Connor reached over to help, tugging them off easily. Jared gulped, not looking down. “It's just as nerve-racking the second time, huh?”

“How do you think Evan feels?” Connor countered. 

Jared nodded. “You're right,” he agreed. He turned back to Evan, bringing their joined hands up to his lips. “You're perfect. All of you.”

Evan looked up from where he was staring at Jared. “S-So are you. If I remember from those videos, I-I’d say Connor is wearing too much now.”

Jared smirked, turning to Connor. “I agree.” 

Connor blinked at them. “Jesus, it's like hungry lions staring at meat.”

Evan looked away. “Sorry.”

Connor pouted, hooking a finger under Evan's chin to draw his gaze back. “Joking, baby.”

“Oh.” Evan instantly melted under Connor’s gaze. 

Jared, meanwhile, got impatient and pulled Connor's boxers off. “Damn, guys, get a move on. Evan's wilting over here.”

Evan was suddenly more aware of the fact they were all naked. “Jesus christ.”

“Jesus Christ indeed,” Jared hummed, one hand moving to stroke Evan back up. 

The boy gasped again, already sensitive. He needed to return the favor soon. 

Jared cleared his throat, biting his lip. “We should probably discuss, like, positions? Evan, uh, are you a top or a bottom?”

Evan looked up. “I…” He gulped. “Bot...tom?”

Jared chuckled. “You know what that means, right?”

“I’m not stupid, Jared!”

“I was just making sure you were ready for a dick in your ass!”

“I know how sex works!” Evan squeaked. 

Connor decided to cut in, shifting the three of them farther up the bed. He laid Evan down, kissing Jared before shifting to hover over Evan's body, sucking marks into Evan's exposed skin.

Evan shuddered, a weak whine resulting. He stared at Connor above him, and he knew he’d answered Jared’s question correctly. 

Jared watched the pair of them, gulping. “You two have no right to be this hot.”

Evan looked over. “I thought Connor was the one who liked to watch?”

Jared snorted. “Just admiring this work of art in front of me, Evan.”

“Like when you saw my dick?” Evan’s voice was innocent. 

Connor blinked. “Evan, jeez, obscene.”

“Absolutely.”

Connor rolled his eyes. “You two, I swear.”

Evan laughed. “I thought I was allowed to say those things in this situation.”

Jared smirked, grabbing something from the floor beside the couch. “I'm not complaining.”

“Neither am I,” Connor agreed. 

Evan huffed. “I can say dick again if you want me to.”

“As nice as that sounds,” Jared came back up with a small bottle in hand. “Did you ever try out that lube I gave you?”

Evan’s somewhat playful expression dissipated. “O-Once.”

“Was it okay?”

He hesitated. “Y-Yeah.”

Jared kissed Evan's forehead. “Is it okay if I..?”

Evan let out a breath and looked at Connor, who was also waiting for an answer. He turned back toward Jared. “G-Go ahead.”

Connor resumed his previous work of sucking love bites into Evan's skin as Jared popped open the lid of the lube, pouring some out onto his fingers. “Tell me if you want me to stop, okay?”

Evan nodded, holding himself close to Connor for support. His left arm tingled. 

Jared's fingers carefully moved down Evan's body. He pulled him into a proper kiss as the first one slid in.

Evan’s breath hitched against Jared’s lips. He gripped Connor’s hair, the closest thing to his hands, to brace himself. 

Connor moaned softly at the grip in his hair, breath catching. Jared tilted his head, deepening the kiss as he began working Evan open.

The moans and little whimpers that resulted from Jared’s unfinished blowjob returned, louder and more needy, against Jared’s kiss. Evan felt bold, and moved his hips a smidge to get used to the feeling. 

Connor groaned slightly. “I was so right about the sounds getting better.”

Evan’s toes curled. He pushed back on Jared’s hand and pulled gently on Connor’s hair. 

Jared pulled away a bit. “I'm gonna add another, okay?”

“Oh, god, please,” Evan breathed. 

Jared smirked, working in a second finger. “Did you find it, when you tried?”

Evan was pretty sure he knew what Jared was talking about. “N-No, I wanted to save it. F-For you guys.” He wanted his first time to be significantly better than his own personal experimenting. 

Connor cooed at him. “Cute.”

Jared smiled, crooking his fingers in search of Evan's prostate.

Evan whimpered, pulling hard on Connor’s hair. 

Connor groaned in response, pressing kisses to Evan's skin. It only took Jared a couple more minutes before he found what he was looking for.

Evan was glad the three of them were in a secluded area, because there were no neighbors to hear how loudly he screamed. It felt better than he imagined, and he backed onto Jared’s fingers for more. 

Jared chuckled. “Found it.” 

Connor smiled against Evan's skin. “Feel good?”

Evan nodded, catching his breath. “R-Really good,” he confirmed. 

Jared cleared his throat, pressing a kiss to Evan's lips. “Are you ready for another finger?”

Evan gulped. “C-Can I ask a question fir-first?”

Jared blinked. “Sure?”

“W-Well, I meant to ask it earlier, but what about y-you guys? Top or bo-bottom?” 

Connor was quiet for a moment. “Are you really asking that with two fingers in your ass?”

“I guess so.”

Connor snorted. “Top.”

Jared shot Evan a grin, teasingly grazing his prostate. “Switch.”

Evan laughed weakly, which turned into a moan. “C-collected all three, yay,” he groaned. 

Connor snorted, rolling his eyes. As Jared started working in his third finger, Connor leaned down to nibble at Evan's ear, speaking lowly. “Who do you want to fuck you?”

Evan couldn’t choose. How was he supposed to? How was he supposed to make a rational decision anyway, when he couldn’t stop moaning for two seconds? “Fl-flip a coin?” Even he knew that sounded stupid, so he kept talking, stopping to moan every few words. “N-No, don’t do that. U-Uh, wh-why can’t Jared f-fuck me and you fu-fuck him? Like– Like in those porn- pornos?”

Jared shuddered at the thought. “I don't know how long I would be able to last,” he warned.

“Tha–That’s what round twos are f-for,” Evan explained. 

Connor smirked. “Ambitious.”

Evan smiled bashfully before moaning again. “Th-Thanks.”

Jared carefully finished stretching Evan, purposefully bumping his prostate a few more times.

Evan was a moaning mess by the time Jared was done, leaning into Connor so he wouldn’t just fall over. 

Jared carefully extracted his fingers, wiping them on the sheets. 

Connor kissed blindly at whatever skin he could reach. “My lips are gonna get sore.”

Evan had to catch his breath yet again, panting slightly. “I-I didn’t say you had to keep kissing me, Connie.”

“We both know I did.”

“M-Maybe a little bit.” Evan shifted on the bed. “Uh, what– What now?”

Jared kissed him softly. “Well, If we’re doing what you want, I need to prep too. But, in the meantime, if you want, you and Con can go ahead?”

Evan quirked an eyebrow. “B-But don’t you need someone? To…?”

“I can do it myself, bud. It's okay, I don't mind.”

“Sounds unfair.”

Jared laughed. “Oh, trust me, I'm perfectly happy watching while this happens.”

“Are you sure?” Connor asked. 

Jared nodded, pouring more lube onto his fingers. “Oh yeah. More for the spank bank.” He winked.

Evan gulped. “A-Alright then.”

Connor pulled Evan close, pulling him into a lazy kiss. “Are you sure you're ready?”

“I-I think so,” Evan answered. “I am.”

Connor nodded, reaching over to grab a condom from his wallet. “I'll stop at any time if you need, okay?”

Evan hummed in understanding. “You keep a condom in your wallet?”

“Now I do.” Connor ripped the foil open, tossing it aside once he extracted the condom itself.

Evan watched carefully. “Nice,” he commented. 

Connor chuckled, rolling it on. 

Jared started prepping, biting his lip as he slipped a finger in.

Evan stared at Connor. He was a lot bigger than a few fingers. “It’s gonna– It’ll fit, right?”

Connor smiled, kissing Evan's forehead. “It will. We’ll go as slow as you need, okay?”

“O-Okay,” Evan agreed. He shot a glance at Jared. 

Jared gulped, shuddering at the feeling of his finger. 

Connor sat up, carefully guiding Evan onto his lap. “Whenever you're ready.”

Evan nodded. He trusted Connor. “I-I’m ready.”

Connor nodded, guiding Evan down and onto him slowly.

Evan groaned, his breath catching in his throat. It burned a little, but it wasn’t bad. 

Connor urged him on, helping him lower himself slowly. “You okay?”

“U-Uh huh,” Evan grunted, going down further. 

It wasn't long before he bottomed out, making Connor groan. “Fuck.”

Evan stayed still for a moment, trying to get used to it. He breathed a “Wow” in Connor’s ear. 

Connor chuckled. “That's what Jared said.”

Jared let out a whiny “Fuck you,” in response, eyes trained on the pair or them and he added his second finger. 

Evan’s eyes were screwed shut. He slowly lifted himself back up. 

Connor groaned, using everything in him not to thrust up into Evan.

Evan sank down faster that time, getting the hang of how to do this. 

Jared gulped as he watched, fingers crooking.

Evan built up a rhythm, his moans getting longer and louder. 

Connor moaned with him, his hips occasionally bucking up into Evan. Jared added a third finger, breathing hard. “F-Fuck.”

“C-Connor,” Evan moaned. He shifted to achieve the angle Jared had found earlier, nearly screaming again. 

Connor groaned, bucking into him hard. 

Jared whined from beside them, groaning when he found his own prostate.

Evan’s breath came out in pants, pleased in every sense of the word. He revelled in his boyfriends’ sounds, and he knew he was getting close. 

Jared gulped, eyes lidded. “Change of plans. I wanna see you cum like this, Evan.”

Evan snapped his head up toward Jared, though his vision was blurry. “Y-You what?”

Jared smirked. “You heard me.”

“S-Ser– Seriously?” Evan had stopped moving so he could speak. 

Jared nodded. “Do you not want to?”

“I-I do! I do. Sorry.” Evan started his nervous rhythm back up. 

Connor shuddered. “Fuck, Evan, you're so hot.”

Evan merely whined, rising and falling with the intent of pleasing Jared and making Connor feel good. 

Connor once again began thrusting up into Evan, making sure the angle was right so that he would hit his prostate every time.

A moaning mess, Evan babbled something about loving the other boys as he was driven to the edge. 

Jared shuddered, unable to stop from touching himself as he watched, stroking himself carefully.

Evan’s breath got faster. “G-Guys– I-I’m close–”

Connor muttered soft words of encouragement, not letting up. He reached down, stroking Evan towards his finish.

Jared nodded, eyes trained on Evan. “Cum for us.”

“Ah–” Evan almost did it on command, whimpering helplessly the whole time. 

Connor shuddered, easing up but not stopping completely to help Evan through his climax. 

Evan panted as he came down, eyes closed and heart hammering in his chest. 

Connor pulled out, pressing kisses to Evan's cheek. “You good?”

Evan nodded violently. “S-So good.” He glanced over to Jared. “W-Was that what you wanted?”

Jared nodded, gulping. He hadn't stopped stroking himself.

Evan smiled weakly. “You’re pretty,” he said.

Jared whimpered, “Please.”

Connor propped himself back on his elbows. “Gonna have to use your words.”

Jared groaned. “Please, someone, fuck me!”

“That’s better.” Connor crawled over. “Are you gonna fuck Ev?” he whispered. 

Jared whined. “Yes, yes, I’ll do anything, just please!”

Connor turned to Evan. “See how needy he gets?”

Evan watched Jared whine. “H-Hot,” he breathed. 

Connor nodded. “Come over here, Jared,” he ordered. 

Jared gulped, crawling over. “Please.”

Evan instantly gravitated toward Jared, Connor on their other side waiting. Evan gulped. “I-I think you’re supposed to f-fuck me first?” That wasn’t how he’d meant to tell Jared he thought Connor was waiting for him to have a dick in his ass before he put one in Jared’s, but that was how it came out. 

Jared hesitated. “A-Are you sure you're up for it after you just…?”

Evan nodded. “P-Please?”

Jared turned to Connor. “C-Condom?” 

Connor grabbed one, tossing it to him. Jared accepted it gratefully, tearing it open and slipping it on. “Evan,” he moaned.

Evan took a deep breath and backed up so he was against Jared’s chest, unintentionally teasing him. 

Jared groaned, grabbing Evan's hip. “Are you s-sure?”

Evan hummed an affirmative note. “Definitely.”

Jared pulled him close, carefully pushing in with a whine. “S-Shit.”

“Y-You feel different,” Evan whimpered as he adjusted. 

Jared just groaned. “Never been on this side of things before.”

“I thought you were a switch,” Evan mumbled. 

“He is,” Connor purred. “We’re just his firsts.”

Jared whined. “Y-Yeah. New experiences and such, r-right?”

Evan nodded as Connor crawled close. “Tell me when you’re ready, Jare.”

Jared groaned. “I don't think I will be, just do it.”

Connor hummed, lining himself up. “You’re both so beautiful,” he whispered as he pushed in. 

“Oh fuck,” Jared shuddered. “This is,” he took a deep breath. “A lot.”

Connor moaned, bottoming out in moments. “God,” he growled. 

Evan was breathing hard, but stayed still. If Jared wanted to do something, he would. It was on him. 

“Fuck, fuck, shit,” Jared swore, his hips rolling. “Oh my god.”

Both other boys moaned in sync with Jared’s movements. 

Jared shuddered, starting up a steady rhythm with his hips. “Oh god,” he panted. There was _no_ way he was going to last.

Evan pushed back on Jared. “J-Jar–” A moan cut him off. He didn’t think he could get this worked up for a second time. 

Connor moaned. “God,” he breathed. He didn't even really need to move. He did anyway. 

“ _Fuck_ ,” Jared felt a shudder wracking his body, his pace picking up.

Evan whimpered at the new speed, his breath getting faster. One tiny movement was all it took for Jared’s angle to be _just right_ , and he cried out. 

Connor groaned in Jared’s ear. “Sounds like you found it,” he commended smugly.

Jared gulped, not letting up. “You’re n-not far off yourself, b-bud.”

Connor hummed, adjusting his angle. 

Jared gasped, his hips stuttering but not stilling. “Fuck, Oh god, I'm close, please.”

Evan moaned loudly and wordlessly, trying to express that he was close, too. Again. 

Connor huffed. “I'm not far behind,” he panted. 

Jared kept going, rolling his hips hard. “Fuck.” He was so close, he only needed a little bit more to reach his climax.

Evan did what any sensible person would. He whispered a desperate “I love you.”

Jared gasped, body tensing as he came hard. “Oh fuck,” he whined, eyes falling closed as he rode our his high. 

The feeling of Connor's second boyfriend tensing around him was enough to finally push him over the edge as well, groaning.

That was a new sensation for Evan. Unfortunately, he hadn’t gotten Connor to his climax. He gasped at the feeling of Jared’s orgasm, reaching a pathetic second one of his own. 

Jared shuddered as Connor pulled out, doing the same. “Jesus Christ.”

Evan rolled over onto his side, panting wordlessly. He hadn’t expected any of it to feel that good. 

Jared pulled off the condom and tied it, tossing it away in the vague direction of the trashcan. He reached over the side of the bed, grabbing a towel to clean them all up with as Connor disposed of his own condom. Once he was done, he collapsed onto the bed, Connor not far behind. “How do you feel, Ev?”

Evan just hummed a shaky delirious tune. 

Jared laughed tiredly as Connor pressed himself close to the pair of them. Jared pulled Evan into a soft kiss. “Was it okay?”

Evan’s eyes fell closed. “Definitely,” he whispered. 

Connor chuckled. “Sleepy?”

Evan nodded. 

Jared grabbed some of the extra blankets that had been discarded, pulling them over the three of them. “We can talk when we wake up,” he yawned. “Love you guys.”

Evan was already asleep. Connor sighed happily. “Love you too,” he said. “Good night.”


	46. Chapter 46

Evan had managed the whole night with not a single nightmare or panic attack. He woke up to the light coming in, tangled in a mess of body parts. 

Jared was cuddled up into Evan's side, Connor's arm wrapped around him all the way around to Evan. Jared shifted in his sleep, breathing deeply.

As much as Evan wanted his boyfriends to enjoy their sleep, he knew there was no way he would get back to his own. He hated being the only one awake, so he decided to press kisses to Jared’s hair until he woke up. 

Jared hummed sleepily as he was roused. “Hey,” he murmured. “Sleep well?”

Evan nodded. “Real well.”

Jared smiled, pressing himself closer to Evan's chest. “How do you feel?”

“Kinda sore,” Evan admitted, his hand on the back of Jared’s neck. 

Jared chuckled. “Yeah. That happens. Me too.”

“Y-You were great,” Evan whispered. 

“Me? You did amazing. I mean, two times? That's impressive.”

“I-I had a lot of pent up...stuff.”

“Pent up nut?”

“Uh…”

Jared snorted. “I'm not hearing a no?”

“Well.”

Jared snorted. “Interesting.”

“Shush.”

Connor shifted, yawning. “Morning.”

Evan jolted. “Connor!”

Connor smiled. “Evan!”

“Uh– Hi!”

“Hi.” Connor leaned up over Jared to kiss Evan's cheek, doing to same with Jared before settling back down. “Good morning.”

Evan felt himself blush, then he felt his face turn beyond red. “W-We’re naked.”

Jared hummed. “Yep.”

“Oh god.”

“It's okay,” Jared assured. “We won't look if you wanna put your boxers on. Unless you want us to.”

“It’s nothing you haven’t seen!” Evan said. 

“Yeah,” Jared grinned.

“Oh christ, that happened, huh?” 

Connor nodded. “Uh huh.”

“Wow.”

Jared pressed a kiss to Evan's skin. “Did you enjoy it?”

Evan gulped, but nodded. “V-Very much so, yes.”

“That's good,” Jared smiled. 

Evan caught Jared’s contagious attitude. “Yeah, it is. What now?”

Jared shrugged. “Now we be together.”

Connor nodded again. “As long as it lasts.”

Evan blinked. “You don’t think we’ll last?”

“No, I didn’t mean– I’m not used to lasting relationships.” Connor was proud of himself for not getting angry. Either it was the atmosphere of the situation calming him down, or he was really starting to turn around. Maybe both. 

“Well,” Evan said, “this can be your first.”

Jared grinned. “This relationship is all about firsts, bud.”

Evan smiled shyly. “I know firsthand.”

Connor gave them a sideways look. “You’re right,” he sighed. “I’m being stu– I’m overthinking it.” He corrected himself before the other two could do it for him. 

Jared hummed, flipping around to face Connor. “I like to think we’re in this for a good long while.”

Evan hummed a higher note. “Me too. We’ve got a certain je ne sais pas.”

Connor snorted. “French nerd.”

“You’re deflecting,” Evan singsonged. 

“Fine. I think you’re right. This is– I run the risk of sounding cheesy, but this is something special we’ve got going on, huh?” Connor smiled a little wider. 

Jared leaned up to kiss Connor's chin. “Yeah. I think so.”

Evan laughed. “I think it’s cool. A few weeks ago I was pining over Zoe and now I– Well, you know.” 

Jared snorted. “Got fucked by her brother?”

“I was gonna say lost my virginity to two dudes, but that works too.”

Jared giggled. “Same thing.”

“I can’t believe you’re still talking about my sister after what we did last night,” Connor muttered. 

Jared rolled his eyes, pinching Connor's arm. “I can't believe you're still getting jealous after what we did last night.”

Connor scoffed. “I just don’t want to talk about my family right now.”

“Then we won't talk about your family,” Jared yawned, sitting up. 

“Thank god.”

“Can I get dressed?” Evan asked quietly. 

Jared smiled. “Yeah, Ev.”

Evan scrambled to his feet, frantically searching for where they’d thrown his clothes. 

“You don't have to be so rushed, no one's gonna walk in.”

“I’m cold,” Evan mumbled. 

Jared tossed an extra blanket at him.

“Let me put my clothes on first!” 

Jared snorted, cuddling up to Connor. 

Connor watched their boyfriend get dressed in a frenzy. “This is nice.”

Jared nodded. “It is. Oh, Evan, how does your arm feel?”

Evan struggled with his shirt for a moment. “A little less newborn.”

“I thought we agreed to stop saying your arm was newborn,” Connor commented. 

“I agreed to nothing.”

Jared laughed. “At least you didn't say anything about being newborn last night.”

“Oh, thank god you didn’t.”

Evan grinned. “I should have.”

Jared scoffed. “You should _not_ have.”

“I should have!”

Connor butted in. “No, no more newborn arms. Jared, do you have any more chocolate up here?” 

“I do, in fact.” Jared didn't get up. “Don't wanna get up, though.”

“Rude,” Connor muttered. 

“Lazy, actually.”

“Evan, get the chocolate.”

“No, my arm’s newborn.” 

“Jesus christ.” It was too early for this shit, Connor had decided. 

Jared laughed. “Use your other arm! It's in the first drawer in the kitcheny bit.”

Evan sighed. “Fine.” He shuffled across the room and pulled open the right drawer, grabbing most of the chocolate in it. 

Jared smiled. “Thank you! Love you!”

“Love you too,” Evan called, throwing the candy at his boyfriends one by one in an assault. 

Jared yelped, ducking under the blankets to hide from the barrage of chocolate. 

Connor held his arms up to shield himself. “Hey! What’s this for?!”

“I felt like it!” Evan answered, grinning. 

Connor lowered his arms. “Feeling bold, Hansen?”

“Maybe a little.”

Jared dropped the blankets. “Come feel bold over here.”

“Let him be confident on his own, Jare,” Connor chastised. 

“No, I’m coming.” Evan crawled back onto the bed. 

Jared flipped over onto his back. “What a life.”

“Right?” Connor commented. 

“I could get used to this.”

“So could I,” Evan agreed, resuming his position from before he got up, chocolate in hand. 

“Careful not to melt the chocolate with your hotness, boys.”

“Too late, Ev’s is liquid now,” Connor laughed. 

Jared shook his head. “A shame.”

Evan looked up. “Wait, what?”

Connor ignored him. “It’s that stubble he’s got.”

Jared nodded. “You're so right.”

“Excuse me?” Evan poked Jared for attention. 

Jared turned to him, smiling. “Hm?”

“I should shave, huh?”

“If you want. You're beautiful either way.”

Connor nodded. “Jared’s right, but I think you should wait a couple days before shaving again.”

“Why?”

“Oh, you know. Reasons.”

“He wants beard pics for him to jack off to,” Jared helpfully supplied.

Connor scoffed. “I don’t– Well. Maybe.”

“Oh,” Evan uttered. 

“It's because you're prime jack off material, especially with your beard. Because you're hot.” Jared said. “Just to be clear.”

“Can we– Uh, change the subject?” Evan squeaked. 

“Really?” Connor questioned. “After last night, still too shy?”

“Shut up!”

“Let him be coy,” Jared laughed. He stole a kiss from Evan. “At least he's cute.”

“I’m not cute?” Connor asked jokingly, pouting as Evan smiled. 

“You're… a different cute.”

“Emo cute?” Connor deadpanned. 

“Spicy cute. Evan is a soft cute. You're a sharp cute.”

Connor snorted. “Sharp. Nice. Thanks. You’re a funny cute?”

“Aw, thanks.” He gave him an appreciative kiss, turning back to Evan to kiss him as well. “I'm gay.”

“Me too, buddy.”

“I’m bisexual!” Evan exclaimed. 

Jared kissed him yet again. “And you're perfect.” He settled back down. “We're gonna have to go back eventually, you know?”

Connor sighed heavily. “Yeah.”

Evan’s smile faded. “I wish we didn't have to.”

Jared smiled reassuringly. “One day we won't.”

“We can live up here?” Evan asked quietly. 

Connor sighed. “You didn't have any nightmares this time?”

“Not at all.”

“That's good!” Jared hugged him. “Ideal, in fact.”

“Yeah?” Evan’s smile was back as he hugged Jared tightly. 

“Yeah,” Connor agreed. “New memories.”

“That's what I wanted!”

“And we did it!” Jared grinned.

Evan sighed in content. “I love you two,” he whispered. “You know, you might've saved my life.”

Connor took a deep breath, pressing himself close to the other two. “Me too, Ev.”

“What do you mean?” Evan asked carefully. He was sure he knew, but he almost didn't want to be right. 

“I, uh,” Connor cleared his throat. “I had some, well, plans. But I didn't go through with it. Because of you two. Something to live for, right?”

Jared frowned, keeping Evan's arms tight around him, but spinning around to hug Connor as well. 

Evan remembered the incident in his car the day he accidentally sent Connor the letter to himself. Connor had mentioned knowing how Evan felt. Evan kept his smile. “I’m glad you're still here, Connie.”

“I'm glad both of you are here.” Jared breathed.

Evan pulled the blankets back up on him. “I couldn't ask for better people for me to matter to, if that makes sense.”

Connor smiled. “It does.”

“I really love you,” Evan whispered. 

Jared grabbed one of Evan's hands, bringing it up to his lips. “I love both of you so much.”

Evan felt his cheeks warm. He didn’t dare ruin the moment by speaking. 

There was a pause, Jared kissing the back of Evan's hand. “I'm so naked right now.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Connor muttered, holding back a laugh. 

“I can't, my dick is out.”

“Put it away!” Connor rolled his eyes, shoving some chocolate into Jared’s mouth. 

Jared huffed, speaking through the mouthful of chocolate. “Dress me, bitch.”

“You’re so weird,” Connor mumbled, throwing the blankets off of himself and standing up, not bothering to be modest anymore. 

Jared wolf whistled. “Spicy.”

Evan whacked Jared’s head. 

“Ouch.”

“Don’t be so sexual, I’m still sore,” Evan chastised as Connor gathered his and Jared’s clothes. 

“How is whistling sexual?” Jared pouted.

“You’re sexual,” Connor explained. 

“What, like, all the time?”

“More like right now.”

Jared scoffed. “I can't help the fact that I'm dating two hot guys, okay?”

Evan snorted. “Step one in Operation: Desexualize Jared is me shaving.”

Connor threw a shirt at Jared. “Operation canceled then.”

Jared nodded, pulling it on. “Sorry Sargent, the stakes were too high.”

Evan scoffed. 

“I don’t think chocolate is a good enough breakfast,” Connor said, changing the topic. 

“You’re weak,” Evan countered. 

“Evan's right, you're weak. But also did you have something else in mind?”

“There’s that place we went before, where Evan got hit on by the waitress?” Connor offered. 

“Where I found the dime?” Evan piped in. 

Connor hesitated. “Right,” he mumbled. He still felt guilty about the dime fiasco, but he kept the coin with him since Evan gave it to him. 

Jared nodded thoughtfully. “I don't wanna drive though.”

“Evan can drive. If you guys want to go, anyway.”

“I can drive!” Evan affirmed. “With my newbor–”

“Evan, shut up.”

Jared snorted. “Is it legal to drive if just your arm isn't of age?”

“Yeah, the doctor told me so!”

Connor rolled his eyes. “Jared, stop enabling him.”

“I'm just trying to get the facts, Con. Baby arms is legal, you heard it here first.” Jared liked using incorrect grammar to bother Evan sometimes. He hadn't done it in a while.

Evan took the bait. “Jared, arms is a plural word, you have to use are.”

Jared snickered to himself. 

“What?” Evan asked in confusion. 

“Nothing! Just think you're cute, 's all.”

“Because I know how to speak english?”

“Mhm,” Jared hummed. “Glad to know your baby arm are allowed, right Con?”

Connor took a breath to tell them to please for the love of God, stop calling the arm a baby, but Evan interrupted him. 

“ _Jared_ , you have to use is when you have a singular noun, you know that!”

“Geez,” Connor butted in awkwardly, “never took Evan for such a grammar nazi.”

Evan blinked. “Did you just call a Jewish guy a nazi?”

Jared snorted. “Hitler were bad.”

“Jared!” Evan squeaked. “You’re right, but you’re so wrong!”

Jared laughed. Connor rolled his eyes. “He's messing with you, Ev.”

“He’s what?” Evan looked Jared in the eyes. “Fucker.”

Jared faux gasped. “That's Evan fucker to you, sir.”

“God please remove me from this nightmare,” Evan muttered. “Am I driving to that café place or not?”

“Yes!” Jared smiled at him. “My dick is still out, though.”

Connor finally threw Jared’s pants at him, having gotten dressed already himself. “Put it away.”

Jared saluted him. “Aye aye, captain.”

Evan rolled his eyes. “What did I do to get stuck with you two?”

Jared blew him a kiss. “Love you!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey thats it but theres an epilogue and maybe more epilogues bc we cant stop


	47. epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> beep they’re seniors in college

Jared yawned as he entered his home, dropping his keys onto the table by the door. “Guys, I'm home! Sorry, I was at the library till 3am then I had the night shift. I can't believe I was out all night. Jeez.” He sighed. Not to mention he had class in two hours.

Evan emerged from the kitchen area, grinning ear to ear. “Thank god you’re back! I didn’t think we’d see you before you had class!” He approached Jared, hugging him. “Connie’s on his way back from astronomy now.”

Jared pressed a kiss to Evan's cheek. “Glad to be back, bud. I'm so tired. Luckily I only have one class this morning.” Jared yawned again. “How was your night?”

“Cold without you. We missed you.” Evan took Jared’s hands in his own. “Take a nap.”

Jared kissed Evan, hugging him again. “I'll sleep after class. If I nap now I won't wake up in time. I missed you guys, too.”

Evan frowned. “Even if we wake you up?”

Jared shot Evan a look. “You think you'd really be able to wake me up?”

“You have so little faith in us.”

“You have so little faith in my stubbornness while sleepy.”

“I’ll drag you to class while Connor screams in your ear.”

“Harsh. Connor can be shrill when he wants.”

“I know.” Evan sighed. “I really know.”

“When's he getting home? I can make breakfast. Or lunch? I can make food.”

“No,” Evan said. “No food.”

Jared pouted. “You don't want food?”

“You need a nap! You’ll die.”

“I won't die!”

“You’re gonna die.”

“'M not gonna die. When's Connor getting back?” 

“Any time now.”

Jared yawned again, wavering slightly on his feet. “Evvie, I'm tired,” he whined.

Evan wrapped an arm around Jared’s waist. “Come on. Nap time.”

Jared whined again but leaned into Evan's touch, allowing him to lead him back to their bedroom.

Evan managed to get Jared onto their mattress. “Thank god for Connor’s trust fund money,” he muttered. Without it, there was no way they could have afforded a bed large enough for them, much less a place to put it. “Go to sleep, J.” Evan pulled Jared’s shoes off for him. 

“Mm,” Jared hummed. “Lonely.”

“Con’ll be back soon, but we can’t nap with you,” Evan said sadly. “We have class too.”

Jared whined. “Alone?”

“Just for a little bit?” Evan bent down to kiss him softly. “I love you.”

Jared pouted. 

Evan frowned. “I do love you, Jare.”

“I love you too,” Jared hummed. “Kiss me again?”

“Of course!” Evan leaned down, kissing him deeply that time. 

Jared smiled against his lips. “Love you.” He breathed, eyes closed.

“You too, J. We’ll wake you up. Have a nice nap.”

Jared hummed, burrowing down into the pillow. 

“Aw,” Evan cooed. “Cute.”

Jared was already asleep, hugging his pillow to his body in place of another person.

“Nice,” Evan muttered, leaving the room to wait for Connor to arrive. 

Connor showed up ten minutes later, entering quietly.

Evan happily greeted him with a surprise kiss on the cheek. “Jared’s asleep,” he informed. 

Connor smiled. “Oh? He's back?” Connor kissed Evan's cheek in return. “When did he get home?”

“About twenty minutes ago,” Evan guessed. “We have to wake him up for class. I said you’d scream in his ear if necessary.”

Connor nodded solemnly. 

Evan went and collapsed on their couch. “I’m worried about him. He was out really late, and he tried to make food while he was swaying on his feet.”

Connor chuckled, shuffling over to join him. “That dumbass.”

“Well, he is sometimes, but I think something’s wrong.” Evan frowned. “Is he okay?”

Connor smiled. “I think he's just.. over enthusiastic sometimes. He doesn't know his own limits.”

“We need to teach him his limits or else he’ll fall asleep behind the wheel or something!”

“He's not _that_ dumb.” Connor paused. “Right?”

“Of course not! He’s a genius! But he is that tired.”

Connor laughed a bit. “He shouldn't work himself so hard.”

“Exactly. He said the same thing to me when I tried taking twenty credit hours our first semester!” 

Connor sighed. “He's trying so hard,” he hummed. 

“I know, and he shouldn’t be.” Evan pulled Connor down on the couch with him. “We should do something for him. Get him something, take him somewhere.”

Connor nodded thoughtfully. “Like what? Or where?”

“Hm,” Evan hummed. “Bowling?”

“He loves bowling! Great idea!”

“And you suck at bowling, so it’ll be funny for him too!”

Connor rolled his eyes. “Wow, Ev, rude,” he snorted.

“You know I love you.”

Connor gave Evan a sweet kiss. “Love you too, Ev.”

Evan smiled. “Who knows? Maybe Zoe can come too. Unless it’s a boyfriend thing?”

Connor shrugged. “She can come if she wants. We’ll see how it goes.”

“We don’t have to invite her, you know.”

“I don't mind.” Connor ran his fingers through Evan's hair soothingly. “You need a haircut.”

“Do I? Too long for you?” Evan teased.

Connor snorted, tugging on it lightly. “So curly,” he smiled. “If your hair were longer it would just look like you got a perm.”

“God, I do need it cut then. No perms in my home.”

Connor snorted. “I love you.”

“Even if I look like a hobbit?”

“You're a cute hobbit.”

“Aw, you’re a cute elf.”

Connor smiled, kissing Evan's forehead. “Should we make Jared something to eat? I can't imagine he took care of himself while he was out.”

“Oh, god, he’s probably starving.” Evan stood up. “Let’s make him something special.” 

Connor followed suit, shuffling into the kitchen. “What should we make?”

“What does he not eat often?” Evan posed. 

“Uh…” Connor paused. “C...Cake?”

“Do we have eggs?”

Connor opened the fridge. “Yes.”

“Do you trust me with the oven?”

Connor hesitated. “Are you gonna leave an oven mitt in it again?”

“It’s a possibility.”

“Then only with supervision.”

“Thanks!” Evan kissed him happily. “Get the stuff out!”

Connor chuckled, doing as instructed. “For someone so bad at it, you really enjoy baking.”

“It’s because I get to eat afterwards!”

Connor laughed, setting out the supplies on the table. “Go on then, master chef.”

Evan scoffed, pushing his sleeves up. “Rude.” He began putting the ingredients into the bowl. 

“You have to crack the eggs, Evan.”

“Dammit.”

Connor laughed again. “At least the cake will have good intentions behind it.”

“If it’s inedible I take half responsibility.” Evan took the eggs out and cracked them. 

“Mhm,” Connor hummed, taking the lid off the milk for him. 

“Okay, three-quarters responsibility.” Evan poured the milk in. 

“Not all of the milk, bud.”

“Shut up, I’m trying my best!”

“I'm just trying to help! Open up the flour.”

Evan did so. “You do it!”

Connor snorted, measuring out the proper amount of flour and pouring in in. “Sugar.”

Evan opened the sugar. “Do that too?”

Connor kissed Evan's forehead, measuring it out. “Do you wanna get the rest of this? I should go check on Jared.”

“I dunno, do you trust me?”

“Do your best.”

Evan saluted him. 

Connor kissed the corner of Evan's lip, shuffling out of the kitchen and towards the bedroom.

Evan watched him go, hoping Jared was doing all right. 

When Connor got back to the bedroom, Jared was in a deep sleep, occasional noises falling from his lips.

In the kitchen, Evan had already made a mess while stirring the ingredients. He hoped Jared was at least asleep. 

Connor smiled, pressing a kiss to Jared's forehead before heading back into the kitchen. 

At the first sound of Connor returning, Evan spoke. “Is he okay?”

“Yeah, he's asleep. Are you okay?”

“Me? Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You're covered in half mixed batter.”

“I’m more than okay.”

Connor chuckled. “Great. How's the mixing going?”

“I think you know the answer to that,” Evan deadpanned. 

“Do you want me to do it?”

“You also know the answer to that.” Evan held the bowl out. 

Connor took it, holding it to his side as he whisked it. “We should really get better at this kind of thing. Jared's always the one cooking for us since he gets off first, but it might be nice to surprise him every once in a while, y'know?”

Evan nodded. “Yeah, you’re right. Cooking class?”

“Or Google.” Connor shrugged.

“That’s better.” Evan wouldn’t survive a cooking class. 

“Go turn the oven on.” 

\---------

Evan removed the cake from the oven successfully. “Hey, achievement unlocked! We did it!”

“Hope it tastes okay.” Connor mused, eyeing it. “Don't touch it till it's cool.”

“Fine,” Evan grumbled. “I’ll go wake him up. It’s getting close to his class time anyway.”

Connor nodded. “Don't let him lure you into bed with him!”

“If he does, you have to save us!” Evan called, already around the corner. 

Jared had somehow become entangled in the duvet, wrapped up warmly.

Evan cooed. Jared looked adorably comfortable. He hated that he had to wake him up. He walked over and put a hand on Jared’s cheek. “Babe?”

“Mm,” Jared leaned into Evan's touch, not quite waking up.

Evan shook him with his other hand. “Wake up, J.”

Jared whined, swatting Evan's hand away.

“Hey! We made cake for you!” Evan sat on the edge of the bed. 

Jared grumbled softly, burrowing further into his nest of blankets. “Cake?”

Evan hummed. “Mhm, warm cake made by your loving boyfriends, doesn’t that sound nice?”

“Sleep 's nice.”

“No, cake is.”

“Sleepy cake.”

“No, Jared, cake is only for awake people.”

Jared whined.

“Sorry, it’s the rules! Connor’s waiting!”

Jared whined again, louder. “Connie?”

“Mhm, he’s in the kitchen, he can’t hear you.” Evan shook him again. 

Jared groaned. “Evan,” he pouted.

Evan kept shaking him. “Wake up or absolutely no cuddling tonight.” He didn’t mean it. 

Jared gasped, eyes snapping open. “You wouldn't.”

“The couch is big enough for you to sleep on if you need to.”

Jared sat up instantly. “Evan! No!” He whined. 

“I thought so! Come on!”

Jared huffed, climbing out of bed with a yawn.

“Perfect!” Evan pulled him into the kitchen. “I did it!”

Connor smiled. “Nice job.”

Jared yawned, smiling. “Hey, Connie.”

Evan grinned. “Told you he was here. And look, it’s the cake we made.” He pointed. 

Jared eyed it. “Who made it?”

“Both of us equally made this cake, Jared,” Evan said before Connor could say a word. 

Jared stepped closer. “And it's safe to eat?” 

Connor snorted, shooting Evan a look.

“Connor is a better chef than you think!” Evan said. 

Jared smiled, pulling Evan into his side as he shuffled over to the counter, kissing Connor. “You guys are too sweet.”

“I cracked the eggs this time,” Evan whispered into Jared’s ear, still living off the validation. 

Jared grinned, pressing a sweet kiss to Evan's temple. “You did amazing, Ev.”

Evan revelled in the praise as Connor cut a still warm slice of uniced cake for Jared. 

Jared accepted it gratefully, sliding into the barstool at the counter. “I know for a fact Evan ate all the icing last week.”

“I don’t like being exposed like this,” Evan mumbled. “And it was chocolate, I couldn’t just not eat it.”

Connor laughed. “Evan, adults aren't supposed to eat entire tubs of icing. It's not healthy.”

“Your idea of adulthood is moderately alarming and extremely wrong.” Evan took some crumbs off Jared’s slice. 

Jared snorted, holding up a forkful of cake for Evan. “Open.”

Evan did as instructed. 

Jared fed it to him, motioning Connor over. “Your turn, big guy.” He held up another forkful.

Connor blinked, but opened his mouth, eyebrow raised. 

Jared fed him easily. “Healthy, right?”

Connor shook his head, chewing the food. 

“So healthy,” Evan agreed. 

Jared took a bite for himself, smiling. “Guys I'm so gay for both of you.”

“I’m gay for you guys too,” Connor said, having finished the cake in his mouth. 

“I’m bi for you,” Evan added. 

Jared nodded. “Good shit.”

“Oh, Jared, we’re also going bowling.” Connor smiled. “After your classes, of course.”

“Bowling?!”

Evan nodded. “To help you unwind.”

Jared grinned. “You guys are so good.”

“We know.”

Jared kissed each of them quickly. “Do we have any milk?”

“Uh–” Evan cut Connor off. 

“No,” he said a little angrily. “Connor finished the milk.”

Jared snorted. “You good, Ev?”

“I had,” Evan started, “ _no milk_ for my Coco Puffs this morning.”

Connor rolled his eyes. “You used most of it in the batter! I had like one cup.”

“I was saving it for cake! It’s not my fault I don’t know how to make cake!”

Jared shoved some cake into Evan's mouth. “Calm down, bud. You made some damn fine cake.”

Evan mumbled around the cake in his mouth, but didn’t protest anymore. 

Jared smiled to himself. He was glad he had Evan and Connor.


	48. epilogue 2

Jared huffed. “Con, if you don't sit still I'm never gonna get done with your hair.”

Evan laughed. “You should probably sit still, Connie.”

Connor huffed. “He’s pulling it.”

“I'm pulling it because you won't sit still!”

Evan leaned in to kiss Connor sweetly. “Stay still.”

Connor grumbled, but didn’t resist anymore. 

“Thank you.” Jared pressed a kiss to the top of Connor's head. “Honestly.”

“I have a sensitive scalp,” Connor muttered. 

“And a sensitive penis.” Jared added.

“Jared, you have a sensitive everything,” Evan added, mocking Jared’s tone. 

Jared grinned. “Yeah.”

Connor whacked him. “Oh stop.” 

Jared gasped dramatically, pinning Connor's hair so it was out of his face. “I'm sensitive, Connithy!”

Connor rolled his eyes. “It’s not like you’re going to nut right now.”

“There's always a chance,” Jared warned.

“Don’t tempt him, Jared,” Evan said, sighing. 

Jared laughed, kissing Connor's forehead. “All done.”

Connor clapped his knees. “Great. Can we go now?”

Jared rolled his eyes, nodding. “Yes, we can go.”

Connor smiled. “Finally. I’m starving.”

Jared grabbed Evan's hand, pulling him up to his feet. “Food!”

Evan grunted as he was yanked. “Okay, food!” He was always hungry, so it made little difference to him. 

\------- 

“Connor do not scare the waitress.”

“I’m not scaring anyone!” Connor defended. 

“You give her the side eye every time she asks Evan if he needs anything!”

“She’s putting her implants in his face!”

Evan flinched. “Guys, she’s doing her job.”

Jared snorted. “Implants? That's so rude.”

Evan shook his head. “No, they’re implants,” he confirmed. 

Jared laughed. “Evan!”

“I’m just saying!”

Jared rolled his eyes. “You dork.” 

Connor scoffed. “Anyways, she’s being pushy. Reminds me of our first date.”

Jared smiled. “That was a long time ago.”

Evan frowned. “We’re not old.”

“A little old.”

“You’re old,” Evan corrected. “I’m young.”

“I'm no cougar.”

Connor snorted. “Evan, you’re only younger by three months.”

“Don’t crush my dreams.”

“I’ll crush that as–” Jared cut off with a cough as an elderly couple passed by.

Evan smiled. “Can’t even act out in front of senior citizens. You’re losing your touch.”

Jared scoffed. “Losing my touch? Let's see if you say that later tonight.”

Connor butted in. “Maybe wait a day or two. You know what this food does to Evan’s digestive system.”

“Connor! Why would you say that?!” Evan pouted. 

Jared snorted. “Because we're old.”

Evan crossed his arms. “I’m not old.”

Jared chuckled. “How old are you?”

“Twenty-eight,” Evan mumbled. 

“And how many years have we been together?”

“Ten.”

Jared nodded. “Old.”

“Stop making me feel elderly! This is about Connor!”

Jared snickered. “Right, you're right.”

Connor put his elbows on the table. “It’s okay, guys. Evan doesn’t look a day over twenty-five.”

“I’ll take it,” Evan murmured. 

Jared smiled. “I think you're hot no matter how many wrinkles you get.”

Evan gasped. “I don’t have wrinkles!”

“Yet!”

“Stop being mean to him!” Connor concluded, putting an arm around Evan. 

“I was kidding!” Jared pouted.

“We’re not old,” Evan grumbled. “We’re experienced. Now I want two chocolate molten lava cakes for dessert, who’s with me?”

Connor snorted. “We haven’t even gotten our food yet, Ev.”

“I don’t deserve this backtalk.”

Jared laughed. “The power is going to his head.”

“What power?” Evan asked innocently. 

“The power. You know.”

“I’m not sure I do.”

Connor interrupted. “I think the power is mine right now,” he said smiling. 

Evan nodded. “It’s true. This is about him. You did promise him anything he wanted, Jare.”

Jared nodded. “That includes sexually.”

Connor hummed. “Maybe, we’ll see.”

Jared smiled. “Birthday boy gets first picks on the dicks.”

Connor rolled his eyes. 

Jared kicked him under the table. “As long as you stop scaring the waitress.”

“I’ll stop if you don’t tell her it’s my birthday.”

“Interesting concept,” Jared hummed. 

“No!”

“Excuse me, waitress!”

Connor gasped as she started walking over. “No! Jared, shut up!”

Jared grinned. “Excuse me, can we get two of these chocolate lava cakes, please?”

The waitress smiled. “Of course.” Again, she was leaning over Evan. “Anything else?”

“Uh, extra order of fries. That'll be all, for now. Thanks!”

She nodded and left. 

Connor blinked. “Really, Jared?”

“What? Evan earned it.”

Connor scoffed. 

Evan spoke up. “What'd I earn that for?”

“Oh, you know. Being the good Evan.”

“I'm not complaining but it's Connor’s birthday so shouldn't he be earning things?”

Connor shook his head. “I really shouldn't.”

“He's earning sexy points.”

“Of course I am.”

Jared grinned.

“I’ll redeem them when I'm ready.”

“Tonight.”

“If Evan doesn’t eat spicy food.”

“Hey!”

Jared laughed. “No spicy food.”

“Fine!”

Jared kissed the back of Evan's hand.

“I didn't plan on being rawed tonight,” Evan muttered. 

Connor laughed. “You knew better.”

“I really should have.”

Jared chuckled. “Always plan on getting rawed.”

“God, I guess so.”

“We'll raw you softly, in honor of Connor's birthday.”

“Of course.” 

The waitress returned with their food, as well as Evan's lava cakes. 

Connor stared her down until she left. They finished their meals quickly, leaving just the extra fries and cakes. They looked at Evan. “So is that all you're eating tonight?”

Evan nodded simply. 

“You know you can get more if you want,” Jared hummed.

“This is all a human should need.”

Jared snorted. “So unhealthy.”

Evan shrugged. “You're jealous you can't eat this much.”

“You wanna bet?”

“Jared you will lose,” Connor warned. 

“I will not!”

Connor shook his head. “You will!”

Jared tsked.

“Love you!”

Jared rolled his eyes. “So rude.”

Evan had already finished his fries. “Stop arguing.”

Jared pouted. “But Connor likes arguing.”

Connor stared at him flatly. 

Jared beamed.

Connor sighed. “I do.”

“See!”

“But not at dinner.”

Jared was back to pouting. “Boo.”

Connor winked. “Maybe later tonight when I cash in those points.”

Jared giggled, moving his foot up into Connor's lap beneath the table.

“Highly inappropriate,” Connor accused. “We have young folks here.” He pointed to Evan, who was blissfully eating his cake. 

“Mm,” Jared hummed. “Young, but far from innocent.”

“Never said he was innocent,” Connor pointed out. “He's seen things.”

“He's _done_ things.”

“He really has.”

Evan looked up. “Who what?”

Jared hummed. “You're a kinky bitch, Ev.”

Evan smacked. “Yeah.”

“Good. Glad that's settled. Who's fucking who tonight, Con?”

“Jare, you do this every time,” Connor sighed. “You don’t need a plan to have fun.”

Jared pouted. “It's nice to be prepared, is all!”

Connor smiled. “Just wing it for once.”

“Hard wing it for a dick in your ass.”

“Let Evan eat in peace, Jared.”

Jared tsked. “He's so messy. Like a child.” He grabbed a napkin, reaching over to clean Evan's mouth.

Evan swatted his hand away. “Am I a child or am I old?”

“Old child.” Jared grinned.

“Makes no sense.”

Jared shrugged, moving his hand back up to finish cleaning Evan's mouth off. 

Evan kept swatting him away. “Babe, I can clean myself.”

“Let me be gay, Evan.” Jared huffed.

“Let me be bi, Jared.”

Jared smiled, rolling his eyes. “Whatever. Just finish eating so we can go home and Connor can open his gifts!”

Connor blinked. “Gifts? I seem to remember saying don’t get me anything.”

Evan scoffed. “You have gifts whether you like it or not.”

Jared nodded. “Obviously we got you things.”

Connor was turning a little red. “You do this every time. Just like the sex thing.”

Evan smiled. “So learn to expect it.”

Jared nodded in agreement.

Connor gave up. “Fine. Love you.”

“Love you too! Happy 29th, Con.” Jared smiled at him softly.

Connor grinned. “Thanks, Jare.”

Evan poked Connor’s nose. “Don’t forget, I love you too.”

“Yeah, but you’re messy.”

“Hey!”

Jared laughed. “You two are treasures.”

Evan smiled. “He is.”

“And you!”

Connor nodded in agreement. “You too, Ev.”

Evan blushed. “It’s Connor’s birthday, guys, stop focusing on me.”

Jared hummed. “Con, do you wanna do anything else after dinner or just go home?”

Connor contemplated it. “I really kinda wanna see what you two got for me…”

Jared chuckled. “Of course you do, Mr. ’I don't want anything’.”

“Just because I didn’t ask for anything doesn’t mean I can’t get curious.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Ev, how's the cake?”

Evan was nearly done. “Fantastic.”

“Are you still hungry?”

“No,” Evan lied. “Let’s go home.”

Jared gave him a flat look. “You weren't good at lying ten years ago, and you're still shit at it.”

“Shush! We have ice cream at home, I can eat that while Connie opens his gifts!”

“Fine, but if you're still hungry after that I'm ordering a pizza.”

“But we have food at home, Jared,” Connor said carefully. “We have onions–” His listing was cut short by Evan. 

“I’ll eat the onions.”

“No, Evan.”

Jared patted Evan's thigh. “Not this time, buddy.”

“I will one day.”

Jared shook his head. “You really don't need to. Ever.”

“It’s the ultimate power move.”

“It's really not.”

“Look me in the eyes and tell me if you saw someone bite into an onion, you wouldn’t think they had unimaginable power.”

Jared's eyes narrowed. “You know I can't.”

“I know.” Evan smiled. 

“Just finish eating!”

\------

Evan wasted no time getting out of the car and dragging Connor inside, straight to their bedroom. 

Jared chuckled. “Eager.”

“Just keep him here while I get the presents?” Evan asked nicely. 

Jared nodded, pushing Connor onto the bed and crawling into his lap. “No problem.”

Evan sighed. “Just keep your pants on.” He hurried out. 

Connor smiled down at Jared. “Keeping me here, huh?”

“Uh huh.” Jared wrapped his arms around Connor's neck, fingers playing with his hair.

“Doing a pretty good job,” Connor said. “Did you doll up my hair just to play with it?”

“Maybe.” Jared grinned.

“Jeez. I overestimated you.”

“How rude! I also did it so you would look super cute. And I did a good job.”

“I know you did, babe. You always do.”

“Thank you.” Jared pressed a gentle kiss to his lips.

Connor had planned on kissing him again, rougher, but Evan returned, nearly vibrating with excitement. 

“Okay! Close your eyes!” 

Jared grinned, hopping out of Connor's lap. 

Connor sighed, but closed his eyes anyway. 

Evan handed one small box to Jared, silently asking him if he remembered their plan. 

Jared nodded, grinning. He moved up to sit on the bed to the side of Connor, waiting for Evan to do the same on his other side.

Evan did so, crawling up to Connor’s left side. He matched Jared’s enthusiastic grin. 

Jared and Evan flipped open the boxes, holding them out in front of Connor. “Open,” Jared murmured.

Connor opened his eyes, expecting a dick shaped lollipop or a new bottle of lube. He never expected to see his boyfriends both holding ring boxes. “I…”

“We know we can't legally do it, but, for what it's worth, we still thought we'd ask.” Jared smiled. “Evan?”

Evan nodded, his sweet smile never fading. “Marry us Connie? Metaphorically?”

Connor was speechless, staring at them. 

Jared spoke up. “It won't be law binding, technically, but we figured we could wear the rings and say we're married anyway. Fuck the system, right?”

Evan nodded along in agreement. 

Connor gulped. He looked from one boy to the other, the rings in their boxes different, like they’d chosen them separately. “Uh…”

“We really love you, Connie,” Evan said quietly. “So much.”

Jared was starting to get nervous. “Con? You okay?”

Connor nodded stiffly, still trying to process it. “Y-You got my ring size?”

Jared laughed a bit. “Yeah, Con.”

“You got my parents’ blessing?”

Evan nodded. “And Zoe’s!”

Connor kept staring. 

“Con, it- It’s a yes or no question.” Evan was a little worried. 

Jared laughed nervously. “We did it all, Con. All that's left is your answer.”

Connor looked at Jared’s eyes. They were nervous, and he could tell. He turned to Evan, whose smile seemed more and more put on with every second he wasted. Finally, he cleared his throat. 

“Yes.”

Jared jolted. “Yeah?!”

“Yes!”

Evan gasped. “Seriously?!”

“I mean it!”

“Oh my god!” Jared grinned, throwing his arms around Connor. 

Evan went lower, hugging himself to Connor’s waist. 

“You two are dorks!” Connor said, trying not to cry. It wasn’t working. 

Jared laughed happily, pressing kisses wherever he could reach.

Evan hugged Connor tightly. “We love you,” he kept saying. 

Connor gave up trying to keep his tears in. He’d become a lot more emotionally vulnerable over the years. “I love you too,” he countered every time Evan said it. 

Jared sniffled, eyes welling up. “Happy birthday, Con,” he whispered. 

Evan nodded in agreement. “Happy birthday,” he managed. 

“You two will be the death of me,” Connor laughed, his tears finally falling.


	49. epilogue 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is complete blind fluff with 0 meaning and we’re ending with this because we think you guys have deserved it after all the unresolved angst lmao

Jared hummed softly, petting the cat that was laying on his stomach. Connor was out picking up a pizza, and Evan was supposed to be back soon so Jared was waiting idly. 

Evan had gotten stuck in some traffic, but once he turned down the road to the house, he smiled. He might have gone a little over the speed limit for the neighborhood, but it wasn’t his fault he wanted to see his boyfriends so badly. He didn’t even pull the car into the garage, hopping out and ringing the front doorbell. 

Jared tsked when the bell rang. “This is your house too, Evan, just come in!”

Evan opened the door. “I’m trying to be polite!”

“It's your own home!”

“It’s nice to wait!”

“I can't get up to greet you.”

“What? Why not?” Evan frowned and walked in further. 

“I've been blessed.”

Evan turned a corner to see the cat on Jared’s lap. “Wow. You really have.”

Jared nodded.

“Where’s Connie?”

“Getting pizza.”

“Oh? What’s the occasion?”

“Dinner.”

“Well. I know that much.”

Jared shrugged. “We were too lazy to make food.”

“Ah. I should have known.” Evan sat down beside Jared. “How was your day?”

“Good. Cat licked me earlier.”

“Oh thank god. Truly blessed.”

“God, you're so right.”

Evan leaned over for a kiss.

Jared returned it happily. “How was your day?”

“Oh, it was great!” Evan said. “Lunch with Zoe was fun. She really wants you and Con to come next time though.”

Jared nodded. “Call Con and put him on speaker so I can tell him to hurry up.”

Evan got his phone from his pocket. “You know he can’t speed up the pizza place himself, right?”

Jared pouted. “Call!”

“Fine!” Evan quickly began a call with Connor. 

Jared scratched the cat’s chin.

Connor answered on the third ring. “Hey.”

Evan put the call on speaker. “Jared says hurry up.”

Connor scoffed. “That's so rude.”

“That’s his message. Mine is that I love you.”

“I love you too.” 

Jared cut in. “That's gay!”

Evan leaned over toward Jared. “It’s bi when I do it.”

Jared grunted. “Kiss.” 

Evan kissed him. “Anyway. Jared wants you to hurry.”

Connor huffed. “You guys better not be getting all kissy without me.”

“It was one kiss!” Evan defended. 

Connor hummed. 

“What?”

“Don't get too kissy without me. I'll be home soon. Jared shut the fuck up. I've only been gone for like ten minutes.”

Jared pouted. “Don't be a bitch, bitch.”

Evan sighed. “Don’t call our boyfriend a bitch.”

Connor laughed. “Jared's the bitch.”

Jared snorted, rolling his eyes. “ _Husband_ , Ev. If you say it enough the government has to accept it.”

“I don’t think civil partnerships work that way, but I’m a fool anyway,” Evan muttered. 

Jared smiled. “You're our fool.”

Evan nodded in acceptance. “Whose last name did we pick for this week?”

“Kleinman!” Jared beamed.

Evan nodded again. “Okay. Correction. Don’t call our husband, Connor Kleinman, a bitch.”

Jared giggled. “Connor Kleinman is a bitch.” 

Connor huffed. “Oh my god, Jared.”

Evan sighed. “I tried.”

Connor laughed a bit. “I'll be home in ten. Love you guys.”

“Love you more,” Evan added. 

“Love you bitch!” Jared called. 

Connor laughed as he hung up.

Evan whacked Jared. “Stop calling him that.”

Jared shrugged. “Kiss.”

“Connie said not to get kissy.”

Jared scoffed. “Kiss!”

“You know he’ll know!”

“Kiss,” Jared whined.

“Remember what happened last time?”

“I got a kiss and was happy?”

“No, Connor said he was disappointed and I cried.”

“Damn.”

“He was joking but I still cried.”

Jared pouted.

Evan frowned. “Fine, but you’re taking the blame if he says anything.”

Jared grinned, leaning up expectantly.

Evan closed the distance, placing his lips softly on Jared’s. 

Jared smiled against his lips. 

Evan pushed harder until he felt something hit his face. “Hey! Your cat slapped me!”

Jared blinked. “Huh?” 

“She hit me!”

Jared laughed. “What?”

“Your cat whacked me!”

“Aw,” Jared cooed, petting the cat in question. “She's protective.”

“She’s always hated me!”

“She has not!”

“She bites me!”

“She bites everyone!”

“She hates me, Jared!”

“She doesn't!”

“Look at her.”

Jared looked down at the cat, who was now sitting up on his stomach. It looked back at him curiously, purring. “What a woman.”

Evan pouted. “I still want a puppy.”

Jared huffed. “You don't appreciate our daughter.”

“She hates me. I want a dog.”

“That's so rude!”

“I never said I was nice!”

“Ev!”

“What?!” 

“Don't bully my baby!”

“She’s a cat, Jare,” Evan said. 

“She has feelings!”

“I thought I was your baby,” Evan mumbled. 

“You're my human baby.”

“That sounds weird.”

Jared shrugged. “Sexual baby sounds worse.”

Evan grimaced. “You’re right.”

“Kiss.”

Evan gave in immediately. 

Jared brought a hand up to rest on Evan's cheek.

Evan made a soft sound and crawled closer. 

Jared held him close.

“I think Con’s home,” Evan whispered into Jared’s lips. 

“Mm,” Jared hummed, not quite pulling away yet.

Evan didn’t dare separate them either. He lingered sweetly. 

Connor shuffled into the room. “How sweet.”

Evan froze. The cat hit him again. “Hey!”

Jared laughed. 

Evan groaned. “Welcome back Connor.”

Connor blinked. “Hi. What'd I miss?”

“Cat hates me,” Evan said. 

Jared tsked. “She doesn't.”

“We’ve been over this.”

“And she doesn't!”

“Connie, tell him,” Evan pouted. 

Connor shrugged. “I don't think she hates you.”

“Traitor!”

Jared laughed. “I told you!”

“Can we just eat?”

Jared reluctantly got up, the cat jumping off of him. “Fine.”

“I’m hungry,” Evan muttered. 

Connor smiled. “Kisses first.”

“I’ll kiss the pizza.”

“Don't kiss the pizza. It's greasy.”

“It’s going in my mouth anyway, I don’t see a problem with it.” Evan huffed. 

“You'll get acne.”

“I’m physically flawless.”

Jared nodded. “He's right.”

Evan smiled. “Pizza?”

“Pizza!”

“Let me smooch it!”

Connor snorted. “No.”

“Are you really gonna stop me?”

“Maybe.”

“Wow, you’re all betraying me today. Fine.” Evan huffed. “I’ll take a slice and go eat in the office where I don’t have people prioritizing cats over me and stopping me from making out with my food.”

Jared pouted. “No!”

“Apparently!”

Connor laughed, pulling Evan into a hug. “Welcome home, babe.”

Evan blinked. “Why the hug? I’m trying to be mad.”

“Because I love you.”

“Let me feel raging anger, Connie.”

“I love my adorable husband Evan so much.”

Evan tried to fight a smile. “Stop!”

Connor hummed. “Our amazingly sweet boy.”

“S-Stop it!” Evan couldn’t hide his intense blush. 

Connor squeezed him. “Love of our lives, Evan Kleinman!”

Evan laughed. “Connie!”

Connor laughed with him, pulling back to kiss him. Jared snuck up behind. “I want kisses too!”

Evan was giggling in the midst of them. “Guys!”

Jared kissed Evan's cheek. “Husband time!”

“Husband time?”

Connor squeezed him. “Husband time!”

Evan was grinning. “What’s that even mean?”

Jared kissed his other cheek. “Means we love you!”

“I love you too, but I want pizza!”

Connor smiled, stealing a kiss. “Alright, alright.” He released him.

“Husband time after?” Evan asked meekly. 

Connor nodded. “Totally!”

“Great!” Evan grabbed a pizza box.

——-

Jared patted the couch next to him. “C'mon!”

Evan hesitated. “Where’s the cat?”

“She's sleeping.”

“She won’t interrupt?”

“No!”

Connor chuckled, urging Evan away from the couch. “Why don't we go to the bedroom, so we can actually all fit?”

Evan backed into Connor’s arms. “That’s a better idea.”

Jared pouted. “But I just sat down.”

“But it’s husband time.”

Jared grunted. “Fine.” He got up, following the other two to their bedroom. “You guys wanna watch a movie?”

Evan was afraid of being overlooked again. “That sounds more like movie time and less like husband time.”

Jared pulled Evan onto the bed. “Aw, our sweet boy.”

Evan stuck his tongue out. “Anything beats Jared getting horny over the Bee Movie.”

“Look–”

“Jared, anything you say to try and defend yourself will only dig you a deeper hole.”

Connor climbed into bed with them as Jared sputtered. “Look, just because I used to jokingly jack off to the soundtrack and accidentally conditioned myself to get a boner everytime it plays doesn't mean I'm horny for bees okay.”

“You Pavloved yourself,” Evan remarked. “And who was it a joke to, yourself?”

Jared pouted. “Myself.”

“It’s okay, Jare. We all make mistakes.”

Jared continued pouting.

“It’s husband time,” Evan reminded him. 

Jared wrapped his arms around Evan's waist, still pouting. Connor snorted.

Evan frowned. “Please stop pouting.”

Connor kissed Jared's cheek. “Big baby.”

“We love you.” Evan kissed Jared’s arms. 

Jared softened a bit. “You guys are nerds.”

“Your nerds,” Evan clarified. 

Jared sighed. “I love you guys.”

“Husband time?”

Jared nodded. 

Evan grinned and hugged himself closer to both Jared and Connor. 

Connor kissed Evan's cheek. “I've missed you guys.”

“Just from your pizza run?” 

“No, like, generally.”

“Oh, nice.” Evan kissed him properly. 

Jared smiled. “Cute.”

Evan pulled Jared up higher. “Your turn.”

Jared hummed. “My turn for what?”

“Getting a kiss!”

Jared perked up. “Yes please!”

Evan kissed him sweetly. 

Jared smiled. “Love you.”

“You too, Jare.” Evan hugged him close. 

“Connie,” Jared whined. “Spoon us, you fuck.”

Connor snorted, doing as Jared asked.

Evan grinned. “This is husband time.”

Connor kissed Evan's cheek. “Yes.”

“I like the middle,” Evan mumbled. 

Jared chuckled. “It's good, right?”

Evan nodded. “Warm.”

Jared nodded in agreement.

“Y’know, I missed you guys too,” Evan said, going off what Connor had said earlier. 

Jared nodded again. “Me too.”

Evan kissed Jared’s jaw. “I’m just glad the cat’s not here to take you away from me.”

Connor laughed. “Evan, it's a cat.”

“Jared loves her more than me.”

Jared scoffed. “I do not.”

“You do.”

“I do not!”

“Then let me have a puppy!”

Connor blinked. “A puppy?”

Evan nodded. “I want a husky.”

Jared hummed. “Huskies get big.”

“I like big dogs, Jared.”

Connor snorted. “We can discuss getting a dog some other time. We're supposed to be having husband time, not arguing.”

“Fine,” Evan mumbled. “Husband time me.”

Jared squeezed Evan lightly, kissing him gently. 

Evan smiled. “That’s good stuff.”

Connor laughed, kissing the base of Evan's neck. 

“That’s better stuff,” Evan laughed. 

Jared grinned. “I love you two.”

“Me too!”

Connor smiled. “Me too.”

“I really like this.” Evan cuddled back into Connor. 

Jared nodded, running his fingers through Evan's hair. “Me too.”

Connor hummed in agreement.

“I crave attention,” Evan said. 

“We're here to provide it.” 

“Thank god. Love that. Praise the lord.”

Jared laughed. “God, you're so cute.”

“Am I?” 

Connor nodded. “Yes.”

“Aw,” Evan cooed. “I try my best.”

Jared kissed Evan's cheek. “A blessing.”

“Your blessing!”

Connor shifted closer. “Our blessing.”

“Yes!” Evan grinned. 

Jared smiled dopily. “I never thought I would end up with such a good life.”

Evan nodded. “I never thought I’d live past high school.” He paused. He hadn’t meant to make it darker. “Uh, me neither, Jare.”

Connor petted Evan's hair soothingly. “I didn't think I would either, Evan.” 

Jared held the other two tightly. “I'm so so glad you guys did.”

Evan smiled. “Me too. This is better than I imagined any life could be.”

Connor smiled back. “Kinda makes life worth living.”

“It really does,” Evan whispered. “Truly.”

Jared pressed himself close against Evan. “I love you. Both of you.”

“Me too.”

Jared smiled. “We're gonna be together like this forever, right?”

“Longer than that!” Evan promised. 

Connor nodded. “That's right.”

Jared smiled softly. “Good.”

“I don’t care if I’m a million years old, I always want to be your sweet boy,” Evan muttered into Jared’s shirt. 

Connor and Jared shared a smile. “You will be,” Jared assured. “You're our sweet boy until the end of time.”

“Really?” Evan asked softly. 

“Definitely,” Connor murmured.

“Aw. That’s all I want.”

“Well then you got it.”

“Guess I did. Nothing left I want to achieve.”

Jared hummed. “You could achieve a puppy.”

“Could I?!” Evan nearly yelled. 

“Maybe.”

“For real?!” Evan’s voice was high. 

Jared chuckled. “For real.”

“A husky?!”

“They're cute.”

“They are! They’re so cute and soft! I already love him!”

Connor laughed. “You haven't even looked for one yet!”

“I love him, Connor!”

“Alright, alright, jeez!”

Evan smiled sweetly. “I still love you two more.”

Jared kissed him. “Thanks.”

“Anytime!” Evan pulled Jared up closer to himself as he backed even further into Connor. 

Connor smiled. “You're gonna get all sweaty.”

“I don’t sweat, I glisten.”

Jared snickered. “You glow like a pregnant woman.”

“I’m not a pregnant woman,” Evan said. 

“Oh, I know. Definitely not a woman.”

“Not pregnant either!”

“I hope not!”

“Connor might be.”

Jared nodded. “He might.”

Connor blinked. “What?”

“You’re pregnant, Connie,” Evan whispered. “Congrats!”

“Oh shit,” Connor muttered. “Is it a boy?”

“Does it matter?”

“No, but it would be nice to know.”

“Well,” Evan said. “We don’t know yet.”

Jared snorted. “Guys, this is weird.”

“You’re weird, I just want a puppy.”

Jared whined. “I'm tired.”

Evan poked him. “Husband time isn’t over yet.”

Jared pouted. “But it's so comfy.”

Evan frowned. “Fine, go to sleep. We’ll canoodle without you.”

“No!” Jared pouted harder.

“I’m not tired,” Evan complained. 

Connor hummed. “You get tired at the same time every night. Which is about ten minutes from now.”

“That’s not true,” Evan said, scoffing. “That doesn’t happen.”

Jared shot him a look. “It happens every night.’’

“No it doesn’t!”

Connor shushed him. “It really does.”

Evan pouted. “I’m not tired.”

Jared glanced at the clock. “You have about five minutes.”

“It’s not gonna happen, guys, you just want me to go to sleep.”

“We'll see.”

“Pfft.”

Two minutes passed before Jared spoke again. “Are you getting sleepy?”

“You wish,” Evan whispered. 

“You sound sleepy.”

“I’m not. I feel like I could go scale a tree.”

Jared snorted. “Right.”

“I do!”

Connor chimed in. “Two minutes.”

“You’re just scaring me!” Evan said. 

Jared cooed. “It's okay, Ev. Your bedtime is all of our bedtime.”

“I don’t have a bedtime.”

“Your bedtime is in like a minute.”

“It’s nonexistent,” Evan said. 

Connor hummed. “Right.”

Evan sighed. “You guys are bullying me.”

Jared kissed him sweetly. “No, we love you!”

“No,” Evan said, yawning. 

Jared and Connor shared a smile. “Yes,” Jared argued.

Evan sighed. “I’m not in my pajamas,” he complained. 

Jared chuckled, tugging Evan's shirt off and then his jeans, leaving him in his boxers. “There.”

Evan smiled, closing his eyes. “Mm. I’m tired.”

Jared shook his head. “Okay, babe. Bed time then.”

“Yeah, ‘s bedtime.”

Jared and Connor both kissed Evan's cheek. “Goodnight, sweetie.”

“Love you,” Evan whispered. 

“Forever,” Jared murmured, pulling the blankets over them.

“Longer,” Evan said softly, drifting already. 

Connor grabbed Jared's hand, linking their fingers and encasing Evan between them.

Evan let out a happy hum before finally dozing off, just like that.


End file.
